Trying To Explain It In Black And White

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2019

(My company sells computers specifically designed for old people and computer noobs, with a specific user interface, very simple, with big buttons and all functionalities color-coded. I do level-two tech support for them in addition to development. We get calls from people who have never touched a computer before.)

Caller: “Hello. I have a problem with my printer. I put a color picture and it came out in black and white.”

Me: “Okay, sir, you must have clicked on the wrong button. Click on the green tab to go to the printer page. Then you click on the ‘do a color copy’ button, not the other one labelled ‘black and white copy.’ It should print you a copy of your picture in color as you wanted to.”

Caller: “No, you don’t understand; my picture is black and white now.”

Me: “What do you mean? The printer printed a black and white copy of your picture, right?”

Caller: “No, the picture I put in the printer is black and white!”

Me: “So… you put a black and white picture and want to copy it in color?”

Caller: “No! You don’t understand! I put a colored picture in the printer and that picture is now black and white! I want it colored like before! You ruined my picture!”

Me: “You are telling me that you put a colored picture in your printer and that your original picture has changed to black and white?”

Caller: “At last! You youngsters don’t understand a simple thing! That’s what I’m saying from the beginning!”

Me: “Sir, this is impossible..”

Caller: “I assure you that my picture is now black and white! You f***** up an old family picture; that’s unacceptable!”

Me: “Sir, could you please open the lid of the printer in order to see the glass panel that is in there?”

Caller: “Oh, there is my picture.”

Me: “Is it still in color?”

Caller: “Hmm… Yes… Bye.” *click*

Being Nice Doesn’t Have To Be Like Pulling Teeth

, , , | Hopeless | April 11, 2019

(I study dentistry in France. Like every fourth- to sixth-year student, I work at the dental clinic. It’s divided into wards like surgery, care, emergencies, etc. This way, although unpractical for patients who have to take like three appointments for something a normal dentist could do in one, we can make sure the same person takes care of their patients if they’re nice and/or interesting to work on. One day at the care ward, I get a patient for something that should be taken care of by the emergency ward. After a brief talk with my professor, he agrees I can just take the patient in so he doesn’t have to wait any more than he already has. The procedure is routine and I take care of it in ten minutes; however, it requires the use of something that has a bad taste. As usual, I profusely apologize about it.)

Patient: “Don’t worry; you’re great!”

Me: “Haha, thanks!”

(I get everything wrapped up and inform him that we have to remove another tooth, and that we may have to remove the one I worked on. He has health issues, and I want a second opinion before subjecting him to a lengthy procedure for a tooth he might ultimately have to have removed. I, therefore, offer to show him where the surgery ward is. On the way there:)

Patient: “What’s your name?”

Me: *pointing to my badge* “My name is [My Full Name]. I can write it down if you want.”

Patient: “Oh, yeah! Perfect, thank you! You’re really the best, and I want you to be my dentist forever!”

(I laugh and write my name down, thanking him for the compliment. As mentioned before, I barely even worked on his tooth, so I don’t know how he got the idea I was so great. I tell him when I’ll next be in the surgery ward and he tells me he’ll be there. Fast forward a few days and, sure enough, he’s here. We get him in the chair and start working on the tooth we have to remove. It’s a difficult tooth and we fiddle around with it for maybe 45 minutes before managing to extract it. For comparison, a regular extraction takes five to ten minutes, tops. I also require the help of an experienced professor to remove it. I tell the patient something to the effect of, “It was hard, wasn’t it?”)

Patient: “Oh, not at all! I knew that you really were the best! As soon as you started working on it, bam! It popped right out!”

(I laughed and thanked him again for the compliment. Amongst all the crazy and entitled patients I get, it really cheers me up when I see someone this nice. It reminds me I’m doing this to help people smile!)

The Need For Speed(ing)

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 8, 2019

(We are in front of a town hall before a civil baptism and we meet another guest, a travelling salesman, whom we know to be a Sunday driver.)

Father: “I hope you didn’t drive too fast!”

Guest: “No, I was careful today.”

Guest’s Girlfriend: “That’s because there are only three points left on his license.”

(The French driving license is on twelve points. A number of points are lost in addition to the fine depending on the offence.)

My Mother: “Be careful; the driving license is essential for your job.”

Guest: “Oh, I talked to a police friend. To avoid any problems, I can buy another residence in Belgium and take the necessary steps to get a Belgian driving license. They don’t have a license with a penalty point system, so if I present the Belgian license to the French police, I’ll lose no points; I’ll just get the fine.”

My Father: “But wouldn’t it be easier just to respect speed limits?”

That’s Why It Took So Bloody Long

, , , , , | Friendly | April 5, 2019

(Due to some recurring health issues, going to the bathroom is a rather long and unpleasant task for me, something that only gets worse when I’m on my period. On such a day, my friends and I eat at a fast food place after a movie, and I decide to use the bathroom there. This bathroom is unusually small, with only one toilet and a little, cramped room before it with a sink. As we are in one of the most lively parts of the city and the fast food place is rather full, there are soon six men waiting behind the door. This is quite an uncomfortable situation for me, as not only am I stuck in a dirty bathroom trying to do what I’ve got to do both as silently and rapidly as I can, but the men waiting soon start making loud comments in a rather coarse tone.)

Man #1: “What are they doing in there? It’s been forever!”

Man #2: *crude laugh* “Maybe they’re doing something else?”

Man #3: “Like what? Banging?”

Man #4: “No, it’s only one person here.”

Man #2: “They might be doing drugs!” *others laugh*

Man #1: “How long has it been?”

Man #5: “We’ve been here for like ten minutes and they were already in there.”

(This one confuses me because the first guys to arrive after me actually arrived while I was still waiting. Did they really manage to miss the woman that was standing in front of them in a room so small it feels cramped with three people in it? I’ve finally finished and I start preparing to exit.)

Man #2: “Ah, sounds like it’s moving!”

(I’m really annoyed, because there is no way those people didn’t realise I heard all their comments, and I didn’t exactly have a fun experience in there.)

Me: *as loud and clearly as I can* “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, but I was on my period.”

(This worked extremely well. They’re really silent for an instant, then start apologizing and saying they absolutely understand, in the most awkward of tones. Three of them even exited the bathroom, saying that they’d come back later, then, and when I got out and went to wash my hands, two of those that were left avoided my eyes. I honestly only regret not having waited to exit the bathroom before responding so I could have seen their faces.)

A Periodically Brief Scare

, , , | Healthy | March 20, 2019

(After surgery on my leg, I need to pee, so I ask the nurse for help using the bedpan. After I’m finished, I can’t see the contents from my position but she obviously can, and she looks up with a horrified expression:)

Nurse: “This… This is your urine?”

Me: “Er, yes.”

Nurse: *speechless*

Me: “Oh! I forgot! I’m on my period!”

(She immediately sighs with relief. Sorry for scaring you, nurse!)

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