His Mind Is Already On The Island

, , , , , | | Working | May 17, 2018

(I am a shift manager and a new employee is starting today. He starts the day by wandering around the store, telling no one that he is here for training, and as such starts his shift 20 minutes late. I begin his orientation, with the basics of the store.)

Me: “So, when you brew a batch of coffee, use either one bag or two depending on—”

New Starter: “Yeah, so, do I get discounts?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, employee discounts. Well, get to them later.”

New Starter: “Oh, okay, cool, because I’m saving for the vacation to Hawaii with my friends.”

(He proceeded to tell me his itinerary, preventing me from both training him and from doing my normal job. Stellar first impression.)

Well, That Experience Has Gone Right Down The Toilet

, , , , , , | Working | May 14, 2018

(I am a manager of a kid’s play area, and during weekdays we have minimal staff in the afternoons, as it gets rather quiet. We each have our own specific closing duties like tills, cleaning kitchens, toilets, etc. but we have a great team and any of the workload we have that is non-managerial is shared so no one is left behind. We also have high school students join us for a week here and there for work experience, and they are mostly a pleasure to deal with. I am about to clean the toilets when the work experience girl says she is finished with her tasks and asks what she could do next.)

Me: “Well, I know [Coworker] is on time with her tasks, and I need to get a wriggle on with the tills, but I have to do the toilets first. I know they’re not everyone’s favourite task, and since you’re on work experience I’ll go easy on you; do you think it’s something you’d like to tackle?”

Work Experience Girl: “Yeah, I don’t mind at all. I haven’t done it before; can you show me what to do?”

Me: “No problem.”

(I explained what to do and where to find gloves, buckets, and other cleaning supplies. Just in case it isn’t super obvious, it only involves cleaning the bowls, basins, and mirrors, sweeping, and mopping. There are only seven toilets, and my coworker and I are on top of cleaning them throughout the day, so they’re pretty clean already and it usually takes ten minutes. Since she’d never done it before, I imagined it might take longer. She seemed cheerful enough and set to work. After ten minutes, she was done and asked me to check them. They were spotless and I was impressed. I told her so and she beamed. Since there were only my own managerial duties to go and I was nearly finished, I said she could take the last ten minutes as an early mark and gave her a lemonade on the house. I finished up the night’s tasks and I thought nothing of it. The next day, I got a call from the owner, who told me that the work experience girl was not coming back. Apparently, her father had called the school complaining that she was distraught. She was incredibly upset that we would lock her in the toilets and not let her out until they were spotless. She had to clean toilets with her bare hands and wasn’t allowed to wash her hands after. The school decided they would no longer offer our play area as an option for work experience kids. I was too shocked to reply.)

Feels Like It Took Eight Hours To Get There

, , , , , | Working | May 14, 2018

(I work in a big-name hotel that’s on one of the lower tiers of the corporation. Lately, we’ve been getting a lot of new employees to prepare for the busy season, including a few new housekeepers. One of them is a middle-aged woman. It is her first day, and she has to do the impossible: clock out.)

Me: “Okay, enter the last four of your SSN into this keypad.”

Coworker: *slowly thumbs in the numbers, then waits*

Me: “Okay, then hit the login button.”

(The button is very large, and it is the only button on the screen that isn’t a number. Finally, she does so. The screen shows the time, her time sheet, and four buttons, two of which are “clock in” and “clock out.”)

Me: “Now hit, ‘clock out.’”

Coworker: “It should say 1645.”

(It is 4:45 pm, and the clock shows this. The screen times out, logging her out.)

Me: “It’s 4:45. You have to log in again.”

Coworker: *slowly does so, then waits*

Me: “Now hit, ‘clock out.’”

Coworker: *turns to me* “But I didn’t clock in this morning.”

Me: *pointing to the time sheet* “Actually, it says you clocked in at 8:30 am.”

Coworker: “No, I didn’t clock in this morning.”

Me: “No, you did.”

(The screen times out. She, again, has to log in. I walk her through it for the third time. Once logged in, she stares at the screen, lost.)

Me: *getting irritated* “Now hit, ‘clock out.’” The one below, ‘clock in.’”

(Finally, miraculously, she hits the button. Far too hard. It doesn’t take. She stares at it. The screen times out. I walk her through this three more times until I finally flick the button for her.)

Me: “There. It says you clocked in at 8:30 and clocked out just now, at 4:49.”

Coworker: “So, how many hours is that?”

(By this time, we’re surrounded by three other employees waiting to use the time clock. I count every hour on my fingers aloud, slowly, directly in front of my coworker’s face.)

Me: “That’s eight hours.”

Coworker: “Oh, awesome!” *lifts her hand for a high five*

Me: *confounded, I oblige, lightly tapping her palm* “Yeah…”

(I’m still not sure why the woman seemed to be amazed to have worked a full shift, as if she was shocked she lasted that long. I very much doubt she has ever worked eight consecutive hours in her life.)

Completely Time-Zoned Out

, , , , , , , | Working | May 10, 2018

(I work in an IT department that hires  “co-op students,” or students studying IT at a local university. These folks are hired for four-month periods, and because they are new and young, they are subjected to some harmless hazing.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Co-Op Student], did you know that it’s your job to get us all coffee each morning?”

Co-Op Student: “Really?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. All the co-ops we’ve had do that for us.”

Co-Op Student: “Huh. Do you give me the money for the coffee, or…?”

Coworker: “Of course not! You have to pay for everything.”

Co-Op Student: *starting to look worried*  

Me: “I can’t stand it; we’re just teasing, dude. You don’t really have to get us coffee.”

Co-Op Student: *relieved* “You guys are terrible!”

(A few weeks later, Daylight Saving is upon us.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Co-Op], don’t forget that Daylight Saving happens this weekend.”

Co-Op Student: “Huh?”

Coworker: “You know; ‘Spring forward, fall back’?”

Co-Op Student: *blank stare*

Coworker: “It’s the ‘spring forward’ thing this time, so that means that you need to move your clocks forward one hour.”

Co-Op Student: “Ha ha! You almost got me! Nice try, [Coworker].”

Me: “Uh, he’s not joking this time.”

Co-Op Student: “Yeah, right. ‘Move clocks forward one hour.’ As if!”

(It turned out that the student was from a province that didn’t use Daylight Saving. Guess who was late for work on Monday?)

“F” Now Means “Fired”

, , , , , | Working | May 10, 2018

(I’m head server at a fine-dining restaurant. I have all of the responsibility with none of the firing power. My manager just hired his niece as a server. Her first shift, she was almost an hour late… to a four-hour training shift. She is almost an hour late again today.)

Me: “You need to show up on time. If you’re late again, you’ll be fired.”

New Hire: “I don’t see the big deal. I’m here for 75% of my shift. That’s a D. I’m not failing.”

Me: “That… isn’t how jobs work. You show up on time, when you’re scheduled. You’re not in school anymore.”

New Hire: “Whatever. [Uncle] says you can’t fire me, anyway. Just go, like, do your actual job instead of nitpicking me.”

(Her uncle spoke to her, and is letting me do the honors of firing her if she’s late again.)

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