I’m leading an English-speaking tour, explaining the history and symbolism of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier beneath the Arc de Triomphe. A tourist raises their hand.

Tourist: “But… couldn’t they just find out who he is now, using DNA? They do it on TV all the time!”

The group goes quiet, all eyes on me.

Me: “The point isn’t that we can’t identify him. The point is that he stands for all the soldiers who can’t be.”

Tourist: “Yes, but we can identify them all now, right?”

The tourist’s partner leans in, while nodding and winking at me:

Tourist’s Partner: “They could, hun, but then they’d need to rename the monument, and that’s a lot of new signage.”

Tourist: “Huh… I guess.”

I was able to complete the tour without any more questions like that!

I work at a little sushi shop inside a large superstore/mall, and my main job was to take my trolley full of sushis and wander around the mall, asking people if they wanted to taste some, and basically advertising the (very new) shop.

Customer #1: “I don’t eat foreign food!”

Me: *Eyeing up the couscous in his cart.*

Customer #2: “Why are you selling that? You’re not Chinese!”

Customer #3: *Takes one, starts chewing.* “What is sushi?”

I explain, including telling her that it’s made of fresh raw fish.

Customer #3: *Still chewing.* “Oh my god! I don’t like fish!” *Takes another one.*

On the side, I do moderation for a legal assistance forum. We are not professionals, and we give advice mostly based on common sense and Googling.

For context, in France, PTO (vacation) is a minimum of five weeks a year by law, which was the case for the following user.

User: “I took the entire month of September off for my holidays, as allowed by law. At the end of September, I called my boss to say I can’t come back because of a death.”

We don’t know the relation between this user and the dead person, and why it prevented this user from going back to work.

User: “So, I decided to take the month of October as a holiday too. When I came back to work in early November, I was surprised that my boss decided to fire me.”

Me: “Is there a question?”

User: “What should I do to get a severance package?”

We have a group of fourteen Americans in for a pre-booked menu fixe: a set menu. Same dishes for everyone, price agreed in advance. It includes the wine pairing, water, and service. All confirmed by email weeks ago.

They seem nice enough… until…

Customer: “Uh, yeah, so, I’m not paying for the wine.”

Me: “The wine is included in the menu price, monsieur. It is the same cost whether you drink it or not.”

Customer: “But I’m not drinking it. I’ll have a Diet Coke. So, obviously, I’m not paying the wine surcharge.”

Me: “It is not a surcharge, monsieur. The price is for the menu as a whole; all courses, drinks, and service. It is the same for everyone.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I’m not subsidizing their drinking. Just charge me for the food.”

Me: “I’m afraid that is not possible, monsieur. It is a set menu for the entire group.”

We serve dinner. He eats every course. He drinks his Coke. He sulks. When the bill comes, he starts again.

Customer: “And I’m not paying the service charge either. That’s just a forced tip!”

Me: “It is not a tip, monsieur. It is the service. It is how we pay the staff. In France, it is included in the price.”

Customer: “Then take it out of the price!”

Me: “This is not possible.”

Customer: “In America, we tip for good service.”

Me: “In France, we include it for surviving you.”

Customer: “For what?!”

Me: “Sorry, my English, maybe I mistranslated.”

Customer: “I’m not paying it!”

Me: “Then you will not be paying at all, monsieur, because it is part of the total. It is all or nothing, not divisible.”

There’s a tense pause. His friends, who have clearly endured this before, start digging in their wallets.

Friend #1: “Jerry, just pay. We agreed to this. Weeks ago.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, man. You’re embarrassing us.”

He finally hands over his share, service, and all. As they leave, one of his friends lingers behind.

Friend #2: “Sorry about him. He thinks ‘service compris’ is French for ‘optional.'”

I work for an electricity company.

We sometimes have customers who have their parents try to call on their behalf. Even if they have the account number, we only accept calls from the account holders, not their parents. One time, I had some parents try to have their adult child’s electricity cut off after learning that they’re gay, so there are many reasons why we do this.

Of course, sometimes we get parents pretending to be their children, and because it’s by phone, it’s often difficult to spot them.

Caller: “Hello, my mother called yesterday about a contract renewal. I’ve moved house.”

Me: “No problem, can I have the contract number?”

Caller: “It’s [Contract number].”

Me: “Okay. I have the account. I’m going to ask you a few questions. It may take a while.”

Caller: “No problem, I’m retired.”

Then I notice something. As I have the account open, I have access to the person’s date of birth. I can’t help but say:

Me: “Retired at twenty-seven? How lucky!”

The caller hung up straight away.