Like… Like An Owl?

, , , , , | Learning | February 19, 2019

This year’s English teacher is a nice lady, but she’s very strict about quiet time. When the class is supposed to be doing “individual activities,” e.g. writing down instructions or notes, if she hears a single word, she’s on the case of the student responsible.

Sometimes, my neck has a tendency to crack loudly as my head, of its own accord, jerks to face in the other direction. This happens just as “quiet time” begins and I hiss in pain, and from the other side of the room, the teacher hears.

“Did you not just hear me?” she says, glaring. “I said silent!

While she may be good at spotting troublemakers, she didn’t seem to notice that my head was briefly facing in the wrong direction.

Epitomizing “Awkward Turtle”

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 18, 2019

This happened in my junior life science class. The teacher was young and good looking but completely socially awkward and odd. He often laughed at his own jokes that really weren’t funny. One class in particular sticks in my head as the weirdest thing I ever witnessed.

We were studying the reproductive practices of different animals, sea turtles specifically on this day. Instead of just explaining it,  the teacher decided to do a… demonstration.

He proceeded to put a large cardboard box on his back to look like a turtle, placed a small container with sand in the back of the class — right next to my chair — and lay “eggs” to bury in the sand.

By eggs, I mean golf balls, which he placed between his legs and dropped into the sand to simulate laying eggs. Unfortunately for me, I was right in the view of his backside. It was the most awkward thing to ever happen to me in a class, and I about fell out of my chair, exclaiming, “OH, MY GOD!”

However, to this day, I do still remember exactly how sea turtles reproduce, so I guess his method worked?

Sick Of Puns

, , , , , , , | Healthy | February 18, 2019

(This happens to my dad when he is going back to nursing school in his sixties — a story in itself! One time a senior nursing instructor visits the class to give a “very important” presentation. This happens in the late 2000s, and both bird flu and swine flu are of major concern at the time as potential pandemics.)

Senior Instructor: *solemnly, and with a completely straight face* “I need to teach you how to recognize the difference between swine flu and bird flu. If it’s bird flu, you need a tweetment. If it’s swine flu, you need an oinkment!

(The entire class just about busted a gut laughing. My dad said in his entire time in nursing school, this particular instructor was always taciturn and businesslike and NEVER showed this sort of levity, except on this one remarkable occasion.)

How To Take The Class Seriously: Throw The Book(s) At Them

, , , | Learning | February 17, 2019

(In my junior year of college, I sign up for a history class that fills a requirement for two different majors, as well as a general graduation requirement, so it hits the limit of thirty-five students very quickly. On the first day of class, the room is packed; clearly, someone had to drag in extra desks to fit in the tiny basement space.)

Professor: “Oh, dear, there are quite a lot of you. Anyway, I want you to read this book for next week’s class.” *holds up a 200- to 300-page book*

Student: “Which chapters?”

Professor: “All of it.”

(Things continue in this vein for the first half of the semester: reading a good-sized book a week, writing several essays that meet the professor’s demanding standards, participating in detailed discussions throughout the entire two-hour class period… you get the idea. All this is on top of the work we need to do for four to five other classes. One by one, people drop the course. By the time midterms roll around, there are only eight of us remaining. On the day of our midterm review, the professor sits down and looks around at the much-depleted class with the smuggest cat-that-ate-the-canary grin on his face.)

Professor: “So few… Much better.”

To A Teenager, It Will Never Not Be Funny

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 13, 2019

I was in Grade 9 in the 1970s.

Our science class had just started a new unit on mass, or gravity, or something like that. Our teacher, a young, pretty cool guy, was a very visual teacher, using props, video, or whatever he thought would help.

At the beginning of the lesson, our teacher stood in front of thirty fourteen-year-olds, holding a tennis ball and a golf ball, and said loud and clear, “Class, I have two balls.”

He had to leave the room for about ten minutes while we finished laughing hysterically.

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