Having Cheap Parents Is A Wild Ride

, , , , , | | Related | July 15, 2019

(My wife and I are waiting at a well-known theme park in Florida. There is a family beside us — a father, mother, and two teenage daughters. Everyone is waiting for the rope drop when we overhear the following exchange between the father and one of the teenage daughters.)

Teenage Daughter: “Ooh, I can’t wait to go on the rides. I’m not going on any of the scary rides.”

Father: “We’re going on all the rides.”

Teenage Daughter: “Not the scary ones.”

Father: “We’re going on all the rides.”

Teenage Daughter: “No, I’m not going on anything scary.”

Father: “You begged me to come here. I paid 800 f****** dollars for these tickets. You’re going on every f****** ride.”

Teenage Daughter: *now nearly crying* “But I don’t want to go on the scary ones.”

Father: *glaring* “Every f****** ride!”

(Welcome to the happiest place on earth.)

This Turned Around In A Dash  

, , , , , | | Legal | July 1, 2019

(I work second shift, so I get home around 1:00 am. It’s summer, so there’s no school, but teens still have a city curfew of 11:00 pm. I’m turning left onto my street after work, and I almost hit a teen who was crossing the street behind a stopped car, who I didn’t see until I was almost on top of him. Mr. Big Man flips me off, which I see in my rearview mirror. He must’ve watched which driveway I pulled into, because I get an unexpected visit the next morning at 9:00 am, when I’m pulled out of bed by a knock. I open the door, half asleep, to see a cop and the boy standing at my door.)

Cop: “Good morning. Is that your car outside?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Cop: “Did you hit this boy with that car last night?”

Me: “No.”

Teen: “She’s lying! Arrest her!”

Cop: *to the teen* “Shush.” *to me* “He says you did. How about we go to the station and get this cleared up?”

(The teen starts looking quite smug.)

Me: “Sure. Should I also bring along the dash cam video that shows this minor out after curfew, crossing the street in a dark area, and staring down at his phone the entire time, up until I almost hit him?”

(The teen’s smug face drops. The cop studies me for a couple of seconds, and then just gives me a single nod.)

Cop: “Thank you, that won’t be necessary. When my dear nephew here—“ *raises his hand to grasp the back of the teen’s neck* “—told me a car practically ran him off the road, I figured I’d better look into it. But I believe you, and I’ll make sure he has plenty to do to stay busy until school resumes. Have a nice day, miss.”

(They left, the cop still holding tight to his nephew’s neck, while the boy started begging his uncle to NOT tell Mom or his grandparents about this. Good luck, kid!)

Throwing My Trash Talk Your Way

, , , , , , | | Right | June 20, 2019

(I’m with one of my friends at a fast food restaurant. There is currently an employee cleaning up the tables, mopping, throwing away stray trash, etc. Two teenage boys throw their trash away, hardly getting it into the trash can, before walking towards the door. The employee looks at the cups and napkins on the floor with a disappointed expression. Meanwhile, a frail old man stands up from his spot.)

Old Man: “Excuse me, boys? You didn’t quite make it into the can.”

(The first boy looks at the trash and continues walking as the second boy laughs at the man. The old man sighs a bit and smacks his lips a few times, walking to the trash can and picking up the cup, tossing it at the boys and hitting the first one with it on the arm.)

Teenage Boy #1: *trying to be sarcastic* “You missed the trash can.”

Old Man: *smiles devilishly* “Young man, I was not aiming for the trash can.”

Employee: *laughs slightly at the entire situation*

(The boys ended up throwing away their trash and looking incredibly embarrassed.)

He’s As Phony As A Three-Dollar Bill

, , , | | Friendly | June 13, 2019

(I’m a white female in my early thirties. I’m on the subway, headed home. At one stop, a young black man, around eighteen or nineteen, gets on. He comes up to me, and while he doesn’t get too close, he does loom over me a bit.)

Teenager: “Excuse me, ma’am, I don’t mean to be rude, and I hope you’re having a nice day, but can you spare a dollar?”

(I don’t give out money to strangers.)

Me: “No.”

Teenager: “Hold up now. I’m not trying to hurt you; no need to be rude. I just want to ask you…”

Me: “No.”

(He then does a one-eighty.)

Teenager: “Man, f*** you, d*** white b**** c***! All’s I want is a d*** dollar!”

(He then walked towards the other end of the car, past all the other people sitting and standing, pulled out his phone, and started playing on it before getting off at the next stop. I guess he didn’t need that dollar after all.)

Peeing On Any Kind Of Oreo Is Not Recommended

, , , , , , | | Friendly | June 12, 2019

As I’m getting my oil change for my car, I’m chatting with the lady at the front desk. I’ve been here lots of times and she loves to talk to cure the boredom of waiting.

She tells me she and her husband have a farm, as well. She raises mostly sheep but has a few Pygmy goats. The two in question are called Oreo and Cookie.

Apparently, a local male teen thought it would be funny to pee on Oreo. So, he sticks it through the fencing to pee on this goat. The goat, however, doesn’t take this well. Oreo turns and gives the offending thing a few nips.

Cue all Hell breaking loose! The boy is in obvious pain, and my front desk lady finds him and calls 911. After the boy is checked over and deemed fine but embarrassed, the paramedics warn that the boy’s family could sue. My front desk lady documents the event just in case. She is laughing, however, as this boy would have to go home and tell his parents how he was injured, that he was trespassing on private property in order to pee on a goat, and God knows what logic led to this moment of brilliance.

My front desk lady laughs saying he got what he deserved. She has never been sued to date and I got the feeling that this was an old story.

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