Snaking Around School

, , , , , | Learning | July 15, 2018

(We have a classmate that is unpleasant to be around. We got a new student this semester; she’s sweet, and is the awful classmate’s latest victim.)

New Girl: *opens her locker and takes out a snake* “Hello, cutie. How did you end up here? I should really get the lock fixed.”

Awful Classmate: “You’re not scared? It’s a biga** snake! It could’ve been poisonous.”

New Girl: “The word you’re looking for is venomous. If it were venomous, I doubt you’d risk it just for the sake of a prank — although I’ve seen people dumber than that — and this sweetheart seems quite calm around humans.”

Boyfriend: “I think we should take it back to the biology lab.”

(They go, leaving the bully shocked, and me laughing.)

Awful Classmate: “What’s so f****** funny?”

Me: “You tried to prank the daughter of a reptile breeder with a snake.”

Awful Classmate: “How was I supposed to know?!”

Me: “Pay attention to anyone other than yourself? I mean, she talks about it quite often.”

(We didn’t have much trouble after that, and the awful girl was kicked out a month later. Lucky us.)

Only Say “Looking Good!” If You’re Good Looking

, , , , | Friendly | July 12, 2018

(I am having a conversation amongst my old high school classmates.)

Female Classmate #1: “Ugh. Some man just gave me a compliment! What a creep!”

Male Classmate: “Wait, so, as a man, if I see a woman and feel like giving her a compliment, I shouldn’t?”

Female Classmate #2: “Exactly. That’s SOOOO creepy!”

Male Classmate: “There’s no situation where it’d be okay?”

Female Classmate #1: “Well, if you were a stranger I liked back, then it’d be okay. But otherwise, no.”

(The conversation went on, along those points… but all I could think was that she essentially told him, “The difference between a man being creepy and being polite is whether or not he’s attractive.” Way to uphold stereotypes, classmates!)

Putting This Delicately

, , , , , | Learning | July 11, 2018

I live in the girl’s dorm, and we aren’t really supposed to do washing for people who don’t live here. A shirt here, a pair of pants there is not a problem when combined with our own, but people have been taking up entire wash cycles that only have someone else’s clothing, most likely due to the cheaper prices than public laundromats.

When the new term started, there were complaints of a girl sometimes using two washing machines at once. One was full of girl clothes, the other full of boy clothes. One day, I needed to do laundry, and everything was running except one, but it had clothes in it. I waited, but no one came so I took those clothes out. It was full of boy clothes. I was pissed I couldn’t do my laundry because someone did someone else’s clothes.

I pulled them out, and then I found someone odd: a delicate bag. I was like, did she seriously put her own delicates there so she could claim it’s her stuff plus someone else’s? Yes, I opened it up — I know it wasn’t right — but that’s when I found curious things. A binder and a packer. I zipped it back up and finished removing the rest quickly, and then my own laundry.

She came back as I was finishing and looked from me to the basket curiously before saying thanks and leaving with them. When I left, she was still waiting for the elevator, and we rode up together while she looked at me curiously.

A week later, I felt I had to be honest about looking into the clothes. He wasn’t mad, but felt very relieved that someone had known and kept it quiet.

By the end of the entire year, he actually came out. Unfortunately, the university didn’t allow him to move to the boy’s dorm for the second year because it wasn’t legal yet, but he was fine with it, because he had friends here, and then he was the only boy who could spend the night with his girlfriend in the dorm.

Do Not “Cross” Me

, , , , , , | Learning | July 4, 2018

At my younger sister’s school, there’s a girl who somehow came up with the idea that Roman Catholics — the earliest form of Christianity — are devil worshippers.

She’ll sit near my sister and her friends and give my sister nasty looks and rude comments.

One day, just as my sister finishes doing the sign of the cross, there’s a blackout. The girl is staring at my sister in horror, so my sister shrugs and says loudly, “It worked!”

Fighting The Cold War With Ignorance

, , , , | Learning | June 29, 2018

(We’re in history class, learning about the Cold War.)

Ditzy Girl: “Wait, wasn’t there already a cold war? Like, they invaded Russia and everyone froze to death?”

(We determined she was talking about Napoleon’s invasion of Russia in 1812. Well, it was definitely cold!)

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