I was due to emigrate, but unfortunately, things were delayed. After a while, with money tight, I took a temporary job, any job I could find. It was particularly hard to find part-time work as no one wanted to hire an engineering manager to stack shelves or flip burgers.

But I found a supermarket nearby and got the job.

I’m pretty used to working hard in every job I do, so I did the same in this role. I was the first one there and the last one out. I took any job and task just to keep busy. I wasn’t trying to impress; it’s just the person I am.

I got a lot of hate from my coworkers; they saw me as a suck-up and a try-hard, no matter how much I tried to explain. But truly, I didn’t care what they said. In a month or two, I would be gone; they could hate me if they wanted for a while.

On the other hand, the management loved me; I didn’t call in sick, I worked without complaint, and I did as many hours as I could. In turn, I got the first pick on hours which, again, didn’t make me popular. 

Coworker: “Oh, I see someone got the weekend shift again.”

I ignore him.

Coworker: “Why is that, huh? Huh, bootlicker?”

Me: “Oh, talking to me? Well, if I had to guess, don’t be a massive screw-up who makes the same mistakes day in, day out.”

Coworker: “Mr. Perfect doesn’t make mistakes? Oh, why can’t we all be like Mr. Perfect?”

Me: “You put the stock in the right aisle; it’s not rocket science. How you manage to screw it up so often is beyond me.”

One of the managers walks in behind [Coworker]. I shut up. [Coworker] doesn’t.

Coworker: “Oh, so easy, that’s why you couldn’t do your own job? Why is it they fired you from your fancy engineering job?”

Manager: “[Coworker]!”

Coworker: “Some dumba** comes down here and sucks the d**k of these f***y, stupid, idiot managers.”

Manager: “[Coworker]!”

Coworker: *Finally turning around* “What? Oh, look who’s getting in trouble again!”

[Coworker] was led away; he didn’t return. With [Coworker] gone, the atmosphere changed, and suddenly, everyone was a lot friendlier. I made a few friends before I left. It’s amazing what one person can do to make life so difficult.

The work cafeteria is always overly generous with the little sauce sachets. Rather than putting them in the bin, I put them in my desk. Apparently, this is “weird” according to [Coworker] and a sign of hoarding. I have at most six; if I don’t get through them, someone will forget to pick one up and I give them one from my drawer.

I’ve been on a diet recently, so I have been bringing in my own lunch.

Coworker: *Sighs* “Do you have any tomato sauce?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Coworker: “You didn’t even look!”

Me: “No, but I know I don’t have any.”

Coworker: *Shouting* “Liar! You have hundreds in there! Now, suddenly, I ask for one and you run out?!”

Me: “Apparently so.”

Coworker: “Right! I’m not having this!”

She marches off and returns with a very confused woman from HR.

HR Employee: “What is this all about?”

[Coworker] looks at me with a smug expression.

Me: “[Coworker] asked to have some sauce, but I don’t have any.”

HR Employee: “Sorry, what?”

Coworker: “He’s lying. He has loads. He’s a hoarder!”

Me: *To the HR employee* “You can look if you like?”

I open the drawer I do have the odd packet but no sauce.

HR Employee: “Okay, well… I don’t really see an issue here. [Coworker], can you walk with me?”

I don’t know what is said, but it looks like [Coworker] has a bit of a reality check. I think the matter solved, but then I’m invited to another meeting with a senior HR staff.

Senior HR: “I presume you know why you’re here?”

Me: “I guess, but it all seems a bit of a waste of time.”

Senior HR: “I would agree, but a complaint has been made and I need to review it with you.”

Me: “Okay? So, [Coworker] complained that I didn’t give her my property, which I didn’t have.”

Senior HR: “Pretty much.”

Me: “So…? Was there anything else to discuss?”

Senior HR: “No. Thanks for taking the time to see me. I will recommend that this matter is dropped and [Coworker] apologises.”

Me: “Oh, that’s it? Great, thanks.”

[Coworker] never apologised but did at least avoid me from then on. Little victories.

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Coworker: “When my girlfriend says she doesn’t want anything for her birthday, what should I get her?”

Me: “Uh, I dunno, probably nothing if that’s what she said?”

Coworker: “But I know she wants something!”

Me: “I’ve never met her, so I have no idea what that would be.”

Coworker: “Well, when you tell your boyfriend you don’t want anything for your birthday, what do you expect?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Coworker: *Scoffs* “Oh, come on! You’d be pissed!”

Me: “Uh, no, I wouldn’t? I don’t play those kinds of games.”

Coworker: “Yeah, right. I’ll just go ask [Other Female Coworker].”

I realize there are women who play these games, but given how insistent he was that ALL women do it, I do wonder if his girlfriend really fell into that category.

[Coworker] has been complaining about selling his house for months. It’s a little rundown two-bed in the middle of nowhere. From what I saw in the photos, it looks way overpriced. He has mentioned that all the offers have been less than what he wants, and he isn’t going to take less than the maximum the estate agent said it could (possibly) get.

Me: “Morning, [Coworker], you all right?”

Coworker: “Yeah, although I’m sick of these buyers wasting my time.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I forgot you left early the other day. Did it not go well?”

Coworker: “Another offer below the asking. I don’t know why they waste my time.”

Me: “Do you think that the price might be a little high if everyone is offering less? I mean, due to the market at the moment.”

Coworker: “I was told that the house was worth up to [high price] and that’s what I want!”

Me: “Fair enough.”

I think, “Don’t moan all the time, then.”

Coworker: “I’m going to put in a cheap kitchen this weekend. Do you have any tools?”

Me: “Not for kitchens, sorry. I didn’t realise it needed a new kitchen. Are you doing it yourself?”

Coworker: “Well, [TV Show] said it could increase the value of the house. And they fitted a kitchen in an afternoon.”

Me: “Okay, wow. Well, good luck.”

I eventually found out that he fitted the cheapest kitchen he could find, and he didn’t do a good job of it, either. Another six months and he finally sold for even less than the offers he’d received before. Of course, this was all the buyer’s fault somehow.

There’s a member of our team who doesn’t seem to be entirely present, [Coworker #1]. Airheaded is an understatement, but nearly everyone finds her funny, so she gets humoured, though I doubt she realises that. I’m one of the few who don’t have patience for her, so I just try to cut her a wide berth and interact with her as minimally as possible but at least politely.

I’m busy with [Coworker #2] when I realise [Coworker #1] is nearby behind me, constantly repeating the same word. However, I’m in the middle of something, so I opt to leave her to it. After a minute of this, I zone out of my conversation to try and figure out what she’s on about, so I can make her go away.

I realize the word she’s been repeating is a name that’s similar to mine but isn’t mine.

Oh. I think she’s been trying to get my attention. Just as I turn around, though, three others turn to her, and, all in the tone of an impatient adult dealing with a child…

Coworkers #3, #4, & #5: “[MYYY NAAME]!”

Coworker #1: “Who?”

I won’t lie, I had to bite my lip as I approached her so as not to laugh. It was a relief of sorts, to see that she gets on the nerves of others; it wasn’t just me.