Hopefully They’re Just Horsing Around

, , , , , , | Learning | November 28, 2017

(I work at a middle school. While teaching gym, I decide to organize the sports we play alphabetically. We are currently on the letter B and are playing badminton. One of my more innocent students comes up to me, thinking they have a great idea for gym.)

Student: “Hey, Ms. [My Name], is bareback riding considered a sport? Could we play that next?”

Me: *colour draining from face* “Sorry, [Student], we… uh… don’t have any horses here.”

Student: “I know, but it would be fun!” *walks away, laughing*

(I can only pray that he forgets this incident, and doesn’t make the horrifying realization later on in life about what he said.)

The Father Of All Fan-Baiting

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 27, 2017

(In college, my dad worked with the football team but didn’t play. However, he and his coworkers were able to get official jerseys, so long as they didn’t use numbers any of the players had. Shortly after Dad graduated, the number Dad happened to pick was used by a player who was very good and went on to play in the NFL. About thirty years after that, my teenage brother is attending a game at the same college and wears Dad’s jersey to show support for the team. It’s important to note that the famous player is black and my family is white.)

Older Fan: *to my brother* “Hey, kid, do you even know whose number that is on your jersey?”

Brother: *knowing full well who the famous player is, but not wanting to be baited into arguing about who’s the better fan* “Yeah, it’s my dad’s.”

Older Fan: *taken aback* “[Famous Black Player] is your dad?!”

(My brother just kept walking, leaving the confused fan behind.)

Time To Play Some… Uh… Sportsball?

, , , , , | Working | November 26, 2017

(My friends and I go out to a pretty good bar and restaurant for dinner. There’s a baseball game on and the place is pretty crowded, but we don’t mind the fans. We sit down and our waitress comes over.)

Waitress: “Hi there. How’s it going? You guys excited for the [Team] tonight?”

Me: “Nah, we don’t really watch sports.”

Waitress: *shocked* “Oh? Then what brings you out tonight?”

Friend: “Uh, we like food?”

I’m Totally At A Loss

, , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(We’re warming up for a wrestling tournament when we hear another team’s chant.)

Their Coach: *looking like he’s done with life* “Are we gonna get bopped today?!”

Their Team: *mumbles*

Their Coach: “COME ON! I said, ‘ARE THEY GONNA BOP US?!’”

Their Team: “YEAH!”

Their Coach: “ARE WE GONNA LET THEM BOP US?!”

Their Team: “NO!”

(We won more than 80% of the matches. Most enthusiastic loss I’ve ever witnessed.)

Collared Into A Conversation About Football

, , , , | Learning | November 10, 2017

(In anatomy and physiology lab we are learning about the skeletal structure.)

Professor: “And this is the collar bone. Which quarterback broke his this past weekend?”

Me: “Aaron Rodgers.”

Professor: “Yeah, so, basically, the Packers are screwed for the season.”

(The professor then goes on a rant about why Rodgers is out for the season, and about recovery of collar bone breaks.)

Professor: “You know, since the Packers’ season is over, we should be, too. Class dismissed.”

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