No Need To Pardon This French

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 6, 2018

(My father and I are coming back home from church. We are speaking English because we attend an American church and just didn’t bother going back to speaking French. We’re both fluent and speak English with no accent at all. We take seats in the underground and go on with our conversation for a few minutes until I notice that the lady in the seat next to mine is glaring at us. Keep in mind that we’re in Paris, one of the cities with the most tourists in the world.)

Lady: *in French, to her friend, obviously thinking my father and I don’t understand* “These foreigners are way too loud! Why are they here? If they want to speak English, they should go back to their country. They should make an effort to speak French.”

(She keeps going on like that for quite some time. I tell my father, who was politely going to tell her to shut up that it’s not worth it, but her rant is starting to annoy me. At that point she’s speaking very loudly, and the other people around are looking at us.)

Lady: “Ils croivent qu’ils peuvent venir ici et nous envahir avec leur culture!” *They think they can come here and invade us with their culture!*

(There is an enormous grammar mistake in that sentence. Our stop is next, and my father is fuming by that time. I stand up and start towards the doors, but I can’t resist turning around to face her.)

Me: *in French* “Ma’am, you have been incredibly rude, and you’ve been disturbing the other passengers. If you don’t want to see foreigners, don’t live in Paris. Oh, and by the way, ‘croivent’ is not correct French, so maybe you should think twice before telling people to speak French, given that you are obviously unable to speak it correctly yourself.”

(She turned red, and some of the other passengers started laughing, including her own friend. I got off the underground with a huge grin on my face. My dad was laughing his a** off and ended up buying me a cookie on our way back.)

Getting Medical Attention At Irregular Intervals

, , , , | Healthy | December 6, 2018

I was told by a previous doctor I had polycystic ovary syndrome. My period has always been irregular and I have often had hemorrhages for the last three years. I have not seen a gynecologist in over six years because of a bad experience with the last one, but I make an appointment with a different one to get it checked out. To make the story short, things go okay at my appointment, but for some reason my left ovary is nowhere in sight on the sonogram, so I have to get an MRI scan. When I call to make the appointment, I get asked why the doctor wants me to take an MRI scan. I tell the secretary I have irregular periods and the doctor could not find my left ovary on a sonogram. She tells me that I can’t be on my period for the scan, so she asks when my next is period due so she can put me in when I am not on my period. I tell her again that my period is irregular and I have no idea when the next will come. She stares at me for a few seconds, and then asks me when the last one was and asks me how long my cycle usually lasts. I know the date, but I tell her that it can be somewhere between 28 to 120 days.  

A few second of blank stares later, she finally gives me an appointment and tells me yet again that I can’t be on my period for the scan.

How can a woman not understand what “irregular period” means?

Proof(read) Of A Conspiracy

, , , | Learning | December 4, 2018

(We are going to the library with the guidance counsellor and my civic education teacher to look for information on career guidance. Onisep is a French organisation under the authority of the Ministry of National Education, whose vocation is to offer information on studies and professions.)

Guidance Counsellor: “You should go to Onisep, and you can search in the fields you are interested in or look at the profession you want to do.”

(I type in “proofreader” because it is the job I want to do, but the site does not have a job sheet for a proofreader.)

Friend: “Have you tried [website of a French monthly magazine specialized in training information]?”

(I go to this website and find the description for “corrector.”)

Guidance Counsellor: *looks at us* “Go back to Onisep!”

Me: “But I can’t find the information about the job of proofreader on this site.”

Guidance Counsellor: “But you must not leave the Onisep site!”

Teacher: “They’re on a guidance site! They’re not playing on the computer! They’re not doing anything wrong.” *turns to us* “You can stay on this site if you have found the information you are interested in!”

(At the time, there was a rumor that our guidance counsellors were paid by the number of times they advertised for Onisep; that didn’t reduce the rumor.)

Starbucks Already Invented That

, , | Right | November 10, 2018

(We’ve just finished dinner, and the waiter is taking our orders for desserts.)

Dad: “I’ll take a mint tea, please.”

Brother: “A mint tea, too.”

Sister: “A mint tea, as well.”

Mom: “A coffee, please.”

Me: “And a mint coffee for me. Sorry, mint tea. A mint tea for me. Thank you, ma’am… sir!”

That’s Not How Tanning Works

, , , | Right | November 4, 2018

(I go back to the supermarket where I work after a two-week vacation. A creepy regular is at my register:)

Regular: “It’s been a long time.”

Me: “Yes, I was on vacation.”

Regular: “On vacation? But you didn’t tan?”

Me: “I’m red-haired! I’m not easily tanned.”

Regular: “Twaddles! If you took off your clothes, you would tan!”

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