Reboot The Brand While You’re At It

, , , , | | Right | June 10, 2018

(I’m a tech support representative for an online retailer that also has their own brand of Wi-Fi-enabled technology. One night, I get a call from a customer who is having trouble connecting his device to his home Wi-Fi network. I start walking him through the troubleshooting steps. Eventually, we reach the part where he is supposed to reboot his network.)

Me: “Go ahead and unplug your modem and router, wait fifteen seconds, and plug them back in.”

(The line disconnects. After a few seconds, I realize he must have had a VoIP [Voice over Internet Protocol] line. I wait a minute or two to give his system a chance to reboot, then call him back.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that; I didn’t realize you were using a VoIP line. Let’s move on with troubleshooting.”

Customer: *very angry* “I don’t understand why you didn’t know that! You should have known! Your system should tell you that!”

Me: *confused, as I definitely have no way of knowing what type of phone they’re calling me on* “Sir, I am very sorry; I have no way of knowing what type of line you’re using.”

Customer: “I don’t understand! You are [Major Internet Company], are you not?”

Me: “Um… No?”

(Needless to say, I double-check what type of line the customer is using before we reboot their network now.)

The Second Customer Was A Nice Change

, , , , , | Right | May 30, 2018

(I am 16 and working my very first job at a fast food place. I have been there for a total of two weeks, and we are slammed with a line out the door. I am doing my best to keep calm and not stress out, when this guy comes through.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a number one and a number five, both mediums.”

Me: “Absolutely! That will be [total].”

(The customer hands me a large bill, I notice him counting change but don’t think anything of it. I get into my drawer and give him $.47 back in change and close my till. As I try to hand him his change back, his face turns bright red in anger.)

Customer: “You idiot! Don’t you see I am counting change here?! I don’t want $.47! I want to give you this $.53 and you give me a dollar! Why would you hand me my change so fast? I obviously wanted to use the change I already had to finish paying! I can’t believe how stupid you are! Take this handful of change, and you give me a dollar, like you should have in the first place!”

(I don’t know what to say. I’m trying to open my till, but it won’t open without a manager code. My managers are both busy dealing with other customers.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. It’ll be just one moment; I can’t open the drawer until a manager comes back over here.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I just want a dollar in change back instead of all these coins! Why is that so hard for you to understand? Are you that stupid?”

(Another customer in line behind him steps forward. I’m crying and can’t even hide it anymore. [Customer #2] is a very large, intimidating guy. Without saying a word, he holds out a dollar and puts his hand out for the change. [Customer #1] sheepishly takes the dollar and hands the guy the coins and goes to wait for his food.)

Customer #2: *breaks into a huge friendly smile and says very loudly for everyone to hear* “Don’t worry about him, honey. Some people just have nothing better to do with their boring, useless lives but come and pick on teenagers. Must be pretty sad!”

(Pretty much everyone in line laughed as [Customer #1] grabbed his food and left. These days, I pause for a second before counting back change, even if they show no signs of holding coins. Just in case.)

You Have No Idea And I Have No Words

, , , , , , | | Right | May 18, 2018

(I work in a restaurant.)

Guest: “My girlfriend is only 20 years old. But I’m 21 years old. So I’m going to order a piña colada and give it to her. Okay?”

Me: “…”

Make You Fear’d The Beard

, , , , , | Working | April 9, 2018

(I go to get my hair cut at a local, low-cost hair salon. Nearly every time I go in there it’s a new cast of stylists. This is the first and only time I see a male stylist. It is very slow there today, with no other customers. He’s a nice and normal-seeming guy, and we’re having friendly conversation as he cuts my hair.)

Stylist: “Hey, you want me to take care of that part of your beard on your jaw that’s starting to curl under your ear?”

Me: “That’d be fine. I usually take care of that myself when I trim it, but you can save me time.”

Stylist: “Man, I just hate it when guys let that get out of control.”

Me: *thinking it’s not been anything I’ve ever noticed,but just going with the conversation* “Yeah, it can get out of control.”

Stylist: “I just want to pull on it when I see guys not taking care of that and yell, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS THING GROW? IT’S SO F****** DISGUSTING AND NASTY! QUIT BEING GROSS! CUT IT OFF!’ You know?”

Me: *stunned* “Yeah, sure. I know what you mean.”

There’s No Business Like None Of Your Business

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2018

(I work as a barista for a coffee chain, and like many others, we always ask customers for their names so that we can call out their orders. On this day, there are three of us working, and we all both make coffee AND man the registers. A guy in his mid-thirties wearing a suit walks in, yapping away on his phone. He cuts straight to the front of the line, ignoring the ten or so customers waiting patiently.)

Customer: *on phone* “Yeah, hold on.” *to me* “I’ll have—”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there is a line. Please wait your turn.”

(He shoots me a dirty look, but goes to the back of the line, still on his phone. I continue taking orders as normal, and soon, [Customer] is back at the front of the line. Lo and behold, he’s still on his phone, and is looking down on me like I’m a piece of dirt. He can’t be more than 5’5”, though, and I’m almost 5’7”.)

Customer: *snootily* “Yeah, I want an iced latte. Make it quick. I have somewhere I need to be.”

(I have a reputation for being extremely sassy and sarcastic, so I manage to keep my calm and speak increasingly politely throughout the whole conversation.)

Me: “All right, sir. What size would you like that?”

Customer: *sighs, as if I should know this already* “TALL! And hurry up!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but is that for here or to go?”

Customer: *is silent*

Me: *waits* “Sir?”

Customer: *irate for no reason* “TO GO! GOD!”

Me: “A tall iced latte to go. That’ll be $2.95, sir. May I have a name for the order?”

Customer: *rifles through wallet, continues talking on phone*

Me: *assuming he didn’t hear me* “Sir? I need a name for your order.”

Customer: *sighs EXTREMELY loudly, rolls eyes and ignores me*

Me: *losing patience, because the line is growing, but still keeping a calm face* “Sir! I need a name for this order.”

Customer: *suddenly exploding* “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, A**HOLE!”

(I plaster on a fake smile as he slaps a five-dollar bill down on the counter.)

Me: *handing him his change, in an overly sugary voice* “Here’s your change, sir. If you’ll just wait, your coffee should be ready in a couple of minutes.”

Customer: *huffs, goes and stands in a corner*

(I whip up his drink myself, since I don’t want my coworkers to have to deal with this guy. I notice he’s FINALLY finished his phone call, so I yell out his drink:)


(The whole store went quiet. The people in line burst out laughing and the customer went red. He stormed up to the counter, grabbed his drink, and flounced out of the store. I’ve never seen him since.)

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