Doesn’t Take Much To Strip Them Of Humanity

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(I am behind a woman in line whose total comes to $37. She painstakingly counts out 37 one-dollar bills. The clerk then follows the same procedure, laboriously counting the bills.)

Customer: *now impatient* “You’d never make it as a stripper!”

Gore-Tex Vortex

, , , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(A customer storms in with a pair of boots and slams them down on the counter.)

Customer #1: “Feet wet, boots Gore-Tex, money back, NOW!”

Me: *looking the boots over* “How long have you had them?”

Customer #1: “A year, but that doesn’t matter… Money back, NOW!”

Me: “Actually, it does.”

(I ask him to follow me to the footwear wall where all our boots are displayed, and I begin explaining to him that Gore-Tex is a one-way valve material in between layers of the footwear. It allows your perspiration to escape in the form of water vapor, but Gore-Tex is not what keeps the outer materials dry. That is a repellent called DWR, and it needs to be renewed at least once a year.)

Customer #1: “You have no idea what you’re talking about, and if you don’t give me my money back right now, I’ll have no choice but to talk with your manager.”

(Just then, another customer looking at footwear chimes in. He is older, with grey hair and glasses.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me. I don’t mean to interrupt… but he’s absolutely spot on with his simplified definition.”

Customer #1: “This isn’t any of your business!”

Customer #2: “Actually, it is. You see… I am one of the scientists who originally developed Gore-Tex. Perhaps you should listen to this gentleman; you might learn how to take care of your boots properly.”

Customer #1: “When I bought these boots, no one told me I had to maintain them.”

Me: “That may be so, and if it is, you have my apologies. Other than the DWR having worn off the outer of the boots, it looks like they still have plenty of life in them.”

(I hand him a can of water repellent from the shelf.)

Me: “By the way, I am the manager… and this one’s on me.”

One Ink To Rule Them All, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(I work at a well-known office supply and electronics store. A customer calls the store to complain about a product she has purchased.)

Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint against the store.”

Me: “Okay. What happened?”

Customer: “Your employees are idiots and gave me the wrong ink for my printer, and now I have to drive all the way back to the store. I’d like to be credited for the time that I’ve lost, as well as for the ink cartridge.”

Me: “I’m sorry about the service you received;we try our best. What ink cartridge did you ask them for?”

Customer: “I told him it was an [Extremely Popular Brand].”

Me: “Did you give them a printer model number or an ink cartridge number?”

Customer: “I am a busy person and don’t have time to find that kind of information. You guys are supposed to know what I need!”

Me: “There are thousands of printers and cartridges. We can’t possibly know what you need without a printer model or ink cartridge number”

Customer: “Well, then, why did he sell me this ink cartridge? Is that how you train your employees? You have them sell things to people even when it’s not going to work”

Me: “You said the box looked the same and you were going to try it.” *click*

Related:
One Ink To Rule Them All

Cash Back Attack, Part 6

, , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(My friends and I are on a road trip and we stop to get snacks. The store is bustling, and we go through the self-checkout section, thinking it will be faster as we each just have a drink and a food item, and the lines are long at the staffed registers. These self-checkout registers state at the beginning that they do not provide cash back, and you have to hit a button that says you understand before you can go through with scanning and paying. I check out and then wait on my friend, who is taking an extra long time to ring up her couple of items. After a minute or two, I go over to see what’s taking so long.)

Friend: “It’s giving me an error! All I wanted was cash back.”

Me: “You asked for cash back? Didn’t you see the message at the beginning?”

Friend: “Oh, I saw it had a message, but I just hit okay and didn’t read it.”

Me: *facepalm*

Friend: “Oops.”

(An associate ended up having to come over to clear the message, and then they had to open the machine to pull out the cash back that had been calculated by the machine already. She didn’t seem too happy, but we apologized profusely for being THOSE customers. I’m sure her Saturday had been full of people like us already!)

Related:
Cash Back Attack, Part 5
Cash Back Attack, Part 4
Cash Back Attack, Part 3

Five Cents To Save The Whales Is Too Much For Some

, , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(Lately, a law was passed in France forbidding plastic bags in shops, to prevent pollution and people throwing plastic bags everywhere. Where I work, the CEO has decided to offer paper bags that cost 0,05 euros. You can, of course, leave without a bag or use one of your own. It is a Friday night. I am the youngest salesperson in the shop, so I have to attend the cash register. I also attend college for English studies. A man comes up to me with several items. At that moment, I don’t realise he is American and that he doesn’t speak fluent French.)

Me: “Would you like a paper bag?”

Customer: “I don’t care. Give me a plastic bag.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. We don’t have them anymore; we just have those bags that cost 0,05 euros.”

(He is joined by his son, who asks me for a bag to carry the items, still in French. I explain to him that we don’t have free bags and that he will have to pay for one. Suddenly the older man starts yelling at me, in English:)

Customer: “I want a plastic bag! I’m an American! I shouldn’t have to follow French laws!”

Me: *in English* “Sorry, but you have to follow the law of the country.”

(His son brought a bag, clearly pissed at his dad and embarrassed, and they left. A week after, I learned that they complained about me and my “lack of professionalism” on the customer experience website.)


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