Has Something To Tell You Alright!

, , , , , , | Working | June 23, 2017

(Back in the day, my boss calls me up at seven am on my day off to tell me that the drawer was short $80 from the night before when I closed, ruining my one day that week to sleep in.)

Boss: “So, the drawer is short $80. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Me: “I don’t know; is it stuck in the safe drop? The flap is loose in the drop slide.”

Boss: “No, I checked.”

Me: “Are there any discrepancies in the cash out? It looked balanced to me. Did I mess up?”

Boss: “Not that I could see. The drawer is balanced and the printout looks solid, so the only thing that’s off is the deposit safe.”

Me: “Then I have no idea. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Boss: “Ok, but just call me if there’s anything you want to tell me.”

(Twenty minutes later he calls again:)

Boss: “You know, I still can’t find that $80.”

Me: “Well, crap.”

Boss: “And I looked at the security footage, and I didn’t see anything suspicious, but it was only you and the trainee working last night, and you were the only person handling the cash register.”

Me: “Darn. Are you sure it’s not stuck in the loose panel in the safe drop?”

Boss: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Okay, then. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Boss: “Well, listen, I know you’re tight on money lately, and I just think it’s funny that there’s $80 missing from the safe on a night you were working. I respect you, so if you took the money and you bring it back right now I won’t get mad, and I won’t fire you.”

Me: “Well, [Boss], I respect you, too, so I’m going to put it this way. I have on numerous occasions caught my coworkers stealing from you and immediately reported it to you and you handled the situation. Since I’ve started working for you you’ve repeatedly said that I’ve saved you money because of changes that I’ve made in ensuring certain policies are adhered to, and since you’ve hired me you’ve passed every corporate and health inspection with a margin of five percent. You know very well that I have integrity and that I have always acted in the best interest of your business.”

Boss: “Well–”

Me: “And when you hired me you trusted me to be your number two to watch out for all of your franchises, train all of your employees, and take care of all of your stores, and you gave me a lot of freedom and a lot of responsibility, and you trusted me. A lot. You gave me the master keys to all four of your stores, I have the alarm codes to all four stores, I have the safe codes to all four stores, I have the computer password and access to all of your files in the office that track your accounting, and I know the password to tell the alarm company that tells them not to send the police in case I accidentally set off the alarm anyway.  All this means that at any given day I could walk into all four of your restaurants and steal every penny you have in all four safes AND THEN I could go into the office, blip the security footage, and fudge the accounting so you wouldn’t know it was missing for weeks until you ran your quarterly paperwork — which would have given me plenty of time to skip out on you and cover my tracks even more. If I were going to rob you I would take a hell of a lot more than $80. It’s simply just easier to work a full week every week at minimum wage and get a paycheck every Friday. Robbing you would be too much of a hassle, no matter how easy you’ve made it for me. You keep telling me and everyone else that I’m so smart, so think about it. Am I dumb enough to get myself fired over a measly $80? Please stick your hand INTO the safe and feel UPWARD into the drop slide to see if the envelope is stuck in the loose panel.”

Boss: “…oh. Okay, I’ll look again.”

(A half hour later he calls me back.)

Boss: “Hey, so, I found the missing $80. The corner of the envelope got stuck in the loose panel of the drop safe and it was hanging out of the flap instead of falling into the safe.”

Me: *facepalm* “That’s great, [Boss]. See you tomorrow.”

(I still had that job for another two years after that — and no, he didn’t take any further precautions against theft, even after I told him all of the ways I could potentially screw him over. I guess that at the end of the day he really did trust me.)

Fresh Line-Caught Vegetables

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2017

Employee: “What can I get for you, sir?

Customer: “Roast beef on white.”

Employee: “And what kind of vegetables would like on your sandwich, sir?”

Customer: “Tuna.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but we usually do not consider tuna to be a vegetable.”

Customer: “DO IT!”

Employee: “Sir, tuna is not—”

Customer: “TUNA! DO IT!”

(The employee eventually gave up and the customer received his roast beef sub with tuna-vegetable.)

Snow Denying That They’re Awesome

, , , | Hopeless | May 27, 2017

(I’m delivery driving and it has been snowing all day. I’m out delivering to a neighborhood that has not been plowed.)

Me: *to customer* “Thanks, have a good evening!”

Customer: “You, too!”

(I start to drive away but about a foot down the street I’m stuck. The snow is up to my knees and I don’t have a shovel. I’m considering trying to dig myself out with my hands when two heads pop out of the snow in a neighboring yard.)

Boy: “Hey, miss, are you stuck?”

Me: *trying to laugh, embarrassed* “Yeah, I think so. It’s okay, though.”

Boy: “We can help!”

(These two little boys couldn’t have been older than six, but with two giant shovels they not only pushed the snow out from my car, but ran ahead the street until I got to a road I could drive on! Your parents raised you right, little guys, and I hope karma comes back with something awesome for you!)

Getting Heated About The Lack Of It

| Leipzig, Germany | Right | May 10, 2017

(In our store you can have your sandwich toasted before adding vegetables. Note: It’s below freezing temperature outside.)

Customer: “This is outrageous! I bought a sandwich here half an hour ago and when I got home, it was cold! I want my money back!”

Me: “Sir, did you by any chance WALK home?”

Customer: “Yes, but that only takes 15 minutes! You should be able to guarantee that it will still be warm when I want to eat it!”

Me: “It’s 30° F (-1°C) outside. The sandwich is bound to get cold and there is nothing I can do about it. You could always eat your sandwich in here, though.”

Customer: “That’s horrible customer service! I want my money back or I’ll complain about you!”

Me: “You do that, sir. Have a nice day.”

Should Have Been Wrapped Up Easily

| NL, Canada | Right | April 29, 2017

(I work at a sandwich shops that sells wraps, salads, and ciabatta sandwiches. This happens during my first month of working there:)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a wrap.”

Me: “Sure, what kind would you like?”

Customer: “Um… what kind can I get?”

Me: “You can get any of our wraps listed here:” *motions to menu board*

Customer: “Okay. I want a small veggie wrap.”

Me: “Sure, would you like I combo with that?”

Customer: “No, just the wrap.” *she pays for her order and I go over to make

it* “What kind of meat comes on it?”

Me: “…Pardon?”

Customer: “What kind of meat comes on it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I must have misheard. I thought you ordered a veggie wrap.”

Customer: “I did. What kind of meat comes on it?”

Me: “I’m sorry but our veggie wraps are a vegetarian option and don’t come with meat.”

Customer: *blank stare* “But the picture of it has meat.”

Me: “Which picture would that be?”

Customer: *points to the picture of a ham and Swiss ciabatta sandwich that happens to be next to the words “veggie wrap”*

Me: “That’s not our veggie wrap. It’s actually a ham and Swiss ciabatta.”

Customer: “Well, why is it next to the wrap?! I want a sandwich with meat on it! This is false advertising!”

Me: *mental facepalm* “Let me get you a refund.”

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