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At Least This Ends With A Boost, If Not A Caffeine One

, , , , | Working | May 19, 2022

I had been working on my customer service job for almost six months, at which time I would get more secure from being fired and have the opportunity to get loans from the bank. The recruitment firm I was hired through then called me about another job. I was happy where I was, but thought I could check it out.

I went to the interview after work and sat down with the potential employer.

Employer: “So, do you know about [Brand]?”

Me: “Yes, you sell coffee, right?”

Employer: “Yes, exactly. Do you drink coffee?”

Me: “No, I don’t drink coffee.”

Employer: “Oh, don’t worry. We’ll have you drinking coffee in no time! Do you like hot chocolate?”

Me: “Yes, I usually drink hot chocolate when others drink coffee.”

Employer: “We have a chocolate coffee; it’s a good place to start.”

I’m slightly confused. I don’t want to drink coffee, and I’m not sure why we are having this discussion.

Employer: “So, I have a few questions, but first, do you have any questions about the job?”

I had a lot of questions and was honest when it was something I was hesitant about, upon which he tried to sell it. However, when I asked about the most important part to me, getting the security you usually get after six months, he said they probably couldn’t give that. As I finished asking my questions, he thanked me for the interview, never even asking me anything, and I figured I hadn’t made a good impression.

I was wrong.

The next day, I got an offer. I asked if I could get secure employment, but they said no, so I turned it down. Then, they called back offering a higher salary but still no secure employment, so I turned it down again. This went on for a while, and they called me while I was at work, as well. Eventually, they got the picture and stopped, though I was tempted as the salary they offered was significantly higher than my current one in the end.

The next week, my boss called me in and gave me a surprise raise. I guess someone at work overheard my calls.

Oh, Sure, That Sounds Smart

, , , , , | Working | May 17, 2022

My job seeking advisor once told me about a guy who failed his medical exam. He had applied to work on an offshore oil driller platform. He smoked about twenty cigarettes a day and was asked if he was willing to quit smoking. He said no and, therefore, failed the exam.

He even complained, saying that they should have a smoking room for smokers.

Maybe If The Restaurant Had A Pirate Theme…

, , , , | Working | May 13, 2022

One fine summer, when I was still a student, I was in the dreaded process of sending out applications to as many jobs as possible in hopes of securing a summer job. I would take my cover letter and resume from the previous job, change the details, and tailor the content to the job I was applying for. Lather, rinse, repeat. I had been at it for a while and was starting to feel tired.

One application was for a water tour company that gave tours around the harbour. The official job title was “Boat Captain”. I did my resume and cover letter and sent them off. The next was for a server position at a local restaurant. I changed the details and sent that off, too.

When I came to the next application, I read over the cover letter I had just sent out to the restaurant and discovered, to my horror, that I had left the last line unedited from the previous application. 

The last line of my cover letter to this restaurant read: “I believe these qualities would make me a successful boat captain.”

Needless to say, I didn’t get the job, but I can only imagine the look on the person’s face as they read my cover letter.

Oh, Great. Now He Has Your Number.

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2022

Years ago, I was young, naive, and unemployed. While I was browsing the graphic design magazines in a bookstore, an older man approached me.

Client: “I see you look really interested in graphic design. I’m looking to hire a graphic designer.”

Me: “Wow, really? I’m looking for a job right now!”

Client: “Let me get you some information about my company. It’s in my car.”

Me: “Okay!”

He came back quickly and showed me binders and business cards about his cultural institution.

Client: “Here’s what I do. If that sounds interesting, give me your phone number and we can set up a meeting.”

Me: “Yes, I would like that!”

The client called a few days later.

Client: “Let’s meet.”

Me: “Okay. Where should we meet?”

Client: “Let’s meet this Saturday evening at [Nightclub/Dance Club].”

Me: “Umm… that’s a dance club. How am I supposed to bring my portfolio there?”

Client: “Don’t bring your portfolio.”

A Company By Any Other Name… Might Have Resulted In A Hire

, , , , | Working | April 12, 2022

The company I work for has a generic name for our industry sector. Imagine a floor-laying company called “Flooring Services”. I sometimes interview candidates for entry-level positions.

In this particular interview, we had just asked the candidate what their experience was in our industry, to which they’d given a reasonable answer. We then asked them what they knew about [Company]. They looked a bit frustrated but then started repeating what they’d already said in response to the previous question.

We thought maybe they had misheard our question, so we asked again what they knew about [Company]. Looking frustrated again, they started repeating their previous answer, rewording it slightly.

Me: “Thank you, but what we were hoping you could tell us is what you know about [Company] specifically?”

Candidate: “That’s all I know! I don’t know what else I can say about what I know about the industry!”

Me: “Yes, but… how about our company? Did you maybe have a look at our website or anything?”

Candidate: “Oh, no, I haven’t had the time for that. To be entirely honest with you, I don’t even remember what you’re called. I’ve sent out a tonne of applications and this is just one that I saw had come back with an interview offer.”

Me: “Ah.”

That was near the beginning of the interview. At least they were honest, but they didn’t impress us in the rest of the interview, either, so it was a no from us!