I’ll Take The Whole Store For A Dollar

, , , , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(I work in a dollar store. Literally every single item in the store costs one dollar. It is generally a pretty easy concept, at least in the US, as dollar stores are everywhere. A woman comes in to the store and starts filling her cart with everything in sight. In less than five minutes she has a full cart, and she leaves it up front and grabs a second one to fill up. When the second cart is full she gets a third and fills it, and then she approaches me at the register with all the carts. I start to try and scan the items and she stops me.)

Customer: “You don’t need to bag these. I can just take these out in the carts. Here.” *hands me a single dollar bill*

Me: “Ma’am, I have to scan the items so I can charge you the correct amount. It looks like you have several hundred items here so that’s going to cost a lot more than one dollar.”

Customer: “Wait, what? I thought this was a dollar store. Everything I get is one dollar!”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am. Each single item costs one dollar. It’s not ‘take as much as you want’ for one dollar. If it was, the store wouldn’t make any money.”

Customer: “What the h***?! Your sign says ‘everything for one dollar,’ DOES IT NOT?”

Me: “Yes. Every item costs one dollar. That’s what the sign is referring to.”

Customer: “Well, thanks for wasting my time! I’m gonna report you for false advertising!”

(She then ran out of the store leaving her three full carts behind. It took me and my coworker a full two hours to put everything back on the correct places on the shelves. She had 337 items. I could maybe understand her confusion if she wasn’t from the US or had never heard of a dollar store, but she had a local accent so I have no idea.)

The Charitable Thing To Do

, , , | Working | August 17, 2017

(My grandmother has developed dementia. This means my dad and his siblings have to do a lot of her administration. My mother has been doing her taxes for the longest time and she has complained about the long list of donations to charities my grandmother has been doing every month, as this apparently makes her taxes very complicated to deal with. For this reason, and because we can’t know for sure if my grandmother is still supporting these charities, my dad, as her legal representative, decides to cancel almost all charity donations. However, as my grandmother didn’t keep much track of them herself, and did some as she had already started to develop dementia, some of them cause quite funny conversations.)

Dad: “I would like to cancel the monthly donation from [Grandmother’s Account] please, as [Grandmother] has developed dementia.”

Charity #1: *searching* “Ah, I see the donation; however, it is under a different name. Does [Grandfather] approve of the cancellation, too?”

Dad: *starts laughing* “Well… [Grandfather] has been dead for… how many years now?”

(At this point I enter the room.)

Me: “18 years.”

Dad: “18 years, my daughter says.”

Charity #1: “Ah, I see. I guess he does approve. We’ll cancel it for you and you’ll receive a confirmation email.”

Hasn’t Got The Energy To Deal With This

, , , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I used to work for one of the major energy suppliers in the UK. Over the years I heard all kinds of excuses not to pay the bill, some genuine, some just plain crazy. One of my favourites occurs when I am on the evening shift. A customer calls up, furious that we keep sending him bills.)

Customer: “I’m not paying because I don’t believe in paying for energy.”

Me: “You used the energy; you have to pay for it, whether you believe in it or not. I understand if you cannot pay all in one go and am happy to set you up with a payment plan, if you’d like.”

Customer: “No! I haven’t used any energy. I’m not paying for what I haven’t used.”

Me: “That’s not what the meter readings are saying.”

Customer: “Then your meters are faulty. I’m not using anything.”

Me: “You seem to be calling us from your home phone. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s also dark out. Do you have a light on?”

Customer: “Well, of course I am. How could I see without it?”

Me: “Your phone uses energy and so do your light bulbs. You just admitted to using energy.”

Customer: “NO! Phones are just phone lines – they don’t use electricity. Also light bulbs use solar energy. I am NOT using any of your electric.”

Me: “Oh, do you have solar panels?”

Customer: “No! You don’t even need them. All light bulbs run on solar power. They’re LIGHT bulbs. Light is powered by light. You know, from the sun. Sun LIGHT.”

Me: “I can also hear a television or radio on in the background.”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s SATELLITE. It runs off the SATELLITE, not electricity. God, you people are so f****** stupid.”

(I pause for a moment and decide this is just one of those battles that isn’t worth fighting. We have lots of customers waiting and this customer doesn’t seem willing to budge.)

Me: “Unfortunately, it appears as though your appliances are using electricity because your meter readings are going up. This bill must be paid. If you do not clear your balance or set up an arrangement, we will go to court for a warrant, which will allow us access to your property to fit a prepayment meter to ensure the energy is paid for. This will also incur further charges to your account. I can set you up on a payment plan today to prevent this.”

Customer: “Go f*** yourself, you stupid b****. Go ahead. Take me to court. I’m not using any energy. You’ll never get that warrant!”

The Internet Of Dumb Things

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(A coworker and I are working at the customer service desk when a female customer comes up. She tells my coworker she wants to buy an item that she saw online. My coworker gets the item number and processes the sale.)

Customer: *at end of transaction* “I guess I could have just come in here in the first place instead of spending time looking at this online. I spent so much time on the website. I just wanted to pay cash. I was looking for the place to pay cash for it.”

Coworker: “Online?”

Customer: “Yeah. On the website. I couldn’t find where to pay with cash.”

A Cents-Ible Assumption

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2017

(After touring a famous museum in Greece my friends and I decide to order something from the museum café. The woman in front of us is purchasing one water bottle.)

Employee: “That will be 50c.”

Woman: “Let me find you a quarter.”

Employee: “Ma’am, a fifty cent coin will do.”

Woman: “I don’t have any quarters.”

(She spills all of her coins onto the counter. She has a few fifty cent coins.)

Me: “Madam, this will do.”

(Points out a fifty cent coin.)

Woman: “So I need fifty of these?”

Me: “No, you pay with that.”

(The woman then picks up a one euro coin.)

Woman: “Can I buy a bottle with this.”

Employee: “You can buy two water bottles with that.”

Woman: “Oh, okay.”

(She hands him the one euro coin and he goes to the fridge to get her water.)

Woman: *to me* “A one dollar coin. Who thought of that?”

Me: “Most countries have one dollar coins.”

Woman: “Oh.”

(She took her water and left.)

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