Your Education Suffers From Your Parents’ Lack Of One

, , , , | Learning | October 18, 2018

(My friend is in high school and desperately wants to attend [Prestigious University], but she knows how expensive it will be, and she knows that her parents probably can’t afford it.)

Friend’s Dad: “Don’t worry about it. We’ll take care of it.”

Friend: “Really? Are you sure? It’s so much money.”

Friend’s Dad: “No problem. Go ahead and apply.”

(So, she does, and she is accepted. She is beyond thrilled, telling everyone she knows that she will be attending [Prestigious University]. Her job even throws a small party to congratulate her. A few weeks later…)

Friend: “Hey, Dad, I just got a letter from [University] asking for the first semester’s tuition.”

Friend’s Dad: “Well, you’d better get that taken care of, then.”

Friend: “Uh… Sure, but I have to get the money from you, first.”

Friend’s Dad: “Don’t be silly. We don’t have that kind of money.”

Friend: “What?! You said that you’d take care of it!”

Friend’s Dad: “Well, sure, I meant that you need to get a student loan.”

Friend: “…”

Friend’s Dad: “You know, I’ve never understood why everyone complains about the high cost of tuition. All you need is a student loan. It’s free money. People must be stupid!”

Friend: “It’s not free money! Where did you get that idea?”

(Turned out that he somehow missed the “loan” part of “student loan” and literally thought that it was a gift of thousands of dollars that you never had to repay. Long story short: my friend was unable to attend the university of her dreams. She went to a smaller, much less prestigious place.)

Shooting For Something Useful

, , , | Learning | October 16, 2018

(Four older students have come to give a presentation to my class of freshmen. Our professor is supervising.)

Professor: “All right, teach them something useful. Teach them how to manage their hangovers!”

Professor: “I’m kidding.”

Professor: *in a stage whisper* “Manage. Your. Shots.”

Very Artistic Plagiarism

, , , , , | Learning | October 16, 2018

(While I am enrolled in university, I do art commissions on the side. Another student at the university contacts me to do a painting for him, and we meet in a common area. He’s got a poster roll with him, which I initially don’t think odd. After introductions, we get to business, and I’m pleasantly surprised to see he’s already got a good idea of how large he wants the piece to be, some of the blocking, even a bit of the style. Then we hit a snag:)

Student: “…and I don’t want you overcharging me for supplies, so I bought them for you.”

(This isn’t itself unusual, even if rudely stated. Plenty of my prior customers had specific paint colors in mind, and bought them for me in advance. I look over the paints and canvas, and I’m relieved to find they’re quality — I’d been worried he had bought basic poster paint and cardboard.)

Me: “Well, this should be more than enough, yes. I can definitely discount you for them.”

Student: “Discount?”

Me: “Yes. From your description, I won’t even need all the paint, so I can return the leftovers, or buy them off you if I find them intriguing.”

Student: “Why only a discount? I bought everything you need!”

(He’s getting more than huffy at this point, almost pouting.)

Me: “I do need a little bit more than this, but most of it’s going to be due to how much time I need to complete the work. Don’t worry; my rates are [reasonable price for my skill and the complexity of the piece].”

Student: “But I bought everything! Why should I pay more on top of that?”

Me: “Because you didn’t buy any of it from me? I’ve still got my own bills to pay, too.”

(He snatches back the materials.)

Student: “You’re just being greedy! I already put out [slightly high price for the quality of the paints and canvas]; that should be enough!”

Me: “If you’ve got a budget, you might want to hit up some of the first-year students. I know that one of the professors assigns work very similar to your request, so they may be willing to do it for you in exchange for the materials.”

(He walked off at this point, swearing under his breath. I was surprised someone who knew enough to outline the commission so well would also try to talk his way out of paying for it, but I forgot him for a while. Later on, I found out that not only did he commission one of the professor’s first-year students, like I suggested, he himself was one. He’d tried to buy someone else’s work, pass it off as his own, and got called out by the professor when she noticed he’d tried to sign the piece over the real artist’s signature. This plagiarism counted as cheating, and he was expelled.)

You Mexican’t Be Sure

, , , | Friendly | October 15, 2018

(My classmates in China come from different countries all over the world. Although I’m Mexican, due to my complexion and my eyes and skin colour I get mistaken for Indian, Arabian, or Persian. A lot. This conversation happens with an Indian guy.)

Classmate: “You look like an Indian.”

Me: “Yeah… I get that a lot. But I’m as Mexican as you can get.”

Classmate: “But your parents are from India, right?”

Me: “Nope. We are all Mexican.”

Classmate: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, [Classmate], I’m sure where my family is from.”

Starting A New Trope

, , , , , | Learning | October 15, 2018

(During university, I work as a student assistant in my major department. We have one professor who has a particular list of instructions for tropes, etc., that he does NOT want his students to include in any of their final papers. He is tired of reading them and tries to encourage students to think outside the box. Luckily, he doesn’t dock points for using items on the list; he understands his isn’t the only class they take and with four or five final papers to do, students will sometimes rush and just try to fill in the word count. The number one item on the list is:)

Trope #1: “NO opening any paragraphs with dictionary definitions. (Example: The dictionary defines “courage” as…)”

(At the end of the semester, I am collecting final papers for one of his classes. Most students are choosing to turn them in electronically, but there are still a handful of people who insist on turning in hard copies. So, I set up office hours at the student assistant desk to collect them. At the very last minute, a girl comes running up to my desk and practically throws her paper at me.)

Student: “There! I made it!” *tosses her hair back* “I’d better get an A+ on that thing. I didn’t even want to take this stupid class, but my advisor said I had to.”

Me: “Uh-huh… Well, I’m glad you made it by the deadline.”

Student: “I mean it! I included everything he asked for.”

Me: *starting to pack up* “Well, I’m sure it will be fine… Wait. ‘Everything he asked for’?”

Student: “Yeah, on that dumb list he kept pushing at us.”

(I glanced down at her paper, which happened to be on top of the stack I was about to put in a folder, and the opening paragraph began with, “The dictionary defines courage as…” Her topic didn’t even have anything to do with courage. I started to tell the student her mistake, but she’d already walked away. I flipped through the rest of her paper, and it was filled with every single trope the professor didn’t want to see. I warned the professor about what had happened, and he actually found it pretty funny. I have no idea what that girl’s reaction was when she found out what she’d done, but I bet it was interesting. It’s not like the list was vague; it was filled with the words “NO,” “DON’T,” and, “DO NOT USE,” underlined in all caps.)

Page 1/38712345...Last