Small Talk Serves Small Purposes

, , , | Working | December 1, 2019

(I am walking towards the reception area of my office.)

Me: “Hey, so, I have a provider—” *it occurs to me I am being rude that I didn’t even say hello* “—Hi, how are you?”

Receptionist: *pause* “I’m good, how are you?”

Me: “I’m good. How was your weekend?”

Receptionist: “It was good; how was yours?”

Me: “It was good. I’m sorry, I forget about small talk.”

Receptionist: “That’s okay. I don’t need small talk.”

Me: *finally telling this poor man what I need from him*

(My coworker pityingly called me the definition of awkward when I told her.)

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Bumping Into Maleficent

, , , | Working | November 28, 2019

(I overhear my colleague talking about her day.)

Colleague: “I saw something and stopped, and suddenly something bumps into me from behind. It’s [Other Colleague]’s pregnant belly. But she didn’t even bother to say, ‘Excuse me,’ or let me know she was there. So, I hope she loses the baby, because it’s her fault for not letting me know she was behind me.”

Me: “What?”

Colleague: “Yeah! She just stood there waiting for me to bump into her, and she didn’t even bother to let me know she was behind me! It’s not my fault I bumped into her belly!”

Me: “But you’re the one who stopped suddenly.”

Colleague: “Yeah, but there’s something I wanted to look at.”

Me: “…”

Colleague: “Who asked her not to say, ‘Excuse me’? She should have let me know she was behind me. She didn’t even make a sound!”

Me: “Did she scold you or complain about you bumping into her?”

Colleague: “No, luckily. But she has no right to, because she didn’t say, ‘Excuse me.’” 

Me: “And for that, you cursed her baby?!”

Colleague: “It’s her fault for not letting me know she was behind me! She should have said ‘excuse me’! She didn’t even bother to, so I hope she loses the baby, and it would serve her right!”

(I stopped talking to her after that; otherwise, I might have been tempted to give her a good slap across her face.)

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It’s A Mistake To Point Out Mistakes

, , , , | Working | November 28, 2019

(One of my coworkers is extremely incompetent. She does not understand how the business operates, anyone else’s jobs, or how to perform her own job. Unfortunately, she has protected status at my work. This conversation happened today.)

Boss: “[Coworker] has been complaining about you.”

Me: “Why?”

Boss: “She says you have been bullying her.”

Me: “Seriously? When?”

Boss: “Pointing out mistakes.”

Me: “Her mistakes cause problems for the company and my job. Her mistakes go on to be my problem to deal with. They cause problems for the customers that the customers call me about.”

Boss: “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hear it.”

(Effectively, I was just given permission to let hundreds of mistakes happen, told to accept the increasing of my own workload, and basically told to allow big problems with serious financial consequences for us and the customer to happen.)

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He’s Taking Some Hypocriticin

, , , , | Working | November 26, 2019

(I have a chronic illness that requires daily medicine. I’m very open about this.)

Coworker: *on a rant* “…and you just don’t know what’s in medicine these days! They’re not natural, and we shouldn’t be taking them.”

Me: “You do realize who you’re talking to, right?”

Coworker: “If our time is up, our time is up, and taking prescriptions goes against that.”

Me: “Are you saying I should be dead right now?!”

Coworker: “Um…”

Me: “Wow…”

(I walk away rather than engage further. It takes me the rest of the day to cool off. A few days later…)

Coworker: “I think I’m getting sick. I think it’s a sinus infection.”

Me: “That sucks.”

Coworker: “I need to call my doctor and get an antibiotic. Maybe a steroid, too.”

Me: “Did you just say you’re calling a doctor for a prescription?”

Coworker: “Yeah, and?”

Me: *facepalm* “Never mind.”

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Skip The Table And Straight On To Violence

, , , , | Working | November 26, 2019

(I’m one of the physically larger men in my office. One day, the office manager is going around gathering up the large men in the office to help with a task. Our office building, in addition, has common areas any of the tenants can use when extra space is needed.)

Me: “What’s going on, [Office Manager]?”

Office Manager: “We left some tables in the common area after yesterday’s event and the landlord is having a fit about it.”

Other Large Coworker: “So, what, we’re gonna beat his a**?”

Office Manager: *pause* “No, we’re going to move the tables.”

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