The Holy Yo-yo

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(I overheard this in a toy store.)

Woman: “I don’t care if it’s solid gold and autographed by Jesus; no yoyo is worth thirty dollars!”

Sometimes You Have To Put Your Mouth Where Your Money Is

, , , , , , | Related | January 20, 2020

(Every year, my brother and I go home to our parents’ farm where we grew up, and every year, I hear jabs about my education. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts; my mother has a PhD, and both my dad and brother are engineers, my brother with an added Ivey business degree. They have nine years, seven years, and eight years respectively, while I only attended university for three years. Once again, my lack of education is brought up and I finally snap.)

Me: “I make over $8,000 a month in my chosen field while [Brother] hasn’t used any of his education and needs you guys to pay for his plane ticket home to visit.”

(They were genuinely shocked, as I’d been hiding my income so as to not stand out from them who had all always struggled for money. They had been so derisive of my artistic line of work that it never occurred to them that chasing my childhood dream wasn’t a bad path to take.)

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Has Very Bad Comic(on) Timing

, , , , , | Friendly | January 18, 2020

(I’m getting ready to go to a comic convention, but I’m having trouble affording the hotel room as the people that usually travel with me can’t make it. But one of them refers me to two friends wanting to go.)

Friend-Of-Friend: “Oh, my God, I’m so excited for the con!”

Me: “Glad to have you on board. Among the three of us, we each need to kick in $150 for the room. I’ll need it by [Date] so it will hit my bank account at go-time. I’m also bringing [list of grocery items], so we can make quick meals in the room. Do you need a ride?”

Friend-Of-Friend: “Okay, no problem! We’ll get there on our own. Looking forward to it.” 

Me: “Okay, see you there.”

(Fast forward to the day before I need their part of the room rental.)

Me: “Hey, I still need you to pay for your shares of the room. Where are you on that?”

Friend-Of-Friend: “Oh, yeah. How much are badges? 

Me: “It’s too late to pre-order, but you can buy them at the door for $50.”

Friend-Of-Friend: “WHAT?! I CAN’T AFFORD THAT! I just won’t go, then!”

(I managed to pay for the hotel on my own and still enjoy the convention. But how could this chick afford a hotel, but not a badge that was a third of the cost?)

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When Sales Tax Attacks

, , , , , | Right | January 16, 2020

(I work in a discounted retail store in Colorado, where the tax rate in my city is currently 8.02%. I’m the acting manager at the moment, but the store manager is in the building doing her office work and would prefer not to be disturbed. I get called up to the registers for a customer issue.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your cashier falsely charged me tax on my purchase,”

Me: “I’m… sorry, what do you mean by falsely?”

(The man takes out his driver’s license and throws it on the counter, along with his credit card. His license says he’s from Washington state.)

Customer: “You charged me 8.02% tax. I’m from Washington, so I don’t pay taxes.”

(I look over at my cashier, who just shrugs, like she’s already tried to explain it to him, but he’s not having it. I send her to another register so she can continue to check out the line of customers that has developed behind this man.)

Me: “Sir, it really doesn’t matter if you’re from Washington or not. You’re shopping in Colorado, so you have to pay our sales tax.”

Customer: “No, that’s wrong. I don’t pay tax! You need to fix it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there isn’t much that I can do. Our registers automatically charge our state and sales tax, we can’t take it off,”

Customer: “You are breaking the law by doing this! You’re going to fix this! Now! I’m from Washington! I do not pay tax!”

(I’m 100% positive that I can’t get the tax taken off, or that I’m breaking the law, but I search through the register’s options to humor him. He is watching me and the screen very closely, and when I find an option for tax-exempt, he points to it.)

Customer: “There. That one. Give me that one. I am tax-exempt. I live in a tax-exempt state.”

Me: “Sir, that option is only for businesses that have applied for it. Unless you own a business, and you can show me paperwork to prove it, I can’t give you tax-exempt.”

Customer: “You will give me tax-exempt! I am from Washington. We do not have taxes there. Take the tax off.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t do that unless you have proof that you really are tax-exempt–“

Customer: “GIVE ME THE TAX-EXEMPT NOW!”

(We’re going around in circles, and I don’t tolerate people yelling at me. I tell him if my answer cannot satisfy him, then I would be more than willing to call in my store manager, but she will give him the same answer. He has me call her, and when she comes up to customer service and I explain everything, lo and behold, she tells him the exact same thing.)

Customer: “NO! I do not pay tax! I am from Washington!”

Store Manager: “Doesn’t matter. You shop in Colorado, you pay Colorado tax. It’d be the same thing if we went up to Washington. Now, you can either accept that and leave with your purchase, or we can return the items you’ve bought and refund you for the full amount, including sales tax.”

(The customer chooses to take the refund, cussing under his breath about stupid tax and stupid Colorado breaking the law. By the time he leaves the store, the line is twice the size before I started talking to him, so I stay to help check out customers. The customer I call next has heard the entire exchange between me and the Washington man.)

Customer #2: “He was lying. About the sales tax? Washington charges 6.5% state sales tax.”

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Drink Some Covfefe And Call It A Day

, , , , , , | Right | January 15, 2020

(I work for a popular Canadian coffee chain.)

Customer: “Do you take American? Hundreds?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t take AmEx or bills larger than 50s.”

Customer: “What? You don’t take American money at all?”

Me: “What? I… Oh, I’m sorry, usually American means American Express credit cards here. Yes, we take American money; we just don’t take any bills larger than 50.”

Customer: “You don’t take American money?” *passes me a Canadian toonie*

Me: “Yes, we do, we just don’t take—”

Customer: “You should. You’d better. Best country in the world. Best money in the world.” *walks off calmly*

Regular Customer: *in line behind him, doing a fake Trump voice* “Best money ever. The very best. There has never been any better money before our money.”

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