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Preying On Spelling Errors

, , , , , , | Right | July 5, 2025

I’m a freelance graphic designer. I live in a small rural village in England, and while not religious, am friends with a few neighbours who attend the local Catholic church. I’m helping them make some pamphlets for an upcoming religious service, and they’ve sent me the copy text to go into the design.

I spot something and call them back.

Me: “Are you sure this is the final copy?”

Client: “That’s what they told me!”

Me: “It’s just the text to go above the image of the priests. It says ‘let us prey’ – spelled P-R-E-Y.”

Client: “Yes, I see that.”

Me: “I think it should be P-R-A-Y. Prey as a verb is… well… probably not what they intended to go with an image of priests.”

Pause.

Client: “Oh… Oh! Yes… I see it now. Yes, I think I’d best double-check.”

Me: “Yes, I think that would be best.”

The Ten Amendments

, , , , , , | Right | July 4, 2025

It’s July 4th, and a mother is in the store with her young boys (maybe twins?), both no older than five or six. It’s a small store, so I can easily see the boys pick up a candy bar and slide it into their mom’s jacket pocket. I’m about to alert the mother to this when she notices:

Mom: “What are you doing?!”

Both boys freeze at getting caught.

Mom: “Were you trying to steal this candy bar?!”

Boys: “But you never buy us candy!”

Mom: “We’re going to the BBQ later, and there will be cake, but you’re not getting any now that you just pulled this stunt!”

Boys: “But moooooom!”

Mom: “What does it say in the Constitution?!”

This piques my interest, as although I am no expert, I know that the US Constitution doesn’t directly address stealing as a crime.

Boys: *Monotone and unenthusiastic.* “Thou shalt not steal…”

Mom: “Exactly! Now remember that!”

Her heart’s in the right place, I suppose…

Some Humor Can Climb Mountains

, , , , | Working | June 30, 2025

I used to work in a store that specialised in clothing/footwear/equipment for outdoor pursuits such as hiking and skiing.

I’m very good at customer service, and my favourite customers were the ones who were shopping for technical clothing for the first time; I liked having a chat with them and making sure that they got the correct things to make their trip as comfortable as possible.

I have always been known as being very good at customer service. Friendly, knowledgeable, and respectful. This is the story of when I almost went very, very wrong.

A couple of late teen girls in Hijabs come in and start looking around, so I approach them and get chatting.

Me: “Hey ladies! Are you shopping for something in particular today?”

Customers: “Oh, yes, we’re going on a trip to hike up Snowdon, so we probably need some waterproofs and boots.”

One of them picks up a pair of white snow pants (trousers) from a sale rack next to us and holds them up.

Customers: “I like these! They’re really nice and they feel like they would be waterproof.”

Me: “Um, yes… but they’re also designed for snow, so they will make you very warm. For your trip, you’ll want maybe two light layers for warmth, because then you can remove a layer if you get too warm. If this is your only layer, then you won’t be able to do that. A Hijab and no pants give very mixed messages…”

Suddenly I think: “Uh oh. Did I just say that out loud?”

Customers: “…”

Me: “…”

The customers burst out laughing and put the pants back.

They take on some of my recommendations and then come to the till, where it turns out that they know one of my sales assistants and regale them with my hilarious joke.

I have never been more relieved at a well-received joke!

Elder Dad Jokes

, , , , | Friendly | June 30, 2025

I used to work for a company that, before Thanksgiving, would give each store manager a budget of $300 to go out and buy turkeys to give out to families in need. I shopped around to find the best price on turkeys and went to the grocery store and loaded up a shopping cart full of them.

As I was taking them to my car, two Mormon missionaries saw me and offered to help me load them up, which I really appreciated. As we were loading them, they asked:

Mormons: “Why are you buying so many turkeys?”

I explained, and we talked about the details and chit-chatted. Then after we’re done, I look at their name tags that said something like “Elder Jackson” and “Elder William”, and I shook their hands and thanked them by name, but not knowing much about Mormonism, I then said:

Me: “Wow, you guys are both named Elder, what are the odds?!”

They just kind of looked at each other and chuckled. We said goodbye, and then it dawned on me later that Elder was probably a title. I googled it and felt really dumb. Hopefully, they thought I was just making a dad joke.

Eggs Benediction

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2025

It’s the typical Sunday shift where we have the after church crowd, but something feels a little different this week. I bring this up with some coworkers when we have a minute of downtime (the fact that we have some downtime on a Sunday, even just a minute, is a sign that something is different).

Coworker #1: “Yeah, something does seem a bit off this week.”

Coworker #2: “I’ve actually got a decent tip today.”

Me: “And no one has demanded anything get remade so far. Last week, I remember that guy at table seven specifically asked for his Eggs Benedict to be remade twice!”

Coworker #1: “That’s what’s off! They’re all behaving… well… good! They’re not all being complete l a**holes.”

Coworker #2: “Oh yeah! I haven’t had to fetch [Manager] once!”

Me: “And no one has asked for anything to be comped!”

Coworker #1: “I wonder what’s happening this week?”

Our manager is walking by and is quick to answer:

Manager: “Because that guy is eating here today.”

He points to a normal-looking guy sitting in the back as part of a larger group of people.

Coworker #1: “Who is that guy?”

Manager: “That’s the priest.”

Me: “Him! Oh, I get it! They don’t want to act up in front of him.”

Coworker #2: “Oh, man, I wish he could eat here every Sunday.”

Manager: “I think he will. I’ve offered him a free lunch every Sunday if he comes in at the same time as his congregation.”

Coworker #1: “Praise the lord!”

Coworker #2: “Our prayers have been answered!”

Me: “Eggs Benedict made me find religion…”