The Sugar-Crystal Skull

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 3, 2019

(I am in a culinary arts class that takes place in a small kitchen area. Students from a creative writing class recently used the space for a project that involved making calaveras, tiny human skulls made entirely out of granulated sugar and butter. They left behind a small mess for us to clean, including most of a malformed skull.)

Classmate: *pointing at mangled skull* “What should we do with this?”

Teacher: “Eh, that one’s a reject. You can just toss it.”

Classmate: “Can I have it?”

Teacher: “Sure.”

(That guy proceeded to eat the entire skull over the course of our class. Almost a cup of pure sugar and no flavorings.)

Bee Vigilant

, , , , , | Friendly | March 29, 2019

(It is early in my first semester of college. I am young and not yet used to the more relaxed atmosphere of most college classes, or the concept of seeing older students as my equals. I am in an English Lit class where I am too shy to speak to most people, sitting next to a guy who is at least half a decade older than me. One day he walks in and sits down and I notice what looks like an actual bee sitting on his head. It looks incredibly real so I don’t think it’s fake, but it doesn’t move or twitch in the slightest while I look at it. The guy also likes to wear a number of different baubles and patches and such, so I wouldn’t put it outside the realm of possibility for him to stick a realistic-looking insect in his hair. I spend the entire hour-and-a-half class sneaking glances at the bee to see if it moves, which it never does. As class is almost over, my curiosity drives me enough to actually ask him:)

Me: *pointing at my own head* “Um, are you aware you have a bee in your hair?”

Guy: *laughs* “Haha, what?”

(He wipes his hand over his head to knock the bee to the floor, where it suddenly begins flailing and trying to stand. The guy curses and stomps on it, then looks at me.)

Guy: “How long was that thing on me?!”

Me: “I’m guessing since the last time you were outside.”

Bullying Under Lab Conditions

, , , , , , | Learning | March 26, 2019

In my high school, all the science classrooms are on the same block with a massive hallway connecting all of them which hold equipment, emergency supplies, etc. Only the teachers are allowed down it except for emergencies, so it is known to students as the Forbidden Hall.

One day my class is doing a lab. My teacher is notorious for being absent-minded and missing out on the stuff going around his classroom. This is junior year, and since I am a crazy tomboy and I don’t have a boyfriend, I have become the target of ridicule and bullying, especially during labs, since our teacher is extra distracted by helping students and doesn’t notice the bullies. One of the bullies thinks it’ll be a great prank to throw a heavy history textbook at my head as a “prank.” Of course, the teacher doesn’t notice.

But my lab partner does, and he’s sick of these “pranks.” Before the bully can retrieve his history book, my lab partner picks it up and carries it to the Forbidden Hall. He looks left, looks right, then slides the history book all the way down the hall with surprising strength; it slides to a halt about five classrooms away. He then quietly goes back to our lab as if nothing ever happened.

The bully sneers at my lab partner and goes to retrieve his book, but our teacher, who noticed nothing of this exchange, is suddenly acutely aware of someone trying to enter the Forbidden Hall.

“[Student], you know you’re not allowed in there.”

“But–”

“No buts. Finish your lab.”

The student tries several more times during lab, but never gets past the teacher. When the bell rings, I leave for my next class with a grin on my face. I have no idea if the bully got his book back, but one glare from my friend stopped him ever throwing books at my head again.

No Need To Be So Anal About It

, , , , | Learning | March 26, 2019

(I am currently attending school to get my certification for nail technology. We are practicing our application of acrylics and trying to perfect our liquid-to-powder ratio, as well as how to apply the mixed liquid and powder onto the nail with the brush. The liquid and powder mixture is referred to as a “bead” since it resembles one when you drag the soaked brush tip through the powder. It’s not nearly as easy to create this “bead” as salon technicians make it look, so some of us are still struggling with it, including me. I soak the brush and glide the tip of it across the surface of the powder and somehow manage to get one of the best looking beads I have created.)

Me: “All right! I think I got a good one this time!”

(Just as I go to apply this bead to the practice hand nail, the bead falls off the tip of the brush and onto the paper towel underneath the practice hand.)

Me: “Ugh! Stupid butthole bead!”

Fellow Student: *pauses, snorts, and laughs* “Oh, my God!”

(Only then did I realize what I had just said!)

Not A Labyrinthine Amount Of Options

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 24, 2019

(My freshman class is reading “The Odyssey.” I have long been a fan of Greek mythology, so whenever the teacher asks, “Does anyone know what [something] refers to?” I am often the first person to raise my hand and answer.)

Teacher: “Does anyone know what the Labyrinth was?”

Me: *raises hand*

Teacher: “[My Name], how about we give the other students a chance to answer?”

Me: *drops hand*

Teacher: “Well? Does anyone know what the Labyrinth refers to?”

(There is an awkward minute of silence as no one else raises their hand.)

Me: *tentatively raises hand*

Teacher: *sighs heavily and puts his face in his hands* “Go ahead, [My Name].”

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