, , , , | Right | August 8, 2020

I work in a tie store. Store policy dictates that we ask for ID with every card transaction since our machine won’t take debit. Right before high school dances, we have a lot of teenage boys that come in to buy their ties.

Me: “That will be $12.80.”

The teenager hands me his card.

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Teen: *Blank look* “You have to be a certain age to buy a tie?”

Me: “No… I have to check your ID against your card.”

Teen: “Oh.”

He handed me his ID, still looking confused. I have definitely decided that the younger generation is getting stupider.

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Strike A Violent Pose; Maybe They’ll Leave You Alone

, , , , , , | Related | July 3, 2020

My siblings are having a massive pool party with their friends. I’m in the pool, too, just barely managing to stay out of the line of fire. They’re roughhousing, pushing each other in the pool, being rough with the dog, and throwing his toy in the pool so he’ll jump in, and my sister and her boyfriend are openly flirting. 

Mom: “Okay, I’m going inside. Keep an eye on things, [My Name]!”

Me: “Wait, you’re leaving me in charge?!”

Mom: “Yep.”

Me: “Teenagers scare me!”

Mom: “They scare me, too!”

After she left, one kid started running around the pool with a tomahawk, and my brother was chasing him with a hunting knife. Later, my mom admitted she was worried about the pool toys being destroyed. 

Cue My Chemical Romance’s “Teenagers”!

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He Rolled A One On That Encounter

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2020

My parents ran a tabletop gaming store when I was in elementary school. My father hosted a “Dungeons and Dragons” campaign, which drew in a fair number of teenagers from the local high school. As I had to stay at the store after school, my mother brought in a “swear jar” and made sure everyone was aware of it beforehand.

In the middle of one session, one teen decides to ask before he uses one such word:

Teen: “Hey, [Mother], does ‘d*****bag’ count as a swear word?”

My mother looks him in the eye and says:

Mother: “No. But seeing as you’ve said that two feet away from my eight-year-old, you get to tell her what it means!”

The look on his face was priceless.

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Ah, Teens…

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2020

It’s a quiet Sunday afternoon and three young but huge teenage boys are swaggering about in the fiction section, making sure they keep the noise just below kick-out level. Their “spokesman” summons me over and asks as loudly as he can:

Teen: “Where are your sexual books?”

Me: *Smiling politely* “Well, we do carry copies of the Kama Sutra in its classic form and in photo-illustration; you may find the latter more informative.”

Teen: “Um… so, can we see them?”

Me: “Yes, you’ll find them under Health upstairs.”

They practically ran up to the health section, and I heard sporadic giggling for the next ten minutes.

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This Story Has A Goodie Ending

, , , , , | Right | June 16, 2020

My store has recently begun giving out gift bags which include a bookmark, sticker, and color-changing “mood” pencil with the store logo on them, as well as crayons and some puzzles. Normally, we give these to younger schoolchildren or adults who mention having kids at home. 

Three young teenage girls come into the store wearing school lanyards, and at least one of them has a school ID on their lanyard, so I assume they must be freshmen. They all browse the store, but only one of them winds up buying anything.

Me: *Ringing up the purchase* “And… are y’all too old for goodie bags?”

Girl #1: “What?”

Me: *Sarcastically over-enthusiastic* “Wanna be the coolest kids in your grade?!”

All Three: “Yes!”

I laugh and hand each of them a goodie bag.

Girl #2: “Oh, my God! We get crayons?!

Girl #1: “Look! There’s a word search!”

Girl #3: *Gasping* “The pencils change color! This is so cool!”

They left the store happily, and I continued laughing.

This story is included in our Feel-Good roundup for June 2020!

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