Perverted Young Men Become Perverted Old Men

, , , , , | Working | October 12, 2018

Customer: “Hey, will you guys be hiring for Christmas?”

Me: “We will! There’s a seasonal hiring fair scheduled in a few weeks. If you want to get on the email list, I can put you down.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. I’m retired, looking for a little extra money. I want to work security. I used to, you know, in college.”

Me: “I don’t think we will have any seasonal loss prevention jobs available, but you can check out the jobs we will be listing.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s a shame. I used to love working security. Used to love watching the girls change in the fitting rooms through the mirrors. I can only imagine what those guys see now with cameras, ha!”

(As soon as he walked away, I crossed his email address off of the list.)

Coding Isn’t A Game

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2018

(I work as a producer for a video game publishing company. It’s very common for us to get applications from people trying to break into the industry, as I imagine it is for other publishers. We’re currently hiring for two programmer positions, both of which pay six figures a year because they have very steep skill requirements. We get an application from a young woman currently working part time as a cashier who has an impassioned cover letter talking about how she sees this job posting as her “big chance,” how she desperately wants to break into video games, etc. She has zero related skills — nothing about coding or anything whatsoever, just a bunch of part time jobs in every day work. Ordinarily I would send her a stock response about how we’re going with another candidate, but I feel for her because I literally once was that young woman trying to break into the industry over a decade ago, so I decide to call her and explain a bit more in detail so she doesn’t get discouraged. After I’ve explained why she isn’t a fit and provided some practical advice as to how she can get more experience at an entry level, she responds:)

Applicant: “Well, I do think I’m a fit.”

Me: “Unfortunately, you’ve told me yourself that you have no programming or any type of related experience. We were very clear about the requirements we need for this job because of the duties associated with it.”

Applicant: *in an irritable, haughty tone* “Well, I’m a fast learner.”

(One of the requirements we have is minimum five years experience.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t hand off this sort of sensitive work on that type of assurance.”

Applicant: *heavy sigh* “Well, I’m willing to entertain offers on the other position.”

(The other job listing had almost the exact same requirements. I turned her down, again, and she complained about my “unhelpfulness” and said she “would have thought I would have seen the value in being willing to work with someone as a teaching experience.” Talk about entitled! Sorry I wasn’t willing to handle off a ton of sensitive work to you that you ADMITTED you were unqualified to handle due to lacking the proper credentials and experience.)

Trust Me, Best Manager Ever, Like You’ll Never Believe…

, , , , , | Working | September 22, 2018

(I am conducting interviews for a management position in our company. We’ve had our fair share of bizarre interviewees, but this one by far stands out the most.)

Me: “So, what makes you the best choice for this position?”

Interviewee: “I’m an expert at screaming at employees! I have a voice so loud it’ll make them cower in fear every time they hear me! Oh, and I’m excellent at firing people, too. At my last job, I fired twenty people in my first week! Isn’t that exciting? I’m telling you, I will be the best manager ever!”

(It was very hard for me to keep a straight face for the rest of the interview after hearing that. We knew we weren’t going to hire her after her statement, but we followed up with her previous employer after the interview as part of the mandatory process. As it turns out, she had been fired from her previous manager position after just one week for — you guessed it — mistreatment of employees and repeated violations of company termination policy.)

Not All Fatherly Advice Is Good Advice

, , , , , , | Working | September 4, 2018

(I’m soon graduating university with a degree in computer science. Simultaneously, I’m also working as a working student — a concept in German academia where, rather than working in an unrelated side job, you’re working part-time in your future field of study to gain some experience and build a network, and are paid slightly less than someone with a degree. While the chances that they’ll hire me afterwards are rather high, my dad feels the need to help me get a job. He tells me a friend of his is searching for someone like me. I’m not too eager to apply, but it won’t hurt, either. Calling his friend, I learn that there’s no official job posting yet, and that I just should send an application with my experience and a salary expectation. I do just that, being careful to include a request to keep my application in confidence, and am invited to an interview.)

Interviewer: “First things first. Your salary expectations are a bit high. If [Dad’s Friend] wouldn’t had insisted, we likely wouldn’t have invited you.”

Me: “I think they are more than fair. It’s actually slightly below the average entry wage for someone with my degree, but I’m willing to compromise. What did you have in mind?”

Interviewer: “Something in the ballpark of 14€ an hour.”

Me: “That’s actually even less than I’m currently earning as a working student. I’d be willing to go down to 20€, but that’s about it.”

Interviewer: “I don’t know what to tell you. We simply don’t have that money in our budget for a graphics designer.”

Me: “Wait. What? I’m a computer scientist specializing in UX design, not a graphics designer. That’s a totally different area of expertise! I’m afraid I’m not the right applicant for this job.”

(With this I got up, said good-bye, and went home frustrated, suspecting they didn’t read more than my salary expectations. The next day I went to work and my boss called me into his office. Apparently, they’d also ignored my plea for confidence and contacted my department for a reference without my permission. Thanks, Dad!)

Early Bird Dodges The Bullet

, , , , , , | Working | September 1, 2018

(I tend to go into work, or head to any appointment, around an hour early. This is for many reasons: to time how long it takes to walk there so, in the case of jobs, I’m never late, to cool down from the walk before needing to do anything, and sometimes just to buy stuff beforehand. I have applied at a local gas mart I have never walked to before, so I arrive for my interview an hour and a half early. Said mart also makes small batches of food, like hotdogs, subs, chicken fingers, etc., so it is pretty busy. I just take a seat near the back and start reading my book. Then, I decide I am thirsty, so I grab a drink and get in line to pay, and the manager sees me when I say hi to the cashier.)

Manager: *in a really snotty tone* “You’re early! It’s too busy to interview you!”

Me: *surprised, but trying to be as neutral-sounding as possible* “I understand I’m an hour early. I was walking and decided to stop in and grab a drink.” *holds up my book and the bottle of water I am buying* “I can read until you’re ready. If it stays busy, no rush. I have nowhere else to be today and can wait.”

Manager: *still giving me an attitude* “Well! Don’t expect your interview to be early! It’s slammed!”

(She stalks into the back room while I pay for my water and sit back down. I can hear the manager quite clearly, too, with her attitude still fully in her voice:)

Manager: “I can’t believe he’s here this early, expecting me to drop everything to interview him! He can wait until we’re less busy, and I’m good and ready!”

(I stand up and say to the cashier:)

Me: “You know what? I don’t think I really want this job after all. Let her know for me?”

(I hurried myself right out of there. I stopped in a few times a month over the next year, since a construction job I got not long after passed by there, and the same manager was always there… and they were always looking for new hires.)

Page 1/1812345...Last