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Defending This Guy Is A Tall Order

, , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: ew1959 | November 28, 2022

I’m a professional, dressed in a suit and tie. As I’m a bit over six feet tall, I’m often asked to get things off the upper shelves for shorter shoppers when I’m shopping. If asked nicely — 99.9% do ask nicely — I’m glad to help. That .1%, though…

I have just gotten off work, and I need to buy groceries for the week. A grandmotherly-looking lady who’s maybe 4’10” asks me if I’d please get something she couldn’t reach. She is very sweet, and once I’ve gotten her item, she thanks me and goes on her way.

At that point, a man who’s maybe 5’2″ yells at me from halfway down the aisle.

Man: *Rudely* “Come get this [item] for me!”

He makes it sound like an order — no please or anything. I ignore him. This pisses him off, so he gets louder and begins cursing very loudly. I walk past him, just doing my shopping and ignoring his outburst.

Man: “Hey, dumbs***, I’m talking to you!”

I stop.

Me: “You need to lower your voice.”

Man: *Even louder* “You helped her; now f****** help me!”

Me: “She was nice and polite. You’re a jerk, so no.”

Man: *Now screaming* “I WANT YOUR MANAGER!”

I break up laughing.

Me: “When did this store’s employees start wearing suits?”

People are watching at this point. I start to walk away, but this jerk grabs my arm and tries to pull me around.

Sadly, I have a severe case of PTSD from a situation when I was a teen. I spin around and punch him his the face; I don’t mean to, but it’s a reflex to being bullied. He goes down, bleeding from his now broken nose.

People start rushing over. I’m beside myself, saying I’m sorry. The man gets up screaming about having me arrested.

I guess someone called the cops or they were already in the store as they appear in what seems like seconds.

Man: “This guy just walked up and punched me!”

A couple dozen witnesses tell the officers what really happened. One officer goes to watch the security video and comes back.

Officer: *To me* “Would you like to press charges for assault?”

Then, the guy freaked out and took a swing at a police officer. He was arrested for assault, assault against a law enforcement officer, and public vulgarity. I didn’t even know there was a law about that last one.

I found out at the trial that this was his fourth time being arrested for similar offenses and that he’d been banned from four other stores in the area. As a repeat offender, he received six years in state prison and to $10,000 fine.

A Sign That Someone Needs Anger Management Classes

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2022

Years ago, I worked at one of the first big box hardware stores. I worked at the service desk for a while and saw all sorts of crazy people.

One time, a guy was trying to make a return, and the front-end manager just kept telling him no. This made him unhappy, so he picked up one of the plastic signs sitting on the counter and clocked her in the head with it.

Then, he ran off. The lumber department supervisor just happened to be in the front end and tackled him at the doorway. Dave was a big guy. I’m sure this customer regretted his actions.

Never More Thankful Than When They Finally Leave

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 24, 2022

This story takes place on Thanksgiving Day at my home. My husband’s maternal cousin, her husband, and their three children suddenly dropped into town from out of state two days before the holiday, and they wanted to have Thanksgiving with my husband, his parents, and me.

My husband hates his cousin and her family, but his mom pitched such a hissy fit that he gave in. His cousin’s children are QUITE poorly mannered and have a reputation for completely destroying the homes of people that they visit. I also ended up having to buy extra food at the last minute because our guest list went from four to nine. I also had to revise the menu because his cousin sent over a LONG list of foods that her children do not like.

We live on a small farm. Our house is over a hundred years old and is quite small by American standards. I am sitting on the couch grading assignments from the students in my Introduction To Supply Chain Management class at the local community college.

Husband: “My cousin and her spawn just pulled up the driveway. Hopefully, they don’t wreck the house! If they start running around the house, I am sending them back outside and they can run around the goat pasture!”

As soon as my husband opens the front door, his cousin’s children rush in and IMMEDIATELY start touching anything that they can get their hands on. The oldest daughter grabs the remote, turns off the program I was watching, and starts scrolling through channels.

Oldest Daughter: “Why don’t you have the Disney Channel?! I wanted to watch [Show] and you don’t have it. I can’t live without my Disney Channel!”

Me: “I think that you can for a few hours. If you want, I can find something on one of the streaming services for you guys to watch.”

Oldest Daughter: “BUT. I. WANT. THE. DISNEY. CHANNEL! You should have gotten satellite TV when you found out that we were coming!”

I am about to scold her when my husband realizes that the two youngest have grabbed my work laptop out of the office/guest room and are trying to crack my password. I go to stop them.

Then, I hear a smash and turn around to find that the oldest daughter has taken her shoes off and thrown them at my framed Master’s degree on the living room wall, shattering the glass and knocking it off the wall. This really sets me off because I worked really hard for that degree and the frame was a quite expensive custom job.

Me: “You are going to pay for that frame! It wasn’t cheap. And I think that you have also damaged the diploma. I have to get a new copy from the college, and that is going to set me back about $50. Go outside before I start to lose my temper further!”

My husband’s cousin jumps in.

Cousin: “You shouldn’t let [My Name] talk to my children that way! They’re good kids, so they should get everything they want!”

My husband used to be a drill sergeant in the Army. He gets this look on his face like he is about to really roast his cousin and her kids. He responds in the loudest drill sergeant voice he can muster.

Husband: “You shouldn’t allow them to be monsters about it, then! They have damaged property, been completely disrespectful to my wife and me, and created utter chaos from the second that they set foot in this house! GET THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE! You gave my wife two days’ notice that you are coming for Thanksgiving dinner and expected her to cater to all of your whims by giving her a laundry list of foods that she shouldn’t cook because your demon spawn don’t like them! You are outrageous people, and you are no longer welcome at my home!”

Cousin: “But what are we supposed to do for Thanksgiving dinner?”

Husband: “FIND A RESTAURANT! Good luck finding one, though, because I seriously doubt that the only restaurant open on Thanksgiving in this town is going to put up with your children!”

My husband’s cousin left with her kids in a huff. My mother-in-law was so mad at my husband and me for throwing them out that she didn’t talk to us for over five months! She was mad because she didn’t get to have Thanksgiving dinner with her niece and her great nieces and nephews. We held firm because her kids were in our house for less than five minutes and this was the chaos that they created. They probably would have destroyed my home if they had stayed for dinner!

Some Coworkers Have Your Back, Whether You Want Them To Or Not

, , , , , , | Working | November 21, 2022

I hurt my back. The good news is that it’s not bad enough to need surgery; the bad news is that means the doctor won’t write off a note requiring medical leave. So, hopped up on painkillers and muscle relaxers, I head to work where I spend the day hunched over at my desk, doing as little physical effort as I can. My boss and all my coworkers understand, and I get a lovely day of folks doing the walking around for me and being polite and kind… except for one coworker.

She’s a self-described “medical know-it-all” despite not having any education past high school health class and general Google information. And she’s apparently decided that my bad posture is causing the pain, not the other way around, regardless of my actual normal practices or anyone else backing (heh) me up. She offers and/or threatens to “fix me” herself with a knuckle in the back and a hand on the shoulder.

Me: *Bluntly* “If you so much as try it, Human Resources will be the nicest part of the rest of the day.”

Several times that morning and afternoon, she hovered around me, making comments and “offers”, but I always brushed her off.

Then, at one point, she made her move, swooping in behind me when I was in the middle of trying to let a spasm settle. I vaguely recall feeling her grab me. I do remember hearing the cracking; my joints tend to stiffen up when still too long and then loudly pop or crack when stretched. I do not remember how I ended up on the floor, nor the noise I made that was later described as “trying to scream through a mouthful of wet cement.” But I was in more pain than I ever remember feeling, openly sobbing and shuddering, and there was a LOT of noise from my coworkers above.

That area of the office was cleared out and EMTs were called. Aside from some ugly bruising, I wasn’t much worse than I had been, and once the initial flare started to settle, I declined a trip to the hospital. I did accept when my boss’s boss came up to me in the break room and gave me an override to the normal PTO rules, letting me take the rest of the day and the following Thursday and Friday off without worrying about any notes.

By Monday, I was still sore but able to move around at least, and my first stop getting back to work was at Human Resources to fill out my side of the report. Thankfully, there was no pleading or arguing by this point; a half-dozen witnesses and a camera shut up Miss “Medical Genius” in a hurry, and rumor is that she only escaped getting fired by signing an agreement basically stating she’d never so much as touch another employee again without permission.

If Someone Hit My Dog, I Would Not Be Responsible For My Actions

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: MusicWhoreMan | November 17, 2022

Content Warning: Animal Abuse


I love my dogs. I have two dogs that I frequently take out for walks. Both are rescues and have gone through way more s*** than I have.

I decide to take Josephine (the oldest) out for a walk since Millie (the youngest) is fast asleep. We take the route we usually take when we go out for walks, and I notice that there is a new donut shop that just opened. The donuts look nice and delicious, so I decide to grab some. The only problem is that dogs aren’t allowed to go inside, but the owners have been nice enough to leave a spot outside for dogs with a bowl full of water and everything.

I chain Josephine outside. I am inside for around five minutes since there are a few people already there. I’m in line browsing on my phone when I hear my dog scream.

I look up and see this lady smacking my dog with her umbrella at full force numerous times. I quickly rush outside.

Me: “What the f*** are you doing, lady?!”

I pull Josephine away, but the lady keeps trying to smack her; she even hits me in the leg a couple of times.

I kid you not, these are the exact words that come out of this lady’s mouth.

Lady: “Your dog scratched my car!”

She gestures to her car, which is across the street, far away from Josephine. Then, she goes on this rant.

Lady: “You let your dog wander outside without a leash, and I had to it up after it scratched my car!”

I am legitimately confused because I definitely chained my dog before I went into the shop.

I immediately call the cops. The cops arrive while the woman is still ranting and screaming that I’ll have to pay for her car with my insurance. I’m fifteen, and I don’t know anything about insurance.

The cops intervene and try to defuse the situation. The lady then decides to play the victim.

Lady: “That dog viciously attacked me!”

Me: “My dog did snap at her because she was getting hit with an umbrella by a person she doesn’t know!”

The cops pulled her to the side and let her tell HER side of the story. I heard stuff about how my dog had scratched her car and attacked her and how she had “bravely” chained my dog.

Then the cops pulled me to the side and I got to tell my side of the story.

Guess who the cops believed?

While I was tending to my dog and checking for any wounds, I saw the cops handcuff the lady and forcefully shove her into their car because she was resisting arrest. She then threatened to sue me for harassment while screaming profanities.

No one sued me. My dog and I were fine, but she was whimpering all throughout that situation. She was definitely traumatized, but she’s doing well now.

I considered suing the lady for animal abuse, but then I found out that she was already in jail for insurance fraud and assault. I dont know about the insurance fraud part, but she apparently tried to push her coworker out of a window?

Anyway, I didn’t continue with the charges because she’s serving five years in jail now.