Bald Eagle Meets Blind Human

, , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2018

(I am part of a campground’s janitorial staff, meaning my duties include cleaning the bathroom facilities, picking up litter, etc. This occurs as I am walking with several coworkers from one of the eight bathroom facilities to the next. As we’re passing a campsite, a camper flags us down from his truck.)

Camper: “Do you guys know anything about the wildlife around here?”

(As janitorial staff, the only wildlife knowledge we have to have is what’s endangered, what’s invasive, and what’s dangerous, but while he could very well be asking for something along those lines, I have a passing knowledge beyond that, as well, so I step up.)

Me: “I’m not an expert, but I might still be able to help, and if not I’m sure I can get a hold of someone who can.”

Camper: “Do you think you can identify a bird for me?”

Me: “I could give it a try.”

Camper: “Well, it was about seven feet tall, and it had these pink and purple stripes up and down it.”

(I take a moment to think, mostly about whether or not he’s being serious.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have no idea what that could be.”

Camper: “Well, here. Maybe a picture would help.”

(He gets out his phone, brings up a photograph, and shows it to me. It’s a very clear photo of a bald eagle standing on a dune. To this day, I have no idea where he got “seven feet tall,” or “pink and purple stripes” from.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a bald eagle.”

Camper: *looks at picture* “Are you sure?”

Hi-Time To Leave

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(There are two associates on the floor assisting sales, and I am behind the register. An older lady comes into our store and instantly we can tell that she is irritable. My coworker greets her:)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Store]! Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer:No! I’m fine! I know what I need!”

(My coworker gives me a terrified look and walks away to help another customer. A few minutes later the lady comes up to the counter with a shopping bag FULL of product and throws it onto the counter.)

Customer: “You know, I love shopping here, I really do, but I simply cannot shop while that lady—” *points at my coworker* “—continuously hovers over me! I cannot shop under these conditions! I love this store, but you are getting none of my business today!”

(The lady then storms out of the store.)

Coworker: “All I said was hi.”

Me: “I guess that’s too much for some people.”


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Like Stealing A Baby From A Trolley

, , , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

I was in the supermarket yesterday and saw something so crazy that if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed that someone would be that horrible!

I was waiting in line to pay for my shopping when I saw an older lady following an employee, berating him, as there were no shopping trolleys nearby. It was obviously his job was to collect them from the car park — it was raining really hard so I guess he was waiting a few minutes — and she was actually pulling on his uniform shirt to try and get his undivided attention.

She stopped shouting all of a sudden, turned around, and found a shopping trolley behind her. It was not quite empty — it had a newborn baby in a capsule in the main compartment of the trolley — but the mother’s back was turned. She took the baby out of the trolley, dumped the capsule in the middle of the aisle, and then took the shopping trolley off with her.

I was standing there gobsmacked, but so stunned it took a minute to realise what had actually happened. The mother had turned around to get something and was talking with another employee. She turned back and just about freaked out when she couldn’t place her hand on her trolley! By this time, there were now three employees chasing the older woman down the aisle — including a huge security officer — and she was screaming, “No! It’s mine! I found it!”

The mother calmed down a bit, picked her baby up out of the capsule, and stood there like a deer in the headlights. Honestly… Was it that important to have a trolley that she had to oust a tiny baby out of it?

The kicker was that after being escorted out of the store by the security officer, the lady was carrying only a loaf of bread. Did she really need a trolley for a loaf of bread?! The hardest thing I found to comprehend was that another woman had taken out the baby with no thought for the baby itself, leaving it in the main thoroughfare where anyone could have hit the capsule, and she honestly didn’t think she’d done anything wrong!

Life… Finds A Way

, , , , , , | Related | August 13, 2018

(I am over at my in-laws with my husband. My sister-in-law and her kids are there. We’ve just had dinner, and to keep the kids occupied, we are watching the latest “Jurassic Park” film. As my father-in-law gets the DVD player sorted, we start talking about how we can’t believe how long ago the original film came out, and how old it makes us feel.)

Me: “I remember going to see it the day it came out, on the first showing of the day.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, yes, we did, too. [Son] pestered me for weeks to take him and dragged me all the way there, he was so excited.”

Me: “It was a bit of a disaster for me, though. The kid in front of us at the concession stand took the last bag of Maltesers, and then we ended up sitting next to him and his mum. The kid would not shut up through the movie, kept asking his mum over and over when they were going to see the T-Rex, and then when it finally came on screen, the kid shrieked and tried to hide under the seat, chucking his drink, sweets, and popcorn all over us. His mum had to take him out as he was bawling his eyes out, so we ended up missing most of the first half of the film and ended up going to see it again the following week.”

(The mother-in-law and her family, including my husband, are suddenly stunned, staring at me. The mother-in-law then smiles.)

Mother-In-Law: “Well, you couldn’t have been that mad at the boy. You ended up marrying him.”

(The mother-in-law then explained that my husband was the boy in the cinema; the story I told is EXACTLY what happened when she took my husband to see the movie. They went on exactly the same day, at the same time, to the same cinema. My husband and I had always known that when we were little we had lived just outside London in towns next door to one another, but we didn’t go to the same schools. It was an amazing coincidence that we joke about to this day. Now, every year on our anniversary my husband buys me the biggest box of Maltesers he can find, and I buy him a toy T-Rex.)

Keep The Cleaning To A Condom-Minimum

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2018

(I’m a house cleaner. I have just started working for a new client, and I have found dirty clothes, crusty tissues, and some used condoms in the room of their teenage son. I do my job, throw away the garbage, and do the laundry. The next week the son is waiting for me:)

Client’s Son: *very angry* “Did you take stuff from my room last week?! Who the f*** do you think you are?! Who gave you the right to touch my personal belongings?!”

(Thinking he is upset because I washed his clothes, including some boxers, or maybe because I dusted his Playboy posters, I try to resolve the issue.)

Me: “I’m sorry; when I discussed my chores around the house with your parents, they gave me permission to clean every room and do the laundry. If you don’t feel comfortable with me touching your clothes, or if you don’t want me to clean your room, we could discuss this with your parents and edit my contract as to not include those things. Is that okay?”

Client’s Son: *slowly getting even angrier* “What the f***? It’s your freaking job to clean my s***! But it’s f****** creepy you stole my condoms! Give them back!”

Me: *completely baffled* “Um… I threw those out. I can assure you that they are not in my possession; I just put them in the garbage. I’ll remember not to do that in the future.”

Client’s Son: *looks at me suspiciously* “You had better not use my sperm to get pregnant, you hear me?! I won’t pay! And stay out of my room!” *runs out the door*

(I cleaned the house except for his room, and informed the clients that their son would prefer if I stayed out of his room. They made a small remark about “teenagers and their issues” and agreed I’d better leave his room alone, and I ended up working there for six years. Their son never spoke another word to me.)

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