What If You Hate Rugby AND Running?

, , , , , | Learning | June 30, 2021

I always hated playing rugby. Unfortunately, it was mandatory at my secondary school, unless I was prepared to take a hockey stick home every week, which wasn’t practical on a bike.

That was, until the first games afternoon of the year I turned sixteen. A games master quickly organised a game for the group I was in and cheerfully announced:

Games Master: “And anyone who argues with the ref will be sent on a run!”

That sounded a much better prospect, but I didn’t want to get into too much trouble. So, I trotted up to him.

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Did you mean what you said about people who argued with the ref?”

Games Master: “I don’t know. What did I say?”

Me: “You said people who argued with the ref would be sent on a run.”

Games Master: “Oh. I suppose I did.”

Me: “Please, sir, can I have an argument?”

He burst out laughing.

Games Master: “Go on, then.”

I hadn’t actually expected this to work, so I didn’t have anything prepared. I came up with something like, “I think rugby is the stupidest game I have ever played.”

I was sent on a run. And they never tried making me play rugby again.

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The Whole World Revolves Around Them Like A Pizza

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2021

This happens the day of the huge National Football championship game, so naturally, this take-and-bake pizza place is crazy busy. I am waiting patiently with at least ten to fifteen other customers when this lady starts complaining.

Customer: “When is my order going to be ready?”

Employee: “Ma’am, we’re making them as fast as we can. We’ll call your name when it’s ready.”

Customer: “But I called in my order specifically so I wouldn’t have to wait.”

Employee: “So did a lot of other people. We’re making them in the order we get them.”

Customer: *Throwing up her hands in exasperation* “Where’s the manager?”

Everyone in the waiting area is now visibly uncomfortable. The manager, who has been making the pizzas right alongside his employees, steps up to the counter.

Manager: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you haven’t made my order yet. I called ahead so you should be making mine first.”

Manager: “I understand, but a lot of other people called in their orders before you and we make them in the order we receive them.”

Customer: “But I called ahead. Why are you making all these other people’s orders before mine?”

Manager: “Like I said, we’re making them in the order we get them and we’ve had a lot of orders called in. We’re working as fast as we can.”

Me: “Lady, we’re all waiting, same as you. Yelling isn’t gonna make them go faster.”

She glares at me and grudgingly decides to cancel her order. After several more minutes of her fuming while the manager cancels the order and refunds her money, she stomps out.

Manager: “Thank you. You would not believe the day we’ve had.”

Me: “I can imagine. Take your time. It’s just pizza.”

After about another hour of waiting, I got my order and made sure to leave a big tip. I just hope they all got a good relaxing break after dealing with all that. They looked absolutely exhausted.

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Father Versus Mother Nature

, , , , , | Right | April 22, 2021

I am working as an instructor in a high ropes course. Our business is based in a beautiful forest, so you can enjoy nature, take zip lines through the trees, climb through nets and onto bridges, and so on. To reach us, you have to walk about five minutes through the forest by a footpath.

It is the first day without rain for about a week, so the ground is still muddy and wet. We always recommend outdoor clothing — clothes which could get dirty and be cleaned easily. I am standing at our hut waiting for customers when this middle-aged father with his children and his wife appear.

Me: “Good morning, sir! Would you like to go on an adventure with us?”

Customer: “I want a refund! Look at my shoes! They’re totally messed up… It’s very dirty and muddy in the woods!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s rained a lot the whole week.”

Customer: “You have to build a street or something! It’s unacceptable!”

Me: “I understand, but with all due respect, sir, this is an outdoor activity park. I am afraid we’re not allowed to build streets through the forest. We are just happy to be allowed to build this business here.”

Customer: *Screaming* “What bad service! Who do you think you are?! I want a refund! Now!”

Me: “I’m sorry. This is an adventure course with zip-lines; you will get a little bit dirty. I’m afraid we cannot give you a refund for something you didn’t book or pay.”

Customer: “Get me your manager! Now!”

I do as I’m told and the guy repeats his complaint about the mud and my “rude and bad service.” My manager listens and smiles.

Manager: “You have two options now: leave or have a wonderful day with your family here. But you won’t get a refund, discount, or anything else. It’s your choice.”

The guy’s family, who had been silent up to this point, was now in a panic. The kids wanted to go climbing in the trees and Mama did not want crying and arguing children. In the end, they just paid. My manager later gave the kids a free entry to our mini-golf, while their parents argued a lot about his behaviour.

Mother Versus Nature

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Nothing Like Sports To Bring Us Together

, , , , , , | Working | March 29, 2021

I am at the window of a well-known fast food chicken restaurant that is closed on Sundays. As it is currently in the negatives temperature-wise, I’m wearing a scarf and a knit hat. Both my scarf and hat are the green and gold colors of a professional football team that happens to be rivals of the favorite purple and gold team that most people in my area root for.

[Cashier #1] opens the window.

Cashier #1: “Your total will be—”

He then stops, stares at me, scowls, and slams the window shut. I sit there, confused, for a few moments, trying to figure out what happened, when the window opens again.

Cashier #2: “Hi, what are you still waiting for?”

Me: “Everything. The guy started to take my payment and then, for some reason, stopped and slammed the window shut.”

[Cashier #2] looked confused but took my payment and said she’d grab a manager while I waited for my food.

After a few moments, the manager came with my food and an apology. Turns out the cashier was a HUGE fan of the team most people in the area support, and the team I support had beat them in a playoff game the night before, knocking his team out of Superbowl contention. Seeing my hat and scarf, he refused to wait on me.

The manager apologized and gave me a free cookie and shake for my troubles. I’ve been back through that drive-thru several times and haven’t seen that cashier since.

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Nothing Unites The Workers Like Sports

, , , , , | Working | January 15, 2021

We are at a regional sales dinner. This takes place in October 2016, when a certain baseball team that hasn’t won a World Series in over 100 years is in the postseason. The sales dinner is scheduled during a “win or go home” game.

I’m sitting at the back, sneaking the occasional glance at social media to see how it’s going, when I notice that a coworker at the table in front of me is stealthily live-streaming the game on his phone, but I can’t see the score.

Me: *Quietly* “Psst, [Coworker #1].”

He doesn’t respond.

Me: *Slightly louder* “Hey, [Coworker #1]!”

A different coworker turns around.

Coworker #2: “What’s up?”

Me: “I’m just trying to check the score.”

Coworker #2: “I got you.”

[Coworker #2] nudges [Coworker #1].

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1], turn your phone to the left.”

Coworker #1: “What? Why?”

Coworker #2: “[My Name] wants to see the score, and so do I!”

Coworker #1: “Sorry! Hang on.”

He angles his phone so all three of us can watch. My boss jabs me in the arm.

Boss: “[My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “Um… watching the game?”

Boss: “It started?! What’s the score?”

Somehow, we got away with this right under the regional sales manager’s nose, who would’ve absolutely had a fit if he’d caught us.

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