The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The Pie

, , , , , | Related | July 21, 2021

I visit my mom and stepdad for a few days to celebrate my birthday. For my birthday dinner, I request Cuban sandwiches and to help Mom make an apple pie. Once we’re finished with the sandwiches, Mom and I get to work on the pie. Shortly, the apples are peeled and we’re cutting them into pieces and putting them into the crust. I keep popping pieces into my mouth instead of the pie.

My mom addresses me in a tone that says she knew this was inevitable but she’s still aggravated.

Mom: “You’re supposed to be helping me make the pie!”

Me: “Mom… I’ve been ‘helping’ you make food like this for over thirty years!”

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Laugh And The World Laughs With You

, , , , , | Legal | July 4, 2021

As the manager of a fast food place, I once explained very sweetly to a very irate customer what the holdup was with the supply of chicken.

Customer: “The supply of chicken isn’t the problem. This is a holdup!”

On realising what he was saying, the two servers and I fell about laughing. He threw his hands up in the air and promptly left in a huff, without taking our money or any chicken. 

I came across this crook a few years later when I was a correctional officer and he was in gaol (prison) for something else he’d done, and I asked him why he’d left so quickly.

Customer: “Because I didn’t want you to see me laughing.”

Other officers and crooks nearby wondered what we were both laughing about.

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Nothing’s Too Small To Celebrate These Days

, , , , , | Working | June 29, 2021

I’m on the phone with a customer who’s trying to format a file to send my way.

Me: “If you save it as a PDF, we’ll be able to open it.”

Customer: “So, when it asks what kind of file type I want to save it as, I choose PDF?”

Me: “Exactly. Let me know when you’ve done it.”

At this moment, the department head walks in, so I hit my mute button.

Head: “I just wanted you guys to know that we have won the office championship and will be having a party on Friday.”

We’ve been working very hard for a month to outperform the other departments. The others in my office cheer at their respective desks.

Customer: “That’s now saved as a PDF.”

Me: “WOOOHOOOOO!”

Customer: “THANKS! I’m pretty proud of myself!”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “Great job. Just email that to me…”

Thank goodness I didn’t say something more embarrassing while I thought I was on mute.

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Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 8

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2021

I have recently started six weeks of placements with a paramedic crew as part of my university studies. I soon begin to purchase coffee for the two paramedics I am working with when I get my own cuppa before each day shift. I usually go to an independent local coffee shop that is open from 5:30, where the staff are super friendly and personable and will often have a joke or a chat with every customer who comes through the door. After about three early starts, the senior paramedic on shift holds his cup up and stares at it after I hand it over.

Paramedic: “Is this from [Coffee Shop]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Paramedic: “Ugh, I hate it there.”

Me: “Not a fan of their coffee?”

Paramedic: “Nah, their coffee is fine, but they’re always so f****** cheerful there.”

Me: *Laughs* “See, that’s part of why I like it there.”

Paramedic: *Starting to grin now* “I can’t stand it! Look, I just want to walk in and buy coffee. No one should be that f****** happy that early in the morning. I just don’t trust it. They should be miserable!”

There’s just no pleasing everyone, is there?

Related:
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 7
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 6
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 5
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 4
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 3

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Fussy Children Hold The Power

, , , , | Right | June 13, 2021

When I worked in the deli department of a supermarket, I’d enjoy interacting with customers, especially when it was slow. If they had a good attitude, I’d joke with them, and they seemed to really appreciate it. One morning, a woman came up and ordered three or four items, which I got while I chatted with her, and she thanked me and left. A few minutes later, she returned.

Customer: “I forgot to order something.”

Me: “No, no! You left! You’re done! You don’t get anything else!”

Customer: *Laughing* “But I have a very fussy nine-year-old at home!”

Me: “Oh. Well, that’s different. What can I get you?”

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