Too Many Assumptions Spoil The Broth

, , , , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I’m interviewing for a position as a dishwasher in a local diner, and the manager seems nice.)

Manager: “Would you like to be a cook?”

Me: “Um, no. I don’t know how to cook.”

Manager: “Who doesn’t know how to cook?”

Me: “Me.”

(He kept insisting that I be a cook, even though I told him I would rather wash dishes. He seemed very disappointed and never called me back. I found another job elsewhere. I don’t know why they would advertise for a dishwasher and need a cook. Very weird.)

A Gun Law That Actually Works

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(I am in law enforcement and I am at a job recruiting fair with a partner. We are strictly hiring for law enforcement officers, and we tell people this.)

Man: “So, can I still be hired if I have a felony on my record?”

Partner: “No.”

Man: “Why not?”

Partner: “Let me put it to you this way; as a convicted felon, can you buy a firearm?”

Man: “Well… No.”

Partner: “So, then, why would we give you one?”

Needs A Recruiter Rebooter

, , , , , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

I am looking for a new job, having been made redundant at short notice from my previous company. I have a really good interview with a company on a Thursday morning, but I feel the job isn’t right for me. I feed this back to the recruiter on Thursday afternoon. I hear from a different recruiter on Friday afternoon that they’ve got a temp job for me starting Monday, so I go along to that on Monday morning. It’s not brilliant, but I know how to do it, and it is only for a couple of weeks, with no notice period, so I’m happy to stay there until something more permanent comes up.

At lunchtime I look at my personal phone for the first time since I arrived at 8:30 am. There are three missed calls from a number I don’t recognise, two missed calls from the first recruiter’s number, and two voicemails.

The first voicemail is the person who interviewed me on Thursday, asking very nicely if the recruiter actually let me know what time to start, etc.

The second voicemail is an angry tirade from the recruiter’s manager, asking why I hadn’t turned up.

I phone back to explain I hadn’t actually taken the job. The recruiter is off on holiday for two weeks, so I am put through to the angry manager. It appears the company told the recruiter to offer me the job before I’d told him that I didn’t want it. He’d accepted it on my behalf, and to meet his bonus target before the end of the month, hadn’t told them I didn’t want it. He’d actually gone to the trouble of filling out all my details on the paperwork I was supposed to do on that Friday. His boss is not happy when I tell him I haven’t done it.

About a month later when the temp job comes to an end, I apply for another role with the original recruitment company, which I eventually take. I ask what happened to the original recruiter.

“Oh, he left,” I am told. “What happened?” I ask, feigning ignorance. “Well, he got back from holiday, there was a lot of shouting in our manager’s office, and he walked out.”

I explain what happen to me.

“Oh, he did that to you, as well? Yeah, that was one of his tricks. I guess he tried it too many times.”

What Goes Up, Must Come Crashing Down

, , , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

(We are interviewing potential applicants for a series of new jobs. We have met several at the entrance to the building and are escorting them to our respective floors.)

Applicant:Ugh! Why is this lift so slow! Doesn’t it know we’re all busy?!”

Boss: “Yes, you’ve looked very busy while staring at [social media] for the past 15 minutes.”

Applicant: “What else is there to do?!”

Boss: “Actually listen? We told you at reception that data analysis was on the third floor. Had you bothered to lift your head from your phone at all, you might have realised that we’re now coming up to the seventh. So, unless you want to be interviewed for a managerial role, I think you have missed your chance.”

(She blushed and sprinted down the four floors instead of using the lift again. At the end of the day, I heard she tried to blame us for her tardiness. Her potential boss, however, also noticed that she was on her phone the whole time, too, and promptly closed the door in her face.)

Weeding Out The Candidates

, , , , , | Working | November 21, 2017

(I’ve been doing political consulting work for almost a decade and have encountered a lot of strange candidates over that time. This one is definitely the weirdest, though. I have been contacted by this guy about working on his soon-to-be-announced campaign. I go to meet with him at his home, and this is how he introduces himself.)

Candidate: *pointing* “By the way, that is weed on the mantle, in case you were interested.”

(The rest of the meeting was just as weird. Needless to say, this wasn’t someone I wanted to work for.)

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