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NOPE. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW, THANK YOU.

, , , , , , , , , | Working | May 11, 2022

I work in security dispatch for a mall. Mostly, I watch cameras and answer phone calls.

One day, I was watching the food court when I saw something that really churned my stomach.

This place in the food court sells, among other things, hotdogs wrapped in pretzel dough. 

It wasn’t a very busy day, the mall was dying, and this was a slow day in a dying mall. I caught one of the workers — the only one on shift that day — prodding under her skirt with a hotdog.

I don’t know what, exactly, she was doing, but after she was done, she wrapped the hotdog in dough and put it in the cooker.

I pondered dispatching a security person immediately, but instead, I notified the owner, who arrived, fired the woman, and threw out the offending pretzel-wrapped hotdog.

Kids Are Always In Mortal Kombat With The Rating System

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2022

I’m in a popular gaming outlet. The cashier is talking to a kid who looks about nine or ten years old.

Cashier: “Sorry, can’t sell you that. That game is rated seventeen and up.”

Kid: “Oh, it’s for my cousin. I’m giving it to him as a gift.”

Cashier: “I said the exact same thing when I was your age and Mortal Kombat 3 came out. They didn’t believe me, either. Pick something else.”

Months later, I’m hanging around outside a mall. A girl who looks twelve or so approaches me.

Girl: “Excuse me, are you eighteen?”

I pull off my cap to reveal a badly receding hairline.

Me: “Don’t I wish! I’m not buying you cigarettes, though, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Girl: “No, no. [New Game] came out and I really want it, but they won’t sell it to me because it’s M-rated. Can you buy it for me?”

She is holding up a small wad of cash.

Me: “Listen. I did the exact same thing when I was a kid and they wouldn’t sell me a mature-rated game and my parents said no. I asked some random shmoe if he could run in and buy it for me, and I gave him the allowance money I’d been saving for months. The jerk went inside this exact same mall here and never came back out. Use your head! You have no idea who I am or who the next joker after me is.”

Girl: “Um… yeah, I guess I didn’t think of that.” *Shuffles away*

It sure is funny watching the next generation after you bump their noses in the same corners of the maze of life.

Apparently… He Didn’t Know

, , , , , , | Right | April 15, 2022

I’m in the back sorting through orders when I hear the sound of someone up the front. I’m the only person working today, so I go up to check on the customer.

I arrive just in time to see this man MOVE a very heavy sign that I’ve placed in front of the door, for the express purposes of keeping customers out of the store. He makes a beeline for the counter, where there is clearly no one to be found.

Me: “Sir! You can’t be in here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please.”

He stops dead, looks at me, and then slowly starts backing away.

Man: “I didn’t know.”

Me: “That’s okay, but I’m still going to have to ask you to leave.”

Man: “I didn’t know.”

I’m ignoring the fact that the sign he moved to get in was very obviously placed in front of the only entrance. It turns out the man wants a refund for an order he placed yesterday. Now that I’ve got the guy’s name, I know exactly who it is. He’s a regular. I KNOW he knows that customers aren’t allowed inside.

Man: “I didn’t know.”

I processed his refund and he left, still muttering “I didn’t know” as he went.

“No, Thank You” Still Means Something, You Know

, , , , , | Working | April 2, 2022

My girlfriend and I are planning a trip, so one day while at the mall, we decide to look at new luggage. We find a typical chain store selling such and walk in. We’re immediately jumped on by an over-eager saleswoman. We let her know that we’re just browsing, thanks. She backs off for a couple of minutes but soon comes back.

Every time one of us stops to look at a particular piece, she swoops in and starts listing off features or talking about all the sales that are on.

It gets so bad that it triggers my girlfriend’s anxiety and we have to leave. I can applaud the work ethic, the commitment to helping customers, and the knowledge, but back off and know when you’re not helping. It’s an easy way to lose sales, and I wish more retailers understood that.

There’s School For Retail?

, , , , | Right | March 31, 2022

I used to manage a little girls’ clothing store in the mall. I was an assistant manager at nineteen and store manager by twenty-three. We ran promotions where you would earn coupons to use on future purchases by spending a certain amount — either $25 off of $50 or $15 off of $50. When you redeemed them, the register converted the discount to a percentage and took it off of all the items on the transaction, so that if you returned an item you only lost a small portion of the discount instead of the entire amount, or conversely, you couldn’t return all the items except the one the discount was taken off of to get it for free/very cheap.

I once had a customer confront me because her discount came off “incorrectly”.

Customer: “I want to speak to a manager.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m the manager.”

Customer: “Fine, then I want to talk to the store manager.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that’s me.”

Customer: “Oh, please. I’m old enough to be your mother!”

Me: “Ma’am, can you please just tell me what’s wrong with how your items rang up?”

Customer: “It should have just taken $15 off the total, not a percentage off of each item.”

I explain why it’s a percentage off each item.

Me: “After all, it wouldn’t be fair if we just took the entire discount off the one item you’re returning and you lost it completely, would it?”

Customer: “That’s the way everywhere else does it!”

Me: “Actually, today on my lunch break I bought some stuff at [Other Store] and used a similar coupon, and they discounted the same way.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t shop there!”

I really had no response at that point. Her parting shot was that she went to school for retail and this is not how it’s done!