I am starting the highest rope courses in camp. Being a rope course, there are many safety procedures, one of them being a partner system. There is one key fact: you must call to your partner each time you finish a course and switch to the next. This is where problems come in as I pair up with [Annoying Classmate]. As I climb up, I clip my safety connectors to the rope. First red flag:

Me: “Connecting!”

There is a response, but it is delayed and I can already see them talking to someone else.

Annoying Classmate: “Continue!”

I continue to climb through the sections, forgetting to call the second and third transitions. Finally, I remember to do so.

Me: “Connecting!”

Silence. I look down and where do I find them? Nowhere in sight. As there is only one area blocked from my view, I rightly assume that my classmate has gone under into the shade. I curse them in my mind and continue in the hopes that they’ll come out. Stupid, I know. As I reach the fifth one, I look down and see the exact same thing: no [Annoying Classmate].

Me: “Connecting!”

I pause.

Me: “CONNECTING!”

Still silence. I am very frustrated at this point.

Me: “CONNECTING, YOU FEMALE DOG!”

As this is the first time I’ve sworn in any capacity, this should be enough to get their attention even though it isn’t an actual swear. I know people down there can hear me because they look up with shocked faces, but no one emerges from the shade. At this point, someone else comes along with his own partner, [Classmate].

Classmate: “Continue, [My Name]!”

He continues to serve as my de-facto partner until the end, which I will be forever grateful for. Finally, as I descend, [Annoying Classmate] comes out of the shade towards me.

Annoying Classmate: “So, how was it?”

Thankfully, a murder did not happen that day.

I am at a train station trying to get home from school. A tech issue has arisen and the trains on my line are delayed by quite a bit. There are many people on my platform and lots of them are standing over the yellow line at the edge of the platform.

Loudspeaker: “For your own safety, please step back over the yellow line.”

Only a few people move back. This repeats twice more, and everyone is now back over the line, except one middle-aged man whose bag even sticks out over the tracks.

Worker From Another Platform: “Hey, sir?! Can you please step back over the line? It’s for your own safety.”

Man: “WHY DON’T YOU JUST WORRY ABOUT THE F****** TRAINS, INSTEAD?!”

We were all horrified by this because the train was coming and if he didn’t move, it would hit him. He thankfully moved, just in time. Everyone near him pushed past him to get on and he was left standing the whole trip to the other end of the line. It had me chuckling the whole way home.

An employee is helping me when another customer comes up and interrupts.

Customer: “Um, hi, sorry quick question. Where do you keep your fire extinguishers?”

Employee: “Residential or automotive?”

Customer: “Well, there’s a car on fire in the parking lot, so whatever’s good for that.”

The employee called 911, instead.

I’m at a chicken restaurant. A lady a couple of tables down from mine places her baby up on the table, obviously about to change their diaper right there on the tabletop. An employee quickly hurries up before the lady can actually get started.

Employee: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask that you do that in the bathroom.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s fine. We’re all done eating.”

Employee: *Sounding really strained* “Yes, but people will be using the table after you.”

At that, the woman gave the employee a glare, scooped up her kid, and stomped off, I guess toward the restroom. Meanwhile, her group at the table looked shocked, like they’d never considered the idea that other people would be using the table after they were done with it.

I work at a small independent appliance store. All of us staff tend to do a bit of everything, sales, installs, etc.

An elderly lady phones and wants to replace her old cooker and kettle. I try to get the information regarding the size of the old one in order to find a suitable replacement, but she doesn’t really know. I take her details and it turns out we have another delivery near her that day. We agree to send a guy around to take a couple of simple measurements and take some brochures so that she can decide what she wants. The usual installers call me back later with the relevant sizes and specs that the lady would like and we agree on products, price, delivery date, etc. So far, so normal.

The day of the delivery comes, and the usual installation guys have been held up, so the boss says he’ll watch the shop while another colleague and I go to do a couple of deliveries. We get to the old lady’s house and go to take the old cooker out, and it is old — maybe forty or fifty years! And the kettle is the old type that boils on the hob, not a plug-in type.

We take the old stuff out and bring the new one in. All the while, the old lady is shadowing us, muttering under her breath.

As I am testing the new hotplates, the lady has filled up her new kettle behind me and goes to place it on the glowing hot stove. I quickly snatch it away before she melts it and possibly blows up her new stuff. I explain that this is not like her old one. I get the plug and base from the box and explain that it does not work the same as her old one.

Then, she wants to check that the cooker is working, so she proceeds to scurry over and try to place her hand directly on a glowing red stove! I again just manage to grab her arm in time and tell her she must be careful as this is very hot, and she will seriously injure herself.

I have to explain another few times that she must under no circumstances touch the cooker top while it’s on or place her old kettle onto it as it could blow up.

We finally get going to the next job after spending an additional half-hour with this woman, who we conclude must be senile. After about fifteen minutes, the boss phones us absolutely raging. He has a distraught old lady on the phone who has just nearly blown herself up after doing exactly what we just told her not to do, melting a full kettle and dumping two litres of water straight into the live electrics of the cooker!