This Level Of Stupid Can Wait Until Morning

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2020

(The supermarket I work at is having a five-for-ten-dollar sale on twelve-packs of Coke products. We have a customer call the store regarding said sale.)

Customer: “I was in the store earlier and I was incorrectly charged for the soda.”

Me: “All right, how much were you charged?”

Customer: “Well, I bought five twelve-packs and I was charged two dollars each. I want them at the advertised five for ten dollars.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, you were charged correctly. At five for ten dollars, each item will be two dollars.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! Five for ten dollars is not the same as two dollars each! I want them for the advertised sale price! I want to speak to a manager!”

(At this point, I hand the phone over to my manager and he gets an earful from the customer.)

Manager: “No, ma’am, I can assure you that [My Name] was not trying to scam you. You were charged the correct price.”

(My manager gets another earful from the customer and he gives up trying to argue with her.)

Manager: “All right, ma’am. The next time you come in, bring your receipt to our service desk and they’ll fix it for you. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

(My manager hangs up the phone and turns to me.)

Manager: “The front end can deal with her when she comes in first thing tomorrow morning. I’m done dealing with customers.”

The Will Power Of Attorneys (Not To Slap Stupid Clients)

, , , | Right | February 14, 2020

(I am a lawyer; I do a lot of wills and power of attorney executions. One day, I have a client who comes in to do a will and POA. She wants to know how much it will cost. I tell her that my hourly rate is $185 and, however long it takes, that’s how much I will charge for. Between meeting with her, responding to a bunch of emails from her, and actually preparing the will and POAs, I spend a little over two and a half hours. I decide to be nice and round that down to an even $450. She comes in and signs the will and pays her bill happily. The next day, I get a call from her. She is furious.)

Client: “I checked my watch; I only spent a total of fifteen minutes with you. You massively overcharged me! I shouldn’t have paid more than fifty bucks for this.”

Me: “[Client], do you think that a will just materializes the second you leave the office? It takes time to prepare documents. You don’t just get charged for the time you spend in my office — which, by the way, was more like an hour. I’m sorry the bill was more than you expected, but I was very clear with my pricing up front.”

Client: “But I only spent an hour on this!”

Me: “I know that, but you pay for my time, not yours.”

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Just Wait Until They Start Playing “Monopoly”

, , , , , , | Learning | February 14, 2020

(I teach English to Chinese students online. The company I teach for uses a computer program with cute characters and games. In this particular lesson, I’m teaching the students how to haggle and bargain in English. One scenario has a character haggling for toys. The toys are around the $20 range.)

Me: “Okay, so, [Character] wants the toy train, but it’s too expensive. What should he say to lower the price?”

Student #1: “How about one dollar?”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, he can try that. Not sure if he’ll be successful.”

(I turn to another student)

Me: “Okay, [Student #2], now [Character] wants the toy plane. What should he say?”

Student #2: “How about zero dollars?”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, you’re right, but again, I don’t know if he’ll accept that.”

(The other students followed suit and most of the other “offers” through the rest of the lesson were either free or a few cents. While I’m glad that they understood the lesson and I got a laugh out of it, I hope they don’t try that in the real world. They’ll be completely disappointed if they do.)

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Money Talks Mistakes

, , , , , | Working | February 13, 2020

(I’m at a big box store buying groceries, including pre-packaged bags of different kinds of dried fruit. The most expensive one is orange and white, and the least expensive one is yellow and white; the price difference is fairly significant. The cashier initially scans the cheaper one twice and realizes his mistake.)

Cashier: “Oops, I should probably do this individually. Not that it makes a difference, but just in case!”

(He voids one and correctly scans the second bag. It’s $6 more.)

Cashier: *pause* “I probably should have left it and saved you some money… Sorry!”

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Two Much To Pay

, , , | Right | February 12, 2020

(Working at a hotel, occasionally, we will receive guests for significant periods of time, usually at a lower rate for staying during periods of low occupancy. The guest in this story stays just short of a month and is flagged by our GM in a note. The following occurs near the beginning of my shift.)

Me: *notices a guest approaching me at the front desk* “Can I help you, sir?”

Guest: “Yeah, I want my stuff; somebody mentioned it was in housekeeping or something.”

Me: “Okay, sir, just a second.”

(I retrieve his name and info from the computer, noticing that it matches the note from our general manager about how the personal items are being held until he pays his balance owed.)

Me: “Sir, it appears there is an outstanding balance of [total]; we need to receive that before we can return your belongings.”

Guest:What?! That’s ridiculous! I’ve stayed here for twenty-six days, and because I haven’t paid for the last couple of days, you won’t return my stuff? I want to speak to a supervisor!”

Me: “Sir, this is directly from the GM. You must pay the remaining balance before your personal items will be returned to you.”

Guest: *getting angry and pulling out some papers* “Well, I’m not paying because you charged me for an additional amount for no reason! It’s [smaller total]!” *hands me credit card bill smugly with several highlighted lines*

Me: “Okay, let me see what is going on.” *after twenty minutes of itemized comparison between his credit card bill and our records* “You’re right, sir, there seems to be this amount that [Our Hotel] charged you that doesn’t match our records.”

Guest: *smug look on face* “See, that is why I’m not paying this hotel another dime for my twenty-eight days in the hotel! Now, where is my stuff?”

Me: “I can go… Wait, did you say twenty-eight days?”

Guest: “Yeah, I stayed a couple of days and then checked back in the same day. So?”

Me: “Sir… that means they were separate reservations: a two-day reservation and a twenty-six-day reservation. The credit card bill, then, is exactly correct as you were charged for twenty-eight days, not twenty-six. That amount you claimed we charged for no reason was for the first two nights.”

Guest: *smug look falters* “I thought that since I was staying so long I got those nights for free.”

Me: “Um, no, they weren’t… free. Are you ready to pay the amount owed to retrieve your belongings?”

Guest: *gives me an angry look and then walks out*

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