How Do I Say This Without Sounding Like An A**-Hole?

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I am working at [Retailer] as an overnight stocker when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where to find mustard?”

Me: “It would be my pleasure. It’s on aisle two.”

Customer: “Which aisle is that?”

Me: “…the aisle with the big two over it.”

Parenting Takes All Six Of Your Senses

, , , , , | Related | September 20, 2017

(I am about eight years old, and my mom has allowed me to pick something out from a dollar store with money I’ve earned. I have a dollar and a few pennies in my wallet, and am excited to pick out a brand new toy. I quickly find one I like and approach the cash register.)

Cashier: “That will be one dollar, plus seven cents sales tax.”

Me: *not understanding why my toy isn’t one dollar* “Uh, seven cents?”

(The cashier nods politely as I pull out one dollar and six pennies from my wallet. Seeing that I am one penny short, I burst into tears.)

Cashier: *a bit startled* “Are you okay?”

Me: *trying to calm down* “I just need to talk to my mom for a minute.”

(I rush to my mom, flat-out sobbing. My mom isn’t even fazed as she hands me a penny from her own wallet without even asking what happened. I dry my eyes and buy my toy from the very confused cashier.)

Me: *as cheerfully as if nothing had happened* “Bye! Have a good day!”

Cashier: “Bye…”

(I learned two things that day. For one, parents are literally telepathic. And two, cashiers that have to put up with people like my younger self deserve lots of respect in return!)

Common Sense Was Cancelled Today

, , | Right | September 19, 2017

(I’m the idiotic customer here. My only excuse is that this is my first time using debit.)

Employee: “Okay, so that’s $8.59. Please insert chip or swipe card.”

Me: *swipes card upside down*

Employee: “Um, other way, miss.”

Me: “Okay.” *swipes card backwards*

Employee: “Strip facing the machine, please.”

Me: “Really sorry.” *swipes correctly*

Employee: “Okay, now choose which account, and put in your PIN. Then hit ‘confirm.’”

Me: *does steps, hits cancel transaction*

Me: “I am so sorry. I have no idea why I did that.”

Employee: *trying to contain laughter* “It’s okay, just try again.”

Me: *finishes order, leaves mortified*

A Fiery Proposal

, , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(My friend works at a bulk foods store.)

Supervisor: “Hey, [Friend], I need to have a quick talk with you.”

Friend: “Sure. What’s up?”

Supervisor: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.”

Friend: “What? I don’t understand. Why? I’m still only being trained, and I’ve been complimented on my quick performance.”

Supervisor: “It’s not about you. Despite being understaffed and needing to hire more employees, corporate just gave us a call and ordered us to fire half our staff. It’s not just you, but a lot of long-time employees are leaving, too.”

Friend: “Half the employees? That doesn’t sound right; how does a store this big operate with less than a dozen people?”

Supervisor: “I don’t know. It probably won’t. I’m so sorry for this; it wasn’t our intention to waste your time.”

(My friend took it well, despite the disappointment. From what I heard, they worked off of a skeleton crew, even during the holidays. The store is still open, shockingly. As far as I’m aware the chain, wasn’t going through financial troubles, and there was no news of mass layoffs at other stores.)

In The Mood To Be Nude

, , , , , | Working | September 19, 2017

At our store, we have mannequins on very high shelves. Often, customers want clothes from the mannequins. That’s totally fine, but we have to drag out the ladder and climb up to the shelves, and dress the mannequins afterward. It’s a long and convoluted process, so it’s not done lightly.

Also worth noting is that the male mannequins are extremely ripped, for plastic headless dudes.

One very busy Saturday, I see one of the mannequins wearing a button-down shirt and shorts. I look up later and see that the button-down shirt has been undone and opened to show off its muscular plastic chest. As I go to break a few hours later, I see the mannequin has been stripped shirtless. This is weird, but it is summer and we do sell bathing suits and the like.

When I come back from break, the mannequin is completely naked.

To this day, I have no idea if a customer ninja-climbed up three times in a row to prank us, one of the newbies genuinely forgot they had to dress the mannequins again, or if our mannequins are alive and this one was a huge pervert.

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