They’re Really Desperate To Get People Into Writing Club

, , , , , , | Learning | October 15, 2019

(I am a middle school teacher. We have announcements every day at the end of school. The principal is making an announcement about our new writing club and this is what I hear:)

Principal: “Do you like writing or kind of like writing? The join our writing club! Join others to create short stories, porn, and other fun things!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Students: “Poems. She said poems.”

(The students definitely heard the same thing I did, too. The principal might want to enunciate a bit more!)

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My Teacher Is The Ancient Aliens Guy

, , , , , | Learning | October 14, 2019

(In year seven — the first year of high school — I have a maths teacher who can be extremely strict at times, but my older brother who had him three years ago gives me a tip: ask him about his favourite subject and he’ll talk to anyone about it for the whole class. It is the last day of term and there is less than half the class present.)

Maths Teacher: “We’re going to have a quiz on everything we’ve learned this term.”

(Cue groaning from the class.)

Me: “Hey, sir, I was watching a documentary last night and was wondering if you believe in aliens?”

(He spent the rest of the class talking about outer space, etc. I used it a few times throughout the year — never on important classes — but it certainly made maths class more interesting. He would forget all about maths and talk to anyone interested and leave the rest alone. Luckily, no one else in my class caught on.)

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Well, F***!

, , , , , | Learning | October 8, 2019

(My school, being religious, has a fairly strict policy on swearing. In speech class, we’re watching a movie where a character sometimes uses intense profanity in speech therapy to help alleviate a stutter. The teacher has made notes for when these scenes happen so she can mute the film at the appropriate time. However, she leaves the room to talk to another teacher and one of the profanity-filled scenes comes on. About ten minutes later, the teacher comes running back into the room.)

Teacher: “Did I miss the profanity scene?!”

Student #1: “Yeah . . .”

Teacher: *dramatically falls on floor* “I am so sorry! I was talking to [Teacher #2] and thought, ‘Oh, no, is one of the swearing scenes is coming up?’ so I ran back here as fast as I could!”

Student #2: “It happened a while ago.”

Teacher: *checks timestamp on movie* “I missed it by ten minutes!”

Student #3: “I thought you were just sitting in the back and didn’t care!”

Teacher: “No! I am so, so sorry!”

(She has not forgotten to mute a scene since.)

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An Alarming Lack Of Preparation

, , , , , | Learning | October 5, 2019

I teach third grade. On the third day of school, a fire alarm was pulled during lunchtime as a prank by a student! 

Because it was so early in the year, we had only practiced leaving the classroom for a fire drill; we hadn’t yet practiced what to do when you were somewhere else, like the cafeteria, so the kids didn’t know what to do or where to go. 

One of my students that year had epilepsy; she couldn’t look at the flashing fire alarm without setting off a seizure, so she just covered her eyes and put her head down and cried. 

I was waiting to use the restroom when I heard the alarm go off. I didn’t know whether there was a real fire or not, so I sprinted from the restroom to my scared kiddos in the cafeteria. I found my student who was crying and picked her up, and got her and got the rest of my class out of there, along with another teacher’s class.

Once outside, I put her down and realized that sometime during the trip she had stopped crying and started laughing; she thought it was hysterical that I was carrying her “like a baby”!

Most kids barely got to eat their food, and they were all either thrilled with the excitement, or pretty upset at missing out on a big chunk of their lunchtime. That afternoon, we had “second lunch” during what was supposed to be math class. We all went outside to have a picnic and practice a geometry dance on the blacktop. 

The school quickly drafted a letter to send home to the families so they would know what had happened, and also that there hadn’t been any real danger.

It was a crazy day… but also a sign that we needed to have a better plan in place for managing unpredictable situations! 

My favorite part was that several of my kiddos wrote about it in their first writing assignment of the year, “The Best Day At School Ever!” I’m glad they (mostly) enjoyed it in the end… and that it never happened again!

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School Is Not The Happiest Place On Earth

, , , , , | Learning | October 1, 2019

(When I’m in the fourth grade, my parents decide to take my sister and me to Disney World. They elect to do so in the fall to avoid the crowds and the blistering heat. I inform my teacher of this, and he hands me a huge packet of all of the work — not just homework, but classwork, too — that I will be missing while I am gone. However, being a naive nine-year-old, I don’t think much of it, as I’m going to be busy on vacation. My parents know about the packet, but even they assume it’s a “go over this as you’re able” sort of affair. My mom is a meticulous planner and has every day at the parks planned down to the minute, so I don’t really have time to do anything other than sleep when we get back to the hotel. I do get a couple of bits and bobs done, and when I return to school I hand these in to my teacher.)

Teacher: “Where’s the rest of it?”

Me: “Um… I was on vacation. I didn’t have time to do all of it, but I will get it finished now that I’m home. It should only take–”

Teacher: “No, you were supposed to have this done for me when you came back!”

Me: “What?! You never said that! I was on vacation!”

Teacher: “It’s your responsibility to get your work done on time! I am very disappointed in you!”

(I’m the kind of kid who is never in trouble, so I’m already near tears as this is the first time a teacher has ever reprimanded me.)

Me: “I– I’m sorry! I thought–”

Teacher: “I don’t care what you thought! You are staying in for recess for one week, and you will work on this packet then!”

(And that’s how I got punished for going on vacation at nine years old. For the record, I finished the packet after three days of no recess, but he still made me stay inside for the full week. I do realize that the fact he gave me a packet should have been a hint, but I’d love to see his reaction if someone told him he’d better be writing lesson plans while he’s at Disney World!)

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