Nasty People Get Nice Things

, , , , , , | Related | October 18, 2017

(The drummer in my band and I work at the same clothing store. One year in mid-January he is running a cash register and overhears this exchange between a mom and her son, who look to be about 12 or 13 years old.)

Mom: “I told you we’re not getting it because we can’t afford it.”

Son: “We can afford it; you just don’t ever get me nice things.”

Mom: “Excuse me? You want to remind me what you got for Christmas?”

Son: “Nothing!”


(Later in the break room.)

Friend: “Hey, aren’t Gibson Les Pauls really nice guitars?”

Me: “Yes. They are very nice, very expensive guitars.”

Friend: “That’s what I thought.” *relays story to me*


The Key To Future Generations

, , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(A group of youngsters who look like they’re in their late teens or early 20s are staying in several different rooms in our hotel. Two come up.)

Teen: “So, like, none of my like, keys are like, working? And like, I need to get in my room?”

(He tosses a key at me and I check it.)

Me: “This is for [another room number].”

Teen: *to his friend* “Oh, my God! So, [Friend] has our keys! I guess we shouldn’t have thrown all our keys together in a pile and mixed them up, huh?”

Me: *big face-palm*

(I weep for the future…)

Don’t Be Left To Your Own Devices

, , , , , , , | Related | October 11, 2017

Teenage Son: “I’ve got the song ‘Pompeii’ stuck in my head.”

Me: “But if you close your eyes…”

(Long pause:)

Teenage Son: “Great, now I’ve got the video for the song stuck in my head!”

Darwinism In Effect

, , , , , | Hopeless | October 6, 2017

The museum I love to visit has a huge central hall, with a big staircase at the back that splits to both sides about halfway up. On that landing, there’s a statue of Charles Darwin. Until quite recently, the view of the statue from the front of the hall was obscured by Dippy, a life-sized model of a Diplodocus skeleton, so to first time visitors, the Darwin statue would come as a surprise.

One time when I was visiting the museum, I was standing to the side of the hall near the stairs, not looking at anything in particular, when I saw three teenage girls passing Dippy on the way to the staircase.

As soon as they saw the statue of Darwin, their whole demeanour changed. They started squealing as if they’d just seen a boy band there, and then they raced each other up the stairs and took selfies with Charles Darwin.

Seeing that kind of happy nerdage at a time when mindless entertainment and pseudoscience seem to be on the rise everywhere really gave me hope for the world.

Chauvinism Is Soooo Fourth-Generation Console

, , , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I’m working in the gaming department of an electronics store. At this time, our store’s gaming department is ranked #1 in the company, due in no small part to a female coworker who is very knowledgeable, skilled at selling, and personable. However, this situation plays out several times.)

Coworker: “[My Name], can you see if that group of customers needs anything? I asked them, and they said no, but I think it’s because I’m a girl.”

Me: “No problem.”

(I walk over to the group of teenage boys.)

Me: “Hey, guys, is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re wondering if [Game] is any good.”

Me: “You know what? I haven’t had a chance to play that one yet. But I do have a coworker that has, and knows everything about it. I’ll be right back.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Me: *returning with my female coworker* “[Coworker], these guys had a question about [Game]. Can you help them?”

Customer: “Uh…” *silence, embarrassment*

(That coworker ended up getting a job in the gaming industry. To this day, I’m convinced that I will never know as much about games as her.)

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