Couldn’t Dial Up The Right Song

, , , | Working | January 16, 2019

(A former coworker of mine was quite the office flirt. One day, the two of us and a new girl are sitting together at lunch and I decide to be a bit of a smart aleck.)

Coworker: *to new girl* “Hey, do you like dubstep?”

Me: “I don’t know why you like that stuff. If I wanted to listen to a dial-up modem, I’d go back to the 90s.”

Coworker: “You know what, [My Name]?! Dubstep does not sound like a dial-up modem!” *to the new girl* “Let me show you.”

(He opens up a music app on his phone and selects a dubstep station. In a beautiful coincidence, it randomly selects a song that starts with the actual sound of a dial-up modem. The new girl and I can’t contain our laughter while our coworker turns red.)

Coworker: “G**D*** IT!”

No Point Crying Over Cold Milk

, , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I’m a cashier at a superstore, and it kills me when people hand me cold or frozen items they don’t want. I cannot leave, nor can I call anyone, so that food is definitely going to spoil. Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to ask the customers to return the items, either. This is why it always brings a smile when people run the items back themselves. It may hold up the line for a little, but that is worth not wasting food. The following happens to be a very unusual instance of customer consideration:)

Customer: “Oh! Just hang on a sec while I grab a soda!”

Me: “Sure!” *the powered cooler is a few feet away*

Customer: *starts laughing*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “It looks like someone didn’t want their milk.”

Me: *leaves the register for a moment to look* “Oh, my!”

(A container of milk was sitting amongst the sodas. After a bit of a laugh, the customer and I returned to my station and I finished checking them out. Thanks for preserving the milk, random customer!)

National Shame

, , , , , | Legal | January 15, 2019

(A drunk man has entered our store and asked a few customers for money.)

Manager: “You can’t do that here; you need to leave.”

Man: “But I lost my wallet and I just need some bus fare. Can you give me some?”

(He walks over to stand in front of the manager where there are shelves and our registers between him and her. He’s so drunk he leans against the shelves.)

Manager: “No, I want you to leave now.”

Man: *on his way out* “Some b****** stole my wallet and I just need a little money to get home.”

(He approaches a few passersby outside the store.)

Manager: “That’s it. I’m calling the police”

(She rings the police and as I’m serving I hear her say that the man threatened staff and customers, and she hangs up the phone.)

Manager: “That will get them here quicker”

(By the time the police arrive, the guy has moved on. I leave the manager to talk to them while I keep serving, but can hear the conversation.)

Policeman: “Can you tell us what happened?”

Manager: “A drunk man came in and wanted money.”

Policeman: “He tried to rob you?”

Manager: “No, he asked customers for money for bus fare, and he asked me, too, because he lost his wallet.”

Policeman: “You specifically said he threatened people. What did he do?”

Manager: “He asked customers for money.”

Policeman: “But did he actually threaten anyone?”

Manager: “Uh, no.”

Policeman: “Well, why did you say he did? You know, you could be in trouble for making false accusations.”

Manager: “Oh… I’m [Nationality] and couldn’t think of the right words in English at the time because I was upset; I meant to say I felt threatened.”

(It was not the first time I’d heard her lying to save her own skin, but this time she realised that she could have been in big trouble, and on the occasions that I’ve heard her calling the police, she’s never tried that one again. She had come to Australia as a small child and had spoken English with an Australian accent for over thirty years.)

Working Up The Career Ladder Means Forcing Others Up And Down One

, , , , , | Working | January 15, 2019

(I work in a large retail chain. In the back room, we have large racks of steel varying from about ten to twelve feet tall. As such, the top shelves are reserved for bulk items shrink-wrapped on pallets; we don’t need what’s on the pallets as often, and when we do, we can get it down with a machine.)

Assistant Manager: “Hey, uh…. [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “Yeah?”

Assistant Manager: “I’m so sorry… but [Store Manager] has a new rule about merchandise on the top shelves back here.”

Coworker: “What is it?”

Assistant Manager: “I’m so sorry. I’ve been fighting him on this for weeks, but he’s absolutely put his foot down. We don’t have a choice.”

Coworker: “You’re kind of scaring me here; just tell me.”

Assistant Manager: *long sigh* “All the pallets have to be taken down, and either put on the shelves on the sales floor or have displays made out of them… And then the top shelf has to have loose merchandise, same as the other shelves.”

(My coworker is stunned by the sheer idiocy of this.)

Coworker: “[Assistant Manager], no way! I’ll have to spend almost my whole shift going up and down a ladder putting things up there, if my legs don’t give out before I’m done! Also, do you have any idea how much that’s going to slow us down for every shift after? What if the system says I need an item that’s at the bottom of a pile on the top shelf? I’ll either have to take someone else’s time up handing items back and forth to them, or I’ll have to go up and down the ladder for one item each time until I can get to the one I actually need, and then go up and down the ladder again just to put back what I had to take down! I can’t tell if [Store Manager] is really this dumb or just actively sabotaging us at this point!”

Assistant Manager: “I know, I know! There’s nothing I can do; he won’t take no for an answer anymore. It needs to be done tonight. We have to deal with it!”

(At the end of the night, I check in with my coworker, where she tells me about the decision made and the conversation she had with the assistant manager.)

Me: “Oh, my gosh, that’s awful! I mean, I can’t say I expect much else from [Store Manager], but still. Are you okay?”

Coworker: “Well, I’m angry, my legs feel like jelly, and I’m not at all looking forward to next shift, but I’m just glad at least tonight’s over.”

(The morning shift workers start coming in and my coworker begins informing them about the absurd decision. The assistant manager pops around the corner.)

Assistant Manager: “[Coworker]! DEAL! WITH IT!” *walks off*

Doesn’t Get The Closed Concept

, , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I work at an IT company that’s situated right above a very popular store in my area. There are thousands of customers daily, but the store is closed for two days for renovations. There are workers outside with power tools, and because the store has a glass front, you can see people inside picking up the floor and working in general. There are also large flags outside saying when the store will reopen. You can access the store through our door, but you need an access card to go in. A potential customer of the store walks up the stairs to our door while I’m outside on my break. He tries the door but it won’t open.)

Customer: “How do I get in the store?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the store is closed for the next couple of days.”

Customer: “Okay, but how do I get in?”

(I’m visibly confused.)

Me: “You can’t. They closed the store since they’re renovating. It wouldn’t even be safe, or sanitary, since they’re picking up the floor.”

(I point to the stack of tiles in front of the store.)

Customer: “Do you have an emergency exit or a fire escape at the back?”

Me: “Yes, of course. But you need an access card to open it.”

Customer: “Can I get to it?”

Me: “Technically, yes, but you have to be an employee or visitor to enter, and that door is only used for emergencies.”

Customer: “Well, then, how am I supposed to get in the store?”

Me: “You can’t.”

(He got visibly angry and stormed down the stairs. As I got up to go back to work, I saw him talking to one of the workers in front of the store. I wonder what they were talking about.)

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