Stubbing Out That Idea

, , , , , , | Working | October 11, 2019

(I process payroll for a chain restaurant for a living. Part of my job is answering employee inquiries, ranging from “Can you help me set up my direct deposit?” to “I’m missing hours on my payroll.” I have a decent amount of experience, so it takes a bit to surprise me, but this is a gem that I’ve never received before. This is a call I get one Friday afternoon.) 

Me: “[Company] payroll, how can I help?”

Employee: “Yes, hello? Is this payroll for [Restaurant]?”

Me: “Yes, it is. How can I help?”

Employee: “I need to cash my check but I don’t have the time to go to [Restaurant] to pick it up and then to the bank to cash it, so I was wondering, can I just go online and print the thing from there and take it to the bank?”

(I start internally troubleshooting. Is this a direct deposit? Maybe he got the information wrong in the system and wants to take his pay stub to the bank so they can see if they can find it?) 

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand. What’s your name?”

Employee: “[Employee].”

Me: *logs into the system and pulls up the employee’s pay information* “I’m seeing that this was a live check, which means it would be at the store.”

(Then, it dawns on me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, are you asking if you can print out your pay stub and take it to the bank to try to cash it?”

Employee: “Yeah!”

Me: “Sorry, [Employee], that isn’t possible.”

Employee: “Why not?”

Me: “That just isn’t how it works. Our checks have special features on them that the bank needs in order to cash it.”

Employee: “Like what? What does it have that the pay stub doesn’t?”

Me: “Well, for one, it has the account number so they know which account to pull the funds. All payroll checks also have magnetic ink, which would be a big indicator of the pay stub not being valid. Also, the pay stub is just to show you how your check was calculated. It isn’t a check.”

Employee: *smacks teeth* “Man, how am I supposed to have money for the weekend?”

Me: “I don’t suppose you have mobile banking?”

Employee: “What is that?”

Me: “It’s basically an app for your bank that’ll allow you to deposit your check into your account from anywhere, so you could go pick up the check and mobile deposit it.”

Employee: “Can I do that with the pay stub?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no. It’s not a check, remember? What if you pick up the check and go to a check-cashing facility or a money center?”

Employee: “I can do that? I thought I could only do it with my bank?”

Me: “You sure can! I used to cash my checks at [Large Retail Chain]. There will be a fee, but it’s usually less than $10. Do you have a store or money center near you?”

Employee: “I do! That should work. Thank you for your help!”

Me: “No problem! I’m glad I could help. Have a great day!”

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The Rich Get Richer

, , , | Right | October 11, 2019

(The Mercedes AMG is a car that cost starts at $129,000, and one is sitting in our drive-thru. The driver orders a small cappuccino and pulls up to my window to pay.)

Me: “That will be 2.29€.”

Customer: “No, it costs 2€.“

Me: “I‘m afraid not, sir; the computer is telling me 2.29€.“

Customer: “No, last time I ordered it cost 2€.“

(I have been working there for six months and it has always been the same price.)

Me: “The prices are standardised across our restaurants here.“

Customer: “Can I please speak with the manager?“

Manager: *comes over* “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your worker kept telling me the wrong price for my order. I will only pay 2€ like always.”

Manager: *checks screen* “I‘m afraid it‘s 2.29€, sir.“

Customer: *obviously grumpy about 29 cents, finally decides to pull out his wallet and pay* 

(Why did he argue that much for 29 cents? Maybe that is how he could afford his car; arguing people out of their 29 cents.)


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Military Intelligence Isn’t On 24/7

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2019

(I am at officer training for my branch. The morning of this story, we were supposed to do a three-hour compass course, starting in the early hours. However, upon arrival at the site, it begins to rain, and then turns into a localized flash flood. Everyone is fine, but rather than give us the morning off, the instructors have moved the afternoon lecture to the morning. There’s time to grab coffee from a small stand located on the second floor.)

Barista: “I’m sorry, but the card machine is down. Cash only.”

Me: “S’alright, I’ve cash.”

(I place my order and she makes it. When she puts in the price, it comes to $5.75. Now, keep in mind, I’m out of it, and I hand her a five-dollar bill.)

Barista: “Umm, do you have seventy-five cents?”

Me: *half-asleep and not comprehending I’ve short-changed her* “No.”

Barista: “Okaaay… I can work with that.”

(She puts the bill into the drawer and I hold out my hand.)

Barista: “Is there something you need?”

Me: “My change.”

Barista: “Out of five dollars?”

Me: “Yes, my change?”

Barista: “Out of five dollars?”

Me: “Yes…”

(All of a sudden I wake up and join the living and realize I ordered a coffee that costs $5.75, but only gave her $5, and now I’m demanding change back, and the barista has actually offered to eat the cost!)

Me: “Oh, oh, crap! Oh, lord, I’m so sorry, I’m so f****** out of it! We had compasses this morning, but got rained out and they switched the lecture and I’m barely awake. I had no idea! Please, cancel the order; I don’t have exact change. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I was demanding my change back!”

Barista: “Yeah, no, honey, you’re getting this coffee. You really need it. You looked like a zombie when you came in.”

(She insisted on giving me the coffee, even though she was the one who paid the $0.75. And I admit, I did need that coffee. We’re not allowed to tip civilian workers in these situations, but after that I was extra certain to have exact change and to greet her with a smile whenever I passed the area.)

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Trying To Make A Change Is Cents-less

, , , , , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(In Australia, we have 5-, 10-, 20-, and 50-cent coins, as well as $1 and $2 coins. It’s worth noting that 10 cent and $1 coins are roughly the same size, while $2 coins are noticeably smaller and 20 cent coins are noticeably larger. Cent coins are silver, while dollar coins are gold. A customer is paying for her groceries. She has handed me her cash and starts fishing around in her coin purse for the remaining 40 cents.)

Customer: “Hang on; I’ll give you the 40 cents.”

(She hands me two $1 coins and a $2 coin.)

Me: “Sorry, this is too much. I just need the $1. You can keep the rest.”

Customer: “I thought it was 40 cents.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Customer: “Then what’s the problem? That’s 40 cents.”

Me: “No, it’s $4.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. I’ve given you two 10-cent coins and a 20-cent coin. That equals 40 cents.”

Me: “No, you’ve given me two $1 coins and one $2 coin. That equals $4.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. That’s 40 cents, isn’t it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not. Here, take these.”

(I hand her back the $2 coin and one of the $1 coins. She reluctantly takes them.)

Customer: “Okay, but I still don’t understand. This is wrong.”

(I put the money in the machine and handed her her receipt. She took it, grabbed her shopping, and slowly walked away, musing over the two coins still in her hand, clearly still not understanding.)

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All Fried Up Over Ten Cents

, , , , | Right | October 8, 2019

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want a number two and two apple pies.”

Me: “All right, that will be $8.29.”

Customer: *hands me $10.19*

Me: *isn’t sure if customer meant to hand me an extra dime to make it an even $2 change* “Will that be out of $10.19?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *hands her $1.90 in change*

(Then, I start bagging food, and a few minutes later the lady pulls me to the side and starts yelling.)

Customer: “You gave me the wrong change! I was supposed to get $2 in change! Are you too stupid to count change?”

Me: “Ma’am, you gave me $10.19. I counted it three times. $1.90 was your change.”

Customer: “No! I remember giving you the right amount of money!”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s what you gave me. I recounted it multiple times. You said it was out of $10.19.”

(The customer continues on this tirade for several minutes until her food is bagged, and then she grabs the bag and stomps off. About fifteen minutes pass; I’m taking an order and my manager is in the front when the woman comes back and pulls my manager aside. She is clearly within earshot of me. Fries easily lose their heat and become cold if you don’t eat them, and they’ve been sitting for fifteen minutes.)

Customer: “Your employee is stupid! She gave me cold fries on purpose! You should fire her!”

Manager: “Here, let me replace those for you.” *brings back new fries and, in the most condescending way possible, says* “Thank you for letting us replace those for you!”

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