(In our store you can have your sandwich toasted before adding vegetables. Note: It’s below freezing temperature outside.)

Customer: “This is outrageous! I bought a sandwich here half an hour ago and when I got home, it was cold! I want my money back!”

Me: “Sir, did you by any chance WALK home?”

Customer: “Yes, but that only takes 15 minutes! You should be able to guarantee that it will still be warm when I want to eat it!”

Me: “It’s 30° F (-1°C) outside. The sandwich is bound to get cold and there is nothing I can do about it. You could always eat your sandwich in here, though.”

Customer: “That’s horrible customer service! I want my money back or I’ll complain about you!”

Me: “You do that, sir. Have a nice day.”

(I work at a sandwich shops that sells wraps, salads, and ciabatta sandwiches. This happens during my first month of working there:)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a wrap.”

Me: “Sure, what kind would you like?”

Customer: “Um… what kind can I get?”

Me: “You can get any of our wraps listed here:” *motions to menu board*

Customer: “Okay. I want a small veggie wrap.”

Me: “Sure, would you like I combo with that?”

Customer: “No, just the wrap.” *she pays for her order and I go over to make

it* “What kind of meat comes on it?”

Me: “…Pardon?”

Customer: “What kind of meat comes on it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I must have misheard. I thought you ordered a veggie wrap.”

Customer: “I did. What kind of meat comes on it?”

Me: “I’m sorry but our veggie wraps are a vegetarian option and don’t come with meat.”

Customer: *blank stare* “But the picture of it has meat.”

Me: “Which picture would that be?”

Customer: *points to the picture of a ham and Swiss ciabatta sandwich that happens to be next to the words “veggie wrap”*

Me: “That’s not our veggie wrap. It’s actually a ham and Swiss ciabatta.”

Customer: “Well, why is it next to the wrap?! I want a sandwich with meat on it! This is false advertising!”

Me: *mental facepalm* “Let me get you a refund.”

(I’m a delivery driver for a sandwich shop that is known for its speed. It is important to me that I get to the customer and back to the shop for various professional reasons. Today I made a delivery to an office. It’s the weekend so they left a note on the ticket to call them. This is not unusual as offices are usually locked so the customer has to come outside and meet me. I call the customer and this is the conversation.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Store]. I’m in the lobby.”

Customer: “Cool, I’ll be right there. I’m just around the corner.”

(I waited….. and waited. He wasn’t at the address. He was out making deliveries of his own. When my area manager asked why I was gone for 20 minutes at a location less than a mile from our own and I explained, his jaw hit the floor. I didn’t get in trouble, and I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for that customer again. He didn’t even tip me, too!)

(I’m working the counter at a sandwich shop when a customer comes in looking VERY tired.)

Customer: “How big are your five-dollar foot-longs?”

(He looks like a good-natured sort, so I decide to risk joking with him a little to help him wake up.)

Me: “Eleven inches. I’m taking a bite for that question.”

Customer: *laughs* “I suppose I asked for that. How much?”

(Having just the previous night babysat a boy who likes The Lego Movie, my response is almost automatic.)

Me: “That’ll be forty-seven dollars.”

(The customer wears an expression of abject horror for a split-second… and then breaks into a broad grin.)

Customer: “Awesome!”

(With “Everything is Awesome” stuck in my head for the rest of the day, I got the customer his unbitten, normally-priced foot-long.)

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uh… I think I want a burrito.”

Me: “Okay. What kind of rice and beans in there?”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian? I can’t eat meat.”

(This didn’t seem too strange to me, because some people do make beans with a bit of meat in them. I tell her that the only things on the line that aren’t vegetarian friendly are the meats.)

Customer: “Ok… is the chicken vegetarian?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Is that, what is it, steak? Vegetarian?”

Me: “Again, none of our meats are vegetarian. But I can put some grilled vegetables in if you like.”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She then proceeds to ask about every single thing on the line. I kept trying to reiterate that everything else on the line is, indeed, vegetarian. She kept asking anyway. Thinking she might be trying to mess with me, I decide to see if she’s calling my bluff or not.)

Customer: “Is the lettuce vegetarian?”

Me: “No.”

(It actually is, since it was literally just chopped lettuce. But the customer doesn’t miss a beat.)

Customer: “Okay, then I don’t want any of that. Is the cheese vegetarian?”

(That may have been the longest order I had to fill. She was a nice girl, though. I guess she just had no idea what vegetarianism was.)