Dying Of Laughter

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | July 12, 2018

Last December, my great-grandma passed away after a long time in a nursing home in poor health. We knew that she would pass soon, but my family was still obviously very sad. My seven-year-old brother took it pretty hard, so my other two brothers and I tried to comfort him as best we could.

The time came for the funeral, which we had to explain a bit to my brother. It was a Catholic one, so it was held in a church and lasted a couple hours. I helped give the Eucharist, and my brothers and I helped carry the Gifts to the altar, all the while trying to convince my youngest brother that Great-Grandma wasn’t going to come back to life like you do in Minecraft. As you can imagine, we were pretty emotionally spent, and my mother and grandma were crying numerous times.

At the end of the funeral, four of the adult male family members came to help carry the coffin to the hearse. Mom was crying and holding Grandma, my aunt and uncle were holding back tears, and my cousins, siblings, and I watched quietly. Suddenly, my youngest brother walks towards the coffin and “helps” carry the coffin to the hearse, which wasn’t supposed to happen. My mother was shocked, but didn’t stop him in time before they were out the door.

Imagine being there, a ring of family members in solemn silence, suddenly laughing as their loved one is carried away! It was just so comical seeing my brother holding the coffin, right next to his very confused dad and uncle, that we couldn’t help it. That bit of comedy was just what we needed at such a sad moment in our life, and I firmly believe that God urged him to go so our great-grandma could go out with her family smiling for her and her descendants.

 

Their Brain Is In Another Box

, , , , , | Healthy | July 11, 2018

I work at a medical courier company. Basically, I go to different hospitals and pick up and drop off blood and urine samples because different hospitals are equipped to do different kinds of tests. There are some cases where the samples have to be sent on a plane because only a couple hospitals in the country do those certain tests. I go to the airport, where I drop off the box of samples. The box is big and clearly marked, “Biohazard,” and there are some stickers that say, “Biological Substances.”

I’m in line, and a woman comes up to me, looks me straight in the face, and asks, “So, is that like… arms and legs?” I just looked at her for a good 15 seconds before saying, “No.”

Putting This Delicately

, , , , , | Learning | July 11, 2018

I live in the girl’s dorm, and we aren’t really supposed to do washing for people who don’t live here. A shirt here, a pair of pants there is not a problem when combined with our own, but people have been taking up entire wash cycles that only have someone else’s clothing, most likely due to the cheaper prices than public laundromats.

When the new term started, there were complaints of a girl sometimes using two washing machines at once. One was full of girl clothes, the other full of boy clothes. One day, I needed to do laundry, and everything was running except one, but it had clothes in it. I waited, but no one came so I took those clothes out. It was full of boy clothes. I was pissed I couldn’t do my laundry because someone did someone else’s clothes.

I pulled them out, and then I found someone odd: a delicate bag. I was like, did she seriously put her own delicates there so she could claim it’s her stuff plus someone else’s? Yes, I opened it up — I know it wasn’t right — but that’s when I found curious things. A binder and a packer. I zipped it back up and finished removing the rest quickly, and then my own laundry.

She came back as I was finishing and looked from me to the basket curiously before saying thanks and leaving with them. When I left, she was still waiting for the elevator, and we rode up together while she looked at me curiously.

A week later, I felt I had to be honest about looking into the clothes. He wasn’t mad, but felt very relieved that someone had known and kept it quiet.

By the end of the entire year, he actually came out. Unfortunately, the university didn’t allow him to move to the boy’s dorm for the second year because it wasn’t legal yet, but he was fine with it, because he had friends here, and then he was the only boy who could spend the night with his girlfriend in the dorm.

The Gift That Never Starts Giving

, , , , , | Romantic | July 11, 2018

My ex-boyfriend had a habit of not buying me birthday gifts. Usually his excuse was something like, “I couldn’t figure out anything,” or, “I’ll get you something later.” The latter also ended up with, “Sorry, couldn’t figure out anything for you.” I didn’t mind too much, because I didn’t want to be materialistic, and I had some self-esteem issues, too, at the time, which made me think I didn’t even deserve any gifts.

One year, my birthday was approaching and my ex-boyfriend’s mother asked me what her son had given me as birthday gifts in the previous years. When I told her, “Nothing,” she was quite astounded, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

However, my ex actually got me something that year: a pretty piece of jewelry. I was very happy that he had made some effort and got me something; he had thought of me. I figured that his mother had had a talk with him about the matter.

A couple of months later, I was cleaning our apartment and I found the receipt of my birthday gift. I was about to throw it away, when all of a sudden I realized something. I remembered the date on the receipt. We were at our friends’ place out of town the whole day. There was no way he was in jewelry store at the time.”

Then it hit me. I went to my ex-boyfriend and asked, “Did… Did your mother buy this gift?”

“Haha, yeah!”

It turned out his mother had gone alone to the jewelry store and picked out something for me. My ex hadn’t asked her to, and she hadn’t consulted my ex. Then, she gave the present to my ex and told him to give it to me as a birthday present. She did not ask money for the jewelry, and my ex never paid anything for it. And he had happily accepted. Again, he hadn’t had to expend any effort for my birthday.

Of course my ex’s mother meant well, and I appreciated that. However, my ex’s actions — or non-actions — made me so sad and disappointed. I even started to cry after the revelation, and he couldn’t understand why. “It’s still a gift, right?” To this day, I wonder if I was in the wrong to be disappointed.


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Pigs Can Fly, But They Can’t See Windows

, , , , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

In my former employer’s hotel, the front desk was built so that one couldn’t see the front door — which was glass — while seated.

One summer night, while the wait-staff in the restaurant were still counting their tips, I heard a “thump” against the door. I decided I ought to go check it out, and was puzzled to find nobody at the door. I stepped outside, and there wasn’t a soul in sight to any direction. I turned to go back inside, and noticed something just in my peripheral vision on the ground. Looking down, I discovered a piece of cooked pork roast, about two to three inches thick and six or seven inches across, and an accompanying greasy splat almost dead-center on the glass of the door.

Left to ponder this mystery while cleaning the door, I came to the conclusion that someone both highly accurate with thrown projectiles and highly dissatisfied with their meal had discarded the hunk of pork from a moving vehicle.

When I told this story to my friends later, we christened the incident, “The Drive-By Porking.”

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