It’s An Old Joke In A Snowstorm

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 24, 2017

(I am in art class. The teacher has asked us to draw an animal similar to how they were drawn in the Stone Age. The teacher comes around to make sure we did the assignment.)

Student: “Look at mine.”

(He shows me his paper and it’s blank.)

Me: *joking* “Yeah, it’s a polar bear in a snowstorm.”

Teacher: *coming over* “Let me see what you have.”

Student: “It’s a polar bear in a snowstorm.”

Me: “…”

Teacher: “…”

Me: *to the student* “I was joking when I said that.”

Teacher: “Extra point for the title, but I’m marking the assignment as missing.”

Pooping Out Existentialism

, , , , | Learning | November 23, 2017

(Overheard in a school hallway:)

Student #1: “Well, babies seem to know. That’s why they cry all the time.”

Student #2: “I thought they cried because of the existential angst crashing in on them all at once.”

Student #1: “I think they cry because they have wet diapers, [Student #2]!”

The Car To Reception Teleporter Was Broken

, , , | Learning | November 19, 2017

(A couple of years after I leave school, I am invited back to be involved in the mentoring programme. The first time I go to meet the coordinator, I park and start walking from the main gate towards the main entrance when I meet a teacher.)

Teacher: “Excuse me. Where are you going?”

Me: “I’m visiting; I’m just going to main reception to–“

Teacher: “You shouldn’t be wandering around here”

Me: “Oh, no, I’ve just arrived; I’m going to sign in at the reception now.”

Teacher: “You’re supposed to sign in as soon as you get here and wait for a member of staff to collect you from the entrance area.”

Me: “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Teacher: “Yes, well, remember next time.”

This Is What Happens When You Sniff Too Much Ammonia

, , , , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(Because of a specific chemistry assessment, several students need to come in after school to do lab work.)

Classmate #1: *pouring solution* “Ugh, the ammonia smells.”

Classmate #2: “Don’t insult the ammonia. The ammonia has feelings, you know.

Classmate #3: “Ammonia was my best friend for a year.”

A Noteworthy Turnaround

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 16, 2017

(I’m 15 years old and a sophomore. Recently, I took a couple of days off school due to a nasty sinus infection. Before she drops me off, my mom gives me my doctor’s note and I head inside. A couple of hours later, I get called into the office of one of the three assistant principals.)

Assistant Principal: “So, [My Name], did you know we call the doctor’s office to verify sick notes?”

Me: “Um, I guess?”

Assistant Principal: “Since you have a clean record, you’ll only get one day of lunch detention if you confess.”

Me: “Huh? Confess to what?”

Assistant Principal: *gets a creepy smile on his face and calls for the receptionist* “You changed the dates on your note.”

Me: “What?! No I didn’t. I only got it from my mom when she dropped me off! I didn’t have time to do that.”

(The receptionist comes in and says the office only confirmed one day of my absence, not the three I needed. They go back and forth accusing me and telling me I’ll get a week’s lunch detention for lying. Finally, in tears, I take out my cell phone and get them to call my mom at work.)

Assistant Principal: “Hello, Mrs. [Last Name]. This is your daughter’s principal at [School]. She’s hysterical and wanted us to call you because the dates on her doctor’s note were changed. She says she didn’t do it, but…”

(There’s a long pause and his smile slowly fades away. He looks between me and the receptionist.)

Assistant Principal: “W-well, yes, ma’am. No, ma’am. Yes, ma’am, I will. But just for future reference, you can’t do th—”

(He pauses again and gives me back my phone.)

Assistant Principal: “So, your mother says she changed the note. Just tell her she can’t do that next time.”

(They got rid of the detention notice on my records and sent me on my way. I get having to punish kids who do mess up, but maybe don’t look like you’re enjoying it so much?)

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