Cards Against Humanity

, , , , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(I’m serving customers. We’re currently understaffed due to a miscommunication between managers, so I’m trying to be fast and keep the line down until the next staff member arrives. An older lady comes through my register and asks to pay by card, and I just know there’s going to be a problem.)

Customer #1: “It’s a new card; is that okay?”

Me: “Yeah, of course.”

Customer #1: *takes out a card and places it on the register* “I don’t know how to use it. You do it.”

(We’re not technically supposed to use the customer’s card on their behalf; however, it’s usually easier and more time-efficient to do so. We’ve been informed that the district manager will be visiting the store any minute now so I’m being very cautious of my behavior.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I can’t do it for you, but I’ll help you. First, insert your card at the bottom, chip side in.” *[Customer #1] inserts the card incorrectly* “No, sorry, the other way.” *she corrects the card* “Okay, now select the account, type in your PIN, and press the green enter button.”

(She does all this, but she must input the wrong PIN number as the machine asks for her PIN again. Instead, she removes the card, which automatically cancels the transaction.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, because you’ve removed the card, the payment failed. Would you like to try again?”

Customer #1: “Oh, no, I don’t how to use this card!”

(By this time, a line has built up, so I radio desperately to my coworkers to help, including one whose shift hasn’t technically started yet. [Customer #2], who turns out to be [Customer #1]’s son, approaches my register.)

Customer #2: “Here, Mum, let me help. Why don’t you just use tap-and-go?”

Customer #1: “Oh, no. It’s a new card; I don’t know how to use it.” *to me* “What if I try my other card? I know how to use that one.”

Me: “Yeah, no worries.”

Customer #1: *swaps the first card for the second card* “Now, I don’t how to use this card.”

Me: *mentally face-palming* “Oh. Did you want to pay cash, then?”

Customer #2: “Here, Mum, let me just pay for it. You can give me the money later!”

Customer #1: “Oh, no, dear. I’ll just pay cash. It’s a new card, you see. I don’t know how to use it, you see.”

(She hands me the money and leaves, telling her son she’s heading to the car.)

Customer #2: “I’m so sorry about that!” *pays very quickly and leaves*

(It ended up taking ten minutes for her to pay. Her son paid in about twenty seconds!)

Must Have Her House In That Car

, , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(I’m cashiering at a well-known department store.)

Customer: *puts her items on the counter* “Can I keep the hangers? And will you put this in a garment bag?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.” *starts ringing her up*

Customer: “I forgot my [Store] card in my car and I don’t want to walk all the way outside to go get it.”

Me: “That’s okay. I can look it up using your ID. And you get an extra discount for using it today. It brings your total to [total].”

Customer: “I left my ID in the car, too. I didn’t want to carry around my heavy purse while I shopped. Can you use my husband’s ID? It’s the same last name and address.”

(On a normal day, I would do this. However, my store just changed the way we do a card lookup for security reasons and I definitely need her ID. She makes a HUGE show of having to go to her car to get her purse, and when she gets back she is exaggerating being exhausted)

Customer: “Ugh. This thing is so heavy. And it’s so hot outside.” *digs for her store card, can’t find it, and hands me her ID*

(I go to perform the lookup but it directs me to call our authorization department. I call and go through various steps with the woman on the other end to find the customer’s card, who tells me it’s been closed due to inactivity.)

Me: “When was the last time you used your card?”

Customer: “Maybe six months ago.”

Me: “Well, they told me that it was closed due to inactivity, but you can—“

Customer: *flips me off* “You can tell that to the b**** on the phone that I’m never opening another card here.” *leaves without taking her items or paying*

Me: *ringing up the next customer*

Customer: *comes back in the store* “Can I just pay with a Visa?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that.” *pays for her things* “I can’t believe this. I’ve been in here using my card! How can it be closed?! What’s the time limit for inactivity?”

Me: “Usually a year, but they’ve changed a lot of things this year.”

Customer: “I’m going to call them tomorrow. So, can I reopen my card here?”

Me: *internal scream* “Yes, ma’am. Here at the register, online, or over the phone.” *gives her the corporate number* “Have a good night!”

Customer: “You too, sweetie. Sorry I yelled at you. It’s not your fault.”

Me: *to coworker* “At least she apologized.”

(She walked out to meet her husband. However, she spent the next 45 minutes bothering various workers in the store because she couldn’t find her phone. We called it and took her information down only for her to find it in her car.)

It’s Raining Cats And Dogs, But They’re Being Looked After

, , , , | Hopeless | March 25, 2019

Right now, the state of Nebraska and many other parts of the Midwest are being hammered by flooding. The town I live in is mid-sized — about 20,000 people — and currently inaccessible except for by air. We have been lucky that the airport was not flooded and at least a dozen pilots from both the city and surrounding cities like Lincoln and Omaha are donating their time and fuel to fly people both into and out of Fremont to reunite families and bring in supplies. Regular access is still several days away due to bridges not just being flooded but gone altogether in several areas, so this is very much appreciated.

I ran into a woman at a store whose mother wanted to spend $1000 to help, but didn’t know what to buy. She told her mother that people were donating things for the people but the displaced dogs and cats would need supplies. She was buying dog and cat food and tons of different toys to help relieve the stress of these animals.

Thank you for all the help and support that everyone is showing the area.

Game, Set, And Price Match!

, , , , , | Working | March 25, 2019

(Where I work, employees get a 15% discount when we enter our employee IDs. We also just started price matching local competitors’ ads and certain online retailers. We cannot, however, price match and use our discount in the same transaction. I am in the store on my day off when I see a product on our shelf for $20. I look it up online and see that one of the retailers we match with is having a sale where the same item is only $7. I pick up two of these items and go to the register.)

Cashier: “[My Name], are you working today?”

Me: “No, it’s my day off. I’m just getting these two things, but I’m price matching them.”

Cashier: “You can’t do that.”

Me: “Oh, no, it’s okay. I just can’t use my discount, which is fine because I’m saving way more this way.”

Cashier: “No. You can’t.”

Me: “Yes. I can.”

Cashier: “Look. I’m not going to argue with you about this. You can’t price match. The end.”

Me: “Get [Manager].”

Cashier: “No. Just because customers complain and get what they want doesn’t mean you can.”

Me: “Get [Manager] now or I’ll find her myself.”

Cashier: “Fine.” *voids transaction* “Bye.”

(I walk off, fuming, and find the manager. I explain what happened and she follows me back to the register. When the cashier sees us approaching, she rolls her eyes.)

Cashier: “[My Name] is trying to double dip!”

Manager: “She’s not trying to double dip. She’s price matching without her discount.”

Cashier: “But that’s not allowed!”

Manager: “Yes, it is. How… You know what? I’ll do it myself.”

Cashier: “You can’t price match for associates!”

Me: “You can’t price match and use your associate discount. One or the other is fine.”

Cashier: “No!”

Manager: “[Cashier], go to the office.”

Cashier: “THIS IS BULLS***!” *storms off*

Manager: *calls for another cashier over the radio* “I’m sorry, [My Name]. I don’t know how many times we’ve told her it’s fine.”

Me: “It’s not your fault. I’ve told her several times myself.”

Manager: “I’d like to say she’s trying to save the store from losing too much money, but I think she’s just…” *shrugs*

Me: *to myself* “Stupid.”

Manager: *laughs* “Your words, not mine. And don’t say that on the clock.”

(I did get to price match my purchase and the manager talked to the cashier. I don’t know if she actually understood or not but after all that, the price matching policy was printed and posted at every register.)

The Only Drugs Needed Here Are For Anger Management

, , , | Right | March 25, 2019


(I am picking up groceries for my roommate and myself at a well-known Texas-based grocery store after working at a “Mexican” fast food place, still wearing my work shirt. I will admit that I might have been slightly tired and likely showing it via a somewhat zombie-like stance and the fact that some allergy medication I took prior to working was wearing off didn’t help much. While going through the aisles, I notice some coupons that the store has for some bread, which we need. However, as I’m looking at the coupons, a woman shoves me out of the way while on their phone.)

Woman: “Outta the f****** way, you d*** druggie! Oh, some pothead is just staring off into f****** la-la-land in front of the god-d*** bread!”

(Getting pushed back away from the shelves and yelled at, naturally, made me snap back a bit.)

Me: “Excuse me, I didn’t kno—“

Woman: “Oh, shut the f*** up and go back home and get an—“

Me: “—First of all, I don’t do any illegal drugs! Second of all, I was looking at the coupon. Third, I just got done with a ten-hour shift. Fourth, I am sorry I was in the way, but pushing me was NOT needed!”

(She huffs and rolls her eyes at me before darting off. I shake my head and sigh before getting the coupon which was “buy lunch meat and get bread free.” After picking up a few more items, I swing past the lunch meat section and am checking the details as to what lunch meat is allowed (you know: brand, size, flavors, etc.). Suddenly, I hear a scoff while reading the coupon followed by:)

Woman: “I thought I f****** told you to g—“

(At this point, I try to calm myself down with a bit of a deep breath; this seems to really get the woman pissed off.)

Woman: “DON’T YOU F****** GET HUFFY WITH ME YOU A**-HOLE! I’M GOING TO GET THE MANAGER TO THROW YOU OUT AND BAN YOU FROM HERE!”

Me: “Excuse me, but you are the one who is causing issues right now. I am trying to shop and us—“

Woman: “YEAH! ‘TRYING TO SHOP!’ YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO CLEAN YOUR MONEY UP, THAT’S ALL!”

(Feeling myself getting more frustrated with the woman, I quickly snag one of the lunch meats that had the right brand on it and get away. Once I got most of the items on my list, I suddenly remembered one of the items: some allergy medicine. Once there, I see more coupons and try to see if any of the couponed medications will work for my roommate and/or me. Just then…)

Woman: *to an employee* “SEE! THERE HE F****** IS! I BET HE’S TRYING TO STEAL SOME OF THAT MEDICINE TO MAKE CRACK OUT OF IT!”

(At this point, I’ve had enough of it and decide to approach her and the employee with my basket full of bread, lunch meats, art supplies, soups, trash bags, frozen goods, and the like with the medicine in my hand. As the woman goes on and rants about the store letting druggies into it, me supposedly stuffing my pockets, and the like. The employee looks at me and shakes his head, clearly realizing the woman couldn’t be further from the truth.)

Employee: “What exactly makes you think he’s under the influence of anything?!”

Woman: “Well, LOOK at him! He’s clearly in some sort of daze or another.”

Me: “That’s because, as I told you, I just worked ten hours before coming here. Furthermore, my medi—“

Woman: “AH-HA! There you go! He’s admitting it! He’s taking illegal medication!”

Me: “MY ALLERGY MEDICATION—“ *I hold the box up* “—IS ALMOST WEARING OFF!”

Woman: “THEN WHAT THE F*** WERE YOU DOING JUST STANDING AT RANDOM F****** SPOTS!”

(Before I could answer, I begin to sneeze violently while holding my stack of five to six coupons.)

Employee: “Because he is a smart shopper and actually READS the coupons, unlike you.”

Woman: “Well. how the f*** was I supposed to know that package was too big!”

Employee: “We have it listed on the coupon in the same size print. Now, please leave, and don’t come back!”

Woman: “Well then, I’ll just post on your website that you kick out good customers!”

(As she stormed away, I groaned a bit before the employee released a little bit of a groaning sigh, as if this wasn’t the first time she’d done this. After a bit of talking and making sure I was okay he got me to a register.)

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