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¡Que Embarazada!, Part 3

, , , , , , , | Friendly | September 13, 2021

Over the summer holidays, my class lost a member. [Classmate] is now a mother to an adorable little girl. The birth was in August, right before the school term started.

She spent a great deal of the last school year pregnant. And once she began to show, it exploded into a big scandal, and [Classmate] was expelled in May due to her pregnancy.

She eventually argued her rights to an education and reached a settlement with the school, where she was allowed to return and continue studying, but she was still relentlessly mocked by basically everyone for her pregnancy and motherhood — including, shamefully enough, my girlfriend and me. Both of us were her classmates, and we were rather nasty about our opinions on her pregnancy. We needled her relentlessly through most of September.

Six months or so later, in March, my girlfriend gave birth to our own adorable little girl. Turns up I knocked her up in June. That meant she was three months pregnant when we were mocking [Classmate]’s pregnancy.

The irony wasn’t lost on either of us. We learnt our lesson and promptly apologised to [Classmate]. She forgave us, thankfully, and our daughters are now playmates.

¡Que Embarazada!, Part 2
¡Que Embarazada!

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This Teacher’s About To Perform A Student-ectomy

, , , , , | Learning | September 8, 2021

I’m sitting in class, trying to do my assigned work, but I’m really, really tired because I could barely sleep last night. At one point, I let out a huge yawn and my teacher catches me. I am too tired to cover my mouth, and apparently, she doesn’t like that.

Teacher: “[My Name], cover your mouth! I could see all the way to your tonsils!”

Me: “That’s impossible, ma’am.”

Teacher: “No, that’s how far you opened your mouth. I could see them clearly!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, then something very strange happened, because my tonsils were removed when I was a year old.”

Yeah, I know, bit rude, but I was so tired that my brain-to-mouth filter apparently stopped working. The rest of the class got a laugh out of it, though.

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The Wrath Of The Lunch Lady Scorned

, , , , , , | Learning | CREDIT: BraxHecker | September 6, 2021

I am sixteen and I have type-one diabetes. I have been diagnosed for a bit more than a year and a half. I’ve kept good control over it and the doctors are always impressed when I have a checkup.

I take insulin ten to fifteen minutes before I eat so it has time to take effect. With the school lunch, there are two options: a chicken salad and a cheeseburger. I decide to go with the cheeseburger. I take my insulin and go up the line. I grab a to-go box, but before I take two steps:

Friend: “Wait, that’s a salad.”

I set the box back down and go to grab a different box, but the lunch lady shouts at me.

Lunch Lady: “Hey, don’t you dare!”

I look at her and she looks at me like I just slapped a puppy in the face.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Lunch Lady: “You already grabbed the salad, so you have to take the salad.”

Me: “But I haven’t even opened it. I’m a diabetic and I already took insulin.”

She shakes her head.

Lunch Lady: *Sickly sweet* “I’m sorry, that’s not my problem. Take the salad and go sit down now!”

Me: “But I’m a diabetic, and—”

Lunch Lady: “Take the salad or you don’t get anything.”

I’m a little pissed at this point so I take the salad and go off to my table with my friends and tell them the situation. They removed the vending machines in the cafeteria over the summer so there is no way for me to get the correct amount of carbs without stealing another kid’s cheeseburger. One of my friends tells me I should go get the principal quickly before the insulting fully sets in.

I go to the office and tell him and the counselor the situation, a little panicked because it has been well over ten minutes since I took insulin. The principal walks me back up to the cafeteria.

Principal: “[Lunch Lady], give him the cheeseburger. He really needs it.”

Lunch Lady: “But he already took a salad. He can deal with it.”

The principal just sighs, grabs the cheeseburger box, and shoves it into my hands and tells me to go sit down. I sit relatively close to the lunch line so my friends and I can hear the principal.

Principal: “How you acted was truly out of line. I thought you understood to treat students’ health situations with care and understanding.”

He told her off for another minute before heading back to his office, and I got to eat my lunch in peace. Maybe she’ll know better next time.

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Personally, I Prefer Giraffes

, , , , | Learning | September 2, 2021

This takes place around the 2008 election. I am in high school and one of my classmates is trying to get our teacher off topic.

Classmate: “Who are you voting for?”

Teacher: “We’re not discussing this.”

Classmate: “Are you a republican or democrat?”

Teacher: “Moving on, [Classmate].”

Classmate: “Okay, okay. On a completely different topic. Which animal do you prefer? Elephants or donkeys?”

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Shady, Seedy, But Not The Least Bit Weedy

, , , , , | Learning | August 14, 2021

In high school, I had a friend who had access to many different kinds of tea. We bonded as fellow tea-drinkers in a country that vastly prefers coffee, and sometimes we swapped recommendations over text or during our lunch period.

One day, she got a box of herbal tea bags and offered me some. I accepted the offer and we decided to do the exchange at lunch the next day.

We were halfway through the process when we realized that we were high school students in the middle of a lunch area and she was giving me a plastic bag full of little baggies of green plant matter.

I’m still so glad no one mistook the tea for weed!

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