Should Have Noted Their Age

, , | Learning | August 16, 2017

(It is the day after my 18th birthday. I have taken the day off from school to celebrate. If we are absent from school we need to bring in a note from our parents or other legal guardian.)

Homeroom Teacher: “[My Name], do you have a note from home?”

Me: “Sorry. Just a moment.”

(I quickly write a note at my desk stating “I was sick yesterday. Signed, [My Name].”)

Homeroom Teacher: “It’s supposed to be a note from home!”

Me: “I’m 18. I’m legally an adult. I can write my own notes now.”

Homeroom Teacher: “But it’s supposed to be from home!”

Me: “Well, I could go to my locker, write the note, and tell you I brought it from home. Would that work?”

(Apparently most students hadn’t realized that they could do this once they turned eighteen. And by making a big deal of it in front of the entire class my teacher caused it to go public, leading to a rise in absences for the rest of the school year.)

Poking About Your Business

, , , | Learning | August 15, 2017

(I am called into my school’s principal office at high school because a few weeks ago I had poked a friend who turned out to have a mental condition that caused him to lash out and pull another girl’s hair. At this point my fingernails have gotten long and I have had no time to cut them back.)

Principal: “So, why did you poke him?”

Me: “It’s just something that I do to friends often as a joke and they do it back. I didn’t know it would bother him that much.”

Principal: “I see you have long fingernails. Do you do cocaine? Is that why you harass people?”

(I was utterly shocked into silence for the next five minutes while I was lectured on assault and drugs before being let go with a warning “this time.”)

Knows Zip About The Situation

, , , | Learning | August 15, 2017

(I’m the only IT person for a high school with over 200 computers. As such, I can’t routinely check all computer rooms, and there is a habit of peripherals (mostly mice) going missing. When I can, I zip-tie cables together to help reduce this. A few students from one class spill over into an adjacent computer room. There are about 7 students and there are 28 computers in this room.)

Me: *to the teacher* “Oh, is this spill over because there aren’t enough computers in there?”

Teacher: “Yeah, and a few don’t have a mouse.”

Me: “That’s why I’m in here zip-tying stuff down so hopefully that stops happening.”

(The student sits at one computer, which is next to one I’d just done and begins pulling at the zip-tied mouse on the adjacent computer. The units are tiny, so it also causes the unit to start lifting while he fiddles. It should also be noted there is absolutely no one else sitting in that row.)

Teacher: *exchanging a curious and worried look with me* “[Student]… what are you doing?”

Student: “Well, there’s no mouse on this computer. And this one here is zip-tied down.”

Me: *looking at the large bundle of zip ties in my hand* “Yes… Yes, it is. You could just move to one of the other computers… like, the two on either side of you that have mice and no one sitting at them… Or one of the others on that whole other side of the room that also has no one else sitting at them…”

Student: *silence as he considers this briefly and then shuffles over to the one next to him*

(To make matters worse, the student had been right near us when we were discussing why cables were getting zip-tied and we were speaking rather audibly.)

They’re Gunning For You

, , , , | Learning | August 15, 2017

(This story was told to my class a few years ago by our teacher, about something that happened to him in his old school. There was a kid in his class that always wanted to pick a fight and was always angry.)

Angry Kid: *to another student* “You wanna f****** fight?! Let’s go!” *tries to get in the guy’s face*

Student: *backs away from the kid*

Teacher: *gets in-between them and tells the angry kid to stop*

Angry Kid: “Shut the f*** up!” *grabs a squirt bottle of water and tries to hit my teacher*

Teacher: *grabs his arm and twists it behind the angry kids back and shoves him against the whiteboard*

(The kid was sent to the office and the next day my teacher is walking through the halls before school.)

Passing Student: “See you, Mr. [Teacher]!”

Passing Student #2: “Good luck, Mr. [Teacher]!”

Passing Student #3: *looks at him with concern*

Teacher: *thinking, what the h*** is going on?!*

(My teacher found out that on the way to school that day, the angry kid had apparently told another kid that he was going to shoot Mr. [Teacher] and he had hid different parts of a gun around the school. After that incident my teacher had to go sit in a meeting with the angry kid that had been planning on shooting him, along with the kid’s parents. Certainly one of the more interesting stories.)

A Naked Business Proposal

, , , , , | Learning | August 13, 2017

We are watching the most recent episode of a business show in my marketing class, where investors nicknamed after certain large marine predators hear business proposals and invest in them.

The class watches for the first few minutes as a company that does wine and art classes sets up a demo on portrait painting for the investors. All of the sudden, a guy in a bathrobe walks in on screen. It becomes clear to the class that this is going to be nude painting.

My marketing teacher SPRINTS to his computer and quickly changes the episode. I’ve never laughed so hard in his class.

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