Sounds Like Denial Number Three

, , , , | Learning | July 3, 2020

I work for an online university with a ridiculously high acceptance rate. In the year I’ve worked there, I’ve only had two students ever denied out of the hundreds I have worked with. In order to get accepted, all you have to do is complete an attestation form which confirms that you have a high school diploma or equivalent. 

The form is completely free and takes about two minutes to fill out, but for some reason, many students refuse to complete it. We understand that it can be annoying, especially if someone has transfer credits from another college which proves that they graduated high school, but again, the form is free and they usually spend more time arguing about it than it would take to fill the thing out. Most people are understanding when I explain why we require it… except for this guy.

I get a notification that this student has been reassigned to me, so I go to his profile. I see he hasn’t been contacted by us in over a week, so I check the notes from the last call to see what was discussed. These are the notes from the call, copied and pasted verbatim:

“Wanted to know if he was Accepted. Let him know we’re missing an Attestation form and transcripts on file. 

“Escalated immediately about that we were requesting him to complete an Attestation form. Explained as part of admission requirements, we verify high school diploma or equivalency is completed. Said he spoke to his local congressmen and they said since he is over forty-five years old, he doesn’t have to provide that information to us. 

“Threatening to contact his lawyers to sue us if we need his diploma. Let him know the form only needed his information about where he graduated on there. Still was refusing to complete form; let him know we need that to move forward. 

“Wanted to speak to someone else ‘higher’ about this. Put on hold to try to find a TL. 

Disconnected after putting on hold.”

Basically, this grown man was so angry over having to take two minutes out of his day to complete a very simple form that he called his congressman and threatened to send a lawyer after us.

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Unfiltered Story #198746

, | Unfiltered | June 28, 2020

(I am a current student volunteering at my school’s alumni weekend/reunion. A girl walks in. She is clearly a student from the very casual dress and backpack.)

Girl: What’s going on?
Me: We are having our alumni weekend and reunion!
Girl: What’s that?
Me: (Explains)
Girl: (In a way I can only describe as a “judgmental teenager tone”) Why?
Me: (Trying not to show I’m taken aback) Well alumni like to come back here and see how the school has changed as well as see each other.
Girl: (Incredulously) And people actually come to this? (Quickly before I can respond) Well yeah they would, or you wouldn’t have it.
Me: Actually there 450 people registered, and we will probably also have walk-ins.
Girl: (Floored) Wow. (Leaves)

(All I can think is, why?)

Adject Horror

, , , , , | Right | June 25, 2020

I am an upperclassman running the freshman orientation. As an icebreaker, we’ve decided to play the adjective name game, where each person thinks of an adjective that starts with the first letter of their name.

Me: “Everyone think of an adjective that starts with the first letter of your name and share it when it’s your turn!”

Freshman: “What’s an adjective?”

Who knows how she got into college!

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Unfiltered Story #197565

, , , | Unfiltered | June 23, 2020

Caller: Hi I need to update software on my computer.
Me: Okay, you probably need to get a reimage. Are you on campus?
Caller: No
Me: …Are you in town?
Caller: I’m a remote learning student.
Me: Oookkaay… Well sometimes we do mail ins. You’re not a grad student, right?
Caller: I’m a grad student.
Me: Oh, uh, well… We don’t do software support for grad students.
Caller: I need this to do my homework.
Me: Hasn’t the professor given you software download information?
Caller: No.
Me: Okay, so what exactly is the problem?
Caller: I need the new OS to run this software.
Me: You should just be able to do that through normal Mac updates?
Caller: I can’t.
Me: … Okay… Um… Go to this site. “Apple dot com slash mac os…” You following me?
Caller: Yes.
Me: “slash how dash to dash upgrade.” Enter. You there?
Caller: …What was the address?
Me: *I repeat it and try not to sigh in frustration*
Caller: *long pause* It’s not working.
Me: Well what version of Mac are you on?
Caller: 10.5
Me: Ten… point… five??
(The rest of the world is on 10.11)
Me: Well… You’re gonna have to BUY snow leopard first.
Caller: How do I do that.
Me: Okay. Go to google. Type in Mac. OS. Snow. Leopard. Have you done that
Caller: *long pause* Yes
Me: Do you see the first one that is at apple.com?
Caller: *long pause* Yes.
Me: It’s that one. Do you need anything else?
Caller: Can I get software from you guys?
Me: No, we don’t support grad student computers.
Caller: I thought you sold Windows Office suite.
Me: …. That’s Student Business Services.
Finally he lets me hang up. Two of my coworkers, who came in twenty minutes ago to replace me after my shift ended, both look over to me at the same time.
Coworker 1: You were stuck on that call this whole time?
Me: Yep.
Coworker 2: He didn’t even have snow leopard???
Me: Yep.

Unfiltered Story #197487

, , , | Unfiltered | June 19, 2020

(The fire alarm goes off in the building. When this happens, even as a drill, library employees are sent to each floor to make sure everyone’s evacuated. I am sent to the basement, where there are several group study rooms. One of the study rooms is still full of girls, calmly studying. I knock on the door, one answers, looking surprised.)

Me: The fire alarm is going off.

Girl: Oh, are we supposed to leave?

Me: /Yes/.

(Keep in mind that our basement is totally windowless, dry, and where all of our loan-able books are! If there had been a real fire, they’d have been in trouble.)