A Miraculous Comeback

, , , | Related | November 17, 2017

(When my parents married, they waited five years until they had me. They always wanted another child but decided to wait until I was five. My sister had other plans, apparently, and was born only two years later. My sister and I jokingly fight:)

Me: “Oh, yeah? Well, at least I wasn’t an accident!”

Sister: “I. Was. A. Miracle!

A Pot Of Bother

, , , , , , | Working | November 17, 2017

(My supervisor is going to a new hotel opening to help with training. The hotel is an hour-and-a-half drive away. It is going to be a long night, so she wants suggestions as to what will help keep her awake at work and on the drive home.)

Supervisor: “I have to drive to Red Deer tonight and stay up and train the night auditors. Can I take anything to help me stay awake?”

Coworker: “Just stick to coffee.”

Supervisor: “How about if I smoke ‘the pot?’”

Me: “The what?”

Coworker: “’The pot?’”

Me: “Oh, NO! Nope. Bad idea.”

Coworker: “It’ll make you sleepy and paranoid, and your driving will be worse.”

Me: “As if that’s possible.”

Coworker: “Shh.”

Supervisor: “Oh, it won’t keep me awake?”

Me: “Nope, maybe hungry, though.”

(At this point my coworker and I stop trying to hide the laughter.)

Supervisor: “You two are awful.”

Coworker: “If you’re gonna smoke ‘the pot,’ please bring us!”

Me: “So we can watch.”

Supervisor: “I’m leaving; go do your jobs!”

This Is What Happens When You Sniff Too Much Ammonia

, , , , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(Because of a specific chemistry assessment, several students need to come in after school to do lab work.)

Classmate #1: *pouring solution* “Ugh, the ammonia smells.”

Classmate #2: “Don’t insult the ammonia. The ammonia has feelings, you know.

Classmate #3: “Ammonia was my best friend for a year.”

I’m Totally At A Loss

, , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(We’re warming up for a wrestling tournament when we hear another team’s chant.)

Their Coach: *looking like he’s done with life* “Are we gonna get bopped today?!”

Their Team: *mumbles*

Their Coach: “COME ON! I said, ‘ARE THEY GONNA BOP US?!’”

Their Team: “YEAH!”

Their Coach: “ARE WE GONNA LET THEM BOP US?!”

Their Team: “NO!”

(We won more than 80% of the matches. Most enthusiastic loss I’ve ever witnessed.)

Shirley, They Can’t Be Serious

, , , , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(My coworker, responsible for quality, sees me.)

Coworker: “Ah, [My Name], is there any news on the microscope repair?”

Me: “I’m going to call the engineer shortly.”

Coworker: “What if he doesn’t want to be called shortly?”

Me: “Well, as long as I don’t call him Shirley… Or was that not supposed to be an Airplane joke?”

Coworker: “Eh?”

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