This Coincidence Has Been Burning For 23 Years

, , , , , | Right | August 29, 2019

(I work in the reception of a holiday campsite where families can rent a caravan by the sea for a few days. A woman comes marching in.)

Woman: “Your cleaners didn’t do the oven out properly after the last person left!”

Me: “Sorry about that. Would you like me to get someone to do it out again?”

Woman: *ignoring me whilst pulling out a piece of cloth from her bag* “Look at this leg of lamb! It’s covered in black filth!”

(I undo the cloth to find a rather charred piece of meat.)

Me: “Are you sure you didn’t just burn it?”

Woman: “OF COURSE I DIDN’T BURN IT! I’VE WORKED AS HEAD CHEF IN [POSH HOTEL] FOR 25 YEARS! I KNOW HOW TO COOK MEAT!”

Me: “Well, I’m no expert, but I’d call this burnt.”

(The head chef from the onsite restaurant comes in to see someone.)

Woman: “IT’S NOT BURNT! ITS FILTH FROM YOUR UNCLEAN OVEN!”

Chef: “Excuse me, but that’s burnt.”

Woman: “I KNOW MEAT! I WORKED IN [POSH HOTEL] KITCHEN FOR 25 YEARS!”

Chef: “Oh, yeah, I remember that hotel. My uncle had to close it down after complaints of food poisoning 23 years ago.”

Woman: “UNQUALIFIED HACK!”

(She grabs her cremated lamb and leaves.)

Woman: “YOU OWE ME A NEW LAMB!”

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Unfiltered Story #160904

, , , | Unfiltered | August 24, 2019

When I was around ten years old, I went camping at a lake with my mom and a couple of friends. It was nighttime. Several yards away, our neighbors had a huge bonfire. Naturally, this attracted the attention of the campground’s rangers, two of whom came to tell the campers their fire was a little too big. A couple of comments I overheard as the campers spoke with the rangers:

Camper #1: Is one of your names Rick? You know, Ranger Rick?

Camper #2: We always conserve water. At home, we don’t flush the toilet!

We Hope Player Six Shouted “Q”

, , , , | Learning | August 19, 2019

(I’m at a winter youth retreat for middle-schoolers. We’ve started playing a simple word game; the first person says a word, the second person says whatever word first pops into their head in relation to the first, the third repeats the pattern, and so on. We’re on our second time around the circle.)

Player #1: “Star.”

Player #2: “Astronaut.”

Player #3: “Space.”

Player #4: “Time.”

Player #5: “Continuum!”

(Everyone stopped to laugh. By far the most memorable combination I’ve heard while playing that game!)

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Ayn Rand: The Child Years

, , , , | Learning | August 12, 2019

(I am a summer camp counselor. I am waiting for the next activity with my campers on a bench when we spot a spider on the bench next to us. The campers are around ages seven to nine.)

Me: “Oh, hey, there’s a little spider here. Watch out for it!”

Camper #1: “That’s a jumping spider!”

Me: “Really? Do you like spiders?”

Camper #1: “Yeah! I study spiders a lot!”

Camper #2: “I like to study cars!”

Camper #3: “I study human weakness.”

 

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They’re Probably Right

, , , , , | Learning | August 10, 2019

(I am working at a summer camp. As you can expect, the campers regularly freak out over insects and spiders.)

Me: “Calm down! It probably won’t hurt you!”

Camper: “I love how you say, ‘Probably.’”

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