A common prayer to say before eating a meal starts, “Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts…” Recently, my daughter mentioned it.

Daughter: “When I was younger, I thought it went ‘Bless us, O Lord, and these, I guess.”

I was helping a teacher register some high school students for an event. It was a frustratingly complicated process that required a few phone calls to a coordinator. Part of one call went thusly:

Coordinator: “What about [Student]? Is he also attending?”

Teacher: “No, he’s having a baby.”

Coordinator: *Clearly taken aback.* “Oh. Uh…”

Teacher: *Oblivious.* “Yeah, the baby’s due the day before the event.”

Me: *Whispering to the teacher.* “His MOM is having the baby!”

Teacher: “That is, he’s about to be a big brother.”

Coordinator: *Now relieved.* “OH!”

Like a lot of people, I collected unemployment during the COVID19 shutdowns. During the time I was getting payments, I carefully followed all the instructions and rules to a T. I was very aware that I was lucky to be able to have this opportunity and wanted to do it right.

So, I was surprised when, five years after I’d been re-hired to my old job (school bus drivers can’t work remotely very easily), I got a letter from my state’s unemployment department that I had been overpaid, and owed money. I continued reading the letter and saw my total owed.

$0.00

I checked my online account, and it had the same information. I needed to repay my zero dollars of overpayment as soon as possible, call to set up a payment plan, or dispute the charges. I called the number, and a very helpful woman told me that it was an error. I owed no money, and I could ignore the letter.

The next month, I got another one.

And another one the next month.

And again.

After the sixth letter, I called again. I was concerned that the department was trying to collect an actual amount and wanted to pay it if I really did owe something. Another helpful worker confirmed that I owed nothing, and the letters should stop soon.

I got three more.

Finally, on the tenth letter, I wrote a check for zero dollars and zero cents and mailed it in the provided envelope.

The next month, I got another letter from the department–this time thanking me for bringing the matter to their attention and assuring me that I owed nothing and would stop receiving letters. I’m happy to say that now, three months later, I haven’t gotten anything from them!

Our cat is sitting happily on my husband’s lap as the family watches a movie. Suddenly, the cat remembers he is a cat and therefore insane, and bites my husband.

Husband, first surprised, then remembering the kids are in the room:

Husband: “OW! You stupid little… b-word.”

Ten-Year-Old: “Dad, you do know the difference between dogs and cats, don’t you? And between boys and girls?”

I work security, and we have a major fast-food restaurant on our property. The restroom of the restaurant is open to the public, so there are a lot of transients who use it, and not for its intended purpose.

One in particular has been trespassed from both the restaurant and the property as a whole, because he had been caught MULTIPLE TIMES doing drugs in the women’s restroom. This means, if we see him, we tell him he has to leave the property. Legally, he can be arrested if he’s on the property and cops arrive. 

One day, I catch him about to go into the restaurant, and call out to him, warning him not to.

Me: “C’mon, [Regular], you gotta go. You know you’ve been trespassed.”

Regular: “I left my credit card in [Restaurant].”

Me: “I don’t care; you can’t be here.”

Regular: “I need to get my card.”

Me: “Then call the cops. They can go in to get it.”

Knowing that if the cops come, he gets arrested, he grumbles and leaves.

Me: *Over the radio, to my shift lead.* “I just chased off [Regular]. He claimed to have lost his credit card in [Restaurant].”

Shift Lead: “He doesn’t have a credit card.”

Me: “I know. So I told him to call the cops to have them retrieve it. He left.”

Shift Lead: “Good.”