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Sometimes Teachers Need To Haul Out The Big Guns

, , , , , , , | Learning | September 18, 2022

In the UK, we have a thing called the CCF — Combined Cadet Force — where teenagers can join a group run by the various military forces, and it serves as an introduction to the military. I join the one at my school, and mostly we learn things like drill, map reading and orienteering, and military tactics. Once a term, we go and do a two-day training exercise out in the field, which normally culminates in doing an overnight exercise.

As part of the CCF, we all have to take the weapons safety test, and only then are we allowed to carry the rifles — though, of course, they are loaded with blanks for the exercise. However, many of the teachers only volunteer for the day and so are not allowed anywhere near the rifles.

As one of the older students, I am playing an enemy with one other student and a few other teachers. As the teachers are not allowed to carry rifles and we are in the middle of a forest, they decide to go and find some sticks to carry around and yell “bang” with.

About five minutes later, the first teacher comes back with a long, thin stick, so we decide this is a good rifle replacement. The second comes back with a slightly bigger stick, so we decide he is the sniper. After a while, the final teacher comes panting back to our position carrying what can only be described as a log on her shoulder. We all fall about laughing after someone suggests that this stick is the rocket-powered grenade launcher and is completely over the top for the situation.

Those Who Can, Copy

, , , , , , | Learning | September 16, 2022

I am copying a few pages in the university campus copy shop when a woman storms in and starts barking orders.

Customer: “Drop what you’re doing and help me copy some borrowed notes from a lecture!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you in a few seconds.”

Customer: *Yelling* “I have to go to a lecture in three minutes! I have to return the notes immediately! I’m very upset with your attitude.

I copied the notes, gave them back to her, followed her to the lecture hall, and started my lecture.

It slowly dawned on her that for the next three years, I would be one of her teachers. It was beautiful.

Not Seizing The Opportunity To Be Compassionate

, , , , , , | Learning | September 10, 2022

My middle school gym teacher was terrible. Once a year, the students would be forced to the track to run a mile for the fitness gram or something like that. According to [Gym Teacher], there were no exceptions. Every student had to run the mile in the 100°F Texas heat. This was a problem. I have severe epilepsy that is triggered by heat and bright flashing lights. I had years worth of doctors’ notes to get out of PE to prove it.

I was the last one on the track and [Gym Teacher] was constantly screaming at me to run. He threatened to up it to two miles if I didn’t finish soon.

By the end of lap two, I was very close to having a seizure. I started seeing spots, I got really dizzy, everything was going fuzzy — the works. Every time I passed by [Gym Teacher], I would practically beg him to let me stop so I could go to the nurse because this was when my seizures still had a chance of killing me. I’m not ashamed to say that I actually started crying. He refused to let me stop. He just yelled over me and ignored me saying I was epileptic, which he knew. He forced me to finish the mile barely coherent.

Once I finished and somehow managed to make it without having a seizure, the other gym teacher, who had just come outside with her class, saw me. Apparently, I didn’t look too good because I’ve rarely seen the blood drain from someone’s face so quickly. That teacher practically carried me to the nurse.

I ended up using my emergency meds and going home for the day. My mother was not happy with that teacher.

[Gym Teacher] still works there to this day.

We Thought We Were The Only Staff With This Running Gag!

, , , , , | Learning | September 8, 2022

I am majoring in [Major #1] at my university. I sign on as a Teaching Assistant (TA) early on and get on very well with all of the teachers. The lead teacher for the course, [Professor #1], starts jokingly telling me, “You’re fired!” any time I have a question or problem.

Me: “[Professor #1], this power supply seems to be busted.”

Professor #1: “You’re fired!”

Me: “This student needs a password reset for the online homework system.”

Professor #1: “You’re fired!”

And so on.

At some point, an additional instructor, [Professor #2], is hired, and he joins in the goofiness.

I continue as a TA for this course throughout my Bachelor’s degree and on into the first semester of my Master’s. My Master’s is a combined program for [Major #1] and [Major #2], but the actual degree will be in [Major #2]. For this first semester, I am working half of my time in the TA position and the other half assisting a [Major #2] professor with her research website.

My bosses in [Major #1] suggest that since I am now technically pursuing [Major #2], I should find work in their department fully and cease being a TA for [Major #1]. As I’ve been a TA in great standing for so many years and absolutely love it, I am fairly devastated.

Nonetheless, I follow their advice and end up getting an appointment to teach a full class the following semester in [Major #2]. This eases the blow, as I want to become a professor anyway.

I report the news to everyone at our next weekly TA meeting. [Professor #2] gets a huge grin on his face, like a child let loose in a candy warehouse, and says:

Professor #2: “Finally! After all these years, I get to say it for real! [My Name], you’re fired!

Listen To Awl The Instructions

, , , , , , , | Learning | September 6, 2022

I’m working at a summer camp. The campers are in a woodworking and crafting class.

Instructor: “All right, let’s meet the tools.”

He picks up a hammer.

Instructor: “Hammer. It hits things.”

He picks up a plane.

Instructor: “Plane. It makes things flat.”

He picks up an awl.

Instructor: “An awl. It makes holes. Note that I said, ‘An awl,’ and not just, ‘Awl.’ Every summer, someone tells the campers to get an awl, and they go get all the tools. Don’t be that camper.”

After the campers start working on their projects, the instructor sees a camper putting lots of tools in a bucket.

Instructor: “Hold on, [Camper]. What are you doing with all those tools?”

Camper: “Dunno. I asked [Counselor] what I needed for the next step, and she told me to go get them all.”

Instructor: “Were you listening carefully in the beginning?”

Camper: “Yeah, why?”