I am working in the evening at a sandwich shop and answer the phone.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Sandwich Shop]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Yeah, we just came through the drive-thru and you guys messed up every single sandwich.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but—”

Caller: “No! You don’t interrupt me, you let me finish!”

Me: “But, ma’am—”

Caller: “No, you listen here! We asked for only tomatoes and peppers on my husband’s sandwich, and you guys put on every topping under the sun!”

Me: “If I may—”

Caller: “No! You let me finish!”

It is totally dead and I am working alone, so I just half-listen to her rant about all the things that are wrong with the sandwiches and how we were so incompetent.  

Caller: “Now, what do you have to say for yourselves?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, as I tried to tell you, this location does not have a drive-thru.”

Caller: “What do you mean? Isn’t this the store at the corner of First and Main?”

Me: “No, we’re at the corner of Fifth and Main.”

Caller: “Well, what’s their number?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have it. They’re owned by a different franchisee.”

This is pre-smartphone days so I can’t look it up.

Caller: “Well, that’s just great!” *Hangs up angrily*

I stop by a sub shop to grab a salad before a rehearsal. This shop is near a university, so it is mainly staffed by students like me. I start ordering my food and things progress normally… until a middle-aged woman comes in behind me and starts ranting about a previous order.

Customer: “You know, I was in here last time, and when I got home and looked at my sub, the bottom of the bread was as hard as a brick! It really pissed me off. I mean, you could have thrown it at someone, it was that hard.”

I just try and tune her out, until…

Customer: “I think it was [Employee making my sandwich] who messed it up last time. I don’t think I want her touching my sandwich.”

She continues ranting about her sandwich. This clearly upsets the employee, who starts speaking quietly and fumbles a few ingredients. The ranting customer notices this.

Customer: “Hey, you dropped some of her chicken. You going to do anything about it?”

Me: “It’s fine.”

Employee: *Mumbles.

Customer: “Hrm. Okay…”

The employee rings me up, clearly upset. Once I pay for my food, I work up my courage and linger for a minute.

Me: “Personally, every time I’ve come here, the service and food have been great. Don’t let people get you down.”

I had to run, so I didn’t see the rest of that customer’s ordering, but the smile and relief in the employee’s eyes made me glad I said something.

The most common responses to my questions at a famous customizable sandwich chain:

Me: “Could you pull your mask up, real quick, please?”

The customer pulls their mask even farther down and leans in.

Customer: “What?”

Me: “What kind of bread?”

Customer: “Steak.”

Me: “What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Heated or toasted?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Any other sandwiches?”

Customer: “Lettuce.”

Me: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “No… Can I have a bag?”

There’s a regular customer who always comes in with her five-year-old granddaughter who, as she claims, chose to be a vegan. They always order wheat bread and request for the staff to change their gloves and to use a new knife.

One day, there’s no line, and I see the woman come in. On that, I immediately take off the gloves I’m using and go to the back to get a fresh knife, and when I return, I wash my hands and put on a fresh pair of gloves, while in view of the woman. As soon as I am at the counter, ready to take her order…

Customer: “My granddaughter is a vegan. Can you go get a new knife and change your gloves?”

Internal facepalm.

I stopped at my favorite sandwich shop today and ordered my usual six-inch submarine-type sandwich. When I was handed the wrapped sandwich, it looked a LOT longer than six inches.

Me: “Is this really a six-inch sub? It looks more like a footlong.”

Server: “Yes, it is definitely a six-inch sub.”

When I got home, I measured the thing, and it was a bit over ten inches in length. It was a “whole loaf” rather than the usual loaf cut in half. However, upon opening the sandwich itself, I found that there were two inches of plain bread at each end. No filling. So, it was really a six-inch sandwich stuck in a ten-inch loaf, with an extra four inches of plain bread.

The “smaller” contents were quite good, anyway!