My long-term boyfriend proposed to me and, of course, I was over the moon. It was all super romantic and sticky.

Work: “Well, we don’t think you can get a day off.”

Me: “Why? I’m asking six months in advance, and I need a day off. It’s for a wedding, and it’s mine.”

Work: “If you wanted days not previously specified, you must ask a year in advance. Why didn’t you?”

Me: “I didn’t know I was getting married!”

Work: “Why not?”

Me: “My fiance asked me in December, and I told you the day we were back from holidays. I don’t suppose he expected you to be this unreasonable?”

The wedding date was in August.

Work: “Well, next time you ‘want to get married’, tell the guy to tell us a year before.”

Me: “I quit.”

Three hours later, my manager came in and yelled so that everyone could hear: 

Manager: “Oh, no, girl, you don’t! Have what time you need! YOU STUPID FOOLS, IT’S HER WEDDING!”

I loved that manager. I took two weeks to meet the extended family, and it was no trouble.

Over fifteen years later, we’re married, sharing a mortgage, and raising a kid, who’s turning out very nice. This marriage is literally the best idea ever — literally, not figuratively.

Customer: “I see you’ve expanded your self-checkout area… again. At the expense of your human-operated checkout lanes… again.”

Me: “Well, not me personally, but yes, the store did add more self-checkouts as there seems to be a higher demand for them.”

Customer: “It’s so sad that this is where our country is heading. People don’t want to talk to each other anymore. Whatever happened to friendly human interaction?”

I scan her bread and pass it to the bagger. The customer immediately goes through a personality change.

Customer: “Don’t you dare put that in the bag first! It’ll get crushed, you moron!”

Bagger: “I was just putting it aside, ma’am. I wasn’t going to bag it—”

Customer: “I don’t believe you. You’re just saying that now because I spoke up. You’re lucky I am here using the original checkout lanes and keeping you boys employed! If I used the self-checkouts, I’d be doing your job for you! Next time, I think I will — and I’ll demand an employee discount from the manager for doing your jobs for you!”

The next customer in line has had enough.

Next Customer: “Whatever happened to friendly human interaction?”

Customer: “They’re being incompetent!”

Next Customer: “They’re being lovely human beings. You’re being a monster. Just hurry up and let them finish so we can all get moving.”

Customer: *To me* “See what I mean? This country is getting worse. No one wants to have social interactions anymore!”

Next Customer: “If these last few minutes are an indication of what you’re like, then it’s no wonder you only have checkout operators to talk to.”

Customer: “Shut up!”

Next Customer: “I’m sorry you’re lonely, but it’s your problem, not the baggers’.”

Customer: *To me* “Make her shut up!”

Me: “Uh… how about we all just stop talking until it’s time to pay?”

Mercifully, everyone took my advice!

Related:
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 7
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 6
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 5
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 4
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 3

I’m an admin at a construction company. My supervisor — the site manager — and I share an office that is separate from the main area of the job trailer. My desk is visible from the door because it is my responsibility to handle the day-to-day tasks and people need to know where I am, but my supervisor’s desk is against the wall beside the door, not visible unless you walk in. We have four trailers onsite: ours, three subcontractors, and the customer, all with large signs on the front and side of each trailer marking which trailer is which.

A delivery driver comes into our trailer and calls out.

Driver: “Hey, I have a shipment here!”

I walk out of the office.

Me: “Coming! Who is it for?”

Driver: “[Subcontractor]. Sign here.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, that goes to the next trailer.”

I point in the direction of the subcontractor’s trailer about ten feet from ours.

Driver: “I just need a signature, ma’am.”

Me: “No problem. You just have to take it to the building beside this one. It has a [Subcontractor] sign on the door.”

Driver: *Irritated* “Okay, sweetheart. Just sign so I can get going.”

Me: *Firmly* “No. You need to deliver it to the proper location.” *Points to the shipping label* “It says right here that it goes to the [Subcontractor] trailer.”

Driver: “Look, honey, I don’t have time for this s***. If you’re rejecting the delivery, then—”

My supervisor comes out of the office.

Supervisor: “Listen, man! She’s not rejecting it; she’s telling you you’re in the wrong place. Get your f****** head out of your f****** a** and walk ten more feet to the next door.”

The driver stands in silent shock.

Supervisor: “Go!”

The driver pales and walks out without another word. [Supervisor] puts his hands on my shoulders and shakes me gently while he groans. 

Supervisor: *Laughing* “[My Name]! Why are people so stupid?”

Me: *Laughing* “I’m sorry! I was trying to tell him; he just wasn’t listening.”

Supervisor: “I know. It’s not your fault. I won’t allow the workers to talk to you like that; I sure won’t let some random person do it.”

Me: “Thank you.”

I do swear now and then but normally only when I do something tremendously stupid. I’m not bothered by other people swearing if that’s their thing, but I really appreciated [Supervisor] coming in and taking care of business.

We did report the driver to the company and were told it was taken care of internally. I haven’t seen him since, so I don’t know if he was reassigned or outright fired.

I’m in line at the checkout, and the customer immediately in front of me is being 100% a jerk. There is a noticeable delay between the cashier scanning each item and the machine sounding the recognizable “beep” sound that indicates the item has been scanned. This is making the customer ahead of me angry.

Customer: “Why are you scanning so slowly? Are you slow, too? Have I got into the ‘special’ lane?”

Cashier: “The network is running slower than usual, so I can’t scan as fast as I usually would without risking missing an item.”

Customer: “So then skip an item! I’ll pay less, and you’ll learn how much it costs to keep your customers waiting!”

Cashier: “I’m afraid I can’t as management has explained—”

Customer: “Well, management is who I am going to be complaining to when I tell them that their cashier is scanning so slowly that all the customers think she’s a f****** r****d!”

That’s it; he’s gone too far. I employ my de-escalation tactic, which usually works, by speaking up to the cashier.

Me: “Wow, I would like to interject to say that I’m amazed at how professionally you’re handling this impolite conversation and crazy situation. I would like you to know that I intend to speak to your management to give you a good review and ask if they can give you a bonus.”

The customer stared at me, and I stared back, trying my best not to blink. He just sighed angrily and finished his transaction without any more verbal abuse.

Sometimes NOT matching their energy and acting like their temper tantrum is like water off a duck’s back — while clearly taking the employee’s side — really deflates the enthusiasm of the badly behaved customer!

Related:
Kill Them With Kindness

I have gone into a video game store with my husband. It’s not a huge store, so while browsing, we can easily overhear the interaction taking place at the payment counter.

Male Customer: “My wife got me a $25 gift card from this place, but it didn’t work. Fix it.”

The employee explains that she’s unable to assist with that issue, but she can call the store’s main helpline where someone more qualified can assist.

Male Customer: “Fine. Sort it out with my wife.”

The customer’s wife looks like she’s tired of him, but she starts describing her issue to whoever she’s been put through to on the store phone. The customer isn’t done with the poor woman at the counter, though.

Male Customer: “You’d better hope she helps my wife, and I don’t need to get on the phone, because I make call center workers cry.”

When he realizes that his wife is being too friendly and nice on the phone, he immediately takes over, refuses to listen to whatever is being said, and starts threatening to sue.

My husband has instinctually gone into “I know I don’t work here, but I’ve worked so many retail jobs that I need to de-escalate things” mode. He’s normally the one to call customers out on this kind of behavior, but as soon as I hear this a**hole threatening legal action and coming down hard on this young woman — a situation younger me also had to tolerate when I started retail — I can’t help myself and loudly call out:

Me: “Stop being such an a**hole. You’re being ridiculous! Your wife was handling it, and making call center workers cry is not something to be proud of; it just makes you a p***k who’s trying to overcompensate for something.”

It looks like the customer is about to deck me. It’s normally me having to discourage my husband from getting into someone’s face, but today is a total role reversal.

Husband: *To me* “Honey, why don’t you go look at the Funkos and see if one catches your eye?”

My husband went into de-escalation mode again as he didn’t want to make life harder for the poor cashier and other innocent bystanders.

I walked away, and he got that couple to finally leave, pointing out that it was not a great look for a large guy to make teenage women working a checkout counter cry. When the cashier was ringing us up, she went digging for every last discount she could find for us!