CONTENT WARNING: Gross, Sexual References

It’s my first day at the sandwich store, and I am starting as a dishwasher for now.

Coworker: “Oh… gaaaaaaaahd. He’s back.”

Me: “Who’s back?”

Coworker: “Listen to this order. You won’t forget this.”

My coworker starts serving a customer.

Customer: “I’ll get the hot ham and cheese sub with extra mayo.”

That sounds normal enough, but as my coworker starts adding the extra mayo, the customer goes:

Customer: “More, please.”

They add more.

Customer: “A little extra.”

They add more.

Customer: “Extra still.”

The extra was never enough. He kept instructing my coworker to add mayo until it was basically a mayo sandwich with some ham and cheese parts floating around in it. It actually squelched as it was wrapped.

All my coworkers called it “the semen demon”.

Related:
A Big Mayo No No, Part 9
A Big Mayo No No, Part 8
A Big Mayo No No, Part 7
A Big Mayo No No, Part 6
A Big Mayo No No, Part 5

Customer: “I want a [sandwich] with [long list of extra ingredients].”

We make the sandwich for him, but he comes back without taking a bite. Instead, he has written out a list.

Customer: “Here is a list of things that I disliked about it. I also want you to save this sandwich in a box so that the highest-level manager sees it.”

The list contained over twenty items, including, “The cheese has melted in a way so that not all of the meat has been covered,” and, “The beef tasted like it came from a cow that was sad.”

We just threw the sandwich away, but we kept the list up on the notice board at the back to give everyone a good chuckle.

Related:
Sub-Standard Sub-Service, Part 8
Sub-Standard Sub-Service, Part 7
Sub-Standard Sub-Service, Part 6
Sub-Standard Sub-Service, Part 5
Sub-Standard Sub-Service, Part 4

I am working in a chain sandwich shop, inside a larger grocery store.

Customer: “I want a [sandwich], but no meat.”

Me: “Okay, so the vegetarian option?”

Customer: “Yeah, but no veggies.”

Me: “And cheese?”

Customer: “No cheese.”

Me: “Uh… okay, and dressings?”

Customer: “No dressings.”

Me: “Sir, I have to say, you’re just going to spend $7.25 on just bread.”

Customer: “Uh… I guess so, yeah, just bread. Can you toast it, please?”

Me: “Sir, why don’t you just go to [Grocery Store], which you are currently in, and buy an entire loaf of bread for like two bucks?”

Customer: “But then I’d have to toast it myself.”

Me: “Yes, but you’d have a lot more bread for less than a third of the cost.”

Customer: “That’s too much work.”

I hope he enjoyed his seven-dollar plain toasted bread roll.

I worked at a sandwich store in the early 1990s. The store did their own deliveries. An Army base was close by, and they were the majority of deliveries. We had this one regular guy who always had the same complaint.

Caller: “I didn’t get enough jalapeños!”

The next time he ordered, we put in one-and-a-half times the usual jalapeños without charging extra.

Caller: “You guys are either stupid or cheap! I still didn’t get enough jalapeños!”

After a few more complaints and rude words, I made his next order by pouring some of the jalapeño juice and tons of seeds from the jalapeño bin onto the bread.

The following week:

Caller: “Go light on jalapeños.”

CONTENT WARNING: Abusive Parenting

I am working at a sandwich shop. A woman walks in with her timid-looking teenage daughter.

Customer: “I’ll have the six-inch [sandwich].”

She completes her order and then pushes her daughter to the front.

Customer: “Order your sandwich.”

The daughter is unable to make eye contact, she’s visibly distressed, and she looks like she’s trying to mouth some words, but I can’t hear anything.

Me: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

The daughter suddenly starts crying and turns to leave. Her mother tries to get in her way.

Customer: “Oh, no, you don’t! Honestly, it’s a simple sandwich! Just order it! How are you not embarrassed to be this way?!”

Me: “If you know her order, ma’am, I can take it from you. Or she can write it down if—”

Customer: “No! She has to get over this ‘social anxiety’ thing! This is because these kids spend all their time on screens and never interacting with other actual humans!” *To her daughter* “Order your food, or you’ll get nothing.”

The daughter pauses, looks at me for a split second, starts crying again, and rushes to the exit.

Customer: “Ugh! Probably off to cry to her ‘friends’ on her K-Pop forums. Anyway, can I get an application form or a link to your online vacancies?”

Me: “Are you interested in applying for a job here, ma’am?

Customer: “Me?! Oh, God, no! It’s for my daughter! She needs to get a job out in the real world so she can get over her social cowardice!”

Me: “Ma’am, if her social anxiety is so bad that she can’t even order food, then I don’t think working in a place where she has to interact with strangers all day taking their food orders is going to be a good fit for her.”

Customer: “She’s never going to get over this ‘social anxiety’ nonsense if she doesn’t put in the work! If she stays comfortable all the time, she’ll never grow out of it!”

Me: “I’m not qualified to comment, but I don’t think she’ll enjoy working here.”

Customer: “Nonsense! It’s work; you’re not meant to enjoy it! Do you actually enjoy this job?”

Me: “Not at this very moment, no…”