Ask Me No Questions…

, , , , , | Learning | January 8, 2018

(My AP psychology teacher is an extremely chill woman. One day a friend and I finish our work early and are just sitting around talking, and we decide to ask her if we can go grab a coffee from a coffee chain uptown.)

Me: “Hey, Mrs. [Teacher], [Friend] and I are done with all our work. Is there any way we can go uptown and grab a [Coffee Chain]?”

Teacher: “Legally, I can’t allow you to do that… but… I actually didn’t hear where you wanted to go, so, now, ask me if you can go to…”

(We catch on.)

Me: “Oh, yeah. We’re going to the… bathroom.”

Friend: “Then we’re going to go to cafeteria!”

Teacher: “For coffee?”

Us: “For coffee!”

Teacher: “Okay. Have fun, guys.”

And Jojo Was Her Name-o

, , , , , , | Learning | January 6, 2018

(Years ago, when my youngest aunt first attended school, she had until then been called “Jojo” by family and friends instead of her birth name. This wasn’t an issue until she started school.)

Teacher: “[Aunt]? [Aunt]? I guess she’s absent.”

(After roll call is done, my aunt raises her hand.)

Aunt: “You didn’t call me!”

Teacher: “I didn’t? What’s your name?”

Aunt: “Jojo!”

Teacher: “There’s no Jojo on the list; your name can’t be Jojo.”

Aunt: *getting upset now* “Yes, I am! I’m Jojo!”

Teacher: *light bulb goes off* “The only absent person is [Aunt], are you [Aunt]?”

Aunt: “NO! I am Jojo! My name’s Jojo!”

Teacher: “[Surname] is your last name, right?”

Aunt: “Yes!”

Teacher: “Then you’re [Aunt].”

Aunt: “NO! I said my name is Jojo!”

(She then proceeds to have a full-on tantrum, so the teacher drags her to the office and calls my grandmother to try to resolve the issue. My grandmother just laughs.)

Grandmother: “OH! Jojo is her nickname. I didn’t realize we were only calling her that. Yes, this is [Aunt].”

Aunt: *stomps her foot* “Mooooooom! You’re dumb! My. Name. Is. Jojo!”

(Forty years later, the family will not let my aunt live it down.)

An Unbelievable Amount Of Believability

, , , , , , , , | Learning | January 5, 2018

(My history teacher senior year has been funny and easy-going all year. It’s two months until graduation, and he is starting to get tired of the “senioritis” going around.)

Teacher: “From now on, if I see a cell phone out, I am collecting it in this box. And once a week, I will choose one cell phone out of the box and smash it against the wall!”

(About a week goes by as normal. Then, one day, in the middle of watching a movie, the teacher turns it off.)

Teacher: “I have had enough of this! I have told, and told, and told this class. I am sick of telling this class that I do not want to see your phones out. I’m done.” *picks up the box from his desk* “Phones. In this box. Now.”

(He goes around the room, and everyone who has their phone out puts it in the box.)

Teacher: *getting back to his desk* “Are you finding this funny? Would you find it even funnier if I just dumped these in the garbage can?” *picks up a phone and holds it over the garbage can* “Would that just make your day?”

Student #1: “You won’t do it!”

Teacher: “Won’t I?”

Student #2: “You won’t do it!”

Teacher: “I could just take these and start throwing them in here. Would that be funny to you?”

Student #1: “Well, you’re not going to do it, so…”

(Instead of dropping the phone, the teacher spins around and flings it at the wall. It breaks and falls to the floor in pieces.)

Teacher: “Was that funny?”

Student #1: “Dude, that was my phone!”

Teacher: “Did you find that amusing?”

Student #1: “You broke my phone, you a**hole!”

Teacher: “Get out! Get out of this classroom, now! Just get out of my sight!”

Student #1: “I don’t want to be here, anyway!”

(He runs out of the room and slams the door. Everything is completely silent for a moment.)

Teacher: “[Student #3], would you come here a minute?”

Student #3: *does so, looking confused because he’s been cooperative this whole time*

Teacher: “Remember back in September when I told you I could get you to believe something completely unbelievable?”

(By now the teacher was grinning like a fool. The student who left came back into the room, also grinning. He was in on it, as was another student who brought in an old cell phone for use in the prank. After explaining this, the teacher didn’t go back to teaching, but let us talk for the rest of the class. I guess he was having some “end of year fever,” too!)

Flowering New Hall Passes

, , , , , | Learning | January 5, 2018

(We have a sub in the horticulture class and he finds out what we use as a pass.)

Me: “[Substitute Teacher], I need to use the bathroom.”

Substitute Teacher: “Okay. Where’s the hall pass?”

Class: *points to an orchid in a small vase*

Substitute Teacher: “That’s the hall pass?”

Me: “Yeah, the old hall pass got stolen or broken; we don’t really know. [Teacher] decided we would use the orchid as hall pass. Different class rooms use different items, though.”

Student #1: “Math uses a textbook, and social uses a rock.”

Substitute Teacher: “Okay, then.” *hands over the orchid* “Don’t drop the hall pass.” *goes to sit with confusion on his face*

A Little Ray Of Sunshine

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 4, 2018

(I’m a teacher at a middle school. Every Wednesday, the teachers typically stay after school for about an hour for a meeting. It’s mid-December, right before the winter break, and the principal’s voice comes over the intercom at the end of the day:)

Principal: “Teachers, you have been given the gift of time! There will be no meeting today, and it’s a beautiful day, so go home and do something nice for yourselves. I know you’re all busy this time of year, so take the hour for whatever you like. I need to make an announcement about parking tomorrow.” *explains details of parking situation* “Sorry for the inconvenience. Now, GO PLAY IN THE SUNSHINE!”

(I love my boss.)

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