No Hungry For Old Men

, , , , | | Working | August 17, 2019

(I work delivery for one of the most used delivery services. I have to train new hires. It’s my least favorite part. They’re obnoxious, clumsy, and disrespectful. One day, I get a fifty-something-year-old man. He seems okay. At first. After four hours working, I stop.)

Me: “You want to get something to eat?”

New Hire: “No!”

Me: “You sure? I can keep going, but you’d better eat now so you don’t get hungry later.”

New Hire: “I’m good! Let’s keep going!”

(Soon after, he kept complaining how hungry he was. Again, I offered to stop. Then he would say no. Fed up, I told him to stop complaining, then. He started grumbling. When we got back to the center, he told my boss that he’d begged me to stop and I refused! I don’t know how a 50-year-old man gets to act like a toddler.)

Skirting Over The Denim Issue

, , , , , | | Working | August 14, 2019

(I work in an office. We get a lot of people for whom this is a first job. I train our new starters. I have my script down pat after many years of saying the same things. There are lots of things I have to cover that seem like I shouldn’t have to say, but if someone has ever done it before, I have to cover it. Amongst them is the dress code:)

Me: “No denim, jeans, or anything that looks like or is styled after denim or jeans. This includes jeans, denim jackets, denim shirts, denim waistcoats, jeggings, clothes made of material designed to look like denim that isn’t actually denim, jean-cut trousers, chinos, or anything else that gives the appearance of jeans or denim in any way.”

(You’d think this is pretty clear, right? Today, one of our newer staff members turned up in a denim mini-skirt. Her excuse?)

New Staff: “You did say that, but I didn’t think this would count. You didn’t mention anything about denim skirts!”

(That, of course, also ignored that fact that the dress code training also included “full-length trousers with socks, or skirt to at least the knee with tights.”)

Parental Advice Meets The Modern World

, , , , , , | | Working | August 6, 2019

(I work in the human resources office for a large local business. When we hire people, we require them to fill out their new hire paperwork online. As a system administrator, any time something fails, it’s my job to review the issue. On the employee information form is a box that asks for the hire’s social security number. The form states that if you do not have a social security number, as happens with some of our foreign hires, to enter in all 9s. This hire has entered all 9s which requires validation, so I call the person to ask her about this.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] from [Big Company]. May I speak with [Candidate]?”

Mom: “I’m sorry, [Candidate] isn’t here at the moment but this is her mom. Can I help you with something?”

Me: “No, I need to speak to her about with an issue with her social security number. Please have her call me back as soon as possible.”

Mom: “There shouldn’t be a problem with her social security number! There’s never been a problem with her social security number!”

Me: “The problem is that she did not provide us the correct number.”

Mom: “Oh, I told her never to enter her social in online anywhere; it isn’t safe, you know.”

Me: “Yes, well, I still need to speak with [Candidate] about her falsification of her legal paperwork and see what we can do to rectify the situation.”

Mom: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Your daughter put intentionally false information into the form that her employer requires prior to starting. This is a problem. This affects our ability to create her employee records and set up her payroll correctly. This also affects our ability to remain compliant with federal regulations. I need to discuss this with her, so please have her call me back as soon as possible.”

Mom: “But it’s never safe to give out your social online. I can give it you now, though.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is good advice if you are not sure who is asking for that information or why they may need it, but when one has accepted a formal offer of employment and is sent a secure link to login to the HR system to complete paperwork ahead of starting a new job, it is likely a legitimate request. If your daughter had questions regarding the safety of entering the information or necessity for asking for it in the first place, she should have contacted the representative she had been working with instead of lying on her paperwork and falsifying her information. I need you to have her call me as soon as she can. Additionally, you offering to give it out to random people that you have never personally spoken to before is even stupider than telling your daughter to lie on her paperwork.”

Mom: *very quietly* “Oh.”

Very Loud Irony

, , , , , | | Working | July 26, 2019

(I work for a hearing aid clinic. We are training a new person to answer phones and book appointments for hearing tests. We have given him a list of questions to ensure the correct length and type of appointment is booked. He’s been working for a few weeks now and takes a phone call.)

New Coworker: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

(A few of us are working in the area and suddenly realize the answer he got made him raise his voice in reply.)

New Coworker: *shouting* “HAVE YOU HAD A HEARING TEST BEFORE?”

(This is followed by a few other shouted but relevant questions pertaining to the patient’s obvious hearing loss. The new coworker is following the question list provided and right on cue, asks:)


(The laughter was instant from all my coworkers. A few had to move into an empty office so as not to distract him.)

Three For The Price Of One

, , , , , , , , | | Working | July 18, 2019

I work as a drive-thru attendant at a popular diner franchise which has a very high turnover rate. This has lead to several people being hired that probably shouldn’t have been due to desperation on management’s part. Here are some highlights of spectacularly bad workers.

Worker #1: The Lazy Thief

This girl was hired to help me by being a second closer, so I wouldn’t have to close six days a week — corporate mandated I get one day off to avoid overtime payments — and so we could start rebuilding the drive-thru, which had lost six employees on both shifts. At first, she seemed okay, worked hard enough, and was friendly with customers. But after three weeks, she began to show her true nature.

It all began with her calling off work saying she was sick. Fair enough, she just needed to bring a doctor’s note in. She never did. Next, she called saying her son had fallen and needed to get staples in his head. This was a lie, as confirmed by a family member of hers who started working there later on. Then, she called in sick on one of the busiest days of the year, and posted to Facebook about the “sick” party she was getting wasted at.

The general manager, despite having evidence against her, did nothing because he was afraid of turnover numbers getting higher. The next weekend, the employee called an ambulance for herself and faked a seizure — she was bouncing her leg up and down while sitting — and still didn’t get fired. At this point, she was also trying to assert herself as Drive-Thru Leader, which she wasn’t, so she was starting to get on everyone’s nerves.

Then, the breakthrough happened.

This girl was always bragging about how customers loved her so much that they gave her fat tips; drive-thru sometimes gets people who let us keep the change, usually a dollar every so often. One night, we had a different manager, from day shift, who was eager to prove herself as a good manager and actually went through and looked at the paperwork for our coupons. One coupon we had was a survey for two dollars off, and came with every fifth receipt we printed. The girl had rung in 45 of them, but only two physical coupons existed. Corporate was called in to watch the cameras and her scam was exposed.

She’d tell the customer the total, and if they paid with cash, she’d keep two dollars for herself and just hit the survey button to keep the drawer balanced. Then, she’d lose the customer’s receipt and send them on their way. Needless to say, once the GM saw this, he went from passive to the angriest man alive. She was fired and sent home crying, and an investigation was put into place to see just how much she ended up stealing.

I’m not privy to the results of this investigation, but given that she’s banned from the premises, it’s probably still ongoing.

Worker #2: “I Have To Do The Job?”

This worker was bad news from day one. He refused to learn, or to do anything, really. He would throw away our equipment and refuse to wear gloves when handling customers’ food. I was put in charge of training him and he wouldn’t listen to me, saying, “You’re not my dad.”

When the manager got involved after he said that, he called her a b**** to her face. This led to all four managers and the GM crowding into the office with him to find out what his damage was. He told them he didn’t have to listen to any of them, which led to the GM telling him he was fired.

He apparently didn’t believe it would stick, because when that GM retired the next month he put in a second application. I informed the new GM about him and got him put on a blacklist.

Worker #3: “They Were Mean to Me!”

A staffing hole was filled by a day-shift employee that had only been there two weeks. Upon my arrival, I found she had taken over the bagging station and would not move anywhere else, saying that since she was working a double shift, she wasn’t doing anything else.

This quickly proved problematic because she couldn’t keep up.

She also had an attitude about everything my coworker and I did. My coworker told me she wasn’t wearing gloves when she grabbed the food. I went over and firmly but fairly told her to put gloves on when handling other people’s food. She didn’t like that, but did it anyway when the manager backed me up.

For another hour, we struggled to maintain a good time, and then, with nine orders hanging, two partially bagged, and no warning, she left. Clocked out and left. The manager had no idea she had done this. We had to scramble to deal with the late rush with only two people.

Later on that evening, she sent the manager a three-page text complaining about my coworker and me. I had “been rude” and “snatched bags out of her hand” all night, and my coworker had been on her phone the whole time. The problems with those things were: 1, I only talked to her once, and it was about gloves, and 2, we have to move fast, so I tend to grab while moving, and 3, my coworker couldn’t have been on her phone as it was charging and I was standing in front of it the whole time as it was next to the register. The manager took our side and promised never to let her work with us again.