Somehow… It Fits

, , , , , | Right | June 22, 2018

(I’m a customer, in line and waiting at the register. A woman is screaming at the cashier for so long that another lane is opened up for everyone else. As I’m putting my things on the counter, the lady stops shouting after the manager is involved, and I hear this conversation from a mom and her son behind me:)

Boy: “Can I have a candy?”

Mom: “No, you already have one.”

Boy: “What if I throw a fit?”

Mom: “When has that ever given anyone anything?”

Boy: “It gave that lady a discount!” *pointing at the lady from the other lane*

(Needless to say, she looked ashamed, and the rest of the small shop had a good laugh.)

Trying To Spin A Different Story

, , , , , | Working | June 22, 2018

(I build models, and use bearings to make some parts move. A local store has a pile of fidget spinners, discounted to ten for a dollar. I realize that I can easily break open the case, and get decent bearings at a remarkably cheap price, so I decide to buy the lot of them. When I approach the checkout, the clerk rolls his eyes.)

Clerk: “Look. I know what you’re thinking, but kids have moved on.”

Me: “What do you think I’m thinking?”

Clerk: “That you can resell those for five bucks a piece. Look. The fad is over. No kids want them anymore. We can’t even sell them below cost.”

Me: “Well, I don’t plan to resell them, so no problems.”

Clerk: “Look, I’m just saving you the trouble. I won’t let you waste your money.”

(He takes the fidget spinners from me and sets them under the counter.)

Me: “Hey! I want to buy those!”

Clerk: “Just get something else, man; kids don’t want them.”

Me: “Get me your manager.”

(The manager comes out. I tell her the clerk took the box of fidget spinners from me and that I want to buy them. She gets the box and processes my order.)

Manager: “I’m going to give you an extra 10% off on these for the trouble. But you know no one wants these anymore, right? Like… you’re going to be out a lot of money if you plan to resell them.”

Me: “For the last time, I’m not reselling them!”

(The good news: my order came to just over $30, and the bearings all work great on my models.)

A Cashless Karmic Transaction

, , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(It is December, and holiday gift shopping is in full swing. I’m minding my own business, paying with cash in a store.)

Customer: *behind me, scoffs* “Who uses cash anymore these days? Get with the times.”

(I ignore her and continue on my way to another store nearby. I’m in line to pay when the cashier announces that the electronic payment system is down. Later I learn this isn’t just the store’s problem, but stores across the entire country are having issues. They’re currently serving all customers who can pay with cash first while working on a solution for those who can’t. Coincidentally, the same customer is in the line in front of me. As I pass her to go pay, I can’t resist.)

Me: “Who pays cash these days? People who aren’t screwed right now.”

(The look on her face was absolutely worth it.)

Mother Needs To Put Her Foot In Her Mouth

, , , , , , , , | Related | June 22, 2018

We have one of those things that you step on and it tells you what type of insole you need for your shoes — high-arch, pronate… whatever. But for it to work properly, you have to stand on it with your bare feet.

We had some kids wanting to try it, but upon seeing that you had to have bare feet, their mother yelled at them, “No, don’t go on that! You’ll get foot-AIDS!”

Your Bad Joke Doesn’t Scan

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2018

(I’m a twenty-something woman who unfortunately looks much younger, and I’m infamous for my innocence regarding life in general. I have just been hired at a very well-known grocery store that sells everything under the sun. It’s really late and quiet, and I’m cashiering the only lane that sells cigarettes. The nearest cashier to me is a good seven lanes away. Suddenly I see two boys in their late teens literally push a younger teenage boy — who is holding something behind his back — into my line and run off. Immediately suspicious, I prepare myself for a problem.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Kid: “Uh, well… I just wanted to buy something.”

Me: “Well, you’ve come to the right place. Anything I can help you with?”

(The kid gets really, really nervous and suddenly plops a small box onto the conveyor belt. It’s some sort of medicine or something, unfamiliar to me, but it doesn’t prompt for a “see ID,” so I ring it up without fanfare. The kid just stares at me. It’s getting awkward, so I hurry the transaction along.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Kid: “Aren’t you embarrassed?”

Me: “Uh… Should I be?”

Kid: “Like… that I’m buying this. And only this. And we’re young, and alone, and you’re a girl.”

Me: “I… What?”

(Kind of confused and creeped out at the same time, I kind of smile and nod, then repeat the price. I can hear his friends on the other side of the register lane trying not to laugh.)

Kid: *suddenly throws up his hands and marches toward the exit doors, leaving the box with me* “DANG IT, GUYS! I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN’T BE FUNNY! I’M NEVER LISTENING TO YOU AGAIN!”

(Cue boisterous laughter from the other two guys as they ran after him. I just stood there, realizing that I was a part of a joke, but desperately confused. Joke’s on them I guess, as I had no idea what the product they were buying was! My manager popped up right then to tell me to take a break, and I was never more happy to do so.)

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