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Don’t Worry, We Had To Google “Ondes Martenot” Too

, , , | Right | November 27, 2021

I’m a session musician specializing in rare instruments, so yes, my fees are quite high because I have to pay back these instruments and I’m kind of alone in my field. Some guy tried to get a discount the worst way I’ve ever seen.

Client: “Hi, can you play The Fairy’s Dream bass, oboe, and ondes Martenot parts?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know this piece. Who wrote it? Do you have a link where I could see the sheets or at least hear the parts?”

Client: “What?! Don’t you know who I am?! I wrote this piece! Sorry, but I don’t like to work with people not knowing me or my music… or at least not for your prices. Maybe if you gave me a discount…”

My answer to that was saying “lol” and blocking him.

You Can’t Kiss And Make Up For This Makeup

, , , , | Right | November 26, 2021

In my teens, there is a drugstore situated in a small shopping center at the edge of our neighborhood. I go there to grab something and just happened to pass the makeup aisle. This drugstore is pretty large, so their makeup selection is also huge, with just about every brand you can think of, taking up one entire wall of the building.

I have just rounded the corner when I see this woman sitting on the ground. In the time it takes to process what I am seeing, a manager storms around the opposite corner and makes a beeline for this woman. He stops, arms crossed.

Manager: “Ma’am… I hope you know that you have to pay for those.”

Customer: “What?”

Manager: “The makeup, all those packages you’ve opened. You have to pay for them.”

He gestures roughly toward where I am standing, still at the opposite end of the aisle from them. I look down and see what he was pointing at: the pressed powder compacts. She has opened one of each shade, ranging from ivory to warm beige, and left the remains in piles at the bottom of each display. That’s right. I said “each.” She has gone through every single brand and opened one of each of every single color on that spectrum of packaged compacts.

To make it worse, each brand makes more than one type of pressed powder. I repeat: she has opened one of EACH.

Customer: *Agitated* “What do you mean? I don’t understand. Why do I have to pay for them when I only need one?”

Manager: *Nearly having a stroke* “Because you destroyed them?! And because you used them. We can no longer sell these to anyone else because they’ve been contaminated. By. You.

The customer becomes irate and responds in a “duh” tone of voice.

Customer: “Well, I needed to test them to match my skintone!”

I realize that next to all the compacts are the used makeup sponges that come with them, as well as what appears to be used baby wipes.

Manager: *About to have an aneurism* “Well, I hope it was worth all the money you now owe us!”

The customer, apparently realizing that things had gotten serious, began panic-crying and refusing to pay. I would like to establish that this was a full-grown woman, maybe in her mid-thirties, and she had very clearly been handed everything in life.

She argued repeatedly that she needed to test them to find the right shade and that she shouldn’t be required to pay for something that doesn’t match.

The manager repeatedly informed her that he didn’t give a fraction of a rat’s behind whether or not she WANTED what she had used, she WAS going to pay for them all, right now, or the cops were going to be called.

I had to leave at that point, so I didn’t get to see the outcome, but I did a little math when I got home. This was years ago, and the compacts cost between $5 and $6 each at the time. (They now cost two or more times that.) At the end of her little rampage through the makeup section, she would have had to pay for somewhere between $250 and $300 worth of products.

How Not To Be THAT Customer: A Lesson

, , , , , , | Right | November 26, 2021

During Black Friday, a woman comes to my register with a large bag full of expensive brand-name clothing with the tags still on and a stack of receipts. Our store officially has a two-week price adjustment period — which has its own function in the register — but customers think they’re clever and will ask us to do a return and repurchase to get around the deadline.

Our registers have no built-in deadline for returns and can find transactions as far back as six years as long as the merchandise number is still in the system. This is also during the period where corporate had the genius idea to “Just Say Yes” to the customer; it took them three years to figure out that this policy does not actually make money.

So, when this woman shoves the stack of receipts at me and asks me to check if any of her twenty items are cheaper today, I just smile politely at her. Even though there is a price scanner not far from my register. Even though I can see she’s repurchased her items for cheaper prices several times within the past six months, and will probably continue to do so until they don’t come up in the system anymore.

I scan her first item, and it’s the same price as what she paid before, but there’s a coupon she can apply to it. I tell her the price and start to explain about the coupon, but she puts her hand up and says she just wants to know which ones are cheaper, nothing else. I continue to check her prices, figuring I can try again at the end.

She mentions a sale item she saw on our website that she’s looking for, and a manager who is ringing at the register behind me turns around to let her know that the website has its own Black Friday deals that are separate from the store. After my manager leaves, the customer proceeds to give me a lecture involving a convoluted argument that our store has to honor any price a customer has seen because that’s what [Other Department Store] does, tacks on the customary, “I’ll need to talk to a manager about this,” and ends with, “I can’t believe you don’t know that.”

I nod, explain to her that it was actually my manager who spoke up, give her back her items with a smile, and say they are all the same price. I could tell her a way she could use her coupons to save another hundred dollars. But if you choose to be an a**hole to someone in the service industry, they’re not inclined to make exceptions to store policy for you. I can’t believe she doesn’t know that.

They Must Suck At “The Price Is Right”

, , , | Right | November 23, 2021

My company has a hard policy of absolutely no discounts; all customers pay the list price, period. This really peeves some purchasing agents who are used to bullying or guilting other distributors into discounts, but it’s easy to stay cheerful and keep your “customer service” voice on when you know you can’t give in even if you wanted to.

Caller: “I’m checking pricing on your [part number].”

Me: “Sure, that’s $134.47.”

Caller: “That’s what it says on your website.”

Me: *Cheerfully* “Yes.”

Caller: “But what’s my price?”

Me: “$134.47. All our customers pay the same price.”

Caller: “Are you firm on that? Can’t you do any better on the price?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no price break on this item.”

Caller: “Well, that’s stupid.”

Me: “We have them in stock. Did you need a formal quote?”

Caller: “I can get it cheaper somewhere else.”

Me: *Still cheerfully* “Okay.”

He pauses, clearly not expecting that reaction.

Caller: “I could probably buy two from your competitor for that price.”

Me: *Even more cheerfully* “Okay.”

Caller: “I’d probably call back screaming that I’m having a heart attack if I paid that much and got just one.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”


Just because I was curious, I looked up the part he was asking about with our competitor. They were charging about $100 less… with a four- to six-week lead time. Ours was in stock and would ship the same day. You get what you pay for, folks.

Astounding Audacity

, , , | Right | CREDIT: godhonouringstrapon | November 22, 2021

It was a busier night at the restaurant I worked in. I was serving a table with one couple and an extra woman. Things went as smoothly as they could’ve for a busy weekend dinner shift, and when I brought the bills — one for the couple and one for the single lady — the lady from the couple grabbed both bills and said she’d pay for it all.

I was a little nervous, kind of expecting the worst, but I brought the machine over, finished the transaction, and got 15% out of it — not the end of the world. After they left, when I went to bus, there was a $10 bill on the table! Nice!

I cleared the table and brought the dishes to the pit. As I walked back into the front, the single lady was walking back inside and flagged me down.

Lady: “Can I have my $10 back, please? I didn’t realize my friend had already tipped.”

Obviously, I’m not entitled to any tip at all — 15% is just fine — but I don’t know how anyone could get their meal for free and then have the guts to walk back into the restaurant to ask a server for their tip back. I could never do that; I’d be mortified. All my coworkers I told about the incident agreed they’d never be able to do that. I was totally taken aback.