Your Eyesight Is Poop

, , , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(We have just gotten a new puppy and we are working on potty training, as it’s a new environment and new people. Understandably, she’s been under a lot of stress and has had a few accidents in the house. But after a few accident-free days, she gets the runs in the house and as we are working on potty training, we still take her out. Today, I have been up since six am cleaning up accidents and Googling how to make her feel better ,until about seven when I try taking her out again. She squats, but nothing comes out so we just walk away.)

Random Neighbor: *on his balcony* “HEY! I SAW YOU! PICK UP YOUR POOP!”

Me: “There is literally nothing to pick up! What do you want me to do?”

Random Neighbor: “PICK IT UP!”

(I walk back with a baggie and pretend to pick up poop, since there’s nothing there.)

Random Neighbor: “See, was that so hard!”

Me: “…?”

(Seriously, I get it. We all want a clean, poop-free park. But unless you are the poop police, and you are going to come down and take pictures of said poop as evidence, maybe don’t shout at people at seven am!)

Still Has Blind Faith In People

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 21, 2018

I regularly go to a local park to walk my dogs. I stumble and fall on the grass.

There are few people about. I am aware of someone passing me, but he doesn’t stop.

As I get up I see a man about twenty yards away apparently staring at me, but he makes no move towards me at all.

I am hurting. It isn’t bad, but I am surprised that two people have ignored me as I am a woman over 50 and therefore more likely to have people ask me if I am okay in such a situation.

However, as I observe them, it becomes clear that the man who passed me as I fell is very small of build and has significant cerebral palsy. The man further off was not staring at me at all, as he is blind. “What are the chances?!” I thought.

How Tired Is Your Soul?

, , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(A customer of about college age comes in to the store. We’re going to close the store in ten minutes and it’s dark out.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I have the souls of the innocent, please?”

Me: *confused* “Er… could you repeat that, sir?”

Customer: *slightly irritated* “Can I have the souls of the d***ed, please?”

Me: “Sir, we’re a fast food place, and we don’t dabble in black magic of any kind.”

Customer: “What?”

(I then notice the dark bags under his eyes and realise he’s either high, tired, or both.)

Me: “You asked for the souls of the innocent?”

Customer: “S***. Sorry, I haven’t slept properly since Monday… seven years ago.”

Me: *laughs* “Well, it’s okay. What can I actually get you?”

(The rest of the order went without a hitch, but he was very embarrassed and apologised the entire time he was in the store.)

You Don’t Want To Understand

, , , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(I work in a store in a new department that they just opened. The store is now bigger with this new department, but the storage area is not, so we put the merchandise that we can’t place on the racks in shelves just on top. A woman has an item in her hand and is looking at our shelves with determination…)

Me: “Hi there. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need this item—” *pointing to the one in her hand* “—do you have more up there?”

Me: *looking on the rack, there are about five of them right in front of her* “Well, I know that there are those ones, and maybe two or three more up there. How many do you need?”

Customer: “Only one.”

Me: *confused* “Do you need another color than that?”

Customer: “No! Only one just like that!

Me: “Okay? Is this one broken?”

Customer: *yelling* “Oh, you don’t understand!”

(She then left without the item… I still don’t understand.)

Acting Like The First Three Letters From “Assume”

, , , , , | Friendly | June 20, 2018

(I’m walking my dog in the park, when I get hit in the back of my head. I turn around.)

Woman: “NEVER ASSUME, YOU BI— Oh, wrong person.”

(She then trots away like nothing happened. I am standing there in shock of the spontaneous attack.)

Me: “Did she just assume I was someone else, and then yell at me for assuming?”

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