They’re Harping On About Your Guitar String

, , , , , | Working | November 16, 2018

My cousin is 17 and has been home alone for an entire month while her parents are on a trip. Though family often visit, she’s by herself every night.

There have been several reports by a neighbour about someone playing guitar too loud at night. My cousin has heard it, too, but a security guard often comes up to tell her to stop the next day, even though she says it wasn’t her.

One night, when the playing starts, she goes downstairs to the guard so they can see it isn’t her. He, however, refuses to go up and investigate ASAP. The next day, a different guard comes up to my cousin to tell her to stop again!

This time my cousin proudly sticks all ten of her one-and-a-half-inch, brightly-colored, real fingernails in the guard’s face and asks if the guard really thinks she is the one playing.

That finally gets an investigation, and the guard check every apartment nearby and find other neighbours that heard it but never reported it. Apparently, the issue was also with the first neighbour, who reported the sound coming from the wrong direction.

H2-Oh, My God, That’s A Lot Of Water

, , , , , , | Working | October 22, 2018

While going through security to board my flight, my bag was pulled from the x-ray machine for further inspection. The TSA agent proceeded to pull out not one, not two, but four fairly small water bottles, each well above three ounces, all filled. I was shocked, but then I remembered: I had recently taken another trip using this same bag where I was on the go a lot and had to drink lots of water. Since I tend to overpack and the bottles were at the bottom, I had simply forgotten they were there.

This would be unremarkable if not for one thing: this was the return flight of my current trip. Somehow, the staff at the other airport did not catch four water bottles on the x-ray! Needless to say, I was slightly concerned for the agents at the other airport.

Just What Was Up There?

, , , , | Legal Right | October 2, 2018

(I work at the local courthouse. Everyone has to go through security before going inside. Seeing as my town has two state prisons, many citizens are jailbirds! A man deposits his gear into the pan then bolts through the metal detector. The machine starts beeping.)

Security Guard: “Oh? Let me-”

(The man is instantly defensive — red faced and loudly sighing.)

Man: “Yeah, yeah, I know how it goes.” *facing the concrete wall, he spreads his arms and legs, then bends over* “Search me.”

Security Guard: “No, sir” *chuckles* “You don’t have to bend over, not unless we meet under different circumstances.”

(The man remains bent over.)

Man’s Girlfriend: “[Man]! STAND THE F*** UP!”

(Just a normal day going through security…)

Looks Like IMF Are In The Building!

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2018

(I work as on-call tech support for a company. I receive a call from work that the Internet is down, so I go to check it. To make a long story short, the ISP is down. I go to inform the guard we have at the company. It is around 9:30 pm.)

Me: “Do you have any Internet?”

Guard: “No, not at the moment.”

Me: “Yeah, the whole region is down due to a failure at the Internet Service Provider.”

Guard: “Yeah, everything is down… except for the camera security footage at [Different Site].”

(I know the footage comes via the Internet.)

Me: “Okay, that is strange.”

Guard: “Wait a second. This footage is stuck at 7:30 am!”

(I was wondering why there were still so many cars parked at the factory.)

Bringing A Knife To A Gun-Flight

, , , , | Legal | August 31, 2018

I work as a general screener at an airport, and mostly frisk for weapons, sharp objects, LAGs, and such.

A family of four comes through, and the old lady takes a while due to her pockets being full of stuff.

Her son comes back from the bag collection towards me, as my female colleague begins her sixteen steps, and starts screaming at us that they are “pure” [nationality] and she is an old woman, so how dare we search her, especially since I’m the foreigner here. I am actually the same as him, but mixed. He starts asking for our badge number and name; I’m about to get a flight supervisor as my colleague signals to me that she found a knife.

Turns out the old lady concealed a knife with an eight-inch blade under her armpit because her family told her she couldn’t bring it on the plane. She intended to use it to cut fruit.

The police and airline ask us our opinion if they should be let through or if there is a risk of more items. I look at him and say that the concealment of the item ought to automatically warrant a full search of their person and baggage. They don’t make their flight that day.

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