This happened many years ago. While I was in grad school, writing my thesis on Spanish and Italian drama, I got a job as an “editorial assistant.” I didn’t really do any editing: I proofread articles, but had to get the micromanaging Senior Editor’s permission before making any corrections, and wrote reports for her to put her name on.

I survived the humiliation by talking about my thesis to anyone who would listen and placing grad-level books prominently on my desk.

One day, the Senior Editor burst out of her office and asked:

Senior Editor: “Is [Other Editor] around? I have a question about language.”

This was before Google.

Me: “Maybe I can answer it.”

I said, glancing at the book on my desk.

Me: “I studied Spanish linguistics as an undergrad, and now I’m in grad school, working on my thesis.”

Senior Editor: “No, you wouldn’t know.”

[Other Editor] was not around, so she walked down the hall to ask a third editor. They didn’t know the answer.

She returned, annoyed.

Senior Editor: “When will [Other Editor] be back? I really need the answer.”

Me: “I think he’s at lunch. Why not let me give it a try? Maybe I can figure it out.”

She rolled her eyes.

Senior Editor: “This isn’t a question about typing. It’s about language. Just call me when [Other Editor] gets back.”

She vanished into the office. I had nothing to proofread at the moment, so I started reading my book.

About ten minutes later, [Other Editor] walked by. I stopped him and called [Senior Editor], who came out of her office, livid.

Senior Editor: “Finally! I need you to answer a question about language. No one else at this company has any idea: What do you call that little mark that goes over the letter ‘n’ in Spanish?”

I pointed to my book: “La historia de la literatura española.”

Me: “You mean like that one? It’s called a—”

Senior Editor: “Yes! What’s it called, [Other Editor]?”

Other Editor: “Sorry, I have no idea.”

I kept my mouth shut.

By the way, as everyone learns in fifth-grade Spanish, it’s a tilde.

One of the new tech guys comes into the office. He looks twenty at most.

Tech Guy: “Hi, I’m here to see [Coworker].”

Coworker: “That’s me. Why?”

Tech Guy: “You put in a ticket about your work phone autocorrecting words it shouldn’t be?”

Coworker: “I did?”

Tech Guy: “Uh, yeah. I got the ticket right here.”

[Tech Guy] shows the ticket, and [Coworker] laughs.

Coworker: “I forgot about that! I sent that for your boss as a joke last week. How long have you been in the tech department?”

Tech Guy: “This is my first week.”

Coworker: “Sorry, dude, he’s hazing you. He’s my friend, and this is what he does. I’m sorry.”

The poor tech guy leaves the office, looking confused.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], what was the ticket?”

He shows me:

Ticket: “Work phone keeps autocorrecting “surely” to “Shirley” when left in Airplane mode.”

Me: “Yeah, that kid was waaaaay too young to ever get that reference.”

I’m not tech support, or even IT, I’m simply the youngest person in my department and have the most tech-related knowledge, so I’m usually in charge of implementing any kind of documents or processes in our software, Excel, etc. 

A coworker just came to me and asked me to redo and simplify the Excel sheet. A tech-illiterate coworker is complaining about how inefficient it is and that she doesn’t understand it.

She’s the temporary stand-in for me because I have the next two weeks off. To clarify, it’s literally a table with three columns and a bottom row summing up column B and C, respectively. (A is for the date). 

So, because I don’t really know what’s supposed to be so hard about typing in a number into a cell, I walk over and ask what the problem is.

Me: “Hi, [Tech-Illiterate Coworker], I heard you have trouble with the sheet?”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “Yes! The list makes no sense. Why did you only put one field for the sum? It’s totally inefficient because now I have to print out a new page every day!”

Me: “What? Why would you print it out? It sums it up automatically.”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Okay, explain to me how you intended to go about it.”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “I print it out and write the numbers into the fields. Then, after each day, I add it up and write the total in the last row. But I have to print out a new one every day. That makes no sense!”

Cue me explaining that in Excel, you can type a number into a cell and the SUM-function adds up the numbers automatically; you don’t have to use a calculator.

And no, you don’t have to print it out; you just leave it in the group share folder where it’s already in.

And no, you don’t have to send the thing as a printed-out version to our boss because she has access to the document and can check it whenever. 

Sadly, I can’t appoint someone else as a stand-in because the others are too busy. Due to this, my manager asked me to fill in the Excel sheet even though I’m on vacation. She now only sends me the numbers via email, and then I update the document.

So… she can type in the numbers into Outlook and send me an email, but can’t type the same numbers into Excel and click “save.” Great.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I saw you emailed the office to say you made chocolate muffins for everyone?”

Coworker: “Yes! Help yourself!”

Me: “Did you mean to start the email with “As an extra treat for everyone…”?”

Coworker: “Yeah! Wait… why?”

Me: “Instead of treat, you wrote ‘threat’.”

Coworker: “Oh!”

Another coworker walks over toward the Tupperware containing the muffins.

Other Coworker: “Oooh! Yes! These definitely have a threatening aura! Are they poisoned? Or is one of them hiding a grenade?”

Coworker: *Furiously trying to recall the email.”

I used to work in an e-marketing role for a small book publisher. Publishers are in many ways ‘my people’ (I love books) but in many ways also… not.

For example, trying to explain that they couldn’t just upload a book cover in 300 Dpi to a website field that was 150×250, and expected something far more reasonable like 72 Dpi… Yes, the HTML/CSS squished it to the desired size on the webpage, but it wasn’t like the big social media sites of today, which process the images on the fly; it would still be the full size ‘squished’ into a small box.

Their refusal (and it was refusal; these people preferred Quill and Ink over typewriters…) to learn the basics, coupled with their insistence they could manage their own authors in the modest web-shop this company ran, would come to bite them, hard, one day.

Bear in mind that the following took place after me sending warnings that it would happen through every channel, every day, for weeks.

They had a deal with a hugely popular website to publish a theme book based on the website’s core business of frat boy humor.

They made a landing page for visitors of said website to order.

On said page, they put the cover of the book; A4 format, 300 Dpi.

Again, against all my warnings.

So, one fine morning, I arrived at work, took three steps up the steep Dutch stairs to my office.

Someone shouted: “We are live!”

I counted out loud: 3… 2…

Someone shouted: “The website is down!”

They didn’t heed my advice any better after that.

Still, great people, my people… except for tech-savvy.