Age Is But A Guessable Number

, , | Right | January 21, 2019

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a gift for my kid. Can you recommend me something?”

Me: “Of course! Are they a boy or a girl?”

Customer: “A boy.”

Me: “And how old is he?”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’m stupid* “I know how old my kid is.”

Me: *confused*

Heating Up Because Of The Tub

, , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(I work at a pool that has a pretty low-enrolment swim program, since we work in an inner city. Since it’s not too busy, there are no guards during this time as they are in the water with the kids. This rule is advertised everywhere and patrons are made aware when they enter the building. For some reason, this customer, who purposefully wears his swim trunks low, starts coming in to try and use the hot tub during instructional times. He used to come on Saturday mornings before lessons started, so it wasn’t an issue — other than his low swim trunks — but I guess his schedule changes and he starts to try during times it isn’t open to the public. This is the usual exchange we have:)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the hot tub is not open to the public due to swimming lessons.”

Customer: “It’s not working?”

Me: “No, it’s working, but the pool is closed to the public during swim times.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just going to lie in there for two minutes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t. We have no guards to watch you because we are teaching children swim lessons at this time, which is why the pool is closed to the public. You can come back at 7:00 pm and the pool will be open to the public again.”

Customer: “Ah! Only for little kids?”

Me: “Yes, only lessons at this time.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll come back.”

(Even though this happens more than once, I don’t mind because he is usually quite polite. This changes when he shows up during lessons dressed to go into the pool, but leading a small child towards the lessons. I am very confused because I have checked and there are no new registrations, and he has come in almost twenty minutes past start time.)

Me: “Hi there, welcome to lessons. I’m sorry, I have to ask, did you register at the front? I can’t find a record.”

Customer: “Oh, no, not yet, but I am after a lesson.”

(We have rolling registration so this happens a lot.)

Me: “No problem. It’s just that we usually start at five and it’s encouraged that new swimmers come early so we can assess them. Luckily, my usual lesson hasn’t shown up, so I can take this guy and give him a quick one on one.”

Customer: *smiling* “Perfect.”

Me: *turns to kid* “Hi, buddy, how old are you?”

(The kid smiles but doesn’t respond, so the man answers this and the other questions. The kid has been in the water before but can’t swim on his own.)

Me: “All right, I’ll just get him started with some easy stuff. We end at 5:40 pm, so you can come and get him, then.”

Customer: “Great!”

(As I go to take the kid in the water, I realize the man is heading towards the hot tub.)

Me: “Oh, sir, sorry, the hot tub is closed to the public.”

Customer: “Yes, for kids.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And my kid is right there.”

Me: “No, you see, the reason we are closed is that there is only us watching the kids. We can’t be in the water teaching and guard the hot tub at the same time; it wouldn’t be safe. That’s why only those in lessons are in the water at this time.”

Customer: “So I can’t go in?”

Me: “Not now, sir, sorry. You can return at—“

Customer: *storms down the deck and grabs his child* “What is the point of keeping it f****** closed? If I bring a f****** child, I SHOULD GET THE HOT TUB!”

(He then stormed into the changing room with the child, and I radioed someone in charge to check up on the situation. To this day, I don’t know if that child was actually his kid or if he used that child for the sole purpose of a few minutes of hot tub time.)

A Dime Crime

, , , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(A customer tells me she wants to get rid of her change, so she pays in mostly loonies, quarters, and a few dimes. I type in the change and scoop some up to put in the register.)

Me: “Okay, so—“

Customer: “Oh, I want to keep that.” *puts a dime I didn’t pick up back into her wallet*

Me: “Oh, wait. If you take that back you won’t have enough to pay and my till will be off.”

Customer: “But I want the dime.”

Me: “But you technically already gave it to me.”

Customer: “I. Want. The. Dime. Back. I didn’t mean to give it to you.”

Me: “Okay, do you have money you can give me in exchange for that? You haven’t fully paid yet if you take back the dime.”

Customer: “I. WANT. THE. DIME. BACK! [STORE] IS STEALING MONEY FROM CUSTOMERS! NO ONE BUY HERE!”

(It was one of my first days on the job and my manager was MIA so I just let her leave since being ten cents short wasn’t such a big deal.)

Downtown Sounds Like A Lot Of Fun

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I work for a worldwide retailer as a cashier. I sell questionable things, but also have very questionable customers. This one is a definite doozy of a character.)

Me: “Your total with your cigarettes is going to be [total].”

Customer #1: “All right. The chip reader works, right?”

(He pays and then leaves with his carton of cigarettes and receipt.)

Customer #2: “Next month he’s going to hate you since prices are going up to nine dollars!” *laughs loudly*

Me: “Well, that’s fine; I won’t be here for much longer! I’ll be moving to Charlotte.” *laughs with him as I ring up his items*

Customer #2: “Oh! Stay away from downtown! That’s where those gays and blacks live!”

Me: “O-oh…”

(I’m not only half-black, but a woman engaged to another woman.)

Customer #2: “Don’t want to be around them; they live in those projects and community housings and what not!” *happily pays for his things and leaves*

Ex-Coworker: *also in line* “Did… that just happen?”

Jaegerbombs Have That Effect On People

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

Customer: “I’ll have two jaegerbombs, please.”

(I make them up.)

Me: “[Amount], please.”

(She pays, and while I get her change out of her register, I see her lift the glasses up and pour them down the sink in front of her.)

Me: “Did you not want them?”

Customer: “No, I did.”

(I stare between her and the sink, and it slowly dawns on her.)

Customer: “I don’t know why I did that.”

Me: “I don’t know, either.”

(I gave her change and she ordered again. This time she managed to walk away with them. Let’s hope they made it down a different hole!)

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