We’ll Just Chalk That One Up To The Devil

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work in a home furnishings shop in a town in the Bible Belt. We’ve just opened for the day, and while it’s slow, I am helping set up new seasonal displays with my manager. A coworker comes over after a couple customers leave that area of the store.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Manager], I think we ought to put the chalk away.”

(My manager looks over and does a double-take.)

Manager: “We’re going to very quietly clean that off before any of the customers notice.”

(A customer had written, “Hail Satan,” and drawn an upside-down cross on one of our chalkboard products, and then left it in a prominent spot where people would see it.)

I Believe In The Power Of Dog

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 29, 2018

(I work at a boarding kennel for dogs and cats. Part of the job is walking the dogs — the friendly ones, anyway — once or twice a day. I am walking a big, goofy, friendly black lab at the parking area. A middle-aged woman and a girl of about eight or nine park there and cautiously approach me.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, is the family home?”

(To this day I’m not sure if she didn’t realize that it was a business, but regardless, there is no “family,” just my boss and her husband.)

Me: “The owner is down at the office, and her husband works nights, so he’s likely asleep right now.”

Woman: “Is it all right if I leave some literature?”

(She is holding some Bible tracts.)

Me: “The kennel has a no solicitors policy, and like I said, her husband is probably sleeping and wouldn’t take kindly to being woken up.”

Woman: “Do you go to church?”

Me: “I don’t discuss religion or politics in the workplace, ma’am.”

(This is still true, to this day.)

Woman: “Can I leave these with you?”

(I’m getting annoyed. Fortunately, the lab I’m walking is very excited at the prospect of meeting new people, so he’s really tugging on the leash. The little girl looks like she wants to pet the dog, but the woman looks wary, so I use his behavior as an excuse.)

Me: “He’s getting pretty agitated… Better get back in your car! I’ll get him back to his cage!”

Woman: “Oh, my! Be careful!”

Me: “I’ll try! Have a nice day!”

(The lab and I ran back down to the kennel. I kept an eye out, just in case she tried bothering the boss’s husband, but common sense won and she just left. I don’t bother people about their religions. I might even discuss religion with someone if I was interested. But DON’T force your religion on other people. They’re not interested in handouts or being bothered while they’re working, at home, or otherwise minding their own business.)

Salvation For The Bookstore

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2018

(An older gentleman approaches me.)

Customer: “You have any sex books? Sex magazines?”

(Since we’re in a government-owned building, we’re cautious in our merchandise selection.)

Me: “No.”

Customer: *looks a trifle disappointed, then asks* “How about Bibles?”

Me: “Oh, sure, we’ve got a whole ‘Bible studies’ section.”

(I showed him where that was; alas, he didn’t buy anything.)

Sodium So Dum

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 20, 2018

(I go to a Catholic high school, and we have a couple of awesome priests who are science teachers. These teachers have some sodium metal — which explodes on contact with water — for demonstration purposes, but decide that it is probably getting too old to keep around, so they decide to get rid of it. One night it is absolutely pouring rain, and there are some huge puddles in the parking lot, which is under reconstruction. This seems like the perfect opportunity, and so the two of them have a marvelous time chucking pieces of sodium into the puddles and listening to the boom. Unfortunately, someone nearby hears the boom and thinks someone is doing something unsavory, and calls the police. When they realize the police are heading to them, one of them goes in and quickly puts on his priest collar. When they greet the cops, the following exchange occurs.)

Cop: “Sorry to disturb you Father, but the neighbors reported hearing something like an explosion over here. Have you heard anything?”

Priest: “We didn’t hear anything unexpected, officer!”

Cop: “Okay, sorry to bother you. Must be a false alarm.”

(The priests thanked them for stopping by and somehow kept straight faces through it all. It was totally the truth, though; they completely expected to hear explosions!)

The Wife Is Telling Porkies

, , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

I work as a cashier at a grocery store, and one of our goals is to have fresh meats, so if they are getting less fresh, the manager marks them down. There were some expensive cuts of pork, normally $20 or more for a package, marked down to less than ten, so all day I had enthusiastic customers telling me how excited they were.

One woman wanted hers on a separate order, because she was going to throw away her receipt, pick the label off, and tell her husband it was venison — deer meat — because he didn’t want pork in the house. He was Muslim, and it was against his religious beliefs to eat pork.

I actually have a great work environment, and want to keep my job, so I continued to treat her as I would any other customer, but her disrespect of her husband’s religion disturbed me.

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