The Ditzy Visit The Dizzy

, , , , | Right | November 25, 2019

(I volunteer at the home of 19th-century prime minister Benjamin Disraeli. These are just some of the encounters I’ve had.)

Visitor #1: *VERY loudly in a crowded room, shortly after leaving a talk about him* “So, who’s Benjamin Dizzy?”

Visitor #2: *enters the room I am alone in* This room has bad energy. Very bad energy. Very bad.”

Visitor #3: “So, can we touch this?”

Me: *looks at the sign next to it* “No, unfortunately not.”

Visitor #3: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s very old and could be damaged, and an alarm will go off.”

Visitor #3: “Oh… okay.” *touches it anyway, causing an alarm to go off* “Oh, I didn’t know that would happen.”

Visitor #4: “So… is this place haunted?”

Me: “I’m unsure; it depends on who you believe!”

Visitor #4: “Come on, you can tell me. It’s haunted, isn’t it? Is there a ghost in this room?”

Me: “I hope not. I’m alone in here a lot!”

Visitor #4: “DON’T TOUCH HER! There you go; you’ll be safe.”

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There Is No Escape From Her Stupidity

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2019

I used to work for an escape room, which is a room where there are puzzles that lead to clues that people must solve to escape it. I’m having a lot of fun. Then, I get this woman. She is lazy and doesn’t want to try to figure out the clues, and insists that I do it for her. We are allowed to only give hints, and I do, but she is so thick that anything but saying the answer confuses her.

Finally, frustrated, she screams, “Well, I guess I’m just too dumb for this! How dare you make me feel dumb?!” and throws a fit. She leaves a horrible review and my boss, who is the one who designed the puzzles, blames and fires me.

And that’s the story of me getting fired because a woman was too dumb and lazy. And the boss was an idiot but in a different way. The moral of the story is: if you’re too poor at logic and deduction skills, go do something else. Oh, and don’t work for someone who blames you for things that aren’t your fault. Plenty of people have failed and didn’t leave bad reviews.

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Discovering New Depths Of Stupidity

, , | Right | November 19, 2019

(I am on holiday in the Lake District. Near where we stay are a series of underground rivers, with tours in boats. It’s a good tour, and the tour guide explains to us that even though they’ve discovered a lot of the caves, there are still probably caves that have not yet been discovered.)

Guide: “And before anyone asks, I don’t know how many undiscovered caves there are. No one does… because they’re undiscovered.”

(No one asked it on my tour, but I have to wonder how many people asked that stupid question for him to answer it without us asking.)

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Boats That Shockingly Behave Like Boats

, , , | Right | August 26, 2019

(We have a ride called the bumper boats. Basically, you drive around and crash into each other. While helping people out of their boats, I notice someone getting out by themselves.)

Me: “Just a second, I need you to wait until I help you out of your boat.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yes, if we don’t hold the boats still they can move suddenly. Also, if we don’t lock the boat in, it’s going to drift away.”

(The customer looks down at the boat for a second, then back to me, looking slightly bewildered.)

Customer: “They can do that?”

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So Scary He Lost Three Years

, , , , , , | Right | June 25, 2019

(I’m working at a haunted house selling the tickets up front. The manager puts me in charge because he has to make a change run. A young woman who looks like she could be twenty or so and her child who looks like he might be five years old are next in line. We have a rule that no child under seven is allowed inside. Signs are put on the door entrance and on the ticket desk that say this. She puts her money on the table and asks for two tickets.)

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot allow children under the age of seven to enter the haunted house.”

Customer: “He’s fine; don’t worry about it.”

Me: “No, that’s the rule: nobody under seven.”

Customer: “FINE, HE’S SEVEN!”

(It’s already been a long day and I really don’t want to get into it, so I just give her the tickets after taking her money. She snatches the tickets and drags her son into the attraction. The walk in the haunted house usually takes about five minutes. After about two minutes, I hear a child scream and cry very loudly in the house. Shortly after, I see the same lady carrying her son out through the entrance, rushing towards me.)

Customer: “What the f*** is wrong with you people?! You made my f****** kid cry in there! I want my money back, and I’m going to sue this godd*** place for traumatizing a four-year-old!”

(Her ignorance has broken through my tolerance level.)

Me: “Lady, I told you nobody under seven years old! You even said he was seven! If anything, I can call CPS on you for dragging a four-year-old in there!”

Customer: “Stupid b****! How dare you talk to me like that?! Where is your manager? I bet your tone will change once I tell them you’re threatening me!”

Me: “My manager is not here. Right now, I’m in charge. I’m not going to argue on an issue that is clearly your fault. Get out, or I can get security to drag you out!”

(After a few minutes of calling me names and screeching about how she was going to bring her baby-daddy to “f*** me up,” our security guard finally came out of the office after watching the cameras and proceeded to escort her out.)

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