Easter Bunny Is Cool, But Santa Might Be An Issue

, , , , | Friendly | April 21, 2019

(I am visiting my sister at work around Easter time; she owns a small bookshop. I am the only person under forty in the shop and I’m sat near the children’s section drinking a cup of coffee. A customer comes in to pick up a book and I see her chatting to my sister at the till about her children. She stops mid-sentence to glance over at me, and then whispers the rest. My sister laughs and whispers something back which causes the customer to look embarrassed and she leaves.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Sister: “She was telling me about her youngest child still believing in the Easter Bunny but didn’t want to say it too loud in case you still believed in it, too!”

Me: “Really?! What did you tell her?”

Sister: “That it shouldn’t be a problem as you’re turning 21 next week!”

(I’ve often been told I look younger than my actual age, and have even been ID’d for a 15-rated movie, but this was the worst one!)

If This Is The Worst Part Of Your Divorce…

, , , , , | Romantic | April 20, 2019

(My live-in boyfriend of two years is currently married to another woman, and has been so for seven years. She knows about me and vice versa, as we are all polyamorous. After a peaceful but distant period of time, they have decided to divorce, as they no longer have a romantic interest in each other. He tells me about this, obviously feeling down but resigned about the decision, and I offer as much emotional comfort as I’m able to, after which I make a somewhat callous comment.)

Boyfriend: “Now I’m just happy to be back home, so I can just sit on the couch and watch Last Week Tonight.”

(It’s a favourite of his. This is where I suddenly realise something important)

Me: “Oh, no… “

Boyfriend: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *full-on nervous giggling* “You’re either going to laugh or get mad at me.”

Boyfriend: *getting worried* “Okay, what is it?”

Me: “Can we still use your wife’s HBO account?”

(Luckily, he found it hilarious, and at least my total lack of tact led to a full-on belly laugh on an otherwise gloomy day!)

That’s All Phone Books Are Good For Now

, , , , , , | Working | April 19, 2019

(Before he retires, my dad is a fitter machinist and loves to play practical jokes.)

Dad: “Hey, [Colleague], I took up a collection for you.”

Colleague: “What for?”

Dad: “Phone books.”

(Dad gets a big stack of phone books he’s borrowed from all the offices and sets it down in front of her.)

Colleague: “But what for?”

Dad: “Well, I heard you got a new car.”

Colleague: “Um, yeah?”

Dad: “Well, if you sit on these, you can see over the steering wheel.”

Kid’s Method To Get Copy Of The Game Was Super Effective

, , , , , | Right | April 18, 2019

(It’s the release day of a new set of Pokémon games, and there is a line of people to pick up reserved copies. We had so many reservations we have to turn away people who just try to pick them up, but so far it hasn’t caused any problems. Currently in line is a boy in a Charmander costume, probably about ten years old but maybe younger. A couple of older customers have been playfully telling him to use Pokémon moves like scratch and flamethrower.)

Customer #1: “Charmander, use fire fang!”

(The kid begins making chewing sounds until he decides to actually use fire fang and bites the customer in front of him in the queue on his leg. The customer yells and grabs his leg, jumping around.)

Customer #1: “S***, dude, is everything all right?”

Customer #2: “No, it’s not all right! I’m a grass type.” *in the games, grass is weak to fire*

(I don’t think my boss ever truly recovered. To this day, every time we get Charmander merchandise in, he breaks down laughing. [Customer #2] was perfectly all right by the way; he had a small mark but nothing terrible. He had reserved four copies of the games: a set of limited editions, which he got, and a set of normal ones in case the limited editions couldn’t be delivered. We sold the normal set to the kid, who had no copies reserved.)

It’s A Small, Small World, But Not That Small

, , , , , , | Related | April 18, 2019

It was summer and we were loading up to go to Disneyland. My son was six years old and was very excited to see Mickey Mouse.

En route, we found a mall to stop for a bathroom and a chance to stretch our legs.

There was a little play area in the mall with the kiddie rides where you put in a quarter and it bounces you around for thirty seconds. We decided to let the kid have fun because we’d been sitting for a while and he probably needed to blow off some steam.

About ten minutes later, he came up, hugged us both and said, “Thanks for taking me to Disneyland. It was fun even though I didn’t get to meet Mickey Mouse.”

It was very tempting to turn around and save several hundred dollars by pretending the play area was Disneyland, but we continued on our way.

He was even more impressed with the real Disneyland.

And yes, he did meet Mickey Mouse.

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