Chemically Imbalanced, Part 10

, , , , , , | Learning | April 21, 2021

Back in the early 1990s, two other male college freshmen and I were studying for an upcoming quiz for a chemistry class.

Student #1: “I’m really not feeling it. Think I should just skip the quiz entirely?”

Student #2: “Sodium hypobromite.”

Student #1: “What?”

I wrote out the chemical formula for sodium hypobromite: “NaBrO”.

Chemically Imbalanced, Part 9
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 8
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 7
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 6
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 5

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The Contrarian Librarian: The DVD

, , , , , | Working | April 20, 2021

Back in the early 2000s, I return some DVDs I’ve borrowed from my university library’s media counter. A few days later, I try to borrow some books from the main counter, but I’m told that there’s a block on my account because I didn’t return some DVDs. I say I did return them, and they ask me to speak to someone at the media counter.

Me: “Hi. According to the system, I didn’t return [DVDs], but I think whoever was working the desk when I returned them forgot to scan them or something.”

Librarian: “And I’m supposed to just believe you?”

Me: *Shocked* “Or… You could check if the DVDs are in the drawers behind you?”

Librarian: “Oh! Right.”

They were there. She didn’t say another word or even apologize. She just looked very embarrassed while she made sure to scan each DVD.

The Contrarian Librarian Runs Out Of Time
The Contrarian Librarian: The Childhood Years
Softening Of The Contrarian Librarian
The Contrarian Librarian: Looking For Work
Re-emergence Of The Contrarian Librarian

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Eerie But Effective

, , , , , , | Learning | CREDIT: fedupkat | April 16, 2021

My friend and I are both about nineteen or twenty years old in the early 1980s. [Friend] is blind — she had ocular melanoma — so she has an advocate who goes everywhere with her on the university campus. They make sure she makes it safely to and from each of her classes and assist her with test-taking, etc. We meet when [Friend] walks by my table in the Student Union Hall, bumps my coffee, and spills it all over both of us. We’ve been friends ever since.

Because my friend lives off-campus with her parents and I live in an off-campus apartment a few blocks away, I drive every day to school. We coordinate our class schedules so that I can drop her off with her advocate in the morning and in the afternoon, the advocate brings her to me and I take her home.

One semester, [Friend]’s last class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday ends an hour before mine. Normally, her advocate hangs out with her in the Student Union Hall to wait for me. Some Fridays, [Friend] insists that the advocate bring her to the building where I have class to wait for me there — closer to where I parked the car — and the advocate can go home a little early. I always take the same route out of the building and know to be on the lookout for her.

Today, [Friend] is in her usual spot in the lobby. She is sitting on the floor — there are no seats — with her back against the wall, her cane folded beside her, tinted glasses on, and appearing to stare straight ahead. To her left are the lobby doors, about thirty feet away.

She’s been sitting there for maybe fifty or fifty-five minutes when she hears what sounds like squeaky wheels rolling over the floor. She doesn’t bother to call out and just thinks it’s maybe the janitorial staff with those mop buckets on wheels getting an early start on mopping. Then, she hears someone push the panic bar on one of the lobby’s double doors and the wheels banging over the metal threshold. A moment later, a woman’s voice fills the empty lobby.

Woman: “What the h*** is wrong with you young people? Never in my life have I seen so many inconsiderate brats.”

Friend: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “And you should be, young lady. You could see that I needed help with this hand truck, but you just sat there and did absolutely nothing. Didn’t anyone teach you manners?”

Friend: “I didn’t see you.”

Woman: “How could you not see me? I’m the only other person here.”

Friend: “I’m sorry, but I didn’t see you. I’m blind.”

Woman: “You really expect me to believe that? Blind people can’t go to college. You’re just too lazy to get off the floor.”

My friend pulls her cane around, unfolds it, and gets to her feet.

Friend: “Yes, ma’am, I am blind, and I can go to college.”

Classes start letting out and students start beginning to leave or change classes. I come around the corner.

Me: “What’s going on?”

Woman: “This girl expects me to believe she’s blind.”

Me: “She is.”

Woman: “That’s a load of crap. Prove it.”

The woman walks up to [Friend] and takes the tinted glasses from her face.

Woman: “See?”

She directs this to the students who are hanging around to watch the drama as if she expects them to agree with her or take her side).

Woman: “She can see. There is nothing wrong with her eyes. She’s not really blind.”

As I stated earlier, my friend had ocular melanoma. As a result, her eyes were surgically removed, and she was fitted with prostheses that look real at a quick glance but don’t “move” like normal eyes and are a bit flat in their color. It’s kind of like looking into the eyes of a very old doll.

However, the best part of [Friend]’s eyes: they are removable! She reaches up, pops one eyeball out, and holds it out to the woman

Friend: “Here, look through this and tell me if you can see anything.”

The woman starts backing away, screeching loudly.

Woman: “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”

The woman backs away from us so fast that she trips over her own, lands on her butt, and continues to scoot away. When she gets to the door, she pulls herself up, grabs her hand truck, and leaves. [Friend] maneuvers the eye back into the socket. The small crowd of students starts clapping and laughing and a few give [Friend] a pat on the back.

Friend: *Sighing dramatically* “So much for that lady seeing things through my eyes, huh?”

Geez, I love her humor!

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Too Much Coffee This Morning Or Not Enough?

, , , , | Working | April 15, 2021

I’m taking classes at the local university and I go to get my parking sticker. An employee who looks to be the age of a student is running the counter. She asks for my driver’s license, takes it, takes payment, scans the license, and walks to the back room while the sticker is printing out. After a few minutes, she comes back out and sees me.

Employee: “You can leave now.”

She returns to the back room before I can ask for my driver’s license or parking sticker. I wait until she comes back out. I quickly open my mouth but I’m not quick enough.

Employee: *Scowling* “You can leave now.”

She instantly returns to the back room, and I’m left with my mouth still open. I wait, she comes back out, and I wave to let her know I need to speak to her and open my mouth. She looks mad as h***.

Employee: “YOU CAN LEAVE NOW!”

She returns to the back room.


She comes back out looking ready to kill. She finds the sticker and my driver’s license, returns to the counter, and slaps those down in front of me

Employee: “HERE!”

I finally left.

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“Back To School” Is Getting Stranger By The Minute

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: FinancialElephant5 | April 11, 2021

I live in a decent-sized college town, I work in a hotel while I go to the college. To be straight, my college is run by a bunch of idiots who aren’t handling the health crisis correctly. My mom actually has to send in an anonymous tip to the sheriff department because the number of crowds forming without masks on is ridiculous. I can’t go to school anymore because it gets so bad. The school is allowing large gatherings and lets fraternities and sororities throw massive parties.

Five dorms have to go under lockdown and the frats and sororities are also locked down.

This phone call I got from my college made me rethink my whole life. The call is from a woman that works for the college.

Me: “[Hotel].”

Woman: “Yes, how many rooms do you have?”

Me: “Eighty-nine.”

Woman: “I would like to book all of those for fourteen days, starting January fifth.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot book all of those rooms because there are people staying in house for work. That would make me force them all out.”

Woman: “I need those rooms! We have to quarantine all returning students that have tested positive for [illness] and they cannot step back onto campus unless they have been quarantined for fourteen days.”

Me: “Wh… You’re… trying to house [illness]-positive students from out of state?”

Woman: “Yes, before the upcoming spring semester.”

Me: “If that is the case, then I am going to have to deny the booking of these rooms for safety and health reasons.”

Woman: “What do you mean, ‘deny’?!”

Me: “You are bringing a herd of college students that have tested positive for [illness], college kids who will more than likely not follow [illness] restrictions and guidelines and leave their rooms. It is a safety and health issue for the staff and all who enter.”


Me: “Okay, that is fine and their decision, but I will not book these rooms for you.”


Me: “You may call back tomorrow when they will be in, but they will tell you the exact same thing I have told you just now.”

Woman: “These kids need somewhere to stay to get healthy and you’re going to deny them? I know your business needs the money!”

Me: “Then they need to stay where they are before returning to campus and get a negative [illness] test, like the policy stated during the last semester of school.”

The woman hung up. I returned for my shift this morning to find a note from management stating, “If anybody calls and asks to book all of our rooms to house [illness]-positive people, tell them no and that you are the manager. We need to keep ourselves and our families safe!”

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