My introductory microbiology professor had a tradition of having the students make yogurt during the last lab of his class as a fun way to demonstrate the usefulness of microbes in food production. For those who aren’t familiar with the process, good bacteria are added to milk, and after incubating for a few hours the milk becomes thick and sour.
My professor showed up to lab that day quite perturbed. He had a PhD in microbiology, but the university had told him he could not make yogurt in the lab anymore because he did not have a food handler’s permit.
One day at work in our small office, the intercom beeped, as it usually does before our receptionist announces who a call is for and what line. However, this time, I didn’t hear our receptionist. Instead, my phone started squealing and beeping!
I started to giggle at the technological difficulties, and then one of my coworkers said something funny from his office, and I burst out laughing. All of a sudden, my boss appeared in my office, and simply pointed at my phone. Somehow, I had accidentally bumped a button and paged the entire office, so everyone heard me giggling and laughing over the intercom!
(My boyfriend has very curly hair and isn’t a fan of haircuts, so his hair has a tendency to puff up into an afro-like style around his head. He hasn’t cut it in over a year and we’ve just moved in together.)
Me: *squinting at his hair* “Have you been using my conditioner?”
Boyfriend: “Um… Maybe. How did you know?”
Me: “Your hair isn’t as frizzy. It’s hanging down more than sticking up.”
Boyfriend: “Oh. Is that what it’s for?”
Me: “You know how you like to play with my hair because it’s all soft and shiny? That’s how I keep it that way. You really didn’t know what conditioner is for?”
Boyfriend: “I have two brothers and my parents are hippies. It wasn’t really a thing in my house growing up.”
Me: “So, why did you decide to put it on your head if you didn’t know what it was?”
Boyfriend: “I was taking a shower and I got bored.”
(My husband and I are standing in line to get snacks at a movie theater, talking while we wait. I respond to something he says in a way that’s snarky and fake-insulting, as that’s how I express my affection most of the time, and he usually volleys it right back.)
Husband: “You are ruining date night.”
Me: *gasps* “This is a date?!”
Husband: “Yes, this is date night and you’re ruining it.”
Me: “Do… do you like me?”
Husband: “…”
Me: “Do you like me like me?!”
Husband: “I’m not sure where you find divorce papers, but you’re making me really tempted to find out.”
Me: “Now who’s ruining date night?”
(My family has just gone through a very rough week. My car broke down on the way home from class on Monday. Tuesday night, my sister’s then-fiancé, who we knew had done drugs in the past but SWORE he was clean, totaled her car, and when my step-dad went to clean it out, he found drugs in the trunk. The resulting blow-up ended up with her then-fiancé getting kicked out. Thursday morning, we woke up to a flooded living room from our water heater kicking the bucket. My mom’s car has been in for repairs for hail damage, and Friday she gets this call.)
Manager: “[Mom]?”
Mom: “Yes?”
Manager: “I don’t know how to tell you this, but… we kind of wrecked your car.”
Mom: “What?”
Manager: “One of our workers was moving the car to the garage so we could take a look at it, and he had a seizure and… ended up flooring it into the only tree on the lot.”
Mom: “…” *puts her head down and starts hysterically laughing*
Manager: “Ma’am?”
Mom: “Oh, my God, no. I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you or anything, and I hope the guy is okay, but you really don’t know the week I’ve had, and if I don’t laugh I’m going to start crying.”
