A Likely Story, Teach

, , , , , | Learning | April 22, 2019

(I’m in the fifth grade. I turn in a math assignment. A week later, I get it back, torn up. This is what is written on it, paraphrased.)

Teacher: “You did a good job. My dog thought so, too.”

(That was the first time I’ve ever heard about a teacher’s dog eating homework!)

The Grass Is Always Greener…

, , , , , | Learning | April 18, 2019

(When my dad goes to get his PhD in Organic Chemistry, he originally applies to [University #1] but is rejected. He is disappointed, but he does get accepted to [University #2]. One of his professors has taken him around to a few different universities to talk about an experiment he helped with. Later, the professor is walking down a hallway with one of the people in charge of admissions for the chemistry department of [University #1].)

Admissions: “Wow! That guy was really good. You are lucky to have him. I wish we had someone like that in our program.”

(They continue in this manner for a while.)

Dad’s Professor: “You turned him down.”

Admissions: “…”

The “Shocking” Puns Just Write Themselves

, , , , | Learning | April 16, 2019

My father’s science teacher started the semester by telling the class that under no circumstances were students allowed to sleep in class. He didn’t mind if you decided to stare out the window or even get up and stretch your legs for a minute, just so long as you didn’t fall asleep. Several months later, the class found out why.

In the middle of class, he noticed a sleeping student. He broke off from his lecture and went to retrieve something from his desk, announcing, “And now, we’re going to learn about static electricity.”

He pulled out a static-electricity plasma ball, turned it on, and placed it against the sleeping student’s arm. The student didn’t wake up, and the teacher went on for a minute or two about how electricity travels from one object to another, all while the sleeper’s hair slooowly stood on end.

The teacher finished by saying that all that electricity going through the student’s body right then was completely harmless… “Unless, of course, someone were to take something metal like this ruler I’ve got in my hand right now and touch it to his skin like so…

Cue a very loud zap and the student in question jolting awake. The teacher promptly put away the plasma ball and continued with the lesson.

 

Oui Okie

, , , , , , | Learning | April 15, 2019

(I am in a freshman-level French language class. The professor is a native of France, and is correcting the pronunciation of a friend of mine, who is a bit of a class clown.)

Professor: “No, no, no! You are speaking French with an Oklahoma accent!”

Student: “Well, why not? You’re speaking ‘Oklahoman’ with a French accent!”

Tea Is The Warmest Color

, , , , , , | Hopeless | April 14, 2019

(I’ve loved books from a very early age, so when I was growing up it was only natural that whenever I went to a new school, I would very quickly become quite acquainted with the school librarians and their assistants. My high school librarian, an elderly woman, has a reputation for being quite strict, but has been nothing but lovely to me since the first day of school when I eagerly sought out the library to scope out the fiction section. In the second semester of my sophomore year — my 11th year of schooling for the non-Americans — I end up with a free period at the end of the day, which I choose to make into a teaching assistant period for the librarian. One day, I come in during flu season feeling a bit under the weather and I start to check in newly-returned books like I do every day.)

Me: *grimacing as I sniffle a bit but continuing work*

Librarian: “[My Name], are you feeling all right?”

Me: “Hm? Oh… I’m feeling a little sick, yeah. I’m okay, though.”

Librarian: “Oh, well, if you’re feeling sick do you want to just sit in the back today?”

(She’s told me this before on another occasion a month or so ago, but both times I felt guilty about the idea of sitting out when there’s work to be done and I’m not really feeling TERRIBLE, per se… but I have been having a pretty annoying day.)

Me: “Uh… yeah, actually. I think that’d be good.”

Librarian: “Yeah, you can sit and read in the back!”

Librarian’s Assistant: *a woman in her 40s* “Oh, yes, take it easy.”

(I grab a graphic novel off the shelf that I’d been eyeing and head to the back room. [Librarian] follows me soon after, placing a box of tissues on the back desk.)

Librarian: *opening the cupboard* “Would you like a cup of tea?”

Me: *surprised* “Oh, uh… Yes, please!”

Librarian: “Well, we have green tea, some strawberry lemonade, earl grey… What would you like dear?”

Me: *still astonished* “Earl grey is black tea, right? That sounds good.”

Librarian: “All right, then!”

(She put a mugful of water in the microwave to heat up, then gave me the tea box and made sure I knew where the honey and stirring sticks were before going back to her duties. After a few minutes, I was sipping my tea — warm as my heart was by this point — and reading the graphic novel, and I thought about all the mean things my classmates had said about [Librarian] that they would never even dare to suggest if they knew how sweet and grandmotherly she was once you really got to know her. Not only did she and [Librarian’s Assistant] care about me and my well being, but [Librarian] always thanked me for my work when I walked out the door, despite the fact that I was obligated by the school rules to show up and do all tasks asked of me! I’m pretty busy this year, but I still stop by the library to say hi to those ladies, and whenever I hear someone saying something snippy about [Librarian] in passing, I scoff to myself and think about that cup of tea.)

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