I used to manage a medium-sized convenience store. We open at 7 AM every day, and every Wednesday we start to get this customer who would wait outside from 6:55 AM, and then call the store number literally the second the clock turned to seven and say:

Customer: “Open the doors! You’re late!”

This would bug me no end, so one Wednesday I answered the call and said:

Me: “Oh, sorry. I was on my way to open the doors, but I’m the only one here right now, and I had to answer the phone.”

Next week:

Me: “Sorry, I was on my way to the door, but the phone keeps ringing…”

By week three, she had stopped calling and demoted herself to just standing outside the door, glaring angrily. I would open the door fifteen seconds past seven, and I would be rewarded with a huff and an eye roll.

Me: *Holding up a pack of wine coolers.* “You got your ID for the alcohol?”

Customer: “Yeah, but we’re not scanning it.”

Me: *Keying in the birth date while wondering where the “we” in this equation comes from.* “Sure, no problem.”

Customer: *To an older lady with him, as I’m calling for an override.* “I don’t let them scan my driver’s license because I keep getting their emails.”

The customer then proceeds to enter his store rewards card, which asks for an email when you sign up for it.

Sometimes I think I need hazard pay for all the tongue-biting I do around here.

Our store manager is one of the worst people I’ve ever met. A new cashier starts. She is seventeen, nervous, and three shifts into the job. She’s also just found out she’s pregnant and has horrible morning sickness.

Mid-shift, she’s in the bathroom next to the break room, loudly vomiting. The manager and I both hear it. 

She comes out pale and shaking.

Cashier: “I’m really sorry… can I please go home? I can’t keep anything down.”

The manager doesn’t even look sympathetic.

Manager: “If you’re not back here in thirty minutes with a doctor’s note, don’t bother coming back at all.”

The girl bursts into tears, runs out of the store, and, unsurprisingly, never comes back.

A few years later, after I was thankfully let go myself, I heard what finally happened to that manager:

She was escorted out of the store in handcuffs for financial fraud.

Some people get the ending they earn.

Related:
A Sickening Lack Of Empathy

I’m helping a customer who is looking for a Bluetooth outdoor speaker.

Me: “This one is best for picnics or trips to the beach, since it’s waterproof, and—”

My manager steps in and interrupts.

Manager: “—oooor, you could get this speaker instead! It’s much louder and only a little bit heavier, but that weight really packs a punch with the volume!”

Me: “[Manager], we already discarded that option as it’s not waterproof.”

Manager: *Ignoring me, talking to the customer.* “[My Name], means well, but she’s not as clued up on electronics as some of the gents. You look like a customer who wants to impress with the bass of their outdoor speaker.”

Me: “No. He’s a customer who wants something waterproof enough to survive his, how did you put it? “Army of three children, all under nine years old, who have enough water pistols each to start a war.”?”

Customer: “That’s what I said! I’ll take the one that you recommended.”

The customer takes the box I had taken out for them, and is on their way. My manager rounds back on me after the customer leaves.

Manager: “YOU NEVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A CUSTOMER!”

Me: “Don’t speak to me like that in front of a customer, and you won’t be spoken to like that in front of a customer.”

The customer turned back at the sound of my manager’s raised voice.

Customer: “I do hope that [My Name] here isn’t going to get into trouble for picking out for me exactly the speaker I needed?”

Manager: “This is an internal staffing matter, sir. I wish you a good day.”

Customer: “All the same, I will be calling your head office to praise [My Name] on their excellent customer service. I’ll be sure to mention the exact date and time… just in case it happens to match up with any disciplinary action they might have coming their way.”

The customer and my manager stare daggers at each other for a while before the manager tells me to go about my tasks and politely says goodbye to the customer.

That customer actually followed through and called the head office to sing my praises! It didn’t come to anything, of course, but it put my usually petulant and man-baby-like manager in his place for a while!

Our store sells expensive packs of moisturiser and anti-aging cream that come in little card boxes. We’ve been finding open and empty boxes of these on the shelves for the last few weeks, which is annoying our loss prevention officer no end.

After scouring the cameras, he believes he’s identified the culprit.

One morning, I see him running up to me when I’m at the checkout. He’s pointing at a customer who has just walked into the aisles.

Loss Prevention: “Her! That’s her!”

Me: “The moisturiser thief?”

Loss Prevention: “Yeah! I’m going to keep an eye on her. If she comes through the checkout, delay her!”

He also disappears into the aisles, and I go about opening my checkout and serving customers. 

About ten minutes later, Moisturiser Thief emerges from the aisles and starts walking to the exit, bypassing the checkouts.

Me: *Calling over to her.* “Did you not find what you were looking for, ma’am?”

Moisturiser Thief: *Startled for a second at being spoken to.* “Oh, uh… no. You didn’t have it.”

Me: “Maybe you could tell me what you’re looking for? If we don’t have it in the back, I could order it for you?”

Moisturiser Thief: *Shifting closer to the exit.* “No… uh, I’m okay, thanks.”

The loss prevention officer has appeared now and is standing between her and the exit.

Loss Prevention: “Ma’am, may I please look in your bag?”

Moisturiser Thief: *Whipping around to see the exit being blocked.* “What? No! That’s my bag!”

Loss Prevention: “Ma’am, either you let me look in the bag, or you remove all the moisturiser and anti-ageing creams you’ve stashed in there.”

Moisturiser Thief: “What are you talking about?! I don’t have any of those!”

Loss Prevention: “Then prove it. Show me your bag.”

Moisturiser Thief: “No! You have no right! You need a warrant!”

Loss Prevention: “No, I don’t. That’s not a thing for bag searches.”

Moisturiser Thief: “You’re just some store employee! You can’t stop me! Get out of my way!”

Loss Prevention: “I can’t, but they can.”

Two police officers have shown up (they were called by the loss prevention officer the second the moisturiser thief walked in). He waves them over. The moisturiser thief spends a split second trying to run out of the door, but now with three guys blocking her, she accepts her fate. 

One of the officers gets access to her bag and reveals dozens of anti-ageing creams in there. Some of them are half-used from usage. As the officers escort her out, the loss prevention officer gives her a parting statement:

Loss Prevention: “At least you’ll be wrinkle-free for your mug shot!”