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In For A Penny, In For Just Enough Pounds

, , , | Healthy | October 24, 2021

My grandmother can be pretty stubborn sometimes, and she can get worried about a lot of things. When her daughter, my mom, was just a kid — around seven years old, I think — she was worried because my mom was “too thin” and did not eat a lot of meat.

She went to the village doctor, who checked her weight.

Doctor: “Your daughter is fine; she’s in good health.”

Grandmother: “But she’s too thin!”

Doctor: “Okay, well, there’s a specialist from [Big City far away] coming into [Big City close to their village]. You can try going to see him.”

And that’s what she did. She managed to get an appointment and went to see this specialist. I can’t remember if he was a pediatrician or a nutritionist. He did some exams and came to the same conclusion as the doctor.

Specialist: “Your daughter is fine; she’s in good health.”

Grandmother: “But she’s too thin!”

Specialist: “Why does that bother you so much? Are you planning on selling her by weight?”

With that, my grandmother finally understood that she’d gone a little bit too far and stopped going to doctors for that. She sometimes tells this story, laughing about her stubbornness and the witty response of the doctor.

No Pain, No Gain

, , , | Healthy | October 1, 2021

I’m a dentist. Sometimes we can’t fix teeth without extractions. When that happens and there’s no other viable option, we make prosthetics for the patients — basically dentures. It’s never a perfect option, but in the vast majority of cases, the patients are happy with them after a necessary touch-up and around two weeks of wear to get accustomed to their new prosthetics. You absolutely NEED to bear the discomfort for those two weeks if you ever want to get used to them.

I have this conversation on a weekly basis.

A patient calls in two weeks after being given the dentures.

Patient: “Those dentures don’t fit me. I can’t eat/talk/do backflips with them, and they hurt.”

Me: “Pain is normal during the first few weeks; I’ll fix that for you. How long did you wear them for?”

Patient: “I could only handle three hours!”

Me: “Yeah, I might see why they don’t seem to work…”

No Wonder The Backseat Was So Quiet

, , , | Right | September 30, 2021

I work at a gas station. At around 7:00 pm, a lady walks in and goes into the bathroom. About a minute later, a kid who’s around nine or ten years old also goes to the bathroom. A few minutes later, the lady comes out of the bathroom and walks out of the store, gets in her car, and drives away. A few minutes after that, the kid walks out of the bathroom, goes outside, and comes back in.

Kid: “I think my mom left without me.”

Me: “Do you know your mom’s phone number?”

The child says yes and tells me. I phone the number and it goes straight to voicemail. I’m not surprised; I live in a small village with bad service. I leave a message.

Me: “This is [My Name] and I’m calling from [Business, Gas Station]. I’m just letting you know your son is here and he is safe. When you get this message, please call us back at this number. We will be here until 9:00 pm.”

An hour later, the lady phones back.

Lady: “Hi! I’m an hour away! I’m coming right away!”

The kid was very well-behaved while waiting for his mom, sitting at one of the tables we have in the store. And around an hour later, the lady came into the store and got her son. She offered to give us money for our troubles, but I said no.

Be Proactive; Doctors Can’t Fix Dead

, , , , | Healthy | September 27, 2021

My grandmother told me this story that happened to her some years ago. She was sick for a few days. But she is the type of person that says, “It’s nothing. I’m not going to bother the doctor for so little. It will go away,” and waits until she can barely walk.

One day, she was laying in bed, trying to rest, when she realized that she should call the doctor. She called the office and got to speak to the doctor. This doctor saw my grandmother pregnant with my mother, my mother pregnant with me, and me reaching my twenties, so he knows our family pretty well.

Grandmother: “Hello, I’m Mrs. [Grandmother]. I’m not feeling really well, and…”

And at that point, she collapsed. She fell to the ground and woke up some minutes later. She was confused and did not remember calling the doctor at all, so she went back to bed.

Fifteen minutes later, she heard some loud banging on the door. She ran to the door and was really surprised to see the doctor.

Grandmother: “What are you doing here?”

Doctor: “You called me! And then you stopped talking and I heard you falling on the ground. You were not answering, so I jumped in my car!”

My grandmother was obviously really grateful, and the doctor did some checks and prescribed some medicine. I think he lectured her a little bit on her stubbornness, too.

My grandmother made a full recovery.

Gotta Love Consequences

, , , , , | Legal | September 14, 2021

This happened when my parents went on their honeymoon in Spain. Back then, there were ID checks each time you transferred from one nation to another, and the one at the France-Spain border in particular had a queue going on for miles.

My father, who was driving, moved to the emergency lane, went past a line of 100+ cars, and merged back into the queue just before the Border Police shack.

Out of the shack came a French gendarme with the red and green traffic baton. He singled out my parents’ car and directed them to move onto the median strip. Once they were there, he put the baton under his armpit and walked back inside the shack while the other motorists jeered and cheered.

It was more than an hour before my parents were allowed to join the queue again.