Artfully Suspended

, , , , , | Learning | June 22, 2018

When I was a senior in high school, the two industrial manufacturing teachers were unexpectedly absent. This was not expected to be a particular problem, as the course work for those classes was constructing a year-long project; the previous three years had been focused on technique and safety, so the primary role of the teachers was consulting on design issues or troubleshooting, which were problems that can wait a day if needed. Nonetheless, district regulations required a teacher to be physically present, so a substitute was brought in. I didn’t even notice this at the start of class, because I went straight to work.

An hour into the three-hour class, I noticed that I didn’t hear anything else going on — no machines running, no conversations, not even any hammering. I found out that the sub had gathered up all the students he saw and had them working on a special project in the CAD room. He was also the owner of a local nightclub, and had them designing art for it using the school facilities.

This turned out to be his very last day as a substitute teacher, for some inexplicable reason.

A Caveman Could Come Up With A Better Image

, , , , | Learning | June 21, 2018

(This happens in 2009. My school has invited speakers to talk about our options after school. You can either go to university, or do an “Ausbildung,” an education for a specific profession. The speakers start their presentation by talking about universities, how to apply, how to get financing, etc. The slide is illustrated with a cartoon image of a doctor. They then get to the part about getting an “Ausbildung.” The slide is again illustrated with a cartoon figure; this time, it’s a man wearing fur and holding a large club.)

Student: “Excuse me… Why is there an image of a Neanderthal on the slide?”

Speaker: *slightly flustered* “Well, we couldn’t find a different image, and we thought this might be funny.”

(And this is how you add to the stigma of non-academic professions. I still don’t get how anyone could think this was appropriate.)

Please Don’t Offer Any Oral Exams

, , , , | Learning | June 20, 2018

(I’m around 13 years old and taking a politics class in school. We read a text about Bill Clinton’s impeachment and discuss it afterwards. The text, of course, mentions Monica Lewinsky.)

Teacher: “Well, that just goes to show that the Americans are a little prudish, doesn’t it? I mean, they just kissed!” *confused looks from the class* “It says in the text, they had oral sex, so they just kissed!”

(To this day, I’m not sure whether she said that because she thought we were too young to hear about oral sex, or whether she actually thought that oral sex means kissing; she did tend to be a little naive at times.)

Dyeing To Find Out The Policy

, , , | Learning | June 20, 2018

(It is a few weeks from the end of the school year. Some classmates and I are in a study class with students from a few years below, as both of our scheduled teachers are out sick. Everyone is quietly studying. I am normally very shy and quiet, but I really dislike the teacher overseeing us, as she is a bully. She suddenly turns on a younger student.)

Teacher: “[Student #1], detention!”

Student #1: “Huh? What? What did I do?”

Teacher: “Dyed hair is against the school uniform policy.” *the student has dyed her hair bright red*

Student #1: “Oh, I didn’t know. Can we not dye our hair?”

Teacher: “Did I stutter? I said it’s against the uniform policy”.

Student #1: “But it’s been this colour all year.”

Teacher: “That’s two detentions now, and more if you keep talking back to me!”

Me: “Excuse me, miss, but where in the policy does it say that dyed hair is against the rules? And what are the limitations of it? Because [Student #2] and [Student #3] both have dyed blonde hair, and [Student #4] has highlights.”

Teacher: “Do you want detention, as well?”

Me: “I guess I deserve it, because–” *pointing at head* “–my hair is the same colour as [Student #1]’s. I’ve never had detention for dying it, though.”

Teacher: “Urgh, fine!” *turning to [Student #1]* “Don’t think you’re off the hook. You still have detention, because all those disgusting piercings in your face are against the uniform policy.”

Me: *reading uniform policy* “Miss, is there an extended uniform policy somewhere? Because in our student handbook it just says, ‘Students must wear the uniform,’ and nothing else.”

Teacher: “[My Name], you are really trying my patience today.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be troublemaker but–” *pointing at face* “–I have more piercings than [Student #1], and I’ve never had detention for those, either. I’m not the only one with piercings, either. I don’t think it’s fair to discipline one student for something and not another. It almost seems you’re picking on [Student #1].”

Teacher: *shouting* “[My Name]! Principal’s office, NOW!”

(I went to the office and explained the situation to the principal. Our school is quite liberal, and they had purposely left the uniform policy vague so that we could still express ourselves. Apparently, [Student #1] was being bullied and made a complaint to the school. One of the bullies was the child of the teacher in question. The principal was very interested to hear how the teacher was acted and promised he would look after it. [Student #1] later thanked me for standing up for her. We ended up becoming good friends!)

Suddenly Got Wood

, , , , , , | Learning | June 18, 2018

(My woodshop teacher tells us this story, and it is one of his more memorable ones. A couple years ago there was a girl in his class who was known to wear less-than-appropriate clothing, and on this day she was wearing a crop top showing her belly button. This is important to note, as well as the fact that she has no martial arts or sports training. Also, this teacher is known for throwing items.)

Girl: “Hey, Mr. [Teacher], can you please cut me this piece of wood?”

Teacher: “Of course, one sec.”

(He then throws the piece of wood which he is currently working on towards the wood recycling. He accidentally lets go early, causing the jagged piece of wood with splinters EVERYWHERE to fly towards the girl’s belly button.)

Girl: “Oh, yeah, Mr. [Teacher]? Can you check my worksheet after this? I had some questions.”

(She then proceeds to catch the piece of wood between two fingers, right as it is about to hit her, and continues to speak. She twirls it around as everyone stares at her in awe, and she looks down to realize she is holding a piece of wood.)

Girl: “Where did this come from?”

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