Elevating Ridiculousness

, , , , | Right | August 16, 2018

(I work the customer service desk at a very large mall.)

Customer: “Where is [Store]?”

Me: “Second floor, down the hallway to the left.”

Customer: “How would I get to the second floor?”

Me: *gestures to elevators about twenty feet in front of us* “Those elevators right there.”

Customer: “What elevators? How do I get to the elevators?”

Me: “They’re right there, sir. Just go through the doors and it’ll take you right up.”

Customer: “Hmph! I guess I’ll have to take the stairs, then!” *walks back in opposite direction of elevators*

Ringing Some Alarm Bells

, , , , , , , | Right | July 19, 2018

(I work for a retail company specializing in high-quality body jewelry. We operate out of stores and kiosks located in malls. This customer browses our kiosk on a relatively quiet Wednesday night, about 15 minutes before closing. NOTE: she has no visible piercings, and is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.)

Me: *specific but friendly company greeting* “How are you tonight?”

Customer: “I need a new ring.” *playing on phone*

Me: “Great! Were you looking for a ring for a piercing, or a finger ring?”

Customer: *seemingly disinterested* “I don’t know! Just a ring!”

Me: “Okay, unfortunately we don’t carry finger rings here but—”

Customer: *slams phone on counter* “Why do you keep talking about finger rings?! I obviously need piercing rings!”

Me: “I apologize for the confusion. All right then, what gauge—” *girth of jewelry* “—are you looking for?”

Customer: “Uh… I don’t remember.”

Me: “No worries; that happens all the time. If you have a spare piece of jewelry, you can always bring it in and we can measure that one. Or you can remove your current piece in the bathroom and bring it to us.”

Customer: “I only have the one piece of jewelry! I don’t want to take it out unless I know I have a new one. Can’t you just measure it yourself?”

Me: *reluctant because it’s not recommended* “I can try, but only if it’s a clearly accessible piercing. There’s a lot of kids in here, and anything we show must be kid-friendly.”

(I turn to grab my callipers and hear a zipper unzip loudly. I spin back around to find my customer sitting on the floor, attempting to take off her skinny jeans in the middle of the mall hallway.)

Me: *alarmed* “Ma’am, please don’t take your pants off!”

Customer: “But you need to see the piercing!!”

Me: “Ma’am, where exactly is this piercing?”

Customer: “Well, obviously, one of those!” *points into her jeans*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I told you it has to be easily accessible and basically child-appropriate. I can’t have you remove or show that piercing in the mall.”

Customer: “Oh, please! They’ll all know what it is soon enough. Just measure this!” *begins unzipping again*

Me: *firmly* “Ma’am, I need you to stop. I cannot help you with this today. You can either take the piece out and bring it inside a sealed ziplock bag, or you can phone your piercer and ask if he knows the gauge.”

Customer: *pleading* “Please? Just this once? I’m so excited for a new piece!”

Me: “I’m genuinely sorry, but those are your only options.”

Customer: *disappointed* “Oh, man, okay. I guess I’ll just come back tomorrow, and then you can put the new piece in for me!”

(She turned and walked away before I could point out that we were in the middle of a hallway next to the food court, and beside a number of children’s stores. There was no way we could do jewelry changes at my location. It was now twelve minutes AFTER closing. She returned again three separate times more to argue the point with managers.)

A Different Kind Of Drinking Problem

, , , | Friendly | July 9, 2018

(I am at a mall with my little cousin. He has to use the bathroom, and runs off to go find one. I’m watching him from a little ways away. When he gets to the bathroom door he suddenly realizes he has a drink in his hand and quickly puts it on a nearby table before rushing into the bathroom. I’m still making my way over when a middle-aged man walks up to the bathroom door, notices the drink, then picks it up and starts drinking from it. I’m disgusted and decide to approach him.)

Me: “Excuse me, but that does not belong to you.”

Man: “Well, it was abandoned on this public table, so it’s free to take.”

Me: “That doesn’t seem legal or moral, but since it’s just a drink I don’t care that much. What I am concerned with is that you don’t know what you’re ingesting. What if the owner was sick, or had herpes, or had any other contagion you could contract? Aren’t you worried about that?”

Man: “You really don’t know how to mind your own business, do you? You think this drink has some disease in it, hmm? Why don’t you find out for me?”

(With that he throws the drink at me, covering me in the soda my cousin had been drinking. I’m standing there in shock when an associate comes over to investigate.)

Associate: “Excuse me, but what is going on here?”

Man: *loudly* “This woman was trying to steal my drink, so I let her have it! You can’t blame me for defending myself and my property!”

Associate: “Sir, I need you to calm down. Ma’am, would you like to tell me what happened?”

Me: “My cousin put his soda on this table while he went to the bathroom. This man came up and started drinking the soda, so I confronted him about it. Then he got angry and threw it at me.”

Associate: “I’ll need to get a manager involved in this. If what you say is true, then we will need to get security involved, as well.”

Man: *yelling* “She’s lying to you! You can’t pin this on me when I was just trying to defend myself and my property! This is a case of self-defense! If anything, she should be charged with harassment!”

(The associate is trying to calm the man down and call a manager over at the same time. Meanwhile, my cousin exits the bathroom and looks confused at all the commotion. I quickly explain what happened, and he tries to tell the associate that it was, indeed, his drink. He can’t even get two words out before the man starts yelling again.)

Man: “She’s just using the kid to try and make herself look better! Don’t be fooled just because he’s a child. You have no right to do anything to me! I’m leaving!”

(The man starts to walk off just as the manager, along with security, arrive to assess the situation.)

Security: “Sir, we’re going to need you to come with us while we review the tapes. We will decide if further action needs to be taken afterwards.”

(The man continues to yell and make a fuss as we’re all led to a small back room. My cousin is becoming increasingly distraught, and I’m still in my wet and sticky clothes. The whole situation is uncomfortable. After what seems like an eternity, security comes back to speak to us.)

Security: “After reviewing the footage, it seems as though you stole this young man’s drink, and then assaulted this woman with it when she tried to retrieve it. Ma’am, would you like to get the police involved?”

Me: “I would, thank you.”

Man: “YOU F****** W****! You’re just trying to make my life more difficult! It’s just a f****** drink; get over yourself!”

(He continued on in that manner until the police arrived to take a statement. I did press charges against the man, but we have yet to see how it will turn out. I don’t imagine much will happen from one drink being thrown at me, but I certainly hope he’ll think twice about petty theft in the future.)

Was Not A Blessed Encounter

, , , , , | Friendly | June 30, 2018

(I am shopping with my mom at the mall. It is spring, so my allergies are killer. I desperately need new clothes, so I decide to try on a few shirts. While I am in a dressing room, my allergies decide to make me sneeze.)

Me: *sneezes*

Random Girl: “Bless you.”

Me: “…”

Random Girl: “I know you hear me.”

Me: *thinking* “Oh, God!”

Random Girl: “[Her Friend], I said bless you!”

Her Friend: “That wasn’t me.”

Random Girl: “Oh… S***.”

Me: “…”

Random Girl: *to me* “Well, you could still say thank you, b****!”

The Crutch Of The Argument

, , , , , | Friendly | June 18, 2018

(I am on crutches due to a bad ankle sprain. I am headed through a shopping centre when a woman a few feet ahead of me stops and turns round to look at me.)

Woman: “Could you stop making that noise? It’s very annoying.”

(I keep walking, thinking she is talking to someone else.)

Woman: “Are you deaf? I said stop making that annoying noise. ‘Click click click.’”

Me: “You’re talking to me?”

Woman: “Obviously.”

Me: “That ‘annoying noise’ is my crutches. I can’t help it.”

Woman: “Then stop walking behind me. Just stop until I’m not there.”

Me: “Or you could walk a bit faster instead of meandering along like a zombie with your face buried in your phone, and then you’ll be out of hearing range quicker. I’m not going to stop and wait just because you’re a selfish cow.”

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