Very Bad Beer-havior

, , , | Right | September 16, 2018

(Over the summer I frequently work in my aunt’s restaurant and tavern in a small village, which has an idyllic beer garden facing the street. On this particular day, we’re rather full because there’s a 90th birthday celebration happening in said beer garden. A young man in his late teens or early twenties stops in front of the entrance and starts helping his grandmother out of the car. Two regulars look at this young man suspiciously. I keep my eye on them, since both have a history of feeling somewhat entitled as regulars; also, they appear to be a bit intoxicated. Note that those regulars are in their 40s or 50s.)

Regular #1: *mockingly* “Boy, what a shame that entrance is too small to drive through it with a car, right?”

Regular #2: “Hey, you! If you drive a bit closer, maybe your granny could slide out of the car right onto her seat.”

Regular #1: *laughs* “Yeah. Or I could cut out a part of fence so poor old granny does not have to walk those awful few meters.”

(The young man ignores them while he escorts his grandmother to the birthday party. Just when I think it’s over and the young man is going back to his car, he quickly grabs the regulars’ beer mugs and walks out of the beer garden. The regulars jump up in outrage and follow him, while he crosses the street at a fast pace, then back to the beer garden and around the property and back to their table, returning their mugs. A few minutes later the regulars arrive.)

Regular #1: *out of breath* “ARE YOU NUTS?!”

Regular #2: *also out of breath* “I SHOULD TEACH YOU SOME MANNERS, YOU—”

Regular #1: *having to sit down* “NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU BLACK AND BLUE!”

Young Man: *going to his car* “You seem a bit winded, gentlemen! Glad you’re not 89 years old. Have a nice day.”

(Those regulars demanded we should throw out the man’s grandmother. Luckily, my aunt had seen the incident and instead threw out the regulars for good for threatening someone in her establishment.)

Vega-gaga-nism

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | September 13, 2018

This is a story from a few years back, when fad veganism was starting to gain traction.

At our college we had this one girl who would always hop onto whatever fad she could when they were gaining popularity. A lot of students disliked her because of her preachiness, and because it was extremely obvious that she was doing it purely for the holier-than-thou feeling, and didn’t actually believe in any of the causes she pledged to support or be into.

So, enter her vegan phase, where, day one of fall classes, she was in the cafeteria making this giant grandstand about all the positive of veganism and how it had changed her life, and so on. Everyone just kind of ignored her until she singled out a college freshmen eating a burger and proceeded to roundly mock his size — never mind that he was maybe 200 pounds — and blame it on his diet. He looked really annoyed, and a lot of the other people were really uncomfortable at her doing that to him.

Cue the day immediately after, where she did it again, but this time went up to him and started angrily reprimanding him for daring to eat meat in her presence, making her uncomfortable, and being insensitive to her diet. Without missing a single beat, he pulled the bun off and flung the meat patty dead center at her forehead, leaving a nice greasy stain for everyone to see. She paused for a minute, shrieked like a banshee, and ran out of the cafeteria crying. Campus security showed up a few minutes later, responding to a report of an “assault,” trying to stifle their laughter. They gave him a verbal slap on the wrist for it because he really didn’t do any harm and they were tired of her, too. She didn’t bother him again.

As an aside: a month afterward she was back to eating meat and processed food. Turns out she hopped into veganism without doing even the slightest bit of research, and malnourished herself into the hospital.

Lawless In-Law

, , , , , , , , | Legal | September 11, 2018

(A few years ago my brother had a child with a woman from a terrible family. Racist grandmother, drug-addicted mother, brother, sister, and brother-in-law, and a stepfather who claimed to once be a “Hell’s Angel.” Predictably, things went south in the relationship and custody of my niece was in contention in court. Months of court dates had left emotions frayed and everyone on edge. While shopping at a local hardware store I have the unfortunate luck to run into the meth-addict brother-in-law of the family. We happen to end up in the same aisle and he calls out loudly.)

Brother-In-Law: “HEY!”

(I look up and see him with his five-year-old son, say a quick, “nope,” and turn around to walk away. The meth-head brother-in-law starts following me down the aisles of the hardware store. Never one to blink at an opportunity, I pull out my phone and start filming him over my shoulder.)

Brother-In-Law: “HEY, YOU F****** B****! YOU AND YOUR WHOLE F****** FAMILY ARE GOING DOWN! YOU BETTER HOPE I DON’T CATCH ANY OF YOU F****** A**HOLES OR I’LL F*** YOU ALL UP!”

(This is while his seemingly forgotten son chases to keep up with him. Thankfully there is no physical altercation, but the video is worth its weight in gold. Fast forward through police reports and applying for a restraining order, to the court date. Our case is the last on the docket, so I endure a few hours of meth-head brother-in-law giving his missing-tooth smile, thinking he’s going to get off scot-free. Finally our case is called, and I am asked to present my side of the story. After I explain that I did nothing but turn and walk away while being verbally harassed, the judge then asks for the meth-head brother-in-law’s side.)

Brother-In-Law: “Your Honor, he and his dad chased me down the aisles! And when I held my hand out to shake hands and say hi, he ‘spitted’ on me and yelled at me! I had my son with me, and they yelled at him, too! I would never act that way around my son! Never!”

(No, my dad was not with me that day; I was alone. And yes, he said “spitted.”)

Judge: *to me* “Do you have anything to say to refute Mr. [Brother-In-Law]’s story?”

Me: “Yes, Your Honor; I have video of the incident.”

(I now get to look over at my meth-head brother-in-law with my own smile and see his grin slip off his face. I hand my phone over to the judge and she watches while glancing up at the two of us.)

Judge: “Well, Mr. [Brother-In-Law], not only can I see you and your son in this video, I can see him struggling to keep up with you. I can also hear the threats you’re making to Mr. [My Name] and his family. I am awarding Mr. [My Name] his restraining order and would advise that the next time you end up in court, try not to lie to the judge.”

(Cue an expletive-laden rant from my brother-in-law and the judge suggesting an escort for me to my car.)

Her Rose-Tinted World Is Full Of Thorns

, , , , | Right | September 9, 2018

(I am a sixteen-year-old female, working as a server at a small town cafe. A woman, looking to be her late 20s, wearing rose/pinkish tinted sunglasses and a pink purse, walks in and sits down in a booth. The woman seems already angry about something, but I serve her as I do with all my other customers. She orders a chicken tender meal, which I later bring out to her. I check back in a few minutes later only to find the woman’s face contorted with RAGE and DISGUST.)

Me: “Is everything okay, ma’am?”

Customer: *begins yelling* “How dare you serve these to me? What is f****** wrong with you, you fat b****! Are you trying to kill your customers?!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am? What seems to be the issue with the chicken?”

Customer: “Are you blind? They’re clearly raw!”

(I looked at these thoroughly-cooked chicken tenders, and, not being bold enough to call out the woman’s pink-tinted sunglasses, tried to apologize to get her to calm down. Take into account that the woman was still wearing her sunglasses inside a cafe… at night time. I tried to compensate for the food by offering her a free meal and different food, but nothing seemed to be a good enough offer for her. She became so enraged that she finally took off her sunglasses, and her eyes locked on her “raw” chicken. The light-bulb finally turned on. Her rose/pink tinted sunglasses had made inside of the chicken tender appear raw. She shot a look of pure hate into my eyes before storming out without paying for her meal.)

Paid To Leave

, , , | Right | September 5, 2018

(At my store, we have a policy where if a toy doesn’t have a bag, we have to check the receipt to make sure it was bought. At the time, I was standing at the front of the store for reasons such as this when I see a family of three walking out with a doll that didn’t have a bag.)

Me: “Excuse me! Sorry, but do you mind if I see the receipt for your doll?”

Male Customer: *who had been on the phone until this point* “Look, we bought it, all right? It’s fine.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but it’s policy that I have to make sure the doll is paid for.”

Female Customer: “Of course. Don’t worry.”

(She is looking for it, but can’t find it. I decide to ask the person at the register through our walkie-talkies. She affirms that it had been bought, but it was in a bag when she sold it.)

Me: “Okay, you’re good—”

Male Customer: “You just accused us of stealing a d*** doll! How dare you! I have the bag right here and everything!” *pulls out a crumpled bag that he had shoved in his pocket*

Me: “You guys can go now; I’m sorry about the hold-up.”

Male Customer: “No! I am not giving you my business anymore!”

(He snatches the doll from his daughter, who begins to cry, and he returns it, and then comes back with my manager.)

Male Customer: “She’s the one who tried to interrogate my daughter about her doll! I demand she is fired right now!”

Manager: “I am not about to fire my employee because you got upset about nothing. Now, if you aren’t going to buy anything else, then leave.”

(The male customer stormed out, still fuming and scolding his daughter for crying. The woman just apologized and left after them.)

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