I worked in retail in between jobs way back when, early nineties. It was December in a major department store that is no longer around. 

The store tried to cram as much product onto the floor as possible, to the point that you couldn’t walk through the aisles and had to twist and turn to get past the fixtures set up with product. I casually mentioned to a supervisor that if the fire department ever came in, they would close us down for the hazards and lack of egress. 

She was highly stressed and blurted out to me:

Supervisor: “You know what? Then call the Fire Department!”

I held my hands up and said “Easy”. She assigned me my duties, and that was that.

Well … she DID tell me to call.

On the way home, I stopped by a government building that had all sorts of agencies in it. I told the receptionist my plight, and she pointed to a phone on the wall.

Receptionist: “Tell the operator you want the fire department, and they will patch you through to the station’s non-emergency line.”

The fire Chief himself answered. I told him how crowded it was and what the supervisor said.

He had a good laugh and said:

Fire Chief: “We’ll check it out.”

I was off the next day but heard about it when I got back.

The fire chief and a station house full of firefighters had shown up to do an inspection. He told the store manager that egress was being blocked, and he’d have to remove a lot of the fixtures in the aisles.

The store manager said he had orders from corporate: fixtures stay. 

The fire chief assured him he would win the argument. 

The store manager stood his ground.

Fire Chief: “Alright boys, close them down!”

They evacuated the store (all three levels) and closed all entrances… in December… prime Christmas shopping season.

The store manager tried to protest, and suddenly the sheriff’s department started showing up.

Long story short, they were closed for five and a half hours while the chief, store manager, and employees rearranged the store to acceptable levels.

The supervisor never treated me differently, so I’m guessing she didn’t remember the conversation. The store manager, surprisingly, did NOT get fired by corporate but corporate was not happy.

About a week later, I’m working with the store manager and supervisor when she asks why we can’t do something a certain way.

Store Manager: “The fire department won’t allow that.”

And that was it.

Many years back, my brother and his wife bought property that had an aging apple orchard. The plan was to remove the trees and put in a vineyard. We all came down to help. 

On burning day, we each had a fire pile we were to keep tabs on. I was watching my pile, and a large branch, on fire, rolled down and away from the pile. I grabbed the end that wasn’t burning and went to throw it back on the pile. I guess I went in a little too close and singed my hair around my face. I didn’t notice at the time.

Lunchtime came, and my niece saw my hair.

Niece: “Oh! Aunty! Your hair!”

Everyone had a good laugh.

The next work day included some fir tree trimming. I ended up with a bunch of sap stuck in my hair. My brother looked at me and said:

Brother: “Well, that should burn right out!”

I’m a new hire at a truck rental place. I’m showing a customer around a truck he’s rented, and he asks me a question that I feel I need to check with my manager about. I leave the customer and check with my manager real quick.

Manager: “What is it?”

Me: “The customer is asking where the brakes are.”

Manager: “So?”

Me: “We’re renting him a 20,000-pound twenty-six-foot box truck, and he doesn’t know where the brakes are.”

Manager: “Yeah, it happens. If there’re no issues with his license, we’re required to rent to these people.”

Me: “So, I just ignore the red flags?”

Manager: “No, you just really strongly suggest that they get the insurance.”

My work takes me to lots of remote and far-flung places. As a result, I am often travelling with domestic airlines in small countries that not many people know of. I am aware of certain international aviation rules that all airlines must follow, though, no exceptions.

I call the attendant to my seat.

Me: “Excuse me. I’ve been smelling cigarette smoke for about twenty minutes now. I’m definitely not imagining it.”

Flight Attendant: “Did you have a question?”

Me: “Uh… could you find out who is smoking and make them stop? It’s not legal.”

The attendant looks confused but nods and seems to check the whole cabin. They don’t return to me, so I assume they found the culprit and told them to stop, but half an hour later, I can smell the cigarettes again. I call over the attendant again and explain.

Flight Attendant: “Oh, yes, I checked. The pilots are smoking.”

They tell me this as if this is an acceptable answer.

Me: “Uh… that’s not a great answer.”

Flight Attendant: “Well… it’s to help them with their hangovers.”

Absolutely none of this was said in jest. I did not fly with them on the way back.

This restaurant had a refrigerated dessert case displaying all the cakes and premade desserts. I chose a cheesecake with strawberry topping, but when a slice was cut and plated, I noticed a few faint green marks, and looking closer, it was obviously mouldy.

Me: “Sorry, but this cake is bad.”

Server: “What do you mean?”

Me: “There’s green mould on the top, look.”

Server: “Oh, oops, hold on.”

She took the whole cake out of the refrigerator, looked at it, and took it into the kitchen. While she was gone, I looked closer at the other cakes, and I could see a few spots of greenish colour on a chocolate cake, too.

Server: “So sorry about that. Do you want something else?”

Me: “The chocolate cake looks mouldy, too.”

Server: “Where?”

Me: *Pointing* “There, look, where it’s been cut.”

Server: “Oh, okay.”

She took the chocolate cake out to the kitchen, too.

I was looking at the case of desserts, wondering whether to actually risk anything, when the cook came out of the kitchen and brought a whole cheesecake with a couple of slices missing, with a pile of raspberries on the top.

Me: “Is that the strawberry cake I just sent back?”

Cook: “Yeah, the cake was fine. I scraped the topping off. Did you want some?”

Me: “Nope. Definitely nope.”

I reported that place to the health department. It closed about a year later.