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What’s The Opposite Of Blowing Things Out Of Proportion?

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: smohk1 | December 3, 2021

In the late 1990s, the store I was working at had a bomb threat called in. The manager got off the phone and called me and the other senior shift person into the office.

Manager: “We need to evacuate the store until it can be searched by the police, bomb squad, and such.”

[Manager], my coworker, and I went to the front and announced that everyone needed to leave the store for safety reasons and meet in the parking lot. We got everyone outside, most people left in their vehicles, and the employees were congregated in a small corner of the lot.

A customer approached us.

Customer: “I know there is a fire or bomb threat or something…but can one of you go in the store and get my jacket that I left?”

After we stared at them with open mouths for a bit, we told them they would have to come back later and get it… if the store was still standing.

The Husband And Wife Do Not Make A Good Crossfit

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2021

A woman comes in with a return. At first glance, it’s no big deal, just coming in to return a shirt. She hands me the receipt to start processing and we exchange a pleasant greeting.

I take the shirt out of the bag to examine it and it is beyond disgusting. There are brown sweat stains all over it, from the pits to the stomach to the shoulder. It looks like whoever wore it rolled in mud or some nonsense.

Me: “I cannot return the product because it has clearly been used, and only unused and re-sellable items can be returned.”

Customer: “That’s a lie!”

I hold up the shirt and point to the brown pit stains.

Me: “Can’t you see these stains?”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

I am the manager and I’m not budging! After several minutes of complaining, she finally leaves.

Customer: “I’ll be complaining to corporate and getting you fired!”

Fast forward a few days. A guy walked into the store, found the first store associate he could, and immediately asked for me by name. Uh-oh, here we go again. My associate brought the guy over to where I was standing, and I politely greeted him.

The guy spent the next ten minutes apologizing for his crazy wife verbally abusing my staff and me a few days prior. Apparently, the guy went to the beach and did some type of CrossFit training class IN THE SAND. His wife knew all of this; she was at the class with him! The guy ended up not liking the shirt for some reason and his wife thought she could pull a fast one on us by making a scene.

Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 5

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2021

A mother and her grown son are shopping in the store. The son keeps trying to hit on me.

Son: “Konnichiwa! You’re so kawaii!”

I try to ignore this, but this causes the mother to blow up at me.

Customer: “Stop being so stuck up and racist! You should be glad my son is worldly enough to speak Asian to you!”

I have never met him before and I am not Japanese. I just respond:

Me: “Sorry, no English.”

They had previously heard me speaking English with my friend. I then just walked away.

Related:
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 4
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 3
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 2
Don’t You Speak Asian?

She’ll Have To Settle For Being NAR Famous

, , , | Right | December 2, 2021

I have a woman, who I believe is intoxicated, call my motorcycle store at around 10:30 am on a Sunday.

Me: “Good morning. Thanks for calling Famous [Motorcycle Store]. This is [My Name] speaking; how may I direct your call?”

Drunk Woman: *Pauses* “Why’s… why’s it famous?”

Me: “It’s the largest [Motorcycle Store] on the East Coast. We have an enormous showroom and plenty of excellent sales planners to help you find exactly what you’re looking for.”

Drunk Woman: *Pauses* “What is this again?”

Me: “Famous [Motorcycle Store]? The motorcycle dealer, ma’am. We sell motorcycles and equipment.”

Drunk Woman: “Do you… do you make… people famous?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, though I… believe that we can make you noticeable, yes.”

Drunk Woman: “Oh… well… I wanna be famous. Can you help me?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry.”

Drunk Woman: “I just wanna… be famous, okay? ‘S that so hard t’ ask?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you don’t want merchandise or a motorcycle, then perhaps you should try another business.”

Drunk Woman: “Oh… okay… g’bye.”

I hang up. I swig some orange juice and think about how my life led up to working in a motorcycle store with people demanding to be famous. Then, the phone rings.

Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling Famous [Motorcycle Store]—”

I hear her belting out the most horrible attempt at singing at full volume.

Drunk Woman: “FFFAAAAMOUSSS! I WANNA BE FAMOUSSS! THEY MAKE YOU FAMMMOUS AATT… ATT… [unintelligible].”

I was serenaded for about five seconds, torn between laughing outright and throwing in the towel entirely, as it was not even an hour into the eight-hour shift I was working. Drunks before 11:00 am can’t mean much for your day.

I finally pulled myself together and told her that, as much as I liked her singing talents, we were a business and couldn’t take these sorts of calls.

I didn’t hear from her again, but I did have a good laugh with some of the other employees about it. It could have been worse.

They’ll Let Just Any Idiot Have A Credit Card

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Bavisto | December 2, 2021

I work for an appliance company. We offer financing through a credit card from a third-party bank. We are not partners with this bank, so we don’t always run the same promotions. Occasionally, the finance company will send out flyers to existing customers to get them to come in and buy stuff on the card. This particular customer received the flyer, did not read it, and came in to find out the deal. It’s not a promo we are running, but even still, he didn’t know how to read it.

Customer: “I got a flyer from my finance card for a $75 rebate on purchase.”

Me: “It’s for purchases over $3,499.99.”

Customer: “Well, in the fine print it says, ‘Offer void on purchases over $3,499.99.’”

Me: “No, it says, ‘valid’.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I have purchased many things on my card, so I should be close to that.”

Me: “It’s a single purchase of $3,499.99 or more.”

Customer: “That just doesn’t make any sense! I only need a small freezer. Who is spending that much on appliances?”

Me: “I have a fridge in the front that retails for $3,599.99, plus people do kitchen remodels.”

Customer: “I don’t need that much. Why would you offer this?”

Me: “That rebate is through the card; we aren’t even participating in that.”

Customer: “Well, they said to come in and speak with retailers for details. They said you’d have this.”

Me: “We aren’t participating in this rebate.”

Customer: “You guys need to get on the same page.”

He left.

I am very much done with this day, week, month, year, planet…