They’re A McDud  

, , , , , , | Working | October 7, 2019

(I’m the supervisor of a little retail print shop, and the store manager has recently hired a new employee against my better judgement. Her only qualification is that she sometimes uses Photoshop at home. However, her cousin works in a different part of the store as a cashier and put in a good word for her, so the manager assumes it is worth a try. Unfortunately, she can barely function in the role she is given. Despite my many attempts to walk the employee through the basics, even leaving printed directions and the phone numbers of other stores in the chain so that on-duty associates can help her if she gets stuck, she never improves. My store manager even sets her up with some online training courses to complete, to no avail. One day, while I am trying to find a customer’s order form so I can quality check it…)

Me: “Okay, so, up next we have Mr. Mc[Customer]. Let’s pull up his order.”

(I head to the filing cabinet — yeah, this print shop is slightly behind the times — and look for the document under M. There’s no form. Then, I look for it under N and L just in case it was off by one letter on accident. Still no form.)

Me: “[Employee], you filled out a form for this customer’s order, right?”

Employee: “Yes. And I filed it under his name.”

Me: “Can you show me, please?”

(The employee walks over, opens the cabinet, and pulls the form from the C folder.)

Employee: “Under C for ‘Mc[CUSTOMER].’”

Me: “Okay. For future reference, if a customer’s last name starts with ‘Mc,’ ‘Mac,’ ‘O’,’ or similar, that first portion of the last name counts, too. So, you’d file a Mc[Customer] under M, and an O’Sullivan would be filed under O, and so on.”

Employee: “Ooohhhhhhh.”

(Unfortunately, my attempt to explain didn’t help. This sort of conversation was a regular occurrence. I always tried to be super polite when explaining these things to the employee, but there were times I really wanted to lose my temper. She was still working there by the time I quit because the store manager felt too guilty to fire his cashier’s cousin, even though she was still struggling to handle her four-hour shift duties after almost a year on the job.)

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Will Freeze That Trick

, , , , | Working | September 4, 2019

(I am a high school student, hired for a new fast food restaurant that is under construction. During training, I have to go to another franchise across town.)

Worker: “Hey, new guy. Before you leave tonight, you need to mop the freezer.”

(I run a bucket of hot mop water, but it takes only an instant for the mop to freeze to the floor. I try to keep it moving as quickly as possible, but there are icy mop-prints all over the floor. Before long, it’s mopped as well as I can get it. I empty the mop bucket and go home. The next day, I get a phone call.)

Manager: “Don’t bother coming in today. The health department shut us down for a couple of days. Some idiot went and mopped the freezer.”

Me: “Really? I wonder who that could have been?”

(As far as I know, they never pulled that trick on the new guys again.)

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He’s Playing With Fire(d)

, , , , , | Working | August 28, 2019

(The auto parts store where I work offers a full-time position to a guy who interviews well and has extensive retail experience. Over the course of three weeks, we begin to suspect he lied on his resume. He’ll stick behind the counter doing nothing instead of tidying the store or helping customers. We offer to help train him further but he doesn’t seem to care. It becomes abundantly clear that he is not suited to the role so he is called into a meeting with our manager and store owner to be fired.)

Coworker: *storming out of the office* “You’re going to regret this! You can’t fire me!”

Manager: “[Coworker], you need to leave now.”

Coworker: “F*** you, [racial slur]. I was too good for this job, anyway!”

Manager: “Excuse me? What did you just call me?!”

Coworker: *runs to hide in his car*

Manager: *walks out to the car and knocks on window* “[Coworker], you need to leave or I’m calling security. But first I expect an apology for what you called me.”

Coworker: “F*** you, a**hole. I hope you lose your job, too!” *drives off*

(After he was fired, he set up multiple Facebook and Google accounts to leave negative reviews about our business, which were thankfully removed. I still see him occasionally when I visit back home, and he scurries off quickly.)


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No Hungry For Old Men

, , , , | Working | August 17, 2019

(I work delivery for one of the most used delivery services. I have to train new hires. It’s my least favorite part. They’re obnoxious, clumsy, and disrespectful. One day, I get a fifty-something-year-old man. He seems okay. At first. After four hours working, I stop.)

Me: “You want to get something to eat?”

New Hire: “No!”

Me: “You sure? I can keep going, but you’d better eat now so you don’t get hungry later.”

New Hire: “I’m good! Let’s keep going!”

(Soon after, he kept complaining how hungry he was. Again, I offered to stop. Then he would say no. Fed up, I told him to stop complaining, then. He started grumbling. When we got back to the center, he told my boss that he’d begged me to stop and I refused! I don’t know how a 50-year-old man gets to act like a toddler.)

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Skirting Over The Denim Issue

, , , , , | Working | August 14, 2019

(I work in an office. We get a lot of people for whom this is a first job. I train our new starters. I have my script down pat after many years of saying the same things. There are lots of things I have to cover that seem like I shouldn’t have to say, but if someone has ever done it before, I have to cover it. Amongst them is the dress code:)

Me: “No denim, jeans, or anything that looks like or is styled after denim or jeans. This includes jeans, denim jackets, denim shirts, denim waistcoats, jeggings, clothes made of material designed to look like denim that isn’t actually denim, jean-cut trousers, chinos, or anything else that gives the appearance of jeans or denim in any way.”

(You’d think this is pretty clear, right? Today, one of our newer staff members turned up in a denim mini-skirt. Her excuse?)

New Staff: “You did say that, but I didn’t think this would count. You didn’t mention anything about denim skirts!”

(That, of course, also ignored that fact that the dress code training also included “full-length trousers with socks, or skirt to at least the knee with tights.”)

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