I visit my mom and stepdad for a few days to celebrate my birthday. For my birthday dinner, I request Cuban sandwiches and to help Mom make an apple pie. Once we’re finished with the sandwiches, Mom and I get to work on the pie. Shortly, the apples are peeled and we’re cutting them into pieces and putting them into the crust. I keep popping pieces into my mouth instead of the pie.
My mom addresses me in a tone that says she knew this was inevitable but she’s still aggravated.
Mom: “You’re supposed to be helping me make the pie!”
Me: “Mom… I’ve been ‘helping’ you make food like this for over thirty years!”
As the manager of a fast food place, I once explained very sweetly to a very irate customer what the holdup was with the supply of chicken.
Customer: “The supply of chicken isn’t the problem. This is a holdup!”
On realising what he was saying, the two servers and I fell about laughing. He threw his hands up in the air and promptly left in a huff, without taking our money or any chicken.
I came across this crook a few years later when I was a correctional officer and he was in gaol (prison) for something else he’d done, and I asked him why he’d left so quickly.
Customer: “Because I didn’t want you to see me laughing.”
Other officers and crooks nearby wondered what we were both laughing about.
I’m on the phone with a customer who’s trying to format a file to send my way.
Me: “If you save it as a PDF, we’ll be able to open it.”
Customer: “So, when it asks what kind of file type I want to save it as, I choose PDF?”
Me: “Exactly. Let me know when you’ve done it.”
At this moment, the department head walks in, so I hit my mute button.
Head: “I just wanted you guys to know that we have won the office championship and will be having a party on Friday.”
We’ve been working very hard for a month to outperform the other departments. The others in my office cheer at their respective desks.
Customer: “That’s now saved as a PDF.”
Me: “WOOOHOOOOO!”
Customer: “THANKS! I’m pretty proud of myself!”
Me: *Trying not to laugh* “Great job. Just email that to me…”
Thank goodness I didn’t say something more embarrassing while I thought I was on mute.
I have recently started six weeks of placements with a paramedic crew as part of my university studies. I soon begin to purchase coffee for the two paramedics I am working with when I get my own cuppa before each day shift. I usually go to an independent local coffee shop that is open from 5:30, where the staff are super friendly and personable and will often have a joke or a chat with every customer who comes through the door. After about three early starts, the senior paramedic on shift holds his cup up and stares at it after I hand it over.
Paramedic: “Is this from [Coffee Shop]?”
Me: “Yes?”
Paramedic: “Ugh, I hate it there.”
Me: “Not a fan of their coffee?”
Paramedic: “Nah, their coffee is fine, but they’re always so f****** cheerful there.”
Me: *Laughs* “See, that’s part of why I like it there.”
Paramedic: *Starting to grin now* “I can’t stand it! Look, I just want to walk in and buy coffee. No one should be that f****** happy that early in the morning. I just don’t trust it. They should be miserable!”
There’s just no pleasing everyone, is there?
Related:
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 7
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 6
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 5
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 4
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 3
When I worked in the deli department of a supermarket, I’d enjoy interacting with customers, especially when it was slow. If they had a good attitude, I’d joke with them, and they seemed to really appreciate it. One morning, a woman came up and ordered three or four items, which I got while I chatted with her, and she thanked me and left. A few minutes later, she returned.
Customer: “I forgot to order something.”
Me: “No, no! You left! You’re done! You don’t get anything else!”
Customer: *Laughing* “But I have a very fussy nine-year-old at home!”
Me: “Oh. Well, that’s different. What can I get you?”
