“My Job, [New Hire]. My Job.”

, , , | Working | January 26, 2021

I work in a big box store. I’ve been working there for about a year when they hire a part-timer who is maybe seventeen. This is almost definitely her first-ever job and she is, to put it delicately, not very good at it. Unfortunately, due to my tendency to be friendly towards new hires — innocent until proven guilty and all that — she gloms herself onto me whenever we are on shift at the same time. This isn’t necessarily a problem, since I don’t mind doing some training, but she winds up being… a little grating.

No matter what I am doing, she comes up to me and asks the same question, always in the same incredulous tone, resulting in variants of the following conversation almost every day.

New Hire: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m printing new price tags.”

Or:

New Hire: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m downstocking.”

Or my personal favorite:

New Hire: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m checking the schedule.”

New Hire: *In the same incredulous tone* “Why?”

Me: *In my head* “Well, it changes every day, you see.”

Me: *Out loud* “To see who’s working when…”

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She’s Just Jealous Because Her Left Hand Is Useless

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 26, 2021

I’m a Caucasian woman, and I’m rather lazily eating sushi and reading on my phone in a food court while waiting for a movie. Suddenly, a woman storms up to me, demanding angrily:

Woman: “Who are you trying to impress?”

Me: “I— What? No one.”

Woman: “Everyone can eat with chopsticks.”

Me: “Oh. Okay. Well, I’m just eating sushi. I’m not trying to impress anyone.”

Woman: “Yeah. ‘Cause everyone can eat with chopsticks.”

Me: “Okay. If everyone can use chopsticks, then how would I be trying to impress anyone?”

Woman: “You’re using your left hand!”

Me: “What? I’m left-handed.”

Woman: “That’s ridiculous.”

Me: “What?”

Woman: “Left-handed is for writing.”

Me: *Pause* “What?”

Woman: “Just because you write with your left hand, it doesn’t mean you have to show off.”

Me: “Seriously? I do everything with my left hand. I’m left-handed.”

Woman: “Left-handed people write with their left hand. You can do everything else normally. You shouldn’t show off.”

Me: “I— I’m sorry you think I’m showing off, but I really can’t use chopsticks with my right hand any more than you can with your left.”

She was so upset that I put my chopsticks and phone down and ate the last few pieces with my right-hand fingers.

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A Catalog Of Errors, Part 9

, , , | Right | January 25, 2021

I work in a pretty big and popular library; movies on DVD and BluRay especially never stay on the shelves for long.

Today, a patron approaches me because she can’t find one of them.

Patron: “I checked the catalog; it says that movie should be available.”

I go to check the shelf again and then call up the item’s record at the reference desk. The movie hasn’t been checked out in three years! Safe to say, it has probably been stolen.

Me: “I’m so sorry, that movie appears to have gone missing a while ago. The record needs to be updated; the item’s no longer here.”

Patron: “No, but it says in the catalog that it’s available.”

Me: “Yes, that’s a faulty record. I’ll delete it right away. I’m sorry I can’t get that movie for you.”

The patron turns around her phone to show me the catalog.

Patron: “But see, it’s right here!”

I tried to explain to her how our catalog works, but eventually, she just left in a huff.

Related:
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 8
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 7
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 6
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 5
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 4

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Stepping A Foot Into Math

, , , | Right | January 25, 2021

I’m the manager of a concession stand in an amusement park. We have hot dogs that are much larger than your average one; each one is a foot long. We call them Bubba dogs. A customer is staring at the menu, holding up the line for everyone else while her family stands silently.

Guest: “What’s a Bubba dog?”

Me: “That’s our footlong, all-beef hot dog! They’re in that case right there; you can see them!”

Guest: “But how big are they?”

Me: “A foot long, ma’am.”

Guest: *Stares* “So, how big is that?”

Me: *Faltering* “Um, about this big?”

I hold my hands a rough distance apart. The guest’s mother and husband are looking exasperated at this point, and each of them chimes in.

Mother: “It’s twelve inches, dear.”

Husband: “Honey, she just said it’s a foot!”

Guest: “Listen, it’s math! Math was never my strong point!”

I have no idea what to do so I weakly gesture, again, to the clear glass case right next to us with the Bubba dogs in it. The guest looks at them and obviously just now realizes her obliviousness.

Guest: “Oh, that’s too big! Just give me a regular hot dog.”

After they received their food and walked away, I could still hear her protesting to her family that “math was never her strong point.”

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Do Not Disturb Me With Your Stupidity

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2021

My dad and I go to get new phones. There is only one employee but the only people ahead of us are an elderly couple.

Employee: “So, you cannot call him but can call everyone else?” 

Elderly Woman: “Yes. You saw the phones; fix it.”

My dad rolls his eyes.

Employee: “Hang on. I’m the only person working so I need to call someone to help me.”

Elderly Man: “Yeah, do so.”

My dad rolls his eyes again. Thirty minutes later…

Employee: “Sir, is your do-not-disturb on?”

The elderly man bends over and lets out a belly laugh.

Elderly Man: “Oh, yeah. I turned it on for church. Is that a problem?”

His wife turned red, grabbed the phone, and scurried out, no thank-you or anything.

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