Bald Eagle Meets Blind Human

, , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2018

(I am part of a campground’s janitorial staff, meaning my duties include cleaning the bathroom facilities, picking up litter, etc. This occurs as I am walking with several coworkers from one of the eight bathroom facilities to the next. As we’re passing a campsite, a camper flags us down from his truck.)

Camper: “Do you guys know anything about the wildlife around here?”

(As janitorial staff, the only wildlife knowledge we have to have is what’s endangered, what’s invasive, and what’s dangerous, but while he could very well be asking for something along those lines, I have a passing knowledge beyond that, as well, so I step up.)

Me: “I’m not an expert, but I might still be able to help, and if not I’m sure I can get a hold of someone who can.”

Camper: “Do you think you can identify a bird for me?”

Me: “I could give it a try.”

Camper: “Well, it was about seven feet tall, and it had these pink and purple stripes up and down it.”

(I take a moment to think, mostly about whether or not he’s being serious.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have no idea what that could be.”

Camper: “Well, here. Maybe a picture would help.”

(He gets out his phone, brings up a photograph, and shows it to me. It’s a very clear photo of a bald eagle standing on a dune. To this day, I have no idea where he got “seven feet tall,” or “pink and purple stripes” from.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a bald eagle.”

Camper: *looks at picture* “Are you sure?”

Hard As Snails

, , , , | Friendly | July 17, 2018

(I am in a pottery class at my summer camp. A young boy, probably about four, is making clay snails. The counselor teaching the class is talking to him about them.)

Counselor: “Where are its kids?”

Boy: “It is a kid!”

Counselor: “Where are its parents?”

Boy: “They died!”

(Everyone else in the room stares in silence.)

This Situation Stinks

, , , , , | Related | June 28, 2018

(I am camping with my family, and my cousin is joining us. In the evening, my younger brother and cousin, both around 14, go for a walk around the campsite. When they come back, I overhear this conversation:)

Brother: “I don’t think that was a squirrel.”

Cousin: “It did look a bit strange.”

Me: “Wait, what are you guys talking about?”

Cousin: “We saw a squirrel earlier and thought it would be fun to chase it! So we ran after it for a bit.”

Brother: “Until it ran into a tent! But we were talking that it looked strange for a squirrel…” *looks at the cousin* “Um, I think it might have been a skunk.”

Me: “Please tell me you guys are joking!”

(We went to the tent they saw the “squirrel” run into. They told me the lights were off when they were chasing it. They weren’t off anymore. We just cleared it from there. Fast.)

Let’s Kick Start This Camp!

, , , , | Learning | May 7, 2018

(I’m teaching at a summer theatre camp, and the first group I am working with is a group of about 20 seven- to nine-year-olds. It’s a lot. I’m somewhat new to working with kids. It’s in day one and we’re about to have an afternoon snack. Per training, I’m discussing not sharing snacks and why, before we go outside.)

Me: “It’s very important to remember to keep your snack to yourself! Can anybody tell me why?”

(I choose one kid with their hand up.)

Child: “Because it’s mine.”

Me: “Yes! This is true! Your parents packed a snack that’s for you, and not for everyone here! Also, you never know if someone may be allergic to—”

(Mid-sentence, I watch this girl kick an unsuspecting kid next to her, square in the face. Very lightly, but still IN THE FACE.)

Me: *without missing a beat* “NO. NO. You and I are going to talk about this in a second, but let me finish this first.”

(I continue on about snack safety. I finish and check that the child who got kicked is okay, and the camp assistants then begin to lead the rest of the kids in a line out to the playground.)

Me: “[Kicking Girl]!”

(I do that “come here” motion with my finger, like my parents use to do to me before giving me the business. The girl looks down at the floor.)

Me: “You can’t kick people in the face.”

Kicking Girl: *looks away and sighs* “I’m just trying to have a good time.”

Showering Compliments

, , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2018

(I’m staying at my in-laws’ cabin at the lake. This cabin is in a campground that has shower buildings for everyone to use. The shower buildings also have toilets. As you’d expect, there’s one shower building for the men, and another for the women. I’ve decided that I need to answer the call of nature, so I amble over to the women’s building. Just as I’m about to do my business:)

Man’s Voice: *says something I don’t catch*

Me: *thinking* “Oh, no. I must have gotten into the men’s building by mistake! What do I do? Maybe he just needs a toilet and will be out of here quickly.”

(The shower starts.)

Me: *thinking* “Aw, great. He’s having a shower. Who knows how long he’ll be here? Maybe I should run out while he’s showering and hope he doesn’t see me.”

(Just then…)

Woman’s Voice: *giggling* “Ooh, this water is hot!”

Man’s Voice: “Not as hot as you!”

Me: *thinking* “Ah. I’m in the right building after all, but I’d still better get out of here before things get really embarrassing.” *runs*

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