Annoying The Class For Dummies

, , , , , , | Learning | October 17, 2018

(In my Spanish class, there’s this one student who does a magnificent job of annoying everybody, especially the teacher. Like most classes, this one lets us use the final minutes of the class to start our homework, which for this student is the peak opportunity for attention seeking. One day, I finally get fed up.)

Me: “Shut up, dumba**!”

Annoying Student: “[Teacher]! [My Name] just told me to, ‘Shut up, dumba**,’ and I’m taking offense to that!”

Teacher: “[My Name], in the future, please say, ‘Be quiet, dummy.'”

An Introversion Of Justice

, , , , , , | Learning | October 17, 2018

(I’m in tenth grade. My English teacher is a first-year teacher, and is very mild-mannered. My classmates figure this out quickly, and take advantage of it. Despite being in an honors class, we learn nothing all year, as everyone constantly talks and argues over the teacher. She usually gives up midway through the period. I am naturally introverted, and none of my friends are in my class, so I just try to focus on my work and tune out my classmates. At the end of the year, we are starting to pick out classes for the next year. My teacher gets up to speak.)

Teacher: “QUIET!”

(Everyone shuts up and stares, as we’ve never heard her raise her voice.)

Teacher: “I know it’s class-picking day for next year. I also know that many of you will ask me if you can take Advanced Placement English next year for college credit. The answer is no.”

(The class erupts in protest.)

Teacher:You will let me finish! This class has been extremely disrespectful all year. AP classes are a privilege, not a right, and none of you have behaved well enough to earn it. Now, I will call each of you up, and I will tell you what level of English you’ll be in next year. Most of you don’t even deserve to be in honors.”

(She stomps back to her desk, sits down, and starts barking out last names. As I sit near her desk, I can hear most of my classmates begging to take AP or honors. She flatly denies every request. I’m the last one she calls up.)

Teacher: *barks* “[My Last Name]!”

(I timidly approach.)

Teacher: *quietly* “Now, what did you have in mind for next year?”

(I really want AP English, but I remember what she said, so I decide to play it safe.)

Me: “Um… honors, I guess. If that’s okay with you.”

Teacher: “Oh. I had you pegged as an AP English student next year.”

Me: “Well… I’d like to take AP, but you said you weren’t going to approve it.”

Teacher: “Ah, you were paying attention. But I always intended to make an exception for my best students. In this period, that’s you. You are a hard worker, and it shows.” *signs the paper and hands it back to me* “Plus, you’ve been quiet in class all year. I appreciate that. Now, don’t mention this to anyone else.”

(The bell rang. I ducked out. Being an introvert does pay off sometimes!)

My Name Is Ming The Merciless And I Shall Be Your Teacher

, , , , | Learning | October 9, 2018

(I’m a student aide for one of my favorite teachers. I’m grading tests, which include both a short essay and a long essay. Some of the handwriting is completely illegible. This exchange happens with my teacher.)

Me: “[Teacher]! The handwriting on some of these is terrible. I can hardly read them!

Teacher: “Don’t worry; they will know my displeasure.”

Armed With A Quick Comeback

, , , , , | Learning | October 7, 2018

(I have a teacher who is missing an arm from the shoulder down. He is in his early forties at least, and lost it when he was a teen, so he has “gotten used to it,” to use his own words. Of course, working in a building filled with teenagers, he hears all sorts of comments, but I’ll never forget this gem:)

Student: “But, sir, how do you put on your shirts in the morning?”

Teacher: “One arm at a time, just like everyone else.”


Leaving An Expensive Paper Trail

, , , , , , | Learning | October 1, 2018

Like many people, I do not look back on my high school years fondly, and have wanted nothing to do with that place since graduating. One day, I get a letter from them in the mail. I figure it’s a donation request, and I have no intention of ever donating to them, but I decide to read it anyway.

Sure enough, the letter is a proclamation that donations are needed now more than ever. This isn’t surprising, since I have heard that the school has been all but bankrupt for the past few years and is in danger of closing. What is surprising, though, is something that I realize after I’m done reading. The letter — which cites rising costs of educational materials as a major reason for their needing donations — is two pages long, and printed single-sided on two sheets of paper.

I chuckle at the irony, and then throw the letter in the trash.

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