(It’s been a very cold winter so far. My manager has told me not to sell any propane tanks on our shift, as we work thirds. I’m at the front end and it’s about 11:30 at night and I’m preparing for the registers to reset.)

Elderly Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering if I could get a propane tank.”

Me: *wincing* “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell propane tanks at this time at night.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I’ve already been to two places and they didn’t have the type of tank I need.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but my manager really doesn’t like us to do it, since it’s so cold and dark out.”

Elderly Customer: “I wouldn’t even mind doing it myself.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but the cage is locked up.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, right. I really do need to get one though…”

Me: “I’m sorry. Even if I attempt to ask my manager he screams to me over the radio, ‘NO!'” *nervous laughter, as I feel really bad about turning her away*

(During this I’m changing over a register and thinking to myself that maybe I should send her to my manager to see if she can talk him into it. When I turn around though, she’s gone. I continue with my duties for another 10 or 15 minutes.)

Manager: *on radio* “[My Name], you’re in trouble!”

Me: “Why, what’d I do?”

Manager: *slightly more mocking* “You know what you did!”

(I guess the customer HAD gone to him and asked him about getting propane. Both he and the supporting manager thought I had sent her to them. They complained for the next couple of hours about going out in the cold, all the while with me attempting to convince them I didn’t send her to them. I’m not sure if they ever eventually believed me.)

(I work at a big farm in Romania. My boss is French but he’s been living here for about 20 years, so he speaks Romanian. As we are a rather large, we also have an irrigation system that usually works non-stop. This particular night, one of the pipes that supplies water for our irrigation system doesn’t work. The pipe is owned by a different company. The following conversation happens between my boss and the executive of the said company, at midnight.)

Boss: “Hi, we have a problem with the pipe [reference] for the fields [reference], and—”

Executive: “It’s midnight. I don’t know what you are doing in France at this hour, but here we f*** our wives!” *hangs up*

(My family decides to visit my sister at college. The city has a few other colleges as well so we were excited to try what the heartland America version of international cuisines we regularly have authentic versions of in our home city would be like — because who doesn’t like to try new things? We decided to try out a hibachi restaurant at the lunch time.)

Server: “We have a lunch special sale on sushi and we are selling it for $2 each.”

Me: “$2? Isn’t that a little cheap?”

Server: “A little, but it’s just a small bundle of rice with a topping wrapped on top.”

Me: *thinking that’s a little expensive for something so small but I’m hoping it will be really interesting or tasty and worth it*

Server: “Here’s the ordering card for the sushi.”

(It has “sushi” written on the front, and “maki” written on the back.)

Me: “What about the back? Are those items for the sale price as well?”

Server: “Yes, like I said, it is all $2.” *she sounds very frustrated with me asking so many questions so I decide it is best to not ask any more questions*

(Deciding that it was technically on sale and this meal was kind of a family treat I decide to get fifteen rolls for what should be a total of $30. Everyone else’s food comes out and the chef does the whole hibachi presentation which is fairly entertaining. Finally, after everyone else’s food was made and eaten, a plate of sushi comes out to me. I start eating and then they start bringing over plate upon plate of food. I ask the girl who was my server what is going on and she just rolls her eyes and said I got what I ordered. I am a little surprised to get so much food but decide to accept my good fortune. Then the bill comes to the table — for over a $100 just for my food! Clearly they ordered too much food and charged me way too much. I try to talk to the waitress about it again, but she just rolls her eyes at me and walks away from the table. I finally get up and looked around the store until the manager comes up to us and scolds us for not paying our bill yet.)

Me: “We can’t pay our bill yet. We’ve been trying to find you. There’s a major problem with this bill.”

Manager: “I don’t see what’s wrong. You ordered a ton of food and you have a big bill. That’s how it works.”

(My dad just stares at him, and then I try to explain.)

Me: “I did not order this much food. I ordered 15 small ‘bundles of rice and toppings’ as explained by your server which the server assured us many times would only cost $2 each.”

Manager: “No, she told you that only the front of the ordering form was $2 each. The back of the form was for rolls and they cost full price.”

Dad: “We all heard her say absolutely everything on both sides of the form was only $2 each. We will not pay extra because she didn’t explain it well.”

Manager: “[Waitress], did you tell them all of this was only $2?”

Waitress: “No, I explained the specials to them and said only the front.”

Dad: “We literally have a whole table of people and everyone heard you say everything on the ordering card cost only the special price.”

Manager: “Well, I can see you think something was messed up, but this is your bill and you have to pay it. Really, did you think we would charge that little for so much food? I couldn’t run a business that way!”

Me: “Frankly, it’s not my job to understand how your business works and look out for your bottom line. It’s my job to follow information given by servers and order accordingly, and your server gave us inaccurate information. Now, are you going to fix this, or aren’t you?”

Manager: “I can see you are upset that you misunderstood what my server said, but I am not giving you a discount because you clearly can’t hear well. You are either paying for your food or we are calling the police for theft of products.”

Me: “You have to be kidding me. Your store outright lied and is now trying to extort us for money.”

Dad: “It’s not worth it. We’ll pay the bill this time but we’ll warn everyone that this store is dishonest.”

(In the end, since we had to pay for the food anyway, I brought the extra pieces of sushi home with me and ate sushi every day for a week. I got grounded by my parents because I didn’t know better to expect the server was lying and cost them so much money. I still am mad at that server for outright lying so many times to me and my parents and the manager to their faces!)

(I made a Boxtroll costume for Halloween the year the movie came out. I cobbled two boxes together into a large box with a hole on top for my head to come through, tall enough to rest on my shoulders, and altered a skeleton mask to look like the characters that sits on top of my head. I also print out a Candy Brand label and stick it to the box, deciding that was my Boxtroll name. I have the day off, but I decide to drop in at the store to show it off. I sneak into the office, hear two of my managers talking in one room, and set my box in front of the room, blocking the narrow hallway. I duck inside the box, waiting for them to notice me before I show them my mask. They come out of the room, still talking… and inch their way around the edges of my box, going into another room, without a break in their conversation. I wait, a little dumbfounded, and a minute later one of them comes out of the room, carefully moving around the gigantic box in her way, again without a word. I pop my head up through the top, and she’s across the office with her back to me. I shuffle over to her.)

Me: “…Hello?”

Manager #1: *jumps and spins around* “[My Name]! Where did you come from?”

Me: “I was the giant box in the middle of the hallway…”

Manager #1: “Wait, what?”

Me: “How did you not think that was strange?!”

Manager #1: “Well, there are boxes in here all the time…”

Me: *nearly crying with laughter* “It says ‘[Candy Brand]’ on the box! We don’t even sell [Candy Brand]!”

Manager #2: *comes out of the room* “[My Name]! Where did you come from?”

(Clearly I am a very successful Boxtroll. I also have never, ever let those two forget that time they thought I was a box.)

(My manager is chewing out the night crew for the lazy cleaning job they did last night.)

Manager: “This is the best deli in the area, and we want it to stay that way. But it’s not going to stay that way unless we all start putting a lot more effort into it. Now, I’m going to lunch. You guys know what you’re supposed to be doing.”

(He walks away.)

Me: “Did he just say this is the best deli in the area?”

Coworker: “He did indeed.”

Me: “This isn’t even the best deli in a ten-foot radius.”

Manager: *from behind me* “I heard that!”