(My girlfriend says she has a present for me. She comes into school and grabs my arm, putting a friendship bracelet on it.)
Girlfriend: “There you go!”
Me: “Umm, thanks?”
Girlfriend: “You know what it is?”
Me: “A friendship bracelet.”
Girlfriend: “And do you know what the colours mean?”
Me: “Umm, the colours look like they’re from the trans pride flag…”
Girlfriend: “YES!” *getting excited and staring at me eagerly*
Me: “Okay?”
Girlfriend: “Do you have something to tell me?”
Me: “I’m not trans.”
Girlfriend: “Nonsense! Now hurry up and come out! I want a girlfriend.”
Me: “You don’t just make someone trans by sticking a bracelet on their wrist. If you want a girlfriend go ahead and get one.”
(I broke up with her then and there. She took the bracelet back and has been trying to out every boy in my year. I honestly don’t know if she’s even attracted to women, or why she thinks this acceptable behaviour.)
(This is in a religion class. The teacher has issued a sheet, face up, about the request of James and John. Unless I am told otherwise, I tend to read the handouts straight away in order to take some notes to look up later. Worth noting that the teacher is a priest and while we know his surname, we address him as Father and then his forename.)
Father: “So what does Jesus mean by ‘drink the cup as I must drink and be baptised as I must be baptised’?”
(I am the only person that puts up their hand.)
Teacher: “[My Name].”
Me: “At the time, baptism is by immersion, he means that he will be immersed in, and be forced to take in, suffering.”
Teacher: “Exactly right.”
Classmate #1: “How did you know that?”
Me: “It’s right in front of us.”
Classmate #2: “That’s cheating!”
Me: “If Father [Teacher] wanted us to not read before asking he would’ve handed it to us face down.”
Father: “Indeed. Taking the time to understand the criteria shows initiative, especially since you don’t know which stories will be in your exams.”
(There were some angry classmates for the rest of the lesson.)
We had all taken our seats in our classroom, our teacher always comes in several minutes later so someone decided to start an eraser throwing war. The eraser landed on my desk so I picked it up and threw it across the room, not aiming at anyone but it hit one boy in the side of his nose. I’m usually one of the more quiet, stay out of trouble students.
Boy “who threw that?”
Me “Uh I did”
Boy *to the class “DON’T ANYONE THROW IT TO (MY NAME) SHE’S GOT A BLOODY GOOD AIM”
(I was talking with my sister and some friends one day and somehow the conversation turned to the countries of North and South Korea. My sister was trying to think of the Demilitarized Zone, but couldn’t quite get it.)
Sister: “So, if you were to cross over the Neutral Zone…”
Me: “Wouldn’t that put you into Romulan space?”
(I am at school working on a project while the class works on theirs. All week the Internet has been on and off in the school. The girl in front of me suddenly jumps up.)
Girl: “The Internet just turned off! How can i save my project?!”
Me: “Use a flashdrive.”
Girl: “A what?”
(I spend the next minute explaining what a flashdrive is, believing she may call it something else, even showing her one.)
Girl: “I’ve never seen one of those before.”
Me: “WHAT?! You’re a junior and you’ve never heard of a flashdrive?”
Girl: “No.”
(After showing her how it works, I put her files on it and explain how to put them on her home computer.)
Girl: “So, the project will just be on my computer when I plug this is?”
Me: “Yes.”
Girl: “It’s like magic!”
