Aging Is A Terabyte Thing

, , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2018

(I go in to a major retailer to buy a USB flash drive. I pick up the cheapest one and go to checkout. It’s only while the purchase is being rung up that I realize it’s a 16-gigabyte flash drive. I’m 30 years old, and the cashier who’s ringing me up looks to be about 18-ish.)

Me: “Woah, that’s weird.”

Cashier #1: “What?”

Me: “A 16-gig flash drive for seven bucks. I vividly remember when a 512-meg one was like, 30.”

Cashier #1: “I don’t remember that, but I remember when a 2-gig was $7.”

Me: “That was d*** near yesterday!”

Cashier #2: *next to us, who’s my age* “Or when floppy drives were the s***.”

Me: “When I was in elementary school, I was asked to bring in a floppy drive for computer science days. Heck, I remember when you had to put in one floppy to boot the computer up, then pull that out and put in the one for the program you actually wanted to use.”

Cashier #1: “I’ve worked with those! We were doing a ‘history of computers’ unit in school!”

Me: *whimpers a little bit internally* “DOS commands?”

Cashier #1: “Yep, learned those… What?”

Me: *whimpers a little bit externally*

(My fiancé’s reaction when I got home and told him this story? “Yep. Face it, honey: you’re old now.” He’s 29.)

Dad Jokes Have No Temperature

, , , , , , , | Romantic | January 6, 2018

(I have been sick and haven’t been able to get much sleep. After another night of tossing and turning, I’m feeling delirious.)

Me: “I need to take my temperature again.”

Husband: “I don’t know where you put the temperature thing.”

Me: “Temperature thing? You mean the thermometer?”

Husband: “Yeah.”

Me: “I put it next to the ther-DAD-iger.”

Husband: “No. Just, no. Back to bed with you.”

Me: *laughing and coughing fit*

What’s Spanish For Racist?

, , , , , | Learning | January 4, 2018

(We are in Spanish class. The teacher, for no apparent reason, is showing us a random YouTube video of someone singing a song that sounds like English, but isn’t.)

Teacher: “It’s pretty easy to do that in any language. Like in Spanish: ‘Arriba, arriba!’ And Chinese would be like, ‘Ching chong, ching chong!’”

Class: *stares in shocked silence*

Teacher: “Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

(She offered no actual apology, and only retracted it once she saw our reactions. At least TRY to hide your blatant racism around students!)

Obviously Not Stressing It Enough

, , | Healthy | December 26, 2017

(My doctor has prescribed me a four-month supply of a new medicine, to see if it will help with my migraines. I get it filled for the first two months at my local pharmacy without a problem, but the third month I am told I have to call my insurance to sort out a problem. After fighting my way through the automated system and identifying myself:)

Me: “My pharmacy told me that I need to call you about one of my meds.”

Operator: “Yes, it looks like that has been flagged as a ‘maintenance medication’ in our system, so it can only be filled at a regular pharmacy twice. After that it needs to be filled as a three-month supply via mail order.”

(This is news to me, but then again, it is a new insurance plan, so I am not that familiar with it.)

Me: “Okay, but I only have two more months on this medication; my doctor just gave me a four-month script to see if it works for me.”

Operator: “Yes, you just need to get set up on our online system to get it in a three-month supply.”

Me: “That’s the problem: I don’t have three months left on it. Can I get a two-month supply?”

Operator: No, it has to be a three-month supply because it is a ‘maintenance medication.'”

Me: “But I only have two more months on this prescription; it’s a trial to see if it works.”

Operator: “That’s fine; just get set up on our online system and you can get a three-month supply from now on.”

Me: “No, I can’t. I probably won’t be on this that long, and my prescription is only for two more months. Are you saying I need to go to my doctor and get a new three-month prescription in order to fill my last two months?”

Operator: “No, you keep the same prescription; just order a three-month supply online. Do you need the website address?”

Me: “No, I think I need a new prescription, because mine is only for another two months.”

Operator: “No, it must be three months.”

Me: “So, I need to get a new prescription from my doctor for three-months’ worth, or stop taking it now?”

Operator: “No, just enter your prescription online and select ‘three-month supply.'”

Me: “But I don’t have three months left on this medication.”

Operator: *sighs loudly* “I can give you a one-time exception to pick up this month from your pharmacy, but after that you really need to start getting it in a three-month supply via mail order.”

(I decided three months would have to be enough of a trial on that medication; it wasn’t working anyway, and that phone call to get more definitely triggered a stress migraine.)

This Sale Is No Reward

, , , , | Right | December 20, 2017

(This happened on a very busy day around Christmas, with the lines winding from the front down several aisles. Mostly people have been waiting in line patiently, when a woman comes barreling through the line and sets her items at my counter.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, I’ll be happy to help you but these other customers have been waiting longer.”

Woman: *who I now notice reeks of urine* “THERE IS NO LINE! IT’S MY TURN!”

Next Customer: “Just let her go through. We can wait.”

Me: “Okay, do you have a rewards card with us?”

Woman: “A what? What are you asking me?”

(I hold up a card to show her what it looks like, and she nods and starts rummaging through her purse as I bag her two items and wait as patiently as I can while eyeing the large queue behind her. She finds it, and I scan the rewards card. She grabs her bag and tries to leave.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we’re not quite finished yet. I still need payment.”

Woman: “I JUST PAID YOU! What are you talking about?”

Me: “No, that was just our rewards card. I still need a payment card or cash for the items.”

Woman: “I don’t have a card! My husband has it!”

(At this point she just walks away, so I void off the sale and start helping the other customers. 10 minutes later however…)

Woman: “I got the card!”

Me: “Okay, great!” *rings items in again* “Go ahead and slide the card for debit, or insert the chip for credit.”

Woman: *stares* “What? What do you want me to do?”

Me: “Erm… is it debit or credit?”


Me: *trying not to laugh at this being too many choices* “Slide your card, and put in your PIN.”

Woman: “Why is it asking if I want cash? I don’t want cash! Why is it doing this?”

Me: “Just hit ‘no’ and you’ll be fine.”

Woman: *muttering*  “…too many choices…”

(The card got declined, which was fun to explain, and the best part was it turned out she had cash on her the whole time and ended up paying that way. What should have been a one minute transaction took nearly 20 minutes total overall, all while trying to politely ignore the overwhelming smell of urine. Who knew debit cards were so complicated?)

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