My Teacher Is The Ancient Aliens Guy

, , , , , | Learning | October 14, 2019

(In year seven — the first year of high school — I have a maths teacher who can be extremely strict at times, but my older brother who had him three years ago gives me a tip: ask him about his favourite subject and he’ll talk to anyone about it for the whole class. It is the last day of term and there is less than half the class present.)

Maths Teacher: “We’re going to have a quiz on everything we’ve learned this term.”

(Cue groaning from the class.)

Me: “Hey, sir, I was watching a documentary last night and was wondering if you believe in aliens?”

(He spent the rest of the class talking about outer space, etc. I used it a few times throughout the year — never on important classes — but it certainly made maths class more interesting. He would forget all about maths and talk to anyone interested and leave the rest alone. Luckily, no one else in my class caught on.)

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Cheat Code Is XX

, , , , , | Learning | October 12, 2019

(I’ve always been fairly geeky, so I’m naturally excited when my school announces that they’re starting a video-gaming club. On the day of the first meeting, I’m a bit nervous, since I’m worried that I’ll be the only girl there. When I walk in, I make eye contact with another girl, sitting with two others, who looks just as shocked to see me as I am to see her.)

Girl: “FRIEND!”

Me: “More females! MY PEOPLE!”

(About fifty boys showed up, and the adults in charge were all men, but we ended up having six girls in the club.)

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A Lesson In Mismanagement

, , , , , | Learning | October 10, 2019

The city I live in recently decided to cut costs by closing one high school and merging the student population. We got a new school name and all moved to [Location #1] so they could renovate [Location #2]. 

The renovations were supposed to be completed before I graduated grade eight, so I was never going to attend classes at [Location #1]. Unfortunately, renovations took extra long and I spent my grade nine year at [Location #1]. 

Around May of this year, the school board said that we were three years overtime and 16 million dollars over budget — they wanted everything to look nice — so they decided to move us all early and let the construction crew work while we were in classes. The money they got from selling [Location #2] would, in theory, help the budget. 

This caused many issues. First of all, music classes were in an empty room that was supposed to be a French room. The music class during my French class had no idea how to play, so all of our lessons were to the tune of off-key trumpets and tubas. 

Secondly, the cafeteria was nowhere near ready to sell food. The local church sold $5 hotdogs in their parking lot — $2.50 if you attend their church! — but that meant most of the kids at my school ate a hotdog for lunch every day and had for weeks. 

On top of that, the power randomly went out during classes, fire alarms weren’t all wired right, and none of the science classrooms were fully unpacked — most of the test tubes were broken in the move, anyway — and many other problems. 

Today, we arrived at school to find the second-floor girls’ bathroom off-limits. When I asked my math teacher, he told me — dead serious, other teachers have confirmed — “Half the ceiling caved in.” But since they sold [Location #1], we are stuck at [Location #2].

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Well, F***!

, , , , , | Learning | October 8, 2019

(My school, being religious, has a fairly strict policy on swearing. In speech class, we’re watching a movie where a character sometimes uses intense profanity in speech therapy to help alleviate a stutter. The teacher has made notes for when these scenes happen so she can mute the film at the appropriate time. However, she leaves the room to talk to another teacher and one of the profanity-filled scenes comes on. About ten minutes later, the teacher comes running back into the room.)

Teacher: “Did I miss the profanity scene?!”

Student #1: “Yeah . . .”

Teacher: *dramatically falls on floor* “I am so sorry! I was talking to [Teacher #2] and thought, ‘Oh, no, is one of the swearing scenes is coming up?’ so I ran back here as fast as I could!”

Student #2: “It happened a while ago.”

Teacher: *checks timestamp on movie* “I missed it by ten minutes!”

Student #3: “I thought you were just sitting in the back and didn’t care!”

Teacher: “No! I am so, so sorry!”

(She has not forgotten to mute a scene since.)

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Exams That Pull An All-Nighter

, , , , , , | Learning | September 28, 2019

This was some years ago. I was taking the AP exam toward the end of the day, when the fire alarm for the school went off. Who schedules a fire drill during college entrance exams? At any rate, we had to leave the building. It took so long to end the drill that by the time we got back, the amount of time allotted for the test had passed, and it was the end of the school day and we needed to go home.

But that meant we weren’t allowed to finish our exams. The Powers That Be decided that we would go home, promise not to do any studying, and pick up the test the next day.

The other schools in the district found out about this and protested. We had to sign affidavits saying we did not study overnight, did not communicate with anybody about the test, etc.

And when it was all over and done with, I got my score — a four — with an asterisk next to it:

*School reports a disturbance during examination.

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