Wish This Teacher Was Like An ‘E’ At The End

, , , | Learning | December 14, 2017

(I’m in eighth grade, teaching a kindergartner to read. Usually, when she gets to a word she doesn’t know, it goes like this:)

Me: “Sound it out. What’s the first syllable?”

Student: “P… pee… rate?”

Me: “So this ‘I’ is a little tricky. It makes the ‘eye’ sound. The ‘A’ in this case makes the ‘uh’ sound, and the ‘E’ is at the end, which means it’s…”

Student: “Silent!”

Me: “That’s right! Can you try again?”

Student: “P…pie…rut? Oh! Pirate!”

(Today, however, I am being supervised. When the student gets to a word she doesn’t know, it goes like this:)

Student: “A…arrh…”

Supervisor: *sharply* “Arrow!”

Student: “Oh… sorry…”

(At various points I try to intervene, but it goes like this:)

Student: “Cap… cap…”

Me: “You’ve got the first syllable right! What do you think the next syllable sounds like?”

Supervisor: “Just tell her already! There’s no point in her trying to figure it out for herself!”

(I hate this teacher.)

Death-Defying Expectations

, | Healthy | December 12, 2017

(An EMT has come to our school to train us on how to use the new defibrillator. He’s not impressed with our skills.)

Me: “So after it’s done shocking, do we take the pads off their chest?”

EMT: “No, just let the coroner do that.” *pause* “I mean the doctor.”

Nurses Are Hard-Working Before They Are Nurses

, , , | Learning | December 12, 2017

(I work at a training school for LPNs – the level of nurse below Registered Nurses. One day one of my students is feeling ill, and throws up in the bathroom. After she is finished, she goes to the secretary to explain why she is leaving school early.)

Student: “Hey, I just vomited so I’m going home for the rest of the day.”

Secretary: “I’m sorry to hear that! You go home and feel better. I’ll tell our custodian to take care of the mess.”

Student: “Oh, I already cleaned it up; just tell him he needs to sanitize the handicapped stall really well. I would have done that, too, but didn’t have the supplies for it.”

(The secretary told me later that when she told our custodian what the student had said, he replied, “This is why I love working at a nursing school – easiest job ever!”)


, , , , | Learning | December 11, 2017

(The academy I work in has a sponsor who also owns an obscure chain of carpet shops. One day, he decides to write an autobiography and sends 20 copies to the staff room.)

Coworker: “The note says two of them are for the library. Do the ten-year-olds really want to read them that badly?”

Me: “What are the rest for?”

Coworker: “They’re for staff members to buy.”

Me: “Wait, so, they’re not even a gift?”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: “What are we going to say when we send 18 of them back?”

When The Schools Are Expected To Parent

, , , , | Learning | December 4, 2017

(I work in the reception of a school. We are just about to leave when the phone rings. Instead of letting it ring out, I decide to answer it. Note: At the beginning of the call, there is an automated message saying all calls are recorded.)

Me: “[School], how may I help you?”

Mother: “My daughter has told me she was in a fight with another boy at school, and that no one there did anything to stop it.”

Me: “I see. If you could give me the name of your daughter, and the time it occurred?”

Mother: “[Daughter], and literally just now!”

Me: “Now?” *looking at the clock which says 17:15* “And this happened at school?”

Mother: “No, right outside my house. I watched it from the window.”

Me: “Well, I’m not quite sure what you want me to do.”

Mother: “I want you to punish the boy!”

Me: “With all due respect, Miss [Mother], your daughter had this altercation outside of school hours, and outside school property. We have no control over the children at this time, and have no authority to reprimand them.”

Mother: “That’s ridiculous! I’m writing a letter to the school board!” *hangs up*

(Several weeks later, we heard about the letter, and it differed greatly from her account on the phone. The recording was sent to the board, and yesterday I was asked to remove her daughter from the roster. I don’t know if she was excluded or her mother decided to pull her out of school, but I hope she has a better time wherever she ends up.)

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