I work for a school district. It’s March 13, 2020, when the US is realizing how wide-spread the health crisis is in our country and many places are shutting down. In the middle of the day, I volunteer to man our phones, as half the regular office staff is out sick and the other half needs to eat lunch. I get quick instructions on what to do and am left “running things.”

Halfway through my time there, the big announcement comes out: our school district and the rest of the schools in our county will be closed for six weeks. Then, the governor announces that all schools, even colleges, will close for six weeks. (The closure ends up lasting the rest of the school year.) Many other businesses will be closed, too, as the state enters a prolonged “stay home, stay safe” order.

When the regular office workers got back from lunch, they were stunned to hear the developments. I told them, “See, you leave me in charge for a couple of hours and look what happens!”

I work in an OBGYN office, often answering phones and directing patients’ messages to doctors. To make sure the right patient’s chart is attached to the message, I ask for a few identifiers. One day, a patient’s husband calls.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I help you?”

Husband: “My wife wants me to send a message to her doctor. She’s busy with the baby and asked me to call.”

Me: “Sure; what’s your wife’s name and date of birth?”

Husband: “[Wife] and [date last year].”

Me: “Can you repeat her date of birth?”

Husband: “Oh, I gave you our baby’s birth date! No, my wife’s is [date twenty-five or thirty years ago]. My wife’s an adult.”

Me: “Great, I see her profile here, so you’ve called the right office. What message can I send her doctor?”

Husband: “[Message]. Sorry about the date mixup… I swear I didn’t marry a baby.”

A few hours later, he calls back.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I help you?”

Husband: “Hi, this is the man with the child bride. We missed the doctor’s call; can we talk to her?”

I work at a car rental agency, and I am going about my regular workday. We have a short script-like thing we have to go through, including asking if the customer is taking the vehicle across the border into Canada. Some days are harder than others.

Me: “Are you taking the vehicle up to Canada at all?” 

Customer: “No, no, no Canada. Just Vancouver for a day.” 

Me: “Vancouver, Canada?” 

Customer: “Yes, just for a day.” 

Me: “Okay, so you are taking the vehicle to Canada.” 

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “Right, I’m going to get you the paperwork you need for Canada.” 

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 10
O, Canaduh, Part 9
O, Canaduh, Part 8
O, Canaduh, Part 7
O, Canaduh, Part 6

I work in the fitting room where I answer incoming phone calls.

Me: “Thank you for calling the Olympia [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to be transferred to the pharmacy.”

Me: “Let me transfer you to the pharmacy.”

About a minute later, the phone rings back.

Me: “Has the pharmacy not picked up yet?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I have been on hold for too long. I want to talk to the pharmacy.”

They were only on hold for less than a minute.

Me: “I’m really sorry, but it looks like they are busy with customers right now. Can I try transferring you again?”

Customer: “This is getting ridiculous! I have to pee.”

I can hear a woman’s voice in the background.

Female Voice: “Can we do this when we get home?”

Customer: “I don’t want you to transfer me; I want to talk to someone in the pharmacy!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but in order to talk to someone in pharmacy, you have to call the store’s number, talk to the operator, and then I transfer you over to their department.”

Customer: “I just want a number! What is their number?”

I am fed up with this customer’s attitude so I decide to be funny.

Me: “The number for pharmacy is 3299.”

Customer: “Where’re the other numbers?! That’s not a number!”

Me: “You asked for a number, and I already told you that you had to call the store and then talk to me so I could transfer you over to their department. Those numbers I just gave you are the numbers to transfer you over to the pharmacy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I don’t want you to transfer me! I want to talk to someone now.”

After the phone rings back the second time, I realize something is going on with the line, so I have a coworker go over to the pharmacy to let them know I will be putting the phone call on hold.

Me: “Sir, I’m going to put you on hold since it looks like the line isn’t working.”

Customer: *Angry* “This is ridiculous! I have been on hold for too long!”

This has only been going on for about two minutes now.

I talked to the pharmacy about five minutes later to find out that, because they had such horrible reception, they couldn’t hear the guest and ended the call.

Patience is the moral of the story. Apparently, this guy had none!

A customer with a heavy foreign accent is looking for something while the store is under remodel. I’m working one side of a two-sided self-checkout.

Customer: “Excuse me. Where are the corndogs?”

The accent is heavy but I hear “corndogs.”

Me: “Corndogs?”

Customer: “Corndogs” 

I point to the frozen aisle.

Me: “They’re on aisle two. Straight that way on the right.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you.”

The customer goes down to aisle two, looks, and shakes his head. He asks two more coworkers. He finally goes to my coworker on the other side of the self-checkout.

Customer: “Corndogs. I need corndogs.”

Coworker: “Corndogs? What are they used for?”

Customer: “For safe sex!”

Coworker: “Condoms! Condoms are over there. Let me show you.”