Spewing A Lot Of Hot Gas About This

, , , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(A man walks in, really frustrated.)

Man: “Do ANY of your fuel pumps work?”

Me: *stares at the other people outside using them, plus my screen which shows all green* “Um. Yes. All of them. Which one are you on?”

Man: “I’m on ten!”

Me: “Ten is operative.”

Man: “My wife just came in and it’s not working!”

Me: “Did she pre-pay?”

Man: “No!”

(Unsure of why it was then relevant to mention it, I relent.)

Me: “Well, sir, I’ll come out and we’ll see why it’s not working for you!”

Man: “Good!”

(We walk out and he lifts the nozzle, selects the grade, and tries to pump.)

Man: “See! It’s BROKEN!”

Me: “Actually, sir, you didn’t scan your loyalty card. See the screen? It says to scan it, first.”

Man: “WHY?!”

Me: “It’s part of the process.”

Man: “This is RIDICULOUS! So how do I pump fuel?! I don’t have one of these cards!”

Me: “Well, you can come inside and prepay.”

Man: “This is stupid! You don’t even SAVE anything on your gas! ”

Me: “Sir, you save at least $0.03 a gallon with the card or $0.10 for every $50 you spend in our store.”

Man: “Uh. I’m an INTERNATIONAL BUSINESSMAN! I know these things and yeah, that is just a FLUKE! You don’t save anything!”

(Never mind what he said made no sense. We get inside to pay.)

Me: “So how much do you want to prepay?”

Man: “Six dollars. Where do I BUY one of those cards anyway?”

Me: “They are free at customer service across the lot at our main store.”

Man: “Yeah. I’m not doing that.”

Me: “Here, I will scan this courtesy card so you’ll save $0.03 off per gallon anyway.”

Man: “Why do you have to scan that card first anyway?”

Me: “Because if we didn’t, people could pump gas and drive off without paying and we have no way of finding them. With the card, if anyone drives off, we have their address and number and we can find them and collect.”

Man: “Oh.”

(And I ring him up and hand him his receipt.)

Man: “Yeah. I’ll pump that six dollars and put the rest of my gas on my credit card.”

(The man walked out and I burst out laughing. After six dollars, he was back to square one, got angry, and drove off.)

Lawnmower Man Has Some Problems

, , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(I work in a hardware store that has a lawnmower shop attached. We sell lawn equipment and repair them as well. When we get someone who wants a lawnmower blade or chainsaw chain sharpened we have to put the customer’s name and number in the computer. If it’s too late in the day we can’t sharpen the blades or chains as all the unit techs have started working on large equipment or have gone out to deliver people’s equipment. On weekends we don’t have unit techs as they have the weekends off. A number of coworkers and I are working on a Saturday and it’s just started to get busy. I’m called to the front of the store to go help the cashiers out a bit. When I get back to the parts counter my coworker is wide eyed and kinda dazed.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], are you okay?”

Coworker: “Um, well, a customer just tried to swing a lawnmower blade at my head.”

Me: “WHAT?! Are you okay? Did he hit you? What happened?”

Coworker: “This older guy came up to the counter and wanted his blade sharpened so I told him I needed his name and number. He didn’t want to give it to me and asked me why I needed it. I told him we couldn’t sharpen it today but we’d have it done by Monday at 11 at the latest. I just needed his name and number so we could call him when we were done. He got mad and demanded it be done today. I told him that there was no-one there who could do it today. I guess that’s not what he wanted to hear because he swung that blade at my head and it was about a half an inch away from hitting me in the temple. I called [Store Manager] and told him what happened. He came over and asked the customer to follow him outside. [Store Manager] sharpened his blade and told him if he ever came back that he’d kick his a** and throw him out of the store. He also said that if he wanted he could turn the video we have over to the police and have him charged. He said the guy practically ran to his truck.”

Me:“…you know what? At this point I’m not surprised this happened. I’m glad that you’re all right, though. Let me guess: he didn’t say sorry.”

Coworker: *sigh* “They never say sorry.”

Needs “How To Behave Like A Decent Human Being” Classes

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(I work at a pet store that also provides training classes for dogs. The day before, the trainer got into an accident and went to the hospital. He then had a bad reaction to some antibiotics he was given and had to rush back to the emergency room the next morning. He calls and tells the manager on duty that he can’t come in, so she agrees to call his students and let them know class is canceled and will resume next week as scheduled. Unfortunately, his paperwork is messed up and the manager does not know he has a seven pm class, so she doesn’t call them. The four families arrive and ask me when class is starting. Since I got there at four pm I have no idea what is going on so I ask the manager and she tells me to relay what happened to the class, since she is busy.)

Me: *addressing all four families* “I have just been informed that the trainer had a bad reaction to his antibiotics and had to be rushed to the hospital, so he had to cancel class. We were told that the manager earlier called all his students to let them know but I think she missed your class. I am terribly sorry, you guys. Class will start next week.

Customer #1: “Oh, okay, no problem. Thank you!” *happily walks off to go shopping*

Customer #2: “Things happen. We’ll see you all next week!” *leaves store*

Customer #3: *suddenly intensely irate* “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! WHY WE WERE NOT CALLED?! HUH?!”

Me: *calmly but slightly taken aback by her sudden shift in tone* “I apologize, but I do not know anything about training. I do not work that department; all I know is I was told the morning manager called the classes b—“

Customer #3: “WELL, CLEARLY NO ONE GOT CALLED BECAUSE WE’RE ALL HERE! I WANT TO TALK TO THE MANAGER, NOW!”

Me: “Of course. She’s the blonde one over there helping the customer with fish.”

Customer #3: “THE ONE WITH HER BACK TO US?! HORRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE!” *stomps off towards the other end of the store*

(Customer #4 was standing off to the side during this entire exchange and now looks over at me and approaches. I prepare for the worst.)

Me: “I am terribly sorry about this inconvenience. I thought the manager called this morning.”

Customer #4: “Oh, honey, it is not your fault. I don’t know what that lady’s problem is but she needs to pull out whatever died up her butt. It’s not an inconvenience; I literally live five minutes away and I bet you she lives about that far, too. Some people think that just because you work at a store you don’t have a life outside of this and you need to cater to them.”

Me: *relieved* “Thank you for understanding! So many people just don’t get it.”

Customer #4: “Well, she obviously never worked retail! I worked retail for ten years and it gives you a whole new perspective on life. Don’t let her get you down. This ain’t a big deal. Have a good night. We’ll see you next week. And tell the trainer I hope he is feeling better!” *leaves the store*

(My faith in humanity has been restored.)

Gas Station Aggravation

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I am waiting for my tank to fill when I suddenly hear yelling across the aisle and see two women at two different pumps.)

Woman #1: “Move your d*** car! I want to get out of here!”

Woman #2: “I can’t move my car; it’s still fuelling up. You can easily move around my car.”

(She gestures towards the vacant area next to her car that is big enough for a car to pass through if need be.)

Woman #1: “My car is too close! It will hit your car. Just move!”

Woman #2: “Why can’t you just go into reverse and give yourself more space to move out?”

Woman #1: “I shouldn’t have to move for you. I asked you to f****** move your car and you’re gonna f****** move your car. Now!”

(The manager of the gas station walks over and tells Woman #1 to just put her car in reverse and move or he would call the cops. She does so, but rolls down her window, flips them off, and throws a cheeseburger at Woman #2’s car while driving away.)

Woman #1: “Got you, b****!”

Manager: *to [Woman #2]* “That burger doesn’t look like it will come off easily. You will need a deluxe wash.”

(He signals his coworker to ring her up.)

Manager: “On the house.”

(Apparently, he signalled a coworker a gesture meaning “give the customer something for free.”)

Not In Line And Out Of Line

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(It is very busy at this store, where it is typically very busy as it is in a popular tourist spot. The staff is moving very quickly and the line is moving fast. I am waiting in line to buy something when this lady walks straight up to the counter, looks at me and the people in line behind me, and just goes straight for the cashier. I walk up to the counter and put my things down.)

Me: “Hi, I was next in line. Ma’am, the line starts back there.”

Woman: “Uh, no, I was actually next.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I just saw you walk up here. Please wait in line.”

Me: *hands my things to the cashier*

Woman: “I WAS NEXT IN LINE!”

Me: “No, that would be me. Goodbye.”

(The guy who was right behind me chimes in.)

Man: “C’mon, lady. The line is moving fast. You don’t need to throw a tantrum because you got caught trying to cut.

Woman: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I WAS NEXT IN LINE! YOU CAN’T JUST PRETEND LIKE I WASN’T STANDING HERE!”

(She then throws all of her items on the floor. She is so angry, she is completely red in the face.)

Cashier: *annoyed* “I’m calling security if you don’t leave right now.”

Woman: “I’M NOT LEAVING! I WAS NEXT IN LINE!”

(Security arrives quickly and it takes both of them to wrestle her arms down and drag her outside. She is literally kicking them and screaming at the top of her lungs. Everyone in the store just watches with their mouths wide open.)

Me: “Uh… so… that was something.”

Cashier: “She did the same thing earlier today. We told her not to come back. I didn’t recognize her right away. I’m sorry about that.”

Man: “Made my day more interesting!”

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