I Prefer A Rocky Road Highball Myself

, , , , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I am the idiot customer in this story. The legal drinking age in Canada is nineteen, so it is quite common to have a fake ID when younger in order to get into bars and clubs. I am fifteen and have just gotten my first fake ID, and my friends and I are going to our first ever bar to celebrate. The sign at the bar reads, “Highballs on special $5.00.” Now, being fifteen, I have no idea what a highball is, and I assume it is the name of a specific cocktail or something like that.)

Me: “I’ll have one highball, please!”

(The large, burly, bartender looks at me suspiciously.)

Bartender: “Okay… Which one?”

Me: “Just… just one highball. The highball?”

Bartender: “Yes, and which highball, exactly, do you want?”

Me: *becoming totally flustered and trying to read the sign again for the name of a specific highball* “The sign says highballs are on special! I… I want that… from the sign! The… normal highball!”

Bartender: *clearly exasperated* “Miss, you can’t just walk in and order ‘a highball.’ That’s like walking into an ice cream shop and ordering ‘an ice cream.’ There’s vanilla, chocolate, pistachio, mint—”

Me: *completely flushed now, embarrassed, and terrified that I will be thrown out of the bar any minute now, in a shrill voice* “VANILLA, THEN! I’LL TAKE A VANILLA HIGHBALL!”

Leaving Their Phone Behind Is Taking The Funnel Cake

, , , , | Right | November 29, 2018

I work at an amusement park. It was the last day the park was open for the season, and some teenagers came in and plugged their phones into an outlet in the back of the store.

I went up to them and asked them to unplug, but they told me their phones were dead and it would only be ten minutes. I decided to play nice and told them it okay.

My team leads were cool with it, since it was the last day, but then the kids started dropping their funnel cakes all over the floor, and it got on some merchandise. Then they decided to just leave their phones in the corner and walk around the store.

My team leads and I were daring each other to steal their phones and put them behind the counter to teach them a lesson, but none of us had the guts

They were the last guests in the store, and since it was bad customer service to ask a guest to leave outright so we could clean up, we got security to come in and guide them outside.

Of course, they left without cleaning up any of their mess, and we had to throw out some merchandise because they got it dirty.

But hey, we had good customer service at least. (Note: sarcasm.)

Teenagers Aren’t As Oblivious As We May Think

, , , , | Hopeless | November 22, 2018

When I was around 24, everything in my life seemed to come crashing down at once. Through a long series of unfortunate events that included losing my job, I ended up homeless with no-one really around that I could turn to.

Whilst trying to get a new job, I spent a lot of time sleeping rough around on the streets as I knew I didn’t have enough saved up to afford a hotel every night for the foreseeable future.

It was a Monday, around the time kids would be heading into school, and I was in my usual place. A group of teenage girls walked past, barely even glancing at me whilst laughing and mucking about on their phones. I didn’t think much of it and went back to filling out the job applications I had collected.

However, a few moments later something was dropped in front of me. I looked up just in time to see one of the girls from earlier scamper off back to her friends. Looking back at what she had left, I found a plastic bag containing what could only have been her own lunch. I was stunned, and tried to call after her to say thank you, but the group had already left.

That was the only act of kindness someone showed me during my brief period of living on the streets.

Three years on, I’m in a much better place, but I can’t help but think back on the girl who did more to help a stranger than any adult cared to do. It may have been a small gesture, but it meant the world to me. Whoever she was, I hope she’s having a great life now. She deserves it.


Cracking Up From Their Crackers

, , , , , , | Legal | November 18, 2018

Years ago, I was the receptionist in my hometown’s only brothel. It had been there in the same place, a minute’s drive from the local police station, since the 60s. Everyone knew what it was. The entrance was a set of stairs leading up from a street.

A TV is set up, playing a feed from cameras showing the street and the stairs leading to a door that either the bouncer or myself have to open.

One slow night, I’m doing paperwork while talking to one of the girls, when I see a brand-new car stop outside. The next thing I see is something being lit, and then a firecracker gets thrown out the passenger door and up the stairwell. I instantly hit the emergency button that goes to the police station while the bouncer comes running. I tell the bouncer to just watch.

The passenger lights another firecracker when a cop car pulls up behind them with lights and sirens going, causing the passenger to drop the lit cracker inside the car. We watch on the cameras as the cracker bounces around inside the car, tearing up the interior, before two boys escape the car straight into the arms of two laughing cops.

It turns out the 17-year-old driver had taken his mum’s brand-new, $40,000 car she’d had for two days for a joy ride while she was asleep. The car is a write-off and both boys end up with second-degree burns and criminal records.

It certainly made a boring night more entertaining.

Highway To Vinyl

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I’m browsing through a well-known bookstore that also has a music section. As I’m walking down one of the center aisles, I pass by a display advertising a special line of reprinted vinyl albums the store is bringing in for an event. There are three guys, all around fifteen or sixteen years old, standing in front of the display. I’m in my late twenties, but I’ve always appreciated classic rock, Motown, etc. As I walk by them, I hear this gem:)

Teenager #1: “This is cool!”

Teenager #2: “Yeah, I didn’t know AC/DC made vinyl!”

(Cue me stopping mid-step and swiveling my head around like a deranged owl. I’m trying to decide if I should say something or save myself the headache and keep walking.)

Teenager #3: “I guess they can put anything on vinyl these days.”

Me: *under my breath as I keep walking* “Nope, not worth it.”

(Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who heard them. I saw an employee on the other side of the aisle looking like he wanted to bang his head against the wall. Ah, youth.)

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