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Sweating Without A Sweater

, , , , | Friendly | January 27, 2023

Two days before Thanksgiving, I go to the store to pick out an outfit for the holiday. I remember seeing a specific sweater at this store before, so I am hoping it’s still in stock. I get there, and of course, it is nowhere to be found.

So, at this point, I’m just wandering the clothing department, trying to find something else instead. (Mind you, I am an extremely indecisive person.)

I walk by this woman and think nothing of it. I move to another part of the department, and again we pass, making eye contact this time. Funny coincidence, sure, but I continue minding my own business, trying to decide which sweater I want to try on. I’ve found multiple I like at this point, but I haven’t picked any up since I’m still not sure which one I want.

Finally, a third time, I pass this woman. This time, she decides to confront me.

Woman: “Are you following me?”

Me: “Nope, just wandering the department.”

Woman: “Are you sure? We keep running into each other.”

Me: “Yep, weird coincidence, huh?”

Woman: “Well, I’ve seen you multiple times now, and I haven’t seen you pick up one thing.”

I’m trying to brush off the anxiety that’s creeping up.

Me: “Yeah, I just can’t decide what I want. I keep going back and forth between a few things I want. I’m pretty indecisive, and there are a lot of options I like here.”

She clearly doesn’t believe me.

Woman: “Oh, yeah, this store is just the bee’s knees. Well, don’t you think it’s weird that I’m asking you this question?”

Me: “I mean, I get why you’re asking.”

Woman: “Oh, you do?”

Me: “Yeah, really interesting how we keep accidentally running into each other.”

By this time, my heart is racing and my social anxiety has peaked.

Woman: “Well, if you aren’t following me, then why are your cheeks getting red?”

Because you’re making me uncomfortable, lady!

Me: “Honestly, I don’t know, but I can promise you I’m not trying to follow you.”

Finally, I decided I’d had enough of this conversation, so I pretended to like the sweater I was looking at, picked it up, and raced as far away from that lady as possible, never looking back.

And that’s the story of the time I almost had my first public anxiety attack — all because the store was out of the sweater I came in for!

About To Be Disappointed

, , , , , , | Right | January 16, 2023

My job is contacting people who have been referred to my employer’s internal case management program. Medical providers are supposed to inform patients of their referrals but a few are notoriously bad at doing so. This phone call was something special.

The patient answers the phone and says hello.

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name], and I’m calling from [Clinic], trying to reach [Patient].”

Patient: “Yeah, that’s me.”

Me: “Excellent. I’m calling because you have a referral to [Clinic]’s case management for [Patient’s unique need]; does this sound correct and familiar to you?”

Patient: “Who told you that? Who are you?”

I repeat the information while confirming in the patient’s chart that they are neither hard of hearing/deaf nor experiencing a brain issue like dementia; they are neither.

Patient: “Oh, right. I told my doctor I was having a hard time with [issue].”

Me: “Yes, [Patient], that’s why I’m calling! I’m happy to schedule you with one of our case managers, and afterward, I’ll do a quick screening with you.”

Patient: “Can you schedule me with a case manager?”

Me: “Uh, yes, sir! Would you prefer an appointment over the phone or at one of our clinic locations?”

Patient: “I’m not available on [date].”

Me: “Very good. We won’t schedule you on [date]. Would you prefer an appointment over the phone or at one of our clinic locations?”

Patient: “I need the appointment to be in the morning, but not too early. I can’t get going as fast as I used to be able to.” 

Me: “Of cour—”

Patient: “Actually, can you make that appointment over the phone?”

Me: *Internal sigh* “Yes, I can.” *Enters the data* “Give me one moment to enter some information into the system, and I can offer you some dates and times.”

Patient: “I can’t be scheduled on [same date as before].”

Me: “Of course, sir, I got you. Are you available on [entirely different date] in the morning?”

Patient: “Can it be in the morning?”

Me: *Chewing on my face* “Yes, of course! How about [time]?”

Patient: “Hmmm, nah, that’s too early. Do you have anything on [date they said they weren’t available]?”

Me: “Uh, yes, we have a [later morning time], but you said you aren’t able to schedule on that day?”

Patient: “No, I didn’t. That time will be fine.”

Me: *Shrugging* “All right, I’ve made you that appointment with [Case Manager] on [date and time]. If you need to cancel or reschedule, please call [Clinic]; I can give you that number if you like.”

Patient: “No, I got it.” *Click*

A couple of weeks later, I got a notification in my work queue that the patient no-showed their appointment. There were notes in the patient’s chart saying that they were upset at having an appointment made on a day they didn’t want to have an appointment. Sigh.

We Ask For ID Religiously

, , , , , , | Right | January 15, 2023

My coworker is serving a customer. Suddenly, the customer shouts:

Customer: “I don’t have to show ID! I am the LORD!” *Storms out*

Coworker: “I don’t think the Lord would be trying to buy a can of chewing tobacco.”

If You Really (Medi)Cared, You Wouldn’t Speak To Customers Like That!

, , , , , , | Legal | January 10, 2023

I received yet another scam call. I get them frequently, but it’s usually a speech-recognition system. This one was a real person with a thick accent from another country.

Scammer: “Our records show that you do have Medicare, parts A and B, right?”

Me: “Who told you I have Medicare?”

Scammer: “Your friend, Alex.”

Me: “My friend told you I have Medicare?”

Scammer: “Yes, that’s why we are calling you about your Medicare benefits, sir — to make sure you have what you need and help you get the right plan.”

Me: “Sounds like a scam to me.”

Scammer: “It’s not a scam, sir.”

Me: “Okay, prove to me it’s not a scam.”

Scammer: “Ask me any question. I’ll prove to you it’s not a scam.”

Me: “What’s the name of your company?”

Scammer: “US Senior Care.”

Me: “And do you have a website?”

Scammer: “Of course we do.”

Me: “What’s your website?”

Scammer: “US Senior Care.”

Me: “Dot com, dot org, dot net…?”

Scammer: “Dot com! Dot com.”

Me: “Okay, let’s try ‘usseniorcare dot com’… Nope, that domain is for sale.”

Scammer: “No, I mean it is US Senior Health Care.”

Me: “I’ll try that… ‘usseniorhealthcare dot com’… That domain is also for sale. Want to try again?”

Scammer: “It’s just Senior Health Care, sir. Are you not listening to me? Are you not understanding me?”

Me: “Oh, no ‘US’ in it, then? All right, I’ll type in ‘seniorhealthcare dot com’… That gave me an error message that the address cannot be found.”

Scammer: “F*** you! F*** you, man, you f****** motherf*****!”

Me: “I got the scammer to swear at me! I win!”

Don’t Get In Line If You Can’t Wait The Time

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2023

Years ago, a certain sit-down burger chain opened a location in my hometown. I decided to go there for lunch on a Saturday shortly after they opened and it was unsurprisingly packed.

The hostess informed me that it would probably be about an hour’s wait for a table, or there was open seating in the bar. Naturally, I opted for the latter choice and ordered a burger and bottomless strawberry lemonade.

Shortly after I got my order in, two older men came into the bar area and sat down next to me. They proceeded to order some drinks and have an extremely loud conversation about real estate schemes they’d done that were almost certainly not legal and make rude, factually incorrect declarations about immigrants and foreign countries. And every time the waitress came by, one of them would complain to them about how long it was taking for their food.

Finally, at some point, one of them either demanded to see the manager or simply harassed the waitress enough that the manager was summoned. The two of them began moaning about how they’d been waiting for so long and how awful the service was.

I’d been biting my tongue, but this was the last straw for me.

Me: “I ordered my food before you two even sat down and I’m still waiting. You two could clearly see how busy the restaurant was when you arrived, so there is absolutely no way you could be surprised by how long it’s taking, so why don’t you quit pretending otherwise?”

The two of them looked quite angry and said a few things to me that can’t be repeated on a family-friendly website, at which point the manager, who was still standing there, told them that they were no longer welcome in the establishment.

They were both pretty mad about this but there wasn’t much they could do, so back out they went without their food.

After my burger finally arrived, I discovered that the manager had comped my meal, which I hadn’t actually wanted him to do, so I left money equal to what I would have spent on the meal and tip anyway. I figured that the waitress deserved it.