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I Open My Mouth And Reality Spills Out

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: DreamQueen710 | September 28, 2021

I am working an Easter brunch. I am behind the bar, so I have a few regulars stop in throughout the shift.

Regular: “I’m sorry you all have to work today but thank you very much for the meal and company. I hope you’re making time-and-a-half for working on a holiday!”

I don’t even realize what I’m saying until the words have left my mouth.

Me: “We make $2.13 an hour, so even if we were getting holiday pay, it wouldn’t mean much.”

The other guest at the bar and my regular, looked totally shocked. I tried to laugh it off and change the topic, but… Oops. I told.

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Being Married To Mr. Cheapskate

, , , , , , , | Right | September 28, 2021

I’m working in a department store. We are closing tonight at 9:30 pm. Just before 9:00 pm, the manager of another store calls to have me hold a dress in a size they don’t have in stock. I put it aside for the customer to come and pick up before closing. The store the manager called from is only ten minutes from my store. She also warned me that these particular customers may be difficult.

The customer walks in with her husband and asks for the dress on hold and I give it to her. 

Customer’s Husband: “The manager at the other store said you were going to give us a discount on this dress. She said a further 20% off at least.”

Me: “Well, this dress has already been marked down a further 20% from the sale price, so the marked price is what it is currently retailing for.”

Customer’s Husband: “No, no! The other manager said we would get another discount on top to make up for the fact that we had to travel so far to come and pick it up.”

The store they came from is only ten minutes away and the dress costs $80 down from $300.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that does not sound like something she would have said. It also goes against company policy, as prices are set by head office and I have no power to alter them unless in the case of severe damage to the item. Nonetheless, I’ll call her now to confirm.”

Sure enough, the customer’s husband wasn’t told anything about a further discount. He proceeds to argue with me and the manager of the other store over the phone. At this point, it is about five minutes to closing.

Me: “Sir, it is now five minutes to closing. As we have both spent the last twenty minutes explaining, we cannot alter the price of this dress. Our registers will close in five minutes, so if you would like to take this dress, it needs to be now. Otherwise, you will have to come back tomorrow.”

Customer: *To her husband* “Please stop; you are embarrassing me. I’ll buy the dress and you let this poor girl go home. The place is closing.”

Customer’s Husband: “The only way I will take this dress is if you reimburse me for the cost of my petrol to get here. I will also accept store credit or a gift for the inconvenience.”

Me: “No. I live in this area, and I know the store you came from is only ten minutes away. Either way, I cannot simply give away products for free or issue a store credit if you aren’t returning anything.”

Customer’s Husband: “Well, that doesn’t matter! I live half an hour away! At least pay me for half of the petrol needed to get here!”

Me: “You chose to come to this store to pick this dress up. I did not ask you to come here. If you don’t want to purchase today, we also sell online, but I must ask you to make a decision within the next minute.”

Security is near my section while the customer’s husband rants and raves on about gifts he believes he should get for making the “trip” to our store and has the audacity to say that I should be lucky he would consider spending good money here.

Customer: “I am so sorry for wasting your time. I will pay for the dress myself.”

She shoots her husband the ugliest look I’ve ever seen.

Me: “Thank you, madam. Follow me to the registers and I’ll put this through quickly before I am locked out of the system.”

I put the sale through. All the while, her husband kept asking me to reimburse him for his petrol out of my own pocket as an act of goodwill, which he claimed would make him a regular customer of our store. I couldn’t say “no” quick enough. The wife left embarrassed and sorry, and the husband left sulking and cranky.

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We Bet Our Dry-Cleaned Shirt He Doesn’t Make That Much

, , , , | Right | September 27, 2021

We offer a stamp card that is stamped once per visit — not per item — and after a certain number of stamps, the customer receives one shirt dry-cleaned for free. One particular customer I deal with regularly complains about this system often. Cleaning a shirt costs about $2.35 per shirt, which is much cheaper than anywhere else in the area.

The customer comes in, as usual, hands my coworker his shirt, and gives her his name. My coworker puts the shirt in the system and he hands her his stamp card, and this is where things get interesting.

Customer: “You know, I used to bring in three shirts every few days so that I could get my free shirt. But it really bothers me that you guys don’t stamp the card once for each item!”

Coworker: “Sure, I get where you’re coming from, but that’s just the policy we have in place.” 

Customer: “It’s just that I make 400 grand a year, and I know this is a little thing, but it’s just one of those things that bother me, y’know? I’ve started just bringing in one shirt a day every day! I work as a director at my company, and this is just one of those little things that bother me.”

The customer rambles a bit about how we really should give him more stamps before my coworker decides to tell him what he wants to hear.

Coworker: “Well, I can’t do anything about it, but I can certainly speak to my managers.” 

The customer thanked her and shortly afterward departed. As soon as he was gone, my coworker and I proceeded to crack up about how upset he was about not getting his free shirt, despite this man apparently making 400k per year.

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Not So SmartWatch

, , , | Right | September 21, 2021

I work for a national phone company, receiving call from clients with various requests: overcharging, Internet problems, product upgrades, etc.

Client: “I want to change the day you charge me the bill.”

Me: “Sure! You can choose between the sixth, the twelfth, the eighteenth, the twenty-fourth, and the thirtieth.”

Client: “Mmm, can’t you charge me on the first or second? By the sixth, I will have spent all my money and the bank will reject it.”

I mentally ask myself how changing the date will solve what, apparently, is a problem of income, but I continue.

Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the only dates that are available.”

Client: “Can’t you do something? I don’t want to be overcharged.”

After some minutes of discussion and him remarking his inability to pay after the first days of the month, he finally accepts the situation and desists on changing anything. I actually feel sorry for him.

Me: “I am sorry, sir. I would change it if I could.”

Client: “Nah, it’s okay. By the way, there’s something else I want.”

Me: “Of course! What is it?”

Client: “I want to buy [Smartwatch from a very expensive tech company] in instalments.”

Me: “Well, um… I can’t sell those. I will transfer you to the sales department.”

Client: “Okay, thank you!”

After the transfer, I stood at my desk, completely shocked. I had met low-budget clients spending too much before, but how on earth can you ask for credit for a smartwatch right after explaining how bad your finances are?

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Stingy, Maybe, But They Love To Share!

, , , , | Learning | September 18, 2021

It’s said that the richer they are, the stingier they are, and uni professors are no exception. My thesis professor once “invited” a bunch of students out on his sailboat and then charged them for the food. But this story I’ve been told is probably the best example. [UK Professor] is organising a conference. [Italian Professor] is an expert in the field.

UK Professor: “Are you coming to the conference in May? You could give a presentation about your recent research. [Famous Researcher] will be there; you could get to meet him at the dinner.”

Italian Professor: “Eh, I’d like to, but the budget — my department won’t cover all the cost.”

UK Professor: “Well, I have a spare room; you could stay at my place.”

Italian Professor: “In that case, I’m coming.”

Fast forward to May. The Italian professor arrives and is shown the room, and guests and hosts have dinner together. Later in the evening, the Italian professor, who just retired for the night, knocks on the bedroom door of the UK professor.

Italian Professor: “Can you help me with this? I’ve forgotten to pack a toothbrush.”

UK Professor: “Sure, there must be a couple of new ones.”

Italian Professor: “No, no, I don’t need all that. I was wondering if you’d lend me yours.”

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