The Wrong Answers Are The Most Delicious

, , , , | Learning | February 8, 2018

(This happens in a sixth-grade math class.)

Teacher: “Make sure you only combine like terms. Terms that are different are like apples and oranges. If you combine them, you end up with fruit salad instead of the answer.”

The Grade Is S*** And So Is The Student

, , , , , | Learning | February 6, 2018

(A friend of mine, a professor, has a student who never attends class or turns in an assignment. Quite naturally, he gets a failing grade, which he then formally appeals. When my friend refuses to change the grade, the dean calls him and the student in for a meeting to try to find a “compromise.” The dialogue goes like this:)

Student: “I need this class to graduate. You need to give me a passing grade.”

Professor: “You didn’t meet any of the course requirements. You did not attend class and never turned in any assignments. I cannot change your grade.”

Dean: “I’d like to find a solution to this problem. Is there any way [Student] could complete missing assignments to change his grade?”

Professor: “That wouldn’t be fair to the students who did complete requirements.”

(At this point the student, who has been belligerent in previous dealings with the professor, loses his cool.)

Student: “You will give me a passing grade, or my lawyer will be contacting the school.”

Professor: “I am not changing the grade.”

Student: “You are going to. You will eat all my s*** and give me that grade!”

Dean: “Let’s calm down and see if we can’t find a compromise.”

Professor: “What kind of compromise? You mean I only have to eat half his s***?”

(My friend got up at that point and walked out, with the student continuing to yell. He didn’t change the grade.)

Not Quite The Formula For Success

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 4, 2018

(For the final exam, the teacher allows the math class to bring two specific notes pages, as well as one index card with any additional formulas they want to have available on the test. During the test, a couple of students ask questions:)

Student #1: “I don’t see #1 on my notes pages.”

Teacher: “It’s not there, but there was a formula.”

Student #1: “Where would it be?”

Teacher: “I don’t know where you wrote it.”

Student #1: “Do you know the formula?”

Teacher: *pause* “Yes.”

Student #1: *tries to hand notes to teacher* “Will you write it for me?”

Teacher: “No.”

Student #2: “I’m confused on how to do these two problems.”

Teacher: “Those require you to use either the Law of Sines or the Law of Cosines.”

Student #2: *blank look*

Teacher: “…or use ‘eeny, meeny, miny, moe,’ since it’s multiple choice.”

Student #2: “Works for me.” *circles answer*

It’s “Really New” Zealand

, , , , , , | Learning | February 3, 2018

(We are writing about the histories of English-speaking countries for a project on colonialism. This happens when I read out a history of New Zealand in front of the class.)

Me: “People have only lived in New Zealand for approximately 700 years. It may be as long ago as 800 AD, but—”

Teacher: “No, [My Name], I need a history of the natives, not the settlers.”

Me: “But the Māori only arrived in New Zealand from the Pacific in what would have been the medieval times in Europe.”

Teacher: “When I said a history of New Zealand, I didn’t mean just the white people. The white people may have arrived then, but tell me what year they came from Australia, shall we?”

Me: “No, really, it was less than a thousand years ago. They didn’t come from Australia; they came from the Pacific Ocean. And Europeans weren’t interested in places outside of what they already knew until after Columbus came back from America. Well, roughly. So, everything you’re saying is wrong.”

Teacher: *passive-aggressively* “Hmm, I think I’ll be the judge of that.”

(I got a C.)

Burn As I Say, Not As I Do

, , , , , | Learning | February 2, 2018

(I’m in class, and the fire alarm goes off. Everyone stands up, just like we were taught to do in the fire drills.)

Teacher: “Sit down!”

(The class sits down and the teacher takes her sweet time getting her handbag and coat.)

Teacher: “Okay, everybody stand up and follow me! Leave your bags and coats behind!”

Page 2/4212345...Last
« Previous
Next »