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Saved By Petty Revenge

, , , , | Learning | CREDIT: thatburghfan | November 18, 2022

When I was in college, I took a class called Conceptions of Human Existence. I was so, so lost. I like classes with facts, and if it had not been a required class, I would never have gone near this subject.

On the first test, I got a C- and I learned that nobody got a lower grade. This was an ominous sign that I was in trouble. I just could not absorb the vague, nebulous concepts being discussed.

It was like getting a test question, “Does our worldview affect the world or is it the opposite?” and being told my answer was wrong. How the heck should I know? It was complete and total frustration.

Around the halfway point of the semester, our professor was about ten minutes late to class. He came in just at the point when we were all getting up to leave.

Professor: “Please sit. This will be short. I’ve just left a meeting with the department chairperson, and I was denied tenure.”

We could tell he was angry about it. Then, the class was dismissed.

For the rest of the term, our classes just involved chatting about topics in the news and no actual assignments to do. I was left wondering what I could do to pull up my grade. With a week to go before the final exams, [Professor] let us know that we had to do a final exam. Great, should I have been taking notes during our class-wide chats? What the heck were we going to be tested on?

Professor: “Since I didn’t get tenure, I’m leaving the university after this semester. Your final exam will be a take-home essay, and you can choose one of three topics. The first is your feelings about the war on terrorism. The second is your feelings on the American healthcare system. And third, if you don’t like either of those topics, you can make up your own question and answer it. If you turn in anything that shows effort, you will be given an A. I do have to be able to defend my grades, so don’t just turn in a two-sentence piece of crap and think that’s worth an A. Put in some effort and get a guaranteed A. I am doing this for all the classes I teach this semester.”

That was his malicious compliance for being turned down for tenure. We did, in fact, all get an A.

I heard later from a student aide who worked in the office that the department head was mad about it but couldn’t do anything about it.

Wish You Could’ve Phoned It In, But No Phones Allowed

, , , , | Learning | November 13, 2022

I am taking accounting for my business degree, and my teacher is probably the most uptight teacher I have had in years. He is a stickler for language and has a “no phones allowed in class or you are buying me doughnuts” policy — the usual signs of a migraine-inducing professor.

This beginning-of-semester assignment takes the cake, though.

He tells everyone that we have a MANDATORY meeting all the way across town for a business convention and that we need to have a “very good reason to not attend”.

This meeting is an hour’s drive away at 6:00 pm. He keeps talking about how important it is, and I stress about dressing nice and appearing on time ready to answer questions.

The day comes.

I show up and there are a total of ten booths, most of them trying to advertise their tax companies to us.

I spend five minutes there and get my pamphlet and myself put on the grade, and then I leave.

I missed out on a lot of homework time for this.

Handwriting That Just Barely Makes The Grade

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 7, 2022

My girlfriend is a kindergarten teacher. It’s late summer, and she’s getting ready for the school year to start. She does a “Letter Of The Week” every week with the kids to help them learn the alphabet and some basic handwriting. She has me make large posters that say “Letter Of The Week” with each letter in capital and lowercase form.

Me: “If my handwriting is poor, are you going to make me redo the assignment?”

Girlfriend: “Are you serious?”

Me: “No, just kidding.”

Girlfriend: “Okay, good. If your handwriting was that sloppy, I would have made the school enroll you in my class.”

My handwriting was ultimately deemed to be acceptable. Good thing I don’t have to redo kindergarten.

It’s Bad Enough When The Students Are The Bullies

, , , , , , | Learning | November 7, 2022

In sixth grade, my history teacher once gave us a fairly easy test, but with a question on a topic that we hadn’t learned in class. Being a huge history nerd, I had no problem answering it, not even thinking much about it.

When she gave the test results back, everyone had an eight; they had just missed the last question. I, however, had a zero, even though everything was correct.

Me: “[Teacher], why did I get a zero?”

Teacher: “Since we haven’t covered that topic yet, it’s clear that you cheated.”

Me: “I just love history; I’ve already read about that topic just for the sake of it.”

This happened in 2006, so there was absolutely no way I could have Googled the question on a smartphone, and she kept all our textbooks during tests. She looked in my desk and even in my backpack. She found no evidence of cheating, but she still insisted I had cheated.

I decided not to argue with her and instead took it to the principal. Since cheating accusations were taken very seriously at my school, the next day, my parents, the teacher, and I were called to the principal’s office. After my teacher explained the whole situation, my father went straight to her.

Father: “So, you wrote a question on a topic that you hadn’t taught, expecting everyone to fail to answer, and then you punished the only student that answered? Why did you put that question in the first place? Did you put it intentionally to lower their grades, knowing that the highest grade would be eight? Are you such a bad teacher that you don’t even know what you have taught? Or are you such an a**hole that you feel the need to bully some twelve-year-olds because you know more about history? And since [My Name] knows history, you decided to bully him?”

My teacher was livid. She tried to answer but couldn’t find the words.

To be honest, before this, the teacher had been actually a very good teacher, and I did learn a lot with her. Sadly, this wasn’t the first time she had picked a student to bully, and she was fired on spot.

What If You Made Tortillas… And Then Made Them Into A Lasagna?!

, , , | Learning | November 4, 2022

My husband teaches food and cookery. He’s helping a fifteen- or sixteen-year-old decide on his final project.

Student: “I could make fajitas.”

Teacher: “Sounds good. You’ll need to make tortillas; I can show you.”

Student: “Nah, sounds hard. I’ll make quesadillas.”

Teacher: “They also need tortillas.”

Student: “Nachos?”

Teacher: “What are nachos made of?”

Student: “Tort— Ah, I see what you did there, sir!”

Later that session, he’s talking to the same student.

Student: “Sir, what’s mouse-akka?”

Teacher: “Moussaka? You know lasagne?”

Student: “Yeah?”

Teacher: “Take out the pasta and use aubergine, and use lamb mince instead of beef.”

Student: “You could’ve just said Lasagne 2.0, sir!”