Not Exactly Fall-Down-Laughing Delivery

, , , , , | Working | June 30, 2020

I’ve always had a reputation for being a joker; I love to make people laugh, and because of that, I answer questions in unconventional ways.

I was working at a multi-level pharmacy with the restrooms in the basement. I was standing at the registers with a coworker who was sweet, but a little… dim.

A customer came up and asked where the restrooms were. I explained:

“They’re on the lower floor. Down the beer aisle is the stairs. Walk down that way and when you fall down, that means you’ve found them.”

My coworker thought it was pretty funny. Not hilarious, but it usually gets a chuckle. 

Ten minutes later, another customer asked my coworker where the bathrooms were.

“Walk over there and fall down.”

Cue headdesk.

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Subordinate To His Bigoted Ideas

, , , , | Working | June 30, 2020

I’m head of quality assurance and the certification department. There used to be three people including me, but one was fired for drinking and the second one is on maternity leave and won’t be back for another three years.

Before she left, I repeatedly requested new help. It didn’t matter if it was someone from a different department or completely new, because in both cases I’d have to teach them everything. The only requirement was that they had to speak Russian.

The human resources director promised me to find someone, but no luck… until one day I speak to the head of the development department

Head Of DD: “Hi, [My Name], I’m so sorry. I apologize. I had no idea.”

Me: “Hi, [Head Of DD]. What’s wrong? Why do you apologize?”

Head Of DD: “I swear, I didn’t know about it. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Okay, how about you start from the beginning?”

Head Of DD: “I went to [HR Director] to ask if she could find me someone more capable than [Coworker]; he is totally useless. She said fine and that she would move him to your department. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know she still hadn’t found a substitute for [Coworker On Maternity Leave].”

Me: “Oh, well, as long as he can speak Russian. I need someone who can deal with Russian documentation, send emails, and tell me what [Mother Company] needs from me. It’s not like he has to do something complicated like drawings, material calculations, and other technical stuff like your team does. If he is at least able to do this, I won’t have to work fifteen hours a day. I’m really tired.”

Head Of DD: “That’s why I’m so sorry. I’m afraid he won’t be of much help. His Russian is perfect, but the rest…”

Me: “We will see. Don’t worry.”

The next day, I go to the office kitchen to grab a coffee, and when I return to my office, there is someone sitting in my chair. The guys fiddles with my computer mouse trying to wake up my notebook from the screensaver but only gets to the “locked” screen.

Normally, I lock my office but this time I was away for two minutes and didn’t bother. I recognize the guy as [Coworker]; I saw his photo at the “New Employees” board a few months ago.

Me: “Umm, good morning. That’s my chair. You are [Coworker], right? I’m [My Name]; nice to meet you. Let me show you your workplace.”

The coworker stares at me quietly. Then, he slams his hands on my table, stands up and, still without a word, passes me and leaves the office. I’m confused and have no idea what happened. I let it be as I have too much work to do.

Later, at the company canteen, [Head Of DD] joins me for lunch.

Head Of DD: “Hey, how did it go?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

I tell him what happened.

Me: “He didn’t come back. I even checked if [IT Coworker] had switched the nametag on my office door; he likes pranks like this. Nope, my office was still my office. I have to ask—”

A coworker from the HR department joins us.

HR Coworker: “Hi, guys. [My Name], I’m sorry, no new subordinate for you.

Me: “Why? [Coworker] was in my office, and then, without a word, he disappeared.”

HR Coworker: “Yes, he came to our office. He said that he thought you’d be his subordinate, not his boss. He won’t listen to some silly little girl and if we don’t give him your position he will leave. His words, not mine. So, we said goodbye to him.”

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Not Likely To De-Ice This Relationship

, , , , , | Romantic | June 27, 2020

This began around the end of last year. We were de-icing the stairs at work before the ice storm our weather people told us about. My coworker decided he was going to tell me that he wanted to date me. I instantly rejected him because I have a boyfriend and we’ve been together for five years. He then told me that he kept inviting me places to get to know me and “just hang out” with a beautiful girl. Cue discomfort. I thought it was the end of that after I told him I wasn’t interested in him at all ever.

A couple of months later, I think around January 11th, we were out early in the morning to shovel wet snow that hit us. Our maintenance supervisor couldn’t really help us at that time because he was watching his kid, so my coworker and I were alone again. By the time we finished shoveling the snow, we were exhausted. Our snowblower stopped working again, and then we had to use actual shovels to move the snow.

We were writing down our times when he asked me out again. I told him he needed to learn how to take no for an answer when we were arriving at our HQ, because he’d apparently asked me to dinner and I’d agreed the day before. I don’t remember this, and I took it back if I did, because I was going to see my boyfriend again that same day after we finished work.

He went quiet for the whole time it took us to write down our times and then go back to our maintenance garage to put everything away. He then decided he was going to tell me I had no future with my boyfriend all because he doesn’t have/want a job. (Spoiler alert: neither do I. I’m working because I need money for supplies.)

I thought that was the end of it when I ignored him for the rest of the months, unless it involved work, up until a month ago. He was trying to get with some girl, so I figured it was safe for me to be friendly again and increase the efficiency of the workplace. Well, the girl ghosted him, and now he’s turned back to me for “friendship”. 

So far, I’ve turned down all his offers to hang out or eat lunch with him. I plan on telling him, fully, to back off because it’ll never happen if he asks if I want to date or go somewhere with him again. He’s already making small remarks about my boyfriend when I bring him up, which shows how much he hates that I’m dating someone. Maybe when I find a new job, I’ll give you an update.

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The Coffee Beans Made Him Bouncy

, , , , | Working | June 25, 2020

My coworker is about average height and rather skinny. He can be loud if he needs to be but is generally fairly soft-spoken. There is a plumber working out in the automotive bay.

Supervisor: “I need someone to guard the door. Someone that’s intimidating and can be mean if necessary.”

Coworker: “I can do it. I used to be a bouncer.”

Supervisor: “Where? Starbucks?”

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A Shortcut To A Hostile Work Environment

, , , | Working | June 25, 2020

I studied IT in college. My first job is an administrative position with a colleague who is bossy and tends to be controlling, but I need the job so I put up with it. She barely knows anything about computers, but she thinks she is better than me because she went for the official training for the system and is the one who teaches me how to use the in-house software.

My first day:

Colleague: “To do [task], highlight the words, click the right mouse button, and select ‘copy.’ Then, go to Excel, click the right mouse button again, and select ‘paste.’”

I use Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V.

Colleague: “No, you’re supposed to do—”

Me: *Wanting to reassure her* “Oh, it’s the same thing. It’s just faster.”

Colleague: “Oh, really? Hmmph!”

I don’t really notice her reaction but continue with the rest of the data entry.

Colleague: “For the next step, you need to highlight the words, click the right mouse button, and select ‘copy.’ Then, go to Excel, click the right mouse button again, and select ‘paste as values.’”

I use the keyboard shortcuts again.

Colleague: “No, you can’t; you need to do this.”

I’m still innocently thinking to reassure her.

Me: “Oh, it’s the same thing, as well.”

Colleague: “This has to be submitted to Finance, and you have to be very careful not to get it wrong. I’m teaching you the proper way to do it, but you want to be stubborn and don’t want to listen, and you insist on doing it your own way.”

Me: “What? But… it’s the same.”

I am completely lost for words. I didn’t realize that she doesn’t even know about keyboard shortcuts, and I never imagined for a moment that she thought it was stubbornness on my part. I’m a shy person, and as this is my first job, I don’t dare to speak up.

A few days later, we’re doing another task. The system crashes every time I try to submit the data. It doesn’t happen on her system.

Colleague: “See, I told you, you need to do copy and paste properly. This is what you get when you don’t do it the correct way.”

Me: “The error isn’t when I’m keying in the data. It’s only when I try to submit it—”

Colleague: “There, you’re being stubborn again. If your method is correct, why is it that the problem only happens on your PC and not on mine?”

Me: “…”

Colleague: “Do it properly and you’ll see; it will work.”

Instead of arguing, I do it her way. It takes twice as long, and the system still crashes. I contact the system administrator.

Colleague: “Oh, so now the IT people are going to look at it. Okay, go ask them, is it because you’re not doing copy and paste correctly that causes your system to crash? If you don’t believe me, go ask them. They’ll tell you that it’s because you’re doing the wrong thing!”

To shut her up, I do just that.

In a video chat with the system admin, I describe the problem.

Me: “[Colleague] thinks that this error is caused by using keyboard shortcuts, such as Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V. She thinks I should right-click the mouse and select ‘copy’ and ‘paste’ from the menu.”

The system admin gives me a weird look.

System Admin: “No, that’s not the cause.”

Me: “So, using Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V won’t cause this kind of error?”

System Admin: “No, of course not.”

Me: “Or any keyboard shortcuts?”

System Admin: “No, it’s the same. Excuse me, I need to go. I have a meeting.” *Logs off*

Colleague: “So, what was IT’s solution? Can they fix it?”

Me: “He had to go for a meeting.”

Colleague: “Hah, see? You probably bothered him too much, so he made an excuse to leave. Just do what I told you, and you won’t have any more problems.”

So, basically, IT thinks I’m an idiot, thanks to [Colleague]. After some time, IT found the error was caused by a connection time-out when I tried to submit the data. It had nothing to do with keyboard shortcuts.

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