Their Inventory System Is Crap  

, , , , , | Working | January 22, 2020

(We have to evacuate our summer cabin because of a forest fire. When we return, we find that the cabin is fine, but the disused outhouse has burned to cinders. When the insurance adjuster comes to evaluate the damage for our claim, I have to explain to him what happened.)

Me: “The fire burned our jakes! It’s a total loss, I’m afraid.”

Insurance Guy: “What’s a jakes?”

Me: “Our outhouse. Just don’t ask me to inventory the contents.”

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Only Rings She Will Be Making Are Pasta Rings

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2020

(The gym where I work offers summer camps for kids ages three and up with activities geared towards fun rather than improving skills, not to be confused with competitive team camps where the focus is on conditioning and improving skills. The phone rings one day and I answer.)

Me: “[Gym], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I want to sign my daughter up for a week of camp during [dates that include a holiday]. She is a level-four gymnast.”

(I try to save this woman some money as our camps are not what she will want based on experience with other parents.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’d be happy to help. Just so you know, though, our camps are for ages three and up and focus more on fun, so they do activities like arts and crafts and—”

Caller: “Did I ask? What days do you have camp that week?”

(I instantly put on my overly cheerful customer service voice because if she wants to waste her money, that’s fine. I’m the one working at pickup time and I would love to hear her try to complain when her competitive gymnast gives her macaroni art.)

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am! We have camp on [dates] that week. Should I go ahead and sign you up?”

Caller: “But not [date of holiday]?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, ma’am. The gym will be closed that day, but she can still come the other days.”

Caller: “Never mind.” *click*

(She remains one of the rudest people I have ever had to deal with at that job. I can’t quite capture her tone through text, but every word that came out of her mouth was with an attitude.)

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Scarier Than Cabin In The Woods

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

(The resort I work for has many rental units from campsites to deluxe cabins open year-round. I’m currently taking phone calls.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “You got any cabins available?”

Me: “For when? For tonight?”

(When people ask this and give no date, it’s for “tonight” 90% of the time, but not this guy:)

Customer: “Ah, no. For [two days from now].”

Me: “It looks like most of our cabins are still open that day.”

(I try to further help him find the cabin that’s right for him, because we have 50+ cabins, and a dozen different layouts and sizes.)

Me: “Do you know which cabin you wanted to rent? Or about what size you needed, like how many bedrooms you need, or how many people you’ll have?”

Customer: “Well, uh, nah. I just wanted to… Hey, how much are they?”

Me: “It would depend on what size cabin you wanted; they range from $160 a night to $600 per night.”

Customer: “Wow, okay, so you can’t tell me how much they are?”

Me: “We have several different sizes of cabins that are all a different cost; it would depend on what size cabin you needed.”

Customer: “I mean, I just wanted to know how much the cabins were.”

(I’m starting to get frustrated at this point; he’s not giving me any information to help him.)

Me: “If you don’t know what size cabin you need, all I can say is that they range from $160 to $600 per night.”

Customer: “Ah, okay, well, tell me what cabin you would like.”

(There’s a very noticeable pause here, because I just can’t fathom how he thinks that will help. I’m thinking I’ll either recommend a one-bedroom cabin that’s too small, or a five-bedroom cabin that costs too much.)

Me: “We have a lot of different options; if you can tell me about how many people you have I can give you a better idea of cost. Do you think it will be two or three people?”

Customer: “Nah, nah, not that many. Uh, um. Well, let me see. So, it may be like eight or ten people.”

(At the lack of basic math skills, I start to suspect prank call, then realize that’s just what I wish it was. My gut tells me he’s just this dumb, but I’m relieved I finally have something to go off of and can start selling.)

Me: “Okay, so, a lot of our cabins can hold six people maximum, and we have just a couple that can hold ten people. A good cabin that would fit your group is the [Cabin #1]; it has [lists all it includes], plus a hot tub outside on the deck. This cabin is $529 per night for one to six people, and $20 more per person after that. So, ten people is $609 per night.”

Customer: “Wow, so really, $600?”

Me: “If you had ten people, yes.”

Customer: “What if I had two people?”

(With most people, I’d suggest a smaller cabin if they only have two people, but this guy seems to be deliberately ignorant, so he’s losing my sympathy.)

Me: “Then it would be $529 per night.”

Customer: “What if I had four people?”

Me: “$529 per night.”

Customer: “Okay, what if the cabin had a hot tub?”

Me: “This cabin does have a hot tub.”

Customer: “Okay, nice, how much is that cabin?”

Me: “That’s the cabin we’re talking about, the [Cabin #1]; it’s $529 per night for one to six people, $609 per night for ten people.”

(Then, his most genuinely insightful line of dialogue is delivered:)

Customer: “Hmm, well, you know, I think I might do a bit more research before deciding. I’ll call you back.”

Me: “Okay, have a nice day.”

​​Customer: *click*

(Every one of our cabins is listed on our website, including photos of inside and out, floor plans, and prices. I also noticed the phone number he dialed to reach us is only listed on the website, so he’d already been to the site once, and decided to call instead of finding the answers for himself.)

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I’m Not Horsing Around Here

, , , , , , | Working | November 25, 2019

(When I am around eight, the Girl Scout camp near my house offers horseback riding lessons. As I’ve been to day camps before and had a fairly good time riding, my parents sign me up and take me for months. At this point, I’ve just become proficient enough to try galloping at my last lesson, and I’m excited to try again. This time, the instructors put me on a different horse, a stallion who has just arrived at the stable. I’ve ridden various horses over the course of my lessons, so I’m not particularly concerned as we start the warmups. However, after a few laps, the horse begins to stop every so often. I have to nudge him to start walking again, but a few feet later, he stops again. Finally, I voice my concerns to one of the instructors.)

Me: “I don’t think this horse is listening to me.”

Instructor: “You’re not being forceful enough. You can’t let the horse guide you. You’re in charge.”

Me: “But none of the other horses I’ve ridden have done this.”

Instructor: “Just keep trying.”

(I agree, and we continue with the lesson. The horse cooperates a little better, though he still seems to be fighting me. When we reach the galloping portion, he suddenly takes off running towards the open stable doors. We’re about a mile outside of town in the woods, and it’s a dark, cool night. Out of panic, I scream. Just before the horse reaches the doors, the instructors manage to grab the horse’s reigns and stop him. They take me off the horse, calm him down, and put him back in his stall. Afterward, they start to scold me while I’m still crying out of fright.)

Instructor: “You should never yell while on a horse! It frightens them!”

(Eventually, my mother stepped in to defend me, but I was so scared I don’t remember what she said. After I calmed down, the instructors and my mom convinced me to get on another horse to finish the lesson in hopes that I wouldn’t be scared of horses. Unfortunately, I was no longer interested in lessons, especially not with people who wouldn’t listen when I said something was off about the horse.)

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Spy Games

, , , | Related | November 20, 2019

(Our granddaughter is now at camp. Because it’s November, it’s not taking place in the woods, but in a nice old mansion in the suburbs. My wife and I are taking an evening stroll and just happen to be in the vicinity. My wife pulls herself up to the fence.)

Wife: “I see them all! [Supervisor] is there, [Granddaughter’s Friend] is there, and look! There is [Granddaughter]! They seem to be playing some board games. Everything looks fine!”

Me: “Honey, you do realize it is perfectly legal just go inside and ask questions?”

Wife: “Are you crazy? I would be awkward to keep checking on her!”

Me: “And what exactly are you doing now?”

Wife: *beaming* ” I am spying! Totally different!”

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