My coworker is on the phone with a customer.

Coworker #1: “This line is really bad. Could you call me back in a moment in case it fixes it?”

They call back.

Coworker #1: “Hey, guys, the phones here are really quiet. Is there a button that will adjust the volume?”

Coworker #2: *Without looking up* “Yeah, there is one somewhere, but they are already set to max and none of the rest of us are having any issues with them.”

I look over and see that [Coworker #1] is wearing a thick, wooly hat in the office, with a thick edge where it is rolled up. Our workspace AC is dysfunctional — it always puts out cold air instead of heat on cold days like today — so the hat is totally reasonable. Except…

Me: “Maybe you could try putting the phone under your hat to your ear instead of on the outside of the thick brim of your hat?”

The edge of her hat has to be almost an inch thick of layers of wool and it’s sitting directly over her ear.

Coworker #1: “No, that wouldn’t affect it. The phones here are just really quiet.”

I work as a cashier at a popular pet store chain. We currently have a buy-two-get-the-third half-off deal on all dog treats, rawhides, and bully sticks. Part of the deal is that you can mix and match whichever three products you want; however, as most BOGO-type deals go, the cheapest one will always have the discount. 

Customer: “Hi, I bought these three bully sticks, but I didn’t get one half-off like the sign said.”

Me: “Oh, no! Do you have your receipt on you? I can do a quick adjustment!”

The customer hands me the receipt. I notice that she also purchased a bag of training treats which were a little cheaper than the bully sticks, so the discount was applied to them. I explain this.

Customer: “But I saw the deal on the bully sticks and I got three of them!”

Me: “Yes, but the deal goes for all treats and chews, including the training treats, as well. The cheapest product will always be the one that gets discounted.”

Customer: “But I got three bully sticks!”

Me: “Yes, but with the sale, you can mix and match with any of the treats and chews, so two of your bully sticks were counted as the ‘buy’ and the training treats were the ‘half-off.’ Make sense?”

Customer: “No! I got three bully sticks!”

Me: “Yes, and since the sale goes for all treats and chews, two of the bully sticks were counted as ‘buy’ and your training treats, which were also part of the sale, got counted as the ‘half-off.’”

Customer: *Nodding*

Me: “Make sense now?”

Customer: “No, I still don’t get it.”

Me: “Would you just like to return them?”

Customer: “Yes. But I still don’t get it! I got three bully sticks!”

The store is running a promotion on toasters for only €5. One customer waiting in line to buy one is muttering that it’s probably useless, won’t work, etc. When I serve him, he says the same to me — it’s probably cheap rubbish, etc. I smile and assure him that it still comes with a twelve-month warranty; it’s just a special we are running. He just grunts and leaves with his toaster.

Two minutes later, he bursts back through the door, yelling and screaming.

Customer: “I knew it wouldn’t work! It’s just rubbish!”

He’s now red in the face with rage. He throws the toaster across the counter. It narrowly misses me and it breaks with the force. All the customers in line are horrified.

Customer: “I demand a refund! And I’m going to report this store for selling faulty goods!”

I remain perfectly calm throughout the whole episode, waiting for the tirade to finish. Finally, I get my chance to speak.

Me: “How do you know it doesn’t work, sir?”

Customer: “I took it out of the box in my car and nothing happened when I tried to push the button.”

Me: “So, you have a domestic electrical socket in your car?”

The customer’s face went blank as he slowly realised what he’d done. Some of the customers in line were chuckling. I picked up the broken toaster off the floor and offered it back to the customer. He slowly took it and the pieces that had broken off and left the store with his head down and face bright red. Best day ever!

We are having a special on our banana splits, which are already popular, and we run out of bananas by Sunday. We are super busy and don’t have time to run to the store to grab extras. I am on drive-thru.

Me: “What can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “I would like a banana split, please.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we are out of bananas at the moment. Is there something else I can get you?”

The customer audibly huffs and sighs for a few moments.

Customer: “Fine. I guess I’ll get a small hot fudge sundae, then.”

Me: “All right. Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

The customer pulls forward and hands me money. As I’m giving her change:

Customer: “I have a question. How can you run out of bananas when you sell bananas?”

Some guy had cut a coax cable in his backyard that carried the TV to the entire neighborhood. We were dispatched to fix it.

We dug a larger hole to get proper access and spliced the cable correctly and insulated it so people could get TV again. The job wasn’t overly hard but these things take time.

At the end of the job, a quite upset elderly lady popped her head out.

Lady: “Hey! You messed up the TV I was watching!”

All right. Understandable. Losing your TV for an hour or two can be annoying. We get it. That’s why we were there. To fix it.

However, she kept yelling at us.

Lady: “My TV reception is really bad! Why the h*** did you make my show black and white?!”

Well, this is odd as a coax cable really has just the signal in one wire and that’s it. It’s not like it can possibly split up the colors and filter them. I went to look at her TV to see if I could figure out the problem.

Sure enough, the TV was indeed in black and white.

Me: “Ma’am. Your TV is showing a documentary about World War II. Of course, it’s in black and white.”