Mother Russia

, , , , , | Related | December 17, 2018

(I have been on holiday with my parents in Russia. We are now catching our flight home so obviously, we have to pass through border control. Although I am in my late twenties, I am baby-faced and quite short, and I dress very casually. A number of people we’ve met have assumed I am around 14 to 16, something we’ve found quite amusing. Until…)

Border control: “Passport.”

(I go first and hand over my passport. The officer looks at me, at my passport, and back at me. He frowns. He looks at my other documents and back at me, and then frowns again. He then reaches for a magnifying glass and begins to inspect my documents page by page, occasionally pausing to stare at me. My father goes through in about thirty seconds. My mother goes through after a minute or so, as she has to answer a few questions. I wait. And wait. And wait. After about five minutes, I see my parents poking their heads around to see if they’ve lost me. Another minute or two later, and I’m finally allowed through.)

Mum: “We thought we’d never see you again!”

Dad: “Come on, delinquent.”

Me: “Was it just me or did he keep me there for a really long time? I got really nervous; I thought he was never going to let me through.”

Dad: “Did he ask you any questions?”

Me: “No. I thought maybe he might ask me to take my glasses off, but…”

Mum: “You realise he thought your documents were fake, right? I could tell when I was stood next to you. He couldn’t put the teenage girl in front of him together with the 27-year-old woman your documents suggested you were.”

Me: “I have no idea. But at one point, someone else came into the booth and I thought, oh, God, I’m about to be arrested at Russian border control. But the other guy just wanted to unlock something.”

Mum: “You thought you were going to be arrested? He saw you with us. I was waiting for them to arrest us for child trafficking and was debating making a run for it.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Unfiltered Story #131061

, , | Unfiltered | December 4, 2018

A customer of mine told me today: “You’re so sweet and polite, it feels so nice torturing you”

That explains pretty much everything about customer service.

In Soviet Russia, Mother Translates You!

, , , , | Related | October 7, 2018

(I am on holiday with my parents. To enter many tourist places in Moscow, you have to go through metal detectors and a bag check. My first language is English but I can understand some Russian. However, I struggle if it’s spoken quickly. My mother, who is fluent, has gone through the detector. The guard says something quickly to me, which I don’t catch. I look at my mum for help, so she comes over.)

Mum: “Put your bag on the table and walk through.”

(The guard looks confused as I place the bag on the table and walk through the detector. The guard says something else, and I glance at my mum again.)

Mum: “Take the bag.”

(I do so. The guard frowns but says something else.)

Mum: “Open it.”

(I open the bag. The guard, still looking really confused, checks it and nods to indicate I can go. It is at this moment that I realise why the guard is so confused.)

Me: *in English* “Mum, thanks for translating all of his instructions into Russian for me.”

Mum: “Wait, did I really?”

(The guard apparently understood some English because at this point, he looked at us and laughed before returning to checking the next person.)

A Lot Of Passengers Come In Already Spoilt

, , , | Right | September 10, 2018

Passenger: *putting his bags into the X-ray machine* “Oh, I have pies in these…”

Me: “Is something wrong, sir?”

Passenger: “It’s just, won’t they get spoilt?”

Colleague: *sitting at the X-ray monitor* “Well, you don’t get spoilt when you receive an X-ray, do you?”

Unfiltered Story #119375

, , | Unfiltered | September 4, 2018

(I work at the TSA checkpoint, usually standing in front of the metal detector/scanner and helping the passengers on what to do, which includes giving instructions to take all the metal objects out of their pockets. A passenger lady is in front of the detector, and I’m listing the objects to put out:)

Me: “…including coins, keys, trinkets, lighters and cigarettes.”

Lady: “I don’t smoke, I am a decent woman!”

(After the lady is over with her check and off to the waiting zone. A female colleague, who is a smoker, pipes in:)

Female Colleague: “Apparently, that makes half of us whores here.”

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