As a student, I worked as a supermarket cashier for one summer. There was one woman who was notorious for trying stupid s***, and they hadn’t warned me about her.

She puts her groceries down; I scan the first two items, which were bottles of Fanta.

Customer: “I have a coupon!”

She hands me a coupon for 50% off, but it’s for some generic orange soda.

Me: “Ma’am, this doesn’t apply to Fanta.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t like the generic brand.”

Me: “I can’t validate it unless you buy [Generic Brand].”

Customer: *Yelling.* “Yes, you can! I know you can! You have a special override button! I’ve seen it!”

The manager shows up, thanks to the yelling, and has the exact same discussion with her. After a few minutes, she finally gives up and doesn’t want the bottles of Fanta anymore. My manager leaves.

The next two items she’s buying are a bag of sugar and a bag of flour.

Customer: “I have a coupon!”

She hands me another coupon for “buy one bag of flour, get one free.”

Me: “That’s not how it works. You need two bags of flour.”

Customer: “But I want sugar.”

Me: “I can’t put sugar through as flour.”

She starts yelling again.

Customer: “I don’t need two bags of flour! A bag is a bag!”

The manager comes over and explains… again. After the customer doesn’t want these items either:

Manager: “Ma’am, do you have any other coupons you intend on using today so that I may… verify them?”

She holds out a bag containing dozens of coupons.

Manager: *To me.* “I’ll take over. Go on your break.”

He was still explaining to her why yet another coupon wouldn’t work when I came back half an hour later. It’s a good thing this didn’t happen on my first day because I would have quit after that.

Related:
The Couponator 53: Binder Of Fury
The Couponator 52: The District Doppelgänger
The Couponator 51: Dawn Of A New Stupider Age
The Couponator 50: Endgame
The Couponator 49: The Level 99 Checkout Clerk

At the time of this story, I was working two jobs: a 6 AM to 12 PM job at a pet store, then a 1 PM to 8 PM job at a grocery store, so I’ve learned to recognize all kinds of customers.

I’ve just started my shift at the grocery store, and a woman comes up with at least two hundred Glade plugins, a bunch of diaper supplies, and a fat binder.

I’ve seen enough of those extreme coupon shows to know where this was going, so I shut off my light so that other cashiers would take new customers while I worked with this woman and her overflowing binder.

The coupon policy at our store is basically that the customer is always right. If it scans, great. If it doesn’t, a warning message will pop up on the screen asking me if I want to accept or decline. It happens when they’re expired, from another store, etc. I’m just supposed to accept them all unless they fit specific guidelines I never checked for, because I was paid minimum wage and couldn’t care less.

Her first Glade plugin coupon gave the “not accepted” message. I was about to click “accept” but in the split second before I could, this woman just went OFF on me:

Coupon Lady: “YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT! IT’S YOUR POLICY! JUST READ THE COUPON, OR CAN YOU NOT READ THE D*** THING?! MY GOD, I HAVE PLACES TO BE, AND YOU CAN’T EVEN READ RIGHT!”

Now, I was just going to accept them without checking what they were. But she annoyed me so much that I said:

Me: “Oh my, miss, I am soooooo sorry, let me just read it. Oh my stars, you are right, there it is, right there. My bad.”

I proceeded to do this for every… d***… coupon. They were all identical, but I would stop to read every single one, coming up with new exclamations for each one.

Me: “Oh my great giddy aunt, this one says it too!”

Me: “Well, good gravy, this one says the same thing!”

Me: “Well, spank me sideways and call me a monkey! Wouldn’t you know it, this coupon is the same as the last one!”

Customer: “It’s gonna take forever if you do that!”

Me: “It’s okay, I have nowhere to be, and my shift never ends, but at least I’m making sure to read every coupon!”

Customer: “This is stupid! Stop being stupid!”

Me: “At least I can read right!”

My manager came to check in from the shouting, and the woman complained about what a stupid idiot retail worker I was, and how she had places to be.

Manager: “I wouldn’t suggest you come in with two-hundred coupons if you have places to be, ma’am.”

Twenty minutes later, and I’m still scanning. I’m not making much of a dent in the collection of Glade coupons, and she just abandons the cart and vows never to come again.

Sadly, she was back with her binder a few months later, but at least she avoided me this time!

Related:
The Couponator 52: The District Doppelgänger
The Couponator 51: Dawn Of A New Stupider Age
The Couponator 50: Endgame
The Couponator 49: The Level 99 Checkout Clerk
The Couponator 48: The A**hole Tax

Many years ago, a certain chain fast-food restaurant had coupon booklets for free items. I got one of these coupon booklets for Christmas (don’t hate, I was seven and excited!) and wanted to use them immediately. My Dad took me to the restaurant the next day. I skipped up to the register and was greeted by a grumpy old bat of a woman.

Me: “Hello! Can—”

Cashier: “—Where’re your parents, kid?”

Dad: *Catching up to me.* “Right here.”

Cashier: “She needs an adult.”

Dad: “Okay… I’m here.”

Cashier: “What are you getting?”

Me: “Can I get one apple pie, please?” *I hold out my coupon.*

Cashier: “‘Free with purchase’ right there on the coupon. Aren’t you old enough to read?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Dad: “I’m getting the cheeseburger meal. Medium.”

Cashier: “Okay. That will be [amount].”

Me: *Waving my coupon.* “What about this?”

Cashier: “Ugh. I already totaled the sale. I’ll need to void it out and call a manager. Can’t you use it next time?”

Dad: “We’ll wait for the manager, thanks.”

The woman rolled her eyes but still called a manager. He came up and greeted us with a smile. My dad ordered his meal and asked me to hand over my coupon. The manager entered our meals himself.

Manager: “Okay, guys, your total is [lower amount].”

Dad: *While paying.* “She didn’t seem like she wanted to serve my daughter or take the coupon.”

Manager: “Oh. I thought you brought the coupon out at the end. That’s why we had to redo it.”

Me: “No! She said we have to buy something to use it. I heard her.”

Manager: “I see. Well, thank you for your honesty.”

I got my apple pie, and Dad got his meal. We sat down to eat and watched as the manager ushered the cashier away from the register. She came back out a few minutes later and glared at us. I can only guess they had a very serious conversation back there, and she blamed me for getting in trouble.

Looking back and having worked at another location of this chain, I’m sure she had to deal with all kinds of customers and wasn’t in the mood to deal with an excited kid. Or maybe she was just a miserable b**** to begin with.

I’m in line at a sandwich store. The customer ahead of me, who has already had his sandwich made by the sandwich artist, is told his total.

Customer: “I have a coupon for a free sandwich.”

Cashier: “Great, may I see it?”

Customer: “But I don’t know where it is.”

Cashier: “So… you don’t have a coupon?”

Customer: “No, I SAID that I have a coupon, but. I. Don’t. Know. Where. It. is!”

Me: *Loud enough for everyone to hear.* “I also have money, but I don’t know where it is. I can just leave with my sandwich, right?”

The customer stops and looks at me.

Me: “That’s how stupid you sound.”

The other guy did not leave with his sandwich. Since it was already made, the cashier asked if I wanted it with the other money that I’d misplaced.

Our flower place used to send coupons and other stuff with the gift boxes and bouquets.

Caller: “I just got this floral set delivered from you for my wife.”

Me: “I’m happy to hear that they arrived on time, sir, would you—”

Caller: “—This is terrible service! There were all these coupons inside!”

Me: “We include some partner deals with our gift sets, but they’re kept outside the main gift so that they don’t get in the way of the presentation.”

Caller: “I don’t care about that! One of the coupons is for a box of wine!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “My wife is an alcoholic! She’s going to think I’m trying to tempt her!”

Me: “Sir, you can throw the coupons away. You don’t have to give them to her as part of the gift.”

Caller: “That’s not the point! Don’t send them out ever!”

The caller hangs up, and I bring the point up with my boss. She concedes and removes the wine coupon from our rotation. A week later:

New Caller: “I just got a floral set from you.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

New Caller: “I’m very upset that you stopped doing the wine coupons! I only ordered your crappy flowers to get the cheap wine!”

Me: *Sigh…*