Not A Ghost Of A Chance Of Winning This Argument

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2018

(This is after my mother announces that she’s going to buy me a copy of the all-women “Ghostbusters” for my birthday, a movie we saw together in theaters and really liked.)

Dad: “Oh, come on! That movie BOMBED. It was the WORST Ghostbusters movie, hands down.”

Me: “Dad, everyone knows the second movie was the worst one.”

Dad: “Have you even SEEN Ghostbusters 2?”

Me: “Nope, and you haven’t seen the reboot. See how ridiculous you sounded?”

This Justice Jumps To Judge Jurors

, , , , | Legal | October 17, 2018

(I recently got called for jury duty. I’m not exactly “dreading” it like some, but I’m also hoping I don’t end up getting called to a big spectacle trial. As the morning wears on, some of us that don’t have a laptop or something with us start talking, and I get along well with a couple. Eventually, I’m called up with one of the batches, including one of the guys I was talking with. When we hear the judge’s name, the man groans.)

Man: “Oh, God, not him!”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Man: “He was the judge the last two times I’ve been called. He almost never lets jurors go until the lawyers start cutting.”

Me: “He can’t be that bad.”

Man: “Last time, he literally tried to talk someone into changing a scheduled surgery.”

Other Man: “Yeah, I’ve sat in on cases; this guy’s brutal. He basically has compassion for everyone in the courtroom but the jury, as if we’re all volunteering and have no room to complain.”

(The thoughts of all my potential excuses go right down the drain. I shuffle in with the rest and end up third in the box. The case is read out: in short, this man is on trial for ongoing child and spousal abuse, as well as for physically assaulting his son and son’s boyfriend when he found out they were gay. The first juror is asked to stand up, accepts what’s going on, and is signed in. The next one stands, and when asked if he could serve faithfully, he tries to get out because his car just died and he can’t guarantee it will be fixed before the trial starts, so he doesn’t have reliable transportation; the judge literally says, “Figure it out.” Then, he gets to me.)

Judge: *reading off my identification* “Can you faithfully prosecute the duty of a juror, without prejudice or concern?”

Me: “Honestly, I don’t think I can, Your Honor.”

Judge: *accusingly* “And why not?!”

Me: “I’m married to another man. My father refused to come to our wedding, and I’ve only talked with him twice in the last decade because of that.”

(This stern judge gave me a look for about ten seconds, double-checked my sheet, and excused me.)

Mexipino

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

(I work at the deli department in a grocery store. I am part Filipino and part white. Everyone thinks that I’m Mexican. I am currently the only one in the department; my other coworker is on lunch. A customer stares at me and then stares at the hot case.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “UNO. BURRITO. POR FAVOR.”

Me: “One burrito? Did you want the bean and cheese, or the chicken and rice?”

Customer: “Don’t you talk to me, you [Mexican slur]! Think you’re smarter than me? I’m tired of your people coming over the border and taking our jobs. Go back where you came from.”

Me: “I’d love to go back to Hawaii where I was born; the military hospital is really nice, so I have heard.”

Customer: “So, an islander, huh? Hawaii isn’t part of the US, idiot.”

Me: “So, bean and cheese, or chicken and rice?”

Third Party Gets Third-World Slurs

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

(We have a lot of issues with third-party reservations at the hotel. We encourage people NOT to book with them because they’re going to screw it up one way or another eventually. This is one of those cases. The guest is not irate with me by any means; she knows the fault is with the third party, but she decides she is going to yell at this person over the phone in my lobby like it is that individual’s fault. She’s cursing and using racial slurs because most call centers with third-party agents are overseas. We have children in the lobby. So, I address her on the issue — I hate racists — very calmly because yelling back at her doesn’t do anything but make it worse.)

Guest: “I want to speak with your manager!”

Me: *points to the manager on duty sign, with my name under it*

Guest: “Well, I want to speak with corporate! Give me their number!”

Me: *gives her the number*

Guest: “You’re in for it now!”

(She gets on the phone with corporate, in front of me, on speaker as if their answer to this is going to surprise me, and of course, they call me to get my side of it. She’s getting pretty frustrated because no one seems to be on her side.)

Guest: “Look. I was referring to the incompetent people with [Website].”

Corporate: “Ma’am… a racist slur is still a racist slur, no matter who it is directed at or intended for. We at the [Hotel Corporation] cannot condone that behavior, and now your status is put up for review to revoke your membership with [Hotel Company] entirely.”

Guest: “THAT’S BULLS***! All this over me calling someone a ‘[slur]’?”

Corporate: “Ma’am… my mother is one of those [slurs] you are referring to.”

(And that’s the first time this particularly well-known hotel brand insisted that I kick someone out of the hotel. They did not have to tell me twice.)

The Mother Of All “Phases”

, , , , , , | Related | October 15, 2018

(I am 18. I live with my family. I have recently started dating a woman. I am a woman and identify as such at the time. My girlfriend has been my best friend for four years by this point, and my family already loves how respectful and helpful she is. As such, I assume that “coming out” won’t be a big deal. My girlfriend, my mother, my stepfather and I are in the room. I’m only including the most interesting parts of this event.)

Me: *after long conversation and lead-up* “So, after [Ex-Boyfriend] tried to hit me, then stormed off, [Girlfriend] said that she loves me and doesn’t want to see me hurt like that. I told her I didn’t have an answer yet, but it’s been four months, and we’re dating now; we started dating a couple weeks ago and it’s going well.”

Mom: *dramatically rolls her eyes* “Okay, whatever. It doesn’t matter. It won’t last.”

Girlfriend: *patient as a saint* “What makes you think so?”

Mom: *to girlfriend* “She isn’t a lesbian. This is a phase. Listen. We love having you around. We don’t care what you’re doing when the doors are closed. But don’t put your hopes up; I’d hate for my daughter to hurt you.”

Me: *angry* “It doesn’t even matter how I identify sexually. I love [Girlfriend] emotionally. You told me love is what matters most.”

(The conversation tapers off. Four years after, my girlfriend and I move in together, and sometime after that we get engaged. Throughout the whole time, my mother occasionally asks if we’ve broken up yet. We move a thousand miles away from my mother. A few weeks after the tenth year of our dating anniversary, we decide to get married, due to fear of marriage equality being abolished by a change of political control. I inform my mother that we are eloping and do not have time or money to have a proper wedding.)

Me: “We are eloping on [date], to make sure we can before the right is taken from us. We will send you pictures later.”

Mom: “HOW DARE YOU GET MARRIED WHEN I CAN’T EVEN BE THERE?!”

(She begins calling and texting several times.)

Me: *pissed off* “You weren’t even going to be invited if we had a proper wedding. You uninvited yourself after saying you didn’t think we’d last!”

(I had to block my mother’s phone number for a few weeks after that, but thankfully any relatives she told about the situation agreed with me, even the homophobic ones!)

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