Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle, Part 2

, , , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

(I’m working as a commissioned salesman at a large music gear retailer. A gentleman comes in soon after we open on a Monday morning and says that he needs a complete music set-up for a newly opened local church: PA, drums, guitar, bass, and keyboard gear. I agree to help, as it has been a slow month and I can use the sale. The guy proceeds to nickel and dime me for every possible discount he can for just under two hours, mentioning that it’s “for a church” at least a dozen times, grinding so hard that in the end, a $12,000 deal is making barely $150 profit.)

Me: “Okay, with the stands and cables it comes to [total].”

Customer: *scratches his chin for a second, looking at the total on the screen* “That still seems a bit high. I really think God would like a better deal.”

Me: *exasperated and ready to just get the guy out of the store* “I’m pretty sure God would also like for me to be able to feed my family this month, too, man.”

Customer: *somewhat sheepish* “Oh, well, yeah, I suppose he would.”

(He paid the quoted price.)

Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle

Will Take A Raincheck On That Raincheck

, , , , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

(Rainchecks are given at my store when a sale item is out of stock, so the customer can come in when it’s in stock and still get the sale price.)

Customer: “Do you accept people’s coupons?”

Me: “Of course!”

Customer: “Oh, I have a raincheck for this.” *indicates item*

Me: “Sure thing. Can I see the raincheck?” *receives it* “Uh, this looks different from the ones I’ve used, I better check with my coworker.”

Customer: “It’s from [Competitor].”

Me: “We cant accept rainchecks from [Competitor].”

Customer: “Why?! You said you accept people’s coupons!”

It’s Time To Kow-Towed To The Law

, , , | | General | May 26, 2018

(Recently my friends and I decided to start our own business. We rent a place with parking space included, on private property, and generally use it for loading and unloading packages from deliveries, as the back of the building is usually blocked with trash cans and pallets from other companies. This isn’t a problem for most of our customers as there is a big, free parking place just around the corner, and few of those who aren’t exactly “happy” are at least willing to move or really stay there for a short time. However, this one lady gets into a habit of parking on our space and blocking it for several hours.)

Me: *seeing the lady again parking there* “Hi! I see you are parking here again. Could you move your car, please? We are expecting a delivery very soon and we need this place empty.”

Lady: “Not my problem. I always park here and I won’t change that.”

Me: *getting fed up after several attempts before* “You know this is private property and you are blocking it without permission? There is even a sign.”

Lady: *snottily* “So? Still not my problem! Stop harassing me or I will call cops!”

(After that, she just leaves me there, fuming. Because I am done with being polite and patient with her I do what I should’ve done earlier — call the towing company. Several hours later she comes back with a police officer.)


Police Officer: “Is it true you stole her car?”

Me: “Not at all. I just had it towed as it was blocking our parking space on private property.” *showing him all the papers*

Police Officer: *confused* “Towed? Private property?” *to the lady* “You told me he stole your car from a public space.”


Police Officer: “I see.” *to me* “Sorry we disturbed you. I will take care of the rest.”

(After that they both went outside and I returned to my work. After a couple of seconds of them talking I heard a banshee scream and looked outside. She was being handcuffed by a second police officer. I went out and asked them why they did that. It appeared the lady had several dozens of parking and speeding tickets and there was warrant on her. Not surprised at all by that; at least karma got her this time.)

Sawing Through Excuses

, , , , , | | Working | May 25, 2018

(At our store, we’ve had a string of returns for “defective” lawn equipment, with many customers reporting that the product they purchased “stopped working.” The reality is, most of these returns are the result of a very common user error, and my manager is very fed up.)

Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this chainsaw. It stopped working.”

Me: *taking one quick look* “Okay, sir, I’ll call my manager over to authorize the return.” *paging* “[Manager] to cash, please.”

(I see my manager walking over to my register. As soon as he sees what is sitting on my counter, I can see his blood vessels starting to swell up.)

Manager: “Okay, and what seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “This chainsaw no longer works.”

Manager: “Well, let me guess: You forgot to mix the gasoline with oil, didn’t you?!”

(This is the very common user error I was talking about. However, I know for a fact that this isn’t the case for this particular return.)

Me: “[Manager], calm down. This is an electric chainsaw.”

Manager: *much more cheerful* “Oh, um, then I guess it’s legit. Okay, let’s process this return!”

No Longer A Family-Friendly Store

, , , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(It’s 9:00 pm, which is our closing time. Our store has two entrances: one main one in the front, and one on the side that leads easily back to the main pathway of the mall. When we close, we close the front entrance so customers can finish up and exit on our side entrance. I just finished ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Have a good night, ma’am. Just to let you know, our front entrance is closed, but you can exit through our side doors.”

(The customer gives me a terrified look as if I just told her I have taken her family hostage.)

Customer: *puts her hand on her heart* “You mean I can’t go out and be with my family?!” *shakes her head looking very worried* “Oh, that’s not good… That’s not good at all.”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. That entrance leads right back to the mall; just go left and you will see where you first came in.”

Customer: *cheery* “Oh! Okay!”

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