Her Name Is “Grandma”!

, , , , | Healthy | October 16, 2018

(I work as a nurse in a cancer hospital. One day I see a teenage boy, maybe 15 or 16, standing at the front desk of our inpatient unit. As I have a few spare moments, and it doesn’t appear that anyone else has helped him yet, I walk over to him.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Teenager: “Um, yeah. I’m here to see my Grandma?”

(Yes, it came out as a question, but I just brushed it off as being nerves at having to talk to a stranger.)

Me: “Fantastic! If you’ll just tell me her name, I can point you in the direction of her room.”

Teenager: “Uh… I don’t know.”

Me: *blank stare* “You don’t know what?”

Teenager: “I don’t know her name.”

(We blink at each other for a few seconds, as I’m too stunned to say anything.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I really don’t think I can help you out.”

(We have over 150 patients in our hospital. And how you don’t know your own grandma’s name is beyond me!)

That Prank Didn’t Bring Home The Bacon

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2018

(Years ago I heard classmates talk about a prank where you’d go to a burger shop and order a cheeseburger without cheese and have fun without how flustered the cashier becomes. A few years later, I am working as a cashier at a burger shop and a group of teenagers walks in.)

Teenager: *the rest of group tries to stifle some giggling* “I’d like a cheeseburger with extra bacon, without bacon, without cheese.”

Me: *genuinely deadpan* “So, a cheeseburger with extra bacon, without bacon, without cheese?”

Teenager: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I enter exactly that, because extra bacon causes the price to go up, but the instruction to not remove bacon does not lower the price again.)

Me: “Your food will be ready in a moment.”

Teenager: “So, a cheeseburger with extra bacon, without bacon, without cheese?”

Me: “That is what you ordered, isn’t it?”

(Not sure if there is anything to learn from this story, but I hope the “prank” was worth the fifty cents.)

What Happens When You Learn From The University Of Facebook

, , , , , | Friendly | October 15, 2018

(The front page of today’s newspaper features the story about 50 million Facebook accounts being hacked. The headline mentions the number. As I’m tidying up the newspapers, a group of teenagers look at the headlines, and then one says, in complete seriousness…)

Teenager #1: “I didn’t even know there were 50 million people in the world!”

Teenager #2: “Yeah, I didn’t know it was that much!”

(I had to turn away to stop myself from laughing!)

The Bicycle Wheels Of Karmic Justice

, , , , | Legal | October 4, 2018

(I am working in a store popular with teenagers. It’s a busy weekday, and I’m in the back room eating my dinner. Just as I’m finishing up, there’s a knock at the door.)

Boss: “[My Name], are you almost done?”

Me: “Sure thing, [Boss], what do you need?”

Boss: “[Coworker] and I need to sit these two shoplifters in here while we wait for the police. Can you watch the front?”

Me: “Will do!”

(The boss and my coworker take two teenagers into the break room. I head out to the front, run the shop, show the police through on their arrival, etc. Our till is by the window, and there are two expensive-looking bikes parked outside. After a while, two other teenagers come along and ride the bikes away. A little while later, the police escort two handcuffed teenagers from the back room. As they leave…)

Shoplifter: “Where the f*** are our bikes?!”

Inching Away From A Health Hazard

, , , , | Right | August 29, 2018

(It’s about an hour until closing time on Friday evening and a group of six teenagers come into the store. They eventually make their way back to where office furniture is displayed and sit down in several of our chairs. I am on my way back to take care of trash in the restrooms when I hear their conversation veering to the topic of, shall we say, male endowment.)

Teenager: “I don’t know; six inches seems pretty big to me.”

(I walk past carrying a cartful of full trash bags.)

Teenager: “Excuse me; where are the rulers?”

Me: “Uh… office basics, but if you’re planning on using it for that, I’d ask that you buy it and wait until you get home.”

(The group starts laughing, obviously not prepared for me to have overheard them.)

Teenager: “Oh, no, I just wanted to show them something on it.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(Minutes later, after I’ve relayed the story to my coworkers.)

Me: “He’s so lucky I didn’t direct him to where the mini-rulers are!”

Page 1/1012345...Last
Next »