I am looking for employment and applying for every job that remotely looks like a fit for my skill set. Naturally, this brings out the recruiters like crazy, so I’m getting phone calls and emails daily from people offering jobs. Most of the positions they send over are decent, but then I get this guy:

Recruiter: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Recruiter]. I’m calling about a job opportunity for a program manager role that you’ll be perfect for, based on your resume! Please check your inbox.”

I click on my email… and I’m rather stunned.

For the record, my training and career history are in writing software and implementing programs for hospitals and insurance providers. The job this guy has sent me is for a rocket scientist.

I’m not kidding!

The skills required explicitly mention “technical expertise with liquid rocket engines and test facilities”, “experience integrating complex subsystems into a spacecraft”, “implementing, customizing or improving the configuration of launch trajectory systems”, and so on. This job could not possibly be further from my skill set if it tried.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you sent me the wrong job description. This is for someone with a strong engineering background.”

Recruiter: “Exactly, it’s perfect for you! Can I send over a Right to Represent now?”

Me: “Could you not? I apologize, but there’s been a mistake. You’ve mixed me up with someone else or something, cause this is definitely not a role I’d be good at.”

Recruiter: “Nonsense, you’ll be great at it! Trust me! Now I’ll need you to confirm the RTR before I can set up an interview.”

Me: “I’m sorry again, but I’m not going to apply for this position.”

Recruiter: “Alright, fine. Well, I have another position that you might be interested in if this one isn’t good enough for you.”

Me: *Not really warming to this guy’s tone, but still needing any chance of employment.* “Okay, send it over.”

Another email pops into my inbox. I give it a read and the deja vu comes on strong… because it’s the exact same job description! All that’s been changed is that the title now reads ‘Operations Program Manager’ instead of ‘Program Manager III’.

Me: “[Recruiter], this is the same position!”

Recruiter: “You’ll be great at it! Trust me!”

Me: *Trying to wrap my head around why this guy is pushing so hard.* “You’ve looked at my resume, right? Where in my work history does it sound even remotely like I have any of these skills? I notice at the bottom it mentions I also need to be certified in DFMA (Design for Manufacturing and Assembly) and have previously worked with the P6 tool. Where are those stated in my past positions? Please explain to me why you believe my knowledge of hospital claims processing and billing software qualifies me to work on rocket engines or spacecraft.”

Recruiter: “…Can you still give it a try? Worst that can happen is they say no.”

I finally got him to accept I would not be wasting any more of my time or his trying to apply for something I was not in any way qualified for.

Thankfully, I’ve since found a new position in my field, but that still remains the most extreme case of stubborn adamancy I’ve ever encountered.

Related:
It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science, Part 2
It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science…

I work in a fast-food place that’s part of a small local chain (we don’t have any stores outside the state). The manager is interviewing a prospective assistant manager in his office (it’s next to the kitchen area). 

This is how the manager tells how the interview went:

Manager: “For the first six months, you’ll be cross-trained in all kitchen positions and on checkout. About one shift a week in each.”

Prospective Assistant Manager: “I don’t need to do any of that. I’m applying to be a manager.”

Manager: “You’d be managing those roles.”

Prospective Assistant Manager: “But I don’t need to do them.”

Manager: “Okay. Scenario: it’s the lunch rush. We’ve got a screen full of orders, and suddenly every other ticket is for crispy chicken wraps. The fryer’s full, the wrap station’s waiting, and drive-thru times are climbing. What do you do?”

Prospective Assistant Manager: “Tell them to drop more chicken. Fill the fryer up so we can get ahead.”

Manager: “And when you overload the fryer, the oil temperature crashes, cook times get longer, and the breading falls apart. Now half your batch is unusable.”

Prospective Assistant Manager: “Then they just remake it.”

Manager: “Once that happens, all the kitchen staff have to stop what they’re doing to fix your mess, slowing down service, and making everyone hate you.”

Prospective Assistant Manager: “So what’s the right answer, then?”

Manager: “You split the drops into staggered half-batches, keep the oil temp stable, and have the grill person pre-stage wraps and sauces so assembly can move the second the chicken comes up. You’d know that if you’d worked the fryer.”

Prospective Assistant Manager: “Yeah… this isn’t really what I’m looking for.”

Manager: “What are you looking for?”

Prospective Assistant Manager: “I’m looking to be a manager, not one of… them.” *Points toward the kitchen.*

Manager: “Yeah, I don’t think it’s going to work out. Good luck finding a position that rewards ignorance!”

I’m the HR Manager for a large hotel in the south of Spain. Every year, in early March, we have to recruit for the summer season. Every year, it gets harder because there are more businesses competing for the same or even fewer people who are looking for work.

Within my company, my job is to screen CVs, the heads of departments conduct interviews, and make the hiring decision. I then pick the process up, go to offer, check references, and complete onboarding. It can be intense, as once a hiring decision is made, I have to work really quickly to get people on board.

This is a conversation I had multiple times, with multiple managers in March:

Me: “Hey, how are you getting on with the interviews?”

Hiring Manager: “I’ve been too busy; I didn’t meet with anyone.”

Me: “What help do you need?”

Hiring Manager: “I just need people. Until I get someone else on the team, I can’t do interviews because I’m too busy.”

Then with my general manager:

General Manager: “Why are they not getting anyone for that job?”

Me: “Boss, they’ve had the CVs, they haven’t read them, and wonder why no one is starting.” 

General Manager: “Maybe you could help them out?”

Then back to the hiring manager:

Me: “[Hiring Manager], what help do you need with those CVs?”

Hiring Manager: “I need people. Why is no one starting this week in my department? I can’t look at those CVs until I get someone!”

Some twenty years ago, I was a second-year university student looking for a summer job. I had a couple of years of previous experience working at a home for the elderly before going to university, and decided to try to find summer employment in such a place. I got an interview, it went well, and I got an offer the very next day. 

I agreed to work for a total of five weeks, thirty hours per week, and be paid seventy-five Swedish kronor per hour plus additional holiday pay. I specifically mentioned the holiday pay in that conversation to make sure that, since I would get paid by the hour, and not monthly, that I would get an extra 12 % on top of my hourly wage (as is the law in Sweden). They said it was all fine and that they really wanted to hire me.

Some weeks later, I went there for an hour of (unpaid) introduction together with a group of a dozen or so other new summer workers. At the end of the introduction, they took us, one by one, to separate rooms to sign our contracts. And there I saw that my contract said, ”seventy-five kronor hourly, INCLUDING holiday pay.”

No. Just no. 

I politely told the lady that there must have been some mistake, that the other lady I had interviewed with and who had offered me the job had been very clear it was to be seventy-five kronor PLUS holiday pay. And then fun stuff happened.

Lady: *In a condescending tone of voice.* “Well, now, dear, you must have misunderstood my colleague; this is a normal contract and a normal wage for someone like you with no experience.”

Me: *Slightly angry but still polite.* “Well, actually, I do have experience, but that’s beside the point. I am very sure that we agreed on seventy-five kronor PLUS holiday pay of 12%.”

Lady: *Even more condescending.* “Oh, you’re young, maybe you’ve been misinformed. What are those 12% you’re talking about? Such a thing doesn’t exist. Just sign the contract now, and I’ll bring you your work schedule.”

Me: *Barely polite now.* “Excuse me, but I’m not misinformed. If you want me to sign that contract, it has to be changed first.”

Lady: *Now getting annoyed.* “I don’t understand why you argue! Just sign!”

Me: *Not even wanting the d*** job anymore.* “Right. If you had read my application, you’d realise that I’m currently studying HR management and labour laws. What you’re doing right now is illegal. So… yeah. I’m leaving now.”

As I stood up, the lady suddenly seemed very nervous. She mumbled something about not knowing my field of study (as if that mattered) and that she would talk to her boss about getting my contract changed. I declined and again said I was leaving now, and then I did just that.

Later that day, I got a call from the lady I had interviewed with, also saying that there had been a mistake, that they wouldn’t dream of breaking the law, and could I please come and work for them since they had already put me on the schedule and had already turned down the other applicants. I declined, and happily found another job where they didn’t try to lie to me.

A woman comes up to the counter where my coworkers and I are.

Me: “Hi there! How can we help you today?”

Woman: “Are you hiring?”

Though I’m not a manager, I’ve been there the longest, so everyone else looks at me. I always spout the same thing, so:

Me: “Not at this time, but we’re always accepting resumes.”

She rummages in her purse and pulls out a piece of paper that has clearly been through the wash once or twice. There are creases and wrinkles, and while it’s been typed, there are more than one handwritten note on it.

She unfolds it and smooths it out onto the counter for us.

Woman: “Oh! Do you have a pen? That’s the wrong phone number; I just got a new number.”

We wordlessly hand her a pen, and she crosses out another of the phone numbers on the sheet; several others have been crossed out previously, and she scribbles numbers right by what we assume is her name on the top of the page.

Woman: “There! Thank you. You see, I used to work at [Department Store], but I had to leave, because I did not get along with management, I didn’t like the way they worked, I like doing my own version…”

She then spent a good ten minutes explaining her previous employments (which are all listed on the “resume”) and why she left each one. She finally nods and leaves us, with our frozen smiles and glassy eyes, with her “resume.”

The moment she’s out of the store, we all gather around to find that not only did she not lie with all her previous employments, but the longest she was at a job was also three months. Not that it was easy to read in the first place, as the descriptions of jobs and positions were poorly written.

The piece of paper was left on the manager’s desk and was never seen again. Nor was the woman hired.