Book That One Down To Experience

, , , , , , | Learning | November 9, 2017

My daughter’s middle school English teacher inadvertently left a loophole in her syllabus. Students could earn points for every book they read; all they had to do was fill out a form with the author, title, and a brief synopsis, with a signature from the parent that the book was actually read. The catch? The teacher hadn’t put a limit on how many points a student could earn.

[Daughter] spotted the loophole, drew my attention to it, and asked what I thought. I figured this could be a valuable learning experience for both [Daughter] and her teacher, so I told her that, as far as I was concerned, she could go for it.

I was very proud, as a parent, of having gotten my children addicted to reading at an early age, and [Daughter] went for it in a big way. Much to her teacher’s distress, [Daughter] read and turned in the forms for something like 130 books that semester, and didn’t do any of the assignments.

She ended up with an A in the class, begrudgingly granted, but the teacher wouldn’t recommend her for Advanced Placement English classes in high school. I gather that her syllabus changed the next semester. So, they both did learn something.

Friendship Comes With Safety Padding

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 9, 2017

(After lunch one of my friends comes running up to me and pulls me off to the bathroom. She looks worried, so I ask what’s wrong.)

Friend: *embarrassed* “Well, I started my period today and I don’t have any pads! I had some in my purse but my sister must have stolen them!”

Me: *relieved* “Oh, okay. I’ve got some in my purse.”

(I pull one out and hand it to her. She takes it and dashes into a stall. When she comes back out, she still looks worried.)

Me: “What’s wrong, [Friend]? It must be more than your period.”

Friend: *suddenly blurts* “I’m out of pads at home!”

Me: “Why don’t you tell your mom? I’m sure she’ll buy them for you.”

Friend: *shaking her head* “No, she won’t!”

Me: *stunned* “What?! Why not?!”

Friend: “Well, [Friend’s Sister] and I get an allowance of $20 every month for our ‘essentials,’ like toothpaste, feminine products, razors, deodorant… you get the idea. Our mom got the idea to do it to teach us how to budget.” *sighs* “Problem is, the cost of stuff has gone up since my mom started doing this, and she hasn’t increased our allowance, so it’s not enough any more. Usually my sister and I run out of something or other and have to do without until we get our allowance again.”

Me: “That’s terrible!” *I pull the other half dozen pads out of my purse and give them to her* “Stick those in your purse.” *pause* “Can you use scented pads?”

Friend: *frowns* “Yeah, why?”

Me: *smiling* “Good! I’ll bring you a whole box of them tomorrow!”

Friend: “You don’t—”

Me: *holding up one hand to silence her* “Yes, I do. Besides, I grabbed them by mistake a couple months ago, and I can’t use them because the scent makes my butt break out in a rash.”

(My friend bursts into tears and laughter at the same time.)

Friend: *sniffling* “I’m sorry! I’m just so happy you’re going to bring me pads, but at the same time, that butt rash story was TMI!” *giggles*

(That wasn’t the last time I had to bring pads to that friend. I used to sneak them to her when I’d stay the weekend, because if her mom saw me giving them to her, she lectured me, saying her daughter “needed to learn better money management.”)

Drama You Can Put Your Finger On

, , , , , | Learning | October 31, 2017

(My math teacher is known to be a drama queen, and she really doesn’t like me. One day, before math class, my finger gets slammed in a door. As I am quite scared of my math teacher and don’t want to be counted as tardy to her class, I decide to go to her room, and ask for permission to go to the school office and get a bandage. As I get to the room, my finger starts to turn a greenish-purple color. When I go to ask to get a bandage, this happens:)

Teacher: *shows up to the classroom late, after her lunch break* “Okay, everyone, let’s hurry and get this lesson started since we’ve already missed five minutes of class time.”

(I raise my hand.)

Teacher: “Not now. Wait until we start the lesson, and then you can ask.”

(At this point, most of the other kids in my class have noticed, and are now urging me to just leave and go to the nurse. My teacher hears us talking and asks what all the commotion is about. I show her my finger.)

Me: “I got my finger slammed in a door. Can I go to the nurse?”

Teacher: *screams* “Yes! Go, go anywhere. Go to the cafeteria, go to the auditorium; just get out of here. I don’t want to see it.”

(I rushed out of the classroom, almost crying from the pain in my finger. Unfortunately, I ended up having this teacher again in a later year, and she was just as bad.)

Your Understanding Is Not Very Animated

, , , , | Friendly | October 30, 2017

(I like to animate as a hobby, and I’ve finally gotten my friends to sign up for the website where I post and make my animations. Note that the website not only requires that you make the animation, but time and “code” it as well.)

Friend: “Whenever I make it move, it just teleports!”

Me: “I think you might be doing something wrong.”

(I continue to try and explain it to her, but she keeps stating that “it won’t walk.” Suddenly, I realize what she means.)

Me: “Wait a second. Do you think it’s actually going to look like it’s walking?”

Friend: “Yes!”

Me: “No! You have to make the animation yourself!”

Friend: “Wait. I actually have to draw the animation? I thought it would just make it for me!”

Me: *internally screaming* “That’s… not how it works.”

A Different Spin On Sex Education

, , , , , | Learning | October 24, 2017

(I’m in seventh grade, and I have just gotten my first ever health textbook. I start flipping through it and land upon a page about sex.)

Textbook: “Sexual feelings are completely normal and okay. Try talking to a parent, guardian, teacher, coach, or counselor about these feelings. They might be able to offer some useful tips!”

(I start wheezing from trying to hold in my laughter, and motion towards my friend to get her to look at it. She looks at it, looks at me and says, “Are they serious?”)

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