Learn Patience You Must, Or Get Shot You Might

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2021

I am waiting in line to go into the Hungarian Parliament tour. For these tours, you get a ticket with a time frame to come back for and you then wait in a line to be brought through security. It takes a while because it is still an active government building.

The guy behind me speaks up.

Guy: “Man, this is taking so long.”

He goes on like this for a bit, and I turn around to see his wife basically ignoring him whining. 

Guy: “I’m just going to go.”

The man then walked quickly to the front of the line and jumped over the turnstile. Four Hungarian soldiers — who honestly were probably bored to death and never get to do anything — immediately started pointing weapons and yelling in Hungarian and English. Suddenly Mr. Bigshot looked terrified and started apologizing. His wife walked over, looking irritated as h***, but unfortunately, the rest of my group was called and I didn’t get to see the rest play out.

1 Thumbs

Bear With Us This Weekend

, , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work in a small visitor center in a busy metropolitan area. This Saturday, the employees are being overly cheerful to try and keep up our energy for the busy day. One guy comes in with a baby dressed in a bear-shaped outfit.

Coworker: *With a smile* “I’m sorry, but we don’t allow bears inside the exhibit.”

The man starts to walk out the door.

Coworker: “No! Come back! It was a joke!”

We all have our hands over our mouths, trying not to laugh. The man walks away and our coworker cry-laughs to us:

Coworker: “Most parents like that joke!”

1 Thumbs

One Big Unhappy Family

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work in a tourist attraction. The ticket price is the same for everyone aged four to fifty-nine with the option of a “saver ticket” that gives a discount on any combination of four people.

Customer: “I’d like a family ticket, please.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like the saver ticket for four people?”

Customer: “No, it’s just me and my two kids.”

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s actually cheaper for you to buy tickets individually. The price is [total].”

This is over £10 less than the price of a saver ticket. The customer is suddenly angry for some reason.

Customer: “Are you saying I can’t have a family ticket because there are only three of us?! That’s discrimination against single-parent families!”

Me: “No, not at all. We don’t actually have a family ticket as such — a saver ticket is for any combination of four people — but it’s cheaper for you to buy three tickets than it is to get that.”

Customer: “No! I will not be discriminated against! I want the family ticket!”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure… So that’s a saver ticket at [higher price].”

Customer: “Thank you! Now was that really so hard?”

He walks off, grumbling about discrimination. The next customer in line comes up.

Customer #2: “Did that dude really just pay for four people when there were only three just to prove a point?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so.”

Customer #2: “Well, we have a family of five, so can one of us go in as the extra person he paid for, and then I get one saver ticket for the other four?”

Me: “Sure, why not?!”

I don’t know what your problem was, angry dude. I know there are families of all shapes and sizes, but your unwillingness to listen to me trying to save you money made someone else’s day instead!

1 Thumbs

The Longitude Is Zero And So Is Their Understanding

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work at a popular London tourist attraction, on one of the entrances. I get approached by a visitor who is struggling to find the main part of our attraction: the Prime Meridian Line.

Visitor: “Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where is the Meridian Line?”

I point to where it is.

Me: “You see where the different paving stones and metal tiles on the ground are? Where everyone is taking photos? That’s the Meridian Line.”

The visitor wanders over to a point closer to the line so he can see it better. I continue to deal with other visitor enquiries until he wanders back over, looking puzzled.

Me: “Hello again, sir, how can I help?”

Visitor: “I still can’t see the line. Could you come up and show me?”

I walk over to the better viewing point with him and begin explaining again.

Me: “You see the tree over there? It’s the metal line underneath the tree.”

Visitor: “Ah, so the Meridian Line is the tree?”

Me: “…”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 15
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11

1 Thumbs

Nowhere More Romantic Than The Observatory

, , , | Right | January 15, 2021

I work at a public observatory. We have a contact form on our website to help people request observatory visits.

Guest: “Some of your contact form questions are pretty personal.”

Me: “Which questions are you referring to? The phone number is only required for making reservations.”

Guest: “The one about dates? Why do we even have to bring a date?”

Me: “That is dates, as in calendar dates.”

No response.

1 Thumbs