How To Audit Yourself

, , , , , , , | Working | February 20, 2018

(I’m at work when I get the following email from a coworker who doesn’t like me. I think her dislike is because I answer to a supervisor that she doesn’t have in her pocket. She also copies my supervisor in on the email.)

Coworker: “Please review this document and correct the errors made. [Supervisor], if this is going to be a recurring issue, may I suggest [My Name] undergo additional training?”

Supervisor: *in a separate IM to me* “Don’t answer that. Something isn’t right here.”

(While I admit I do on occasion make a few errors, for me to have done this, I would’ve had to go into a completely different system than the one I use and purposely change the information, as I couldn’t have done it the way it was showing from my system. A few minutes later, I get copied on an email from my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “I’ve reviewed the document, and noticed that the error was not one [My Name] could’ve mistakenly made. I checked the audit trail, and it seems that you were the last one to edit this document.”

(I never heard back about that one.)

If You Ask For Time Off, It’s Your Funeral

, , , , | Working | February 20, 2018

(I have lost my best friend suddenly, just the day before this incident. Since I haven’t received my roster for the following week, I call my boss.)

Me: “Hi, [Boss], since the roster isn’t out yet, I just wanted to ring and let you know that [Friend] passed away yesterday. If I’m rostered on the day of the funeral, I won’t be able to come in.”

Boss: “Do you know when the funeral will be?”

Me: “Well, since it happened yesterday, no, I don’t.”

Boss: “If we had you rostered on that day, would you be able to come to work, go to the funeral, and then come finish the shift?”

Me: *internally yelling at her, but saying calmly* “I don’t think I would be in the best headspace to be dealing with customers that day.”

Boss: “Okay, I have enough people to cover the weekend. Do you think the funeral will be on a Thursday? Do I need to have a cover ready for that, too?”

Me: “Like I said, I don’t know, and I’m not rushing the family into that decision.”

(With barely a word of goodbye, she hung up. The kicker was, I had another job, and when I told them about how I wouldn’t come to work the day of the funeral, they looked at me like I was insane, and said, “We would’ve made sure to give you the day off; of course you wouldn’t have to work that day!”)

Should Have Trained Harder For This

, , , , | Working | February 19, 2018

(My multinational corporation is installing new software for our facility. I have set up an appointment with a consultant in another location for him to come down on the installation date and train our workers. In the few days before installation, I am desperately trying to contact the consultant, but cannot for some reason. I have to plan his arrival and the classes, and I need his input, but I get no response from him. The afternoon before installation, I get a call from my coworker, who happens to be at that remote location.)

Coworker: “Hey, were you trying to contact that consultant?”

Me: “Yes, it’s important that I speak to him.”

Coworker: “Well, I’m told that he quit several days ago!”

(I call the person who was the consultant’s manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “Oh, well, I have nobody to send down, so, sorry.”

Me: “What do you mean? The system goes in tomorrow; the consultant was going to teach us how it works.”

Manager: “Sorry.”

(Well, this isn’t going to work. So, I call the manager of the people who will be trained. I know he’s volatile, so this should be interesting.)

Trainees’ Manager: *with his tone indicating how displeased he is* “Don’t worry; I will take care of this.”

(I know he will become an instant Vesuvius on the consultant’s manager. Five minutes later, he calls back.)

Trainees’ Manager: “[Trainer] will be down to teach the class tomorrow.”

(I happen to know that [Trainer] just returned today from two weeks visiting our Asian operations. To say she would be jet-lagged would be an understatement. The next day she shows up and tells me the following:)

Trainer: “At 3:00 pm, the consultant’s manager and my own told me to be at your site at 8:00 am the next morning. So, with my internal clock turned around, I then drove five hours to get here. Oh, by the way, there is a major sports event in town, so 99% of the hotel rooms are booked. I got a room in a fleabag hotel. I thought I saw a cockroach, so I spent the night terrified and got no sleep. But I am here now, and will teach the class.”

(But she never again answered my emails or spoke to me after that!)

Losing All Ties To This Company

, , , , | Working | February 18, 2018

I’m actually ashamed to say the boss in this story is my father. The story was told to me by an uncle of a friend who used to work for him.

My friend’s uncle had a great-paying job at his company, but got offered a better-paying manager job where my father is the general manager.

My father is the boss from Hell. Many things happened, but what made my friend’s uncle finally quit was when he requested one week of non-paid vacation and travelled outside the country with his family.

Two days from the end of his vacation, my dad sent all the managers urgent emails about an emergency meeting they needed to have that same day after work hours. He insisted it was an emergency, mandatory meeting; every manager had to be there.

My friend’s uncle took the first three-hour flight back home, two days before his vacation ended, and got there just in time for… a long talk about the importance of dressing well for work, with a long speech about using classy and elegant ties.

And, of course, the speech was given by my dad. I was so embarrassed.

No Hangups With Your Phone Style

, , , , , , , | Working | February 15, 2018

(My first real job is at a bakery. I answer the phone, but hear the line go dead about halfway through my welcome message.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name].”

(The customer hangs up.)

Me: “We are not available to speak to you right now, so please speak slowly and clearly at the sound of the click.”

(I hang up. My boss literally stops with one foot in the air, looking HORRIFIED.)

Me: “Relax, man. They hung up.”

Boss: *sigh of relief, followed by a grin* “Whew. That was funny. Never do it again.”

Me: *salutes* “No problem! I work up a new gag each time.”

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