A common prayer to say before eating a meal starts, “Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts…” Recently, my daughter mentioned it.

Daughter: “When I was younger, I thought it went ‘Bless us, O Lord, and these, I guess.”

Back in the late nineties, my then-boyfriend and I were spending a tourist weekend in the Bay Area, and ended up in Carmel around dinner time. We found a cute Italian restaurant that obviously had a wait. Having spent two years in Italy, I went up to the desk and asked:

Me: “Quanto sarebbe l’aspeta per due, per favore?” *How long would the wait be for two, please?*

We were seated at a window table immediately.

My wife is from another country, and English is her second language; she doesn’t know American idioms very well, but along with our toddler, she is learning.

[Toddler] is on the couch in her diaper, eating snacks, and watching TV instead of getting ready.

Me: “Hey baby, I got to go to work, will you miss me?”

Toddler: “No, you don’t like TV, go to work.”

Wife: “Don’t cry, she just wants to be a, hmm, potato chair?”

Me: “Couch potato.”

Wife: “Is that because she looks like a potato with no shirt on?”

Toddler: “Pooo-taaaa-tooo, boil’m, mash’em put them in a stew.”

My wife looks at me, confused. I taught my daughter well.

My craft store is one of the largest in the state, so our selection is huge. It’s about five minutes to close when a customer walks over to me and asks:

Customer: “I need some letters for a project.”

Me: “Sure thing! Is that, like, wood, foam, stickers?”

Customer: “Oh, you know… the alphabetic kind.”

I did NOT leave on time.

Guest: “Excuse me, but do you do confidential breakfast?”

Me: “I cannot disclose that information.”

Guest: “Huh? Why?”

Me: “…yes, we do offer a continental breakfast.”

Sometimes you have to enjoy the little things…