A Merciless Mercy Rule

, , , , , | | Learning | May 24, 2019

(In the late 2000s, I am playing for my school’s baseball team. During a heated game at home against our rival school, we fall behind by 12 runs in the top of the first inning with nobody out. The umpire suddenly calls time.)

Umpire: “Okay, break it up, everyone! Game’s over. [Rival School] wins by mercy rule.”

Coach: “Hey, wait! You can’t do that! You cannot call the mercy rule so early!”

Umpire: “I’m the umpire here, buddy, and what I say goes.”

Coach: “We didn’t play long enough for the mercy rule to be called! H***, our team didn’t even get a chance to bat!”

Umpire: “You know what? If your team of pansies didn’t suck, you’d have gotten that chance! Instead, you give up a dozen runs without an out, so guess what? You don’t get that chance! Game’s over, moron! You lose! Pack it up, now!”

(Incredibly, the game actually was officially recorded as a 12-0 victory for [Rival School]. It didn’t last long, however; the next day, the league fired the umpire for intentionally violating league rules and forfeited the game to us. It didn’t end there; an investigation revealed that the coach of [Rival School] had paid several umpires under the table to call games in their favor. That one umpire’s fatal decision to call the game against us in the top of the first inning exposed everything. [Rival School]’s coach and four other umpires were fired and bribery charges were pressed against everyone involved in the scandal. In addition, [Rival School] was forced to forfeit all the games they had already played and their remaining schedule, and was banned from postseason play for three seasons.)

Not The Perfect Way Of Announcing Perfection

, , , , , | | Learning | May 23, 2019

Chemistry Teacher: “I believe that if all my students fail an exam, it is my fault. I have obviously not taught the course well enough, and I won’t punish you for my mistakes. Thus, I grade on a curve. For example, say the highest score was 80/100. I will add 20 points to everyone’s scores. If the highest score is 99/100, I will add 1 point to everyone’s score. Does everyone understand this?”

Students: *all nodding*

Chemistry Teacher: “For our first exam of the year, I thought I had made a mistake. So many of you had failed! But I now see that you weren’t paying attention. [My Name] was able to get a perfect score on the exam. There’s no excuse for the rest of you. I’m so disappointed. This is one of eight exams for this semester. In other words, about 10% of your overall grade. Do better next time. [My Name], congratulations.”

(She handed me the test as I shrunk into my seat. The whole class was glaring at me. That was not a fun course.)

What The Dickens Is Her Problem?

, , , , , , | | Learning | May 20, 2019

(I started reading when I was three years old and I am a very avid reader. I am now in third grade, aged eight. I have a terrible teacher who always picks on me.)

Teacher: “The reason I have taken you all to the library is that I want you to pick a book to read in class for this term.”

(I head over to the back of the library where the books for the older kids are and pick out “David Copperfield” by Charles Dickens.)

Me: “Miss, I found a book.”

Teacher: “No, you haven’t.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s right here.”

Teacher: “No, you’re not reading that! It’s too hard for you! Stop trying to be funny and pick out a real book!”

Me: “B-but I already found a book.”

Teacher: “No! Stop trying to be funny!”

Me: “I-I’m r-really sorry, Miss, but I really want to read this one! I’ve already read Great Expectations, and that’s by the same author.”

Teacher: “DON’T TALK BACK TO ME!”

(I’m on the verge of tears and the librarian, who has witnessed the whole incident, decides to step in.)

Librarian: “Excuse me, [Teacher], but this girl is in here every morning reading, and she has read novels far more challenging than this. Now, stop shouting at this poor child and let her read the darn book.”

Teacher: “…”

(To this day, I am still thankful to that librarian. She helped me through my bullying and we ended up becoming really close!)

Losing A Student Almost Makes Them Lose It

, , , , , , , | | Learning | May 18, 2019

During my junior year, I go on a trip to San Diego with one of the clubs from my school, which is in the Chicago area. After our flight lands and we arrive at our hotel, we decide to get lunch at a restaurant in Old Town then spend the afternoon sightseeing in the area.

The hotel offers a shuttle for guests but will need to make four trips due to the size of our group. I am in the second group, and we are dropped off at the intersection where the first group is waiting. There are some stands a few feet from the intersection that have interesting crafts for sale, so I decide to browse while we wait for the last two groups to get there.

I finish making a purchase – which takes me less time than a single round trip to the hotel, let alone two – only to turn around and discover that everyone is gone. Turns out the teachers found out that the shuttle could drop off directly at the restaurant, so the last two groups went there while the first two walked over, not realizing I wasn’t with them.

Thankfully, there are kiosks with maps nearby and I remember the name of the restaurant, so I quickly find my way there. As I am walking up to the front door, one of my teachers is walking out with her cell phone in hand and, seeing me, says, “I was just about to call you!” I don’t have a cell phone, which I tell her. “Then what’s this number?” I check her phone and, sure enough, it is my number – my home number.

And that’s how I narrowly avoided giving my parents a heart attack from 2000 miles away.

Can’t Kick Old Habits

, , , | | Learning | May 17, 2019

(In middle school, I have a health teacher who looks like a gentleman; he’s old and has glasses, neat gray hair, and a cane, walking with a slight limp, and wears a tweed suit every day. He is a bit short, around 5’5″, and isn’t imposing at all. His voice is slightly scruffy and monotone, but mostly everyone respects him. One day we’re learning about drugs.)

Teacher: “All right, class. So, if anyone were to offer you any drugs, like so…”

(All of a sudden, he sets his cane against his desk, drops into what I can only call a “thug” pose, and says with a “gangsta” accent:)

Teacher: “Ey, my man, want soma dis?”

(All the students are shocked as he gets back up, gets his cane, and continues teaching. Rare but similar moments happen later in the year. I’m in high school now, and the same health teacher has transferred to the high school. My friend and I often walk past him standing in front of his door when we go to our math class. My friend is very talkative, annoying, and can sometimes be cruel without knowing it. One day we are reminiscing on how much more of a d**k he was in middle school.)

Me: “…and remember that time when I kicked you in the crotch?”

(Just as I say this, we pass the health teacher, and he mutters something under his breath. My friend suddenly looks impressed and starts laughing.)

Friend: “[Teacher]! Oh, my God!”

Me: “What? What’d he say?”

Friend: “‘Kick him again!’”

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