Sorry Isn’t A Flavor

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2018

(I am the bad customer in this story.)

Me: “I’ll have a… How about a… small chocolate ice cream with… No, sorry. A small ice cream with the flavour of the day with, uh… brownie pieces… Wait! No. Mint candies… and… No. Sorry… I must be really annoying right now.”

Cashier: “Take your time. I press one button to remove things.”

(It took two more minutes for me to decide. I thanked him ten times before leaving.)

Nice Saves On Not-So-Nice Subjects

, , , , , | Romantic | March 18, 2018

Husband: “Would you be mad if you fell asleep and I started doing you…”

Me: “…”

Husband: “…”

Me: “…”

Husband: “…a …huge favour by rubbing your back?”

(On another occasion… Note: My husband works as a barista.)

Husband: *referring to a very attractive woman we had just met* “Wow, I would make sweet, sweet…”

Me: *raises eyebrows*

Husband: “…coffee for her?”

(My husband is the king of nice saves.)

When He Upgrades To Four-Letter Words You’re In Trouble

, , , , | Learning | March 17, 2018

(I teach Sunday School to a group of seven- to nine-year-olds, so there is plenty of squirming and giggling to go around. Today’s lesson calls for me to teach a few words in sign language — “love,” etc. — and I’m going over them, when one of the boys raises his hand.)

Boy: “What does this sign mean? I always have to hold my hand up like this when I need to use the bathroom at school.”

(I recognize he’s making the sign for the letter T, which also means “toilet” or “bathroom” if you shake your hand. I explain it, and the boy thinks for a moment.)

Boy: “What’s the sign for the letter O?”

(I demonstrated, realizing we were getting a little off track, but happy that he was engaged and interested. The boy giggled and immediately began fingerspelling “T-O-O-T.” With only two letters I managed to give an eight-year-old’s sense of humor all the ammo it needed.)

Hashtag Me Moo?

, , , , , | Working | March 16, 2018

(I read a story about Japan on this site and I remember a story a coworker once told me.)

Coworker: “I was in Japan for a business trip and we went to a cafe of some sort. It was quite noisy, and I thought one of the Japanese businessmen asked me what I thought about Japanese cows. I thought it was weird, but since I was just served steak, I just went with it. I told them I thought their cows were nice and firm, having good meat on them. As a response, the businessmen started laughing. It turns out they asked what I thought about Japanese girls.”

The Breast Way To Revive Someone

, , | Healthy | March 16, 2018

(I am taking a first aid training course as part of a job requirement. Every student in the class is male, and the only female is the instructor.)

Instructor: “Now we’re going to go over Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, or CPR. Let’s go grab our test dummies.”

(The test dummies used for CPR practice are realistic replicas of a woman’s head and torso. A lot of the students feel uncomfortable with this practice, as it involves undressing the dummy and pushing on its chest.)

Instructor: “Come on! You’re all big boys, now. Put some muscle into it! This is literally the only time it’s legal for you to grab an unconscious woman’s boobs!”

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