The Employees Are In A Vegetative State

, , , , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I decide to stop by the sandwich shop on campus for lunch today. I’m a really picky eater, and I hate lettuce and tomato.)

Me: “Can I get the chicken bacon ranch sandwich? And no lettuce or tomato?”

Cashier: “Sure thing.”

(She puts in my order and both the screen and my receipt say, “Hold lettuce, hold tomato.” I pay and go wait for my food. But when I get the sandwich, there’s a problem.)

Me: “Um, excuse me? This has lettuce on it, and I asked for no lettuce.”

Worker: “Oh, sorry about that! I’ll remake it for you.”

(After a few minutes he makes eye-contact with me and gestures for me to come over.)

Worker: “While I was making it, I accidentally put ranch on it. Is that okay?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, it’s a chicken bacon ranch sandwich.”

(He finishes the sandwich and walks away. This time, not only is there lettuce on it, but also tomato. I go to the cashier this time, more than a little frustrated.)

Me: *after explaining what happened and showing her my receipt* “Can you please have someone else make it? I just want the sandwich, no veggies.”

(This time, a different worker made my sandwich and checked that I want no veggies. She made my sandwich in seconds, correctly this time. The sandwich wasn’t even very good.)

That Definition Is Tight

, , , , , | Working | October 18, 2017

Coworker #1: *reading an article about American Football player Rob Gronkowski* “‘It’s looking like a very Merry Gronkmas. New England Patriots tight end debuted a new ugly sweater that features a photo of him spiking a Christmas present.’ Apparently there’s a contest where you can win a dinner with him and a surprise guest, plus a bunch of signed memorabilia.”

Coworker #2: “I don’t care about the memorabilia; I’d just take the dinner with him. He’s hot.”

(The conversation continues about Gronkowski and football. A few minutes later…)

Me: “Wait… is ‘tight end’ a football term?”

(Everyone laughs.)

Coworker #1: “Yes, it’s a hybrid position, like a wide receiver.”

Me: “Oh, I was thinking they were talking about Gronk’s ‘tight end.’”

Coworker #2: “Well, that’s a good description, too.”

Chips Trump Love

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 15, 2017

(My fiancé and I are eating Mexican takeout at home. He holds out his hand, and I take it.)

Fiancé: “No, I wanted chips, not your hand.”

Unfiltered Story #96679

, | Unfiltered | October 8, 2017

When I was younger, we had this beautiful long haired orange tabby named Pumpkin. He was not a nice cat. He would hiss and scratch and bite everyone who came close… except for my sister, who was about four at the time. He adored her. She could lay on top of him, and he would do nothing. One night she completely covered him in Vaseline, and he just sat there and let it happen.
One day, we took him to the vet for a routine checkup. They gave him his shots, as per usual. However, there was a new vet tech giving the shots. She messed up, and hit a nerve (at least thats the explanation that 11 year old me received). We didn’t know this at the time, though, because he didn’t show symptoms just yet.
The next day my little sister got home from school and went looking for her cat, only to find him sitting on a chair in the basement, having a severe seizure. We rushed him back to the vet to find out what was wrong, and they charged us an extremely high copay to look at him and say nothing was wrong, even though he had not stopped seizing all day. They told us it was temporary and it would stop, and not to worry.
The next day, he was still seizing. We brought him back to the vet, and they charged us AGAIN, to say the exact same thing. So we left, and brought him to a pet emergency room half an hour away. They took one look at him and, appalled, asked why we hadn’t done anything sooner. They immediately rushed him to the back to run tests, and kept him overnight.
He ended up staying at that hospital for three more nights, his seizures getting worse and worse each day. It hit the point where he could do nothing but lay there, crying, as his entire body was racked by violent convulsions. The vets told us there was nothing else they could do for him, and we had to put him down.
The kicker? They told us that if we had brought him in sooner, they might have been able to save him. They explained to us the issue had been originally caused by the routine shot he had received at our normal vet’s office. So, it could have been avoided with proper training and less laziness on our vet’s part.

Going Into This Story Blindly

, , , , , , | Related | October 6, 2017

(I’m sitting with my dad and my little sister in the living room, chatting.)

Sister: “So, there’s this dog, and it’s got no eyes.”

Dad: “Is it blind?”

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