We Apologize For Keeping Your Children Alive

, , , , , | Right | August 7, 2020

I work at a theme park. While I’m working at a ride where the minimum height is forty-two inches, for safety, a woman comes through with a daughter who is clearly too short.

Me: “I need to measure her.”

She is about four inches below the minimum height.

Me: “She cannot ride for safety reasons.”

The mother tells her daughter to stay with her grandfather and walks into the queue line. As the queue passes the entrance where I am again, the girl is crying because Mommy left.

Mom: *Pointing at me* “BLAME HIM. IT’S HIS FAULT!”

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Not Open To Being A Good Roommate

, , , , , | Friendly | August 2, 2020

I moved in with a high school friend after college and rented a room. I was soon informed that “renting a room” meant that anything I wanted to have out in the main living areas — living room, kitchen, shared bathroom — basically had to be okayed by her and if not, there would be issues. The rule was not something we both had to follow and it included books, kitchen utensils, etc.

One day, when I got home from work, my friend excitedly informed me that she had locked herself out of the house earlier in the day and had figured out how to boost herself up to the kitchen window and easily pop out the screen and get inside. She somehow didn’t see this as a major red flag.  

After that, I tried to insist that the windows should be closed and locked at night when we went to bed since we weren’t in the best neighborhood. We even had those things on the window that would only allow them to be opened to about two inches and I was cool with that. Nope, she wanted a cross breeze at night, so that particular window had to be open. When I tried to convince her that it was a bad idea, she informed me that it was her house so she overrode me. 

I made sure my bedroom door was always locked after that.

When winter came and the sidewalks had to be shoveled on a near-daily basis she threw a fit and complained that I would never help her with upkeep of the house. I reminded her it was her house and I just rented a room. I moved out shortly after and we no longer speak.

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Just Because You’re At The Lazy River Doesn’t Mean You’re Lazy

, , , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2020

I work as a lifeguard at a popular waterpark. I’m stationed just about forty feet away from the entrance to the lazy river. A boy runs and jumps in next to my stand, breaking several rules at once.

Me: “Hey! Do not ever jump into this river again! Use the entrance like everyone else!”

Kid: “I know! I’m sorry! Jesus!”

I let him float on. Some people just make that mistake even though it’s common knowledge. About three minutes later, I see a lifeguard floating down past me with the kid in tow.

Me: “What happened? You need help?”

Lifeguard: “No. Kid climbed out next to my stand and jumped in. Hit his arm on the island.”

Me: “He jumped in at my stand, too, and I told him not to break any more rules.”

Boy: “F*** you! He’s lying!”

Lifeguard: “We don’t really lie to each other. I’m getting security and you can explain it to them.”

I found out later that the kid had been breaking major rules all day and running off before anyone could get him, and he even got a little kid hurt as a result. Security escorted him and his family out of the park and gave them all a lifetime ban.

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Doesn’t He Know That Redshirts Always Die?

, , , , , , , | Right | July 27, 2020

I work at a pizza place that has an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet and salad bar at a pretty cheap price. Due to the global health crisis, we have added several safety precautions such as no more than six people per table, no moving tables together, and applying hand sanitizer and gloves before using the buffet/salad bar.

One morning, a group of about twenty senior citizens comes into the restaurant right when it opens and they move a bunch of tables and chairs together. It ends up being about fourteen people at one table and five at another. Of course, the only reason they didn’t have all of them at the same table was that there was no room to add another table.

I tell them the policy about no more than six. This guy in a red shirt says, “What are you, the cops?” so I get the manager, but he says to let it slide. It’s not a decision I agree with, but he is the boss. So, I do.

A little bit later, guess who goes to the buffet? Red Shirt Guy. Of course, he doesn’t apply hand sanitizer or gloves, so we tell him to not use the buffet until he does, and he ignores us. When we ask him, he says again, “What are you, the cops?” before, thankfully, doing as requested.

Then, Red Shirt Guy goes to get a salad. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

We ask him, in the interest of the health and safety of the other customers, that he apply gloves and hand sanitizer before using the salad bar.

“What are you, the cops?” Then, he asks if we are going kick him out.

I tell him that I would be happy to ask the manager to do so. I go to get the manager and then the guy tries it again! So, I tell him, louder and firmer, for the interest of the health and safety of the other customers, to please use gloves and hand sanitizer before using the salad bar.

The manager tells him to follow the rules or he will be kicked out. The guy doesn’t cause anymore commotions, and I probably would chalk it up to just another entitled jerk if it wasn’t for the last thing.

A little bit before the Red Shirt Guy leaves, he calls me over and “apologizes.” He says that he just wanted to “push the envelope.” So, basically, he just wanted to see how much of an a**hole he could be before he got kicked out. He never “apologized” to the coworker in charge of the salad bar and buffet who he harassed more than me. What an a**hole.

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A Tale Of Two Customers

, , , , , , , , | Right | June 13, 2020

A customer enters her local grocery store, notes all of the changes that have been made recently to keep customers and staff safe due to the health crisis, and follows all of the guidelines. After paying for her purchases, she tells the cashier:

Customer #1: “I just want to say that you guys are doing a wonderful job. I know this can’t be easy.”

The cashier beams and thanks her.

[Customer #2] enters the same grocery store to look for yeast. She is unable to find any, since it has become a hot commodity, so she wants to leave the store. She discovers that doing so without actually going through the checkout is extremely difficult, due to many of the usual egresses being blocked.

In her confusion, she goes the wrong way down an aisle. In other words, the aisle has clear “WALK IN THIS DIRECTION” arrows on the floor, and she forgets to check them. Another customer barks at her.

Other Customer: “You’re going the wrong way!”

[Customer #2] yelps in distress, almost in tears:

Customer #2: “I’m just trying to GET OUT OF HERE!”

An employee comes along and helps her out of the store. She practically runs out the door, face burning.

Reader, both of those customers were me. I wish I could say that I’m sorry to the people who witnessed the second situation!

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