Fads Are Not Light Bulb Moments

, , , , , | Working | October 12, 2018

(The latest management fad is a daily briefing in which we have to state yesterday’s achievements and objectives for today, with a three-minutes time limit, all while standing in a circle holding hands. The implementer of the fad alternates between interrupting people for not giving their statements correctly and reprimanding them for running out of time. My turn comes, but a colleague cuts me off:)

Colleague: “[My Name], get a ladder and get someone to hang that map…”

Me: “Oh, while they have the ladder out, they could also change the burnt-out light bulb in the corridor!”

Fad Implementer: *holding up a finger like I was a little kid* “No, no, no, [My Name], this is not a topic for the morning briefing!”

Me: *speechless*

(I just hope the fad dies out before I punch him in the throat.)

They Have A Pool… For The Worst Customers

, , , | Right | July 31, 2018

(I work in a pool store. We are in the middle of the summer. The phone is ringing non-stop, and all the team is working very hard, but as usual at this time of summer, our schedule is full. We are trying to fulfill our work as best as we can. We all work extra hours, every day. The phone rings.)

Me: “Good afternoon. [Pool Store]! This is [My Name]. What can I do for you today?”

Caller: “Hi, um… I have a frog in my pool. I need you to come and take it away!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Caller: “What time you will arrive?”

Me: “I see that you are not in our database, and unfortunately we don’t have any technicians available at the moment; in fact, the schedule is full this week. I can see if one of our technicians is near to your location and see if they can do it. Can you give me your address?”

Caller: “How much it will cost me?”

Me: “To be honest, I will just charge you for a half-hour of technician work; I think it will be more than necessary to catch the little swimmer in your pool. It will be [price].”

Caller: “Why so much? Two minutes of work will cost me half an hour?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is our store policy; I have to charge for half an hour, even if the work will be done in less time.”

Caller: “Okay, bring him here right away!”

Me: “As I said to you, first I need to check with our technicians. I have no guarantee that they are able to go to your home now or today because of the workload that we have at this time of year, but let me check and I will call you back in a moment!”

Caller: “You said you could send a technician to my house right away!”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t say that. First let me check with the technicians, okay? I will call you back in fifteen minutes.”

(I call the technicians, and I find one near the address of the caller, so I ask him if he can do the job, since it will be really fast. He complains, but while he is on the phone with me he rings the doorbell of the caller’s house. I call back the caller as fast as I can, because our policy is to inform the customer before we do anything.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Pool Store]. Good news! I found a technician near your house, and he is probably ringing the doorbell right now!”

Caller: “He already entered the house. Thank you very much for your quick service! I hope I see you when I go to your store to pay out the bill!”

Me: “You are welcome, and I’m glad I could help you so quickly, too. Bye, have a nice week.”

(After five minutes I received a call from the same person, complaining that the technician was refusing to clean the pool for her.)

Unfiltered Story #117412

, | Unfiltered | July 23, 2018

* I’ve been working for a pool store for the last 6 years, I usually work in the back office, but sometimes I need help on the balconies – I was at the counter with a colleague when a customer enters the store with a skimmer basket in his hands and a paper in the other, my colleague was talking to one of our technical assistance on, so I immediately smiled at the customer and asked. *

(Me) – Good afternoon sir, can I help you with something?

(Costumer) – Yes! I bought this basket for my pump 3 months ago, but does not fit the pump, I want to know if you have the correct basket for my pump, I have the measures of the old basket with me.

(Me) – Hmm … I can certainly exchange it for you, if in stock, this basket is for a pool pump [brand], what exactly is the problem in the dock?

(Costumer) – Does not fit !! I have the basket measures. It is exactly like this but different.

(Me) – Okaay … so this basket is for pump [1] model [a], there is a similar brand [1] basket but it’s for the model [b] is smaller, do you want to show you Sir.?

(Costumer) – My last basket lasted 10 years! Now it is BROKEN! I have the basket measures! Bring the basket! The pump is the brand [a]! * With a stern tone of voice *

(I try to maintain posture, and smile, I’m going to the storage room, I do not take too long to find the smallest basket.)

(Me) – Okay, so this basket is the same format but smaller, this basket is for the model [b] of brand [1] and you took the basket for the model [a] brand [1], must have been s …

(Costumer) – No, this is smaller, I have a bigger one, and it does not fit the pump because its format is different …

* At this time I started to realize that this will be a complicated task, and I beginning to understand that the customer does not know the exact model of the pump and I start to have doubts about whether the brand of the pump is the same as the customer says it is because there is only two baskets of the type with that format for the pumps of the brand [1] *
My colleague overhears the conversation and interrupts:

(coworker) – There are only two pump models of the brand [1] that has the basket features that regard.

(coworker)- I have the measures of the old basket with me.

I – I understand, but we do not have access to all measures of pools baskets, not have all the baskets of stock in pools to get to compare your measurements and the baskets, moreover even if the basket has the same measures, can not fit in the pump due to details speci …

(Coworker) – You do not know the measures the baskets ?! Incompetent! You work in pools and do not know what they sell!

(Me) – There are over 100 marks pump pools each with more than 30 models each outdated and each is still on the market …

*coworker interrupts*

(Customer) – sell me a basket of the same size, I paid, no longer even want to change! The basket that sold me is defective because it is equal to the old I have at home!

(Me) – I want to help you but to be sure it would be better to know which model and brand of pump they have is the best way to be no misunderstandings in relation to the basket defects he has no since there have a basket equal.

(I show the basket equal to the client to stop it finds that there is no defect in the basket, taking into account the client insists that the pump is the brand [1] even though I know that is not possible, I will get the catalog of pumps mark [1] and start to show you all the pumps, unsurprisingly customer after seeing each of them, says his pump is none of that are in the catalog, but continues to insist that the brand is [1] ).

Customer – My is none of these should be a bomb that you have no catalog * cries *

Me – This catalog as you can see is updated not by the brand but by our pool company, this catalog is the oldest shop, and the first bombs he saw in the catalog are already discontinued and has over 25 years is the age of our company, it is unlikely not have a pump with 10 years in this catalog.

We tell you what, you bring me the old basket and the model of the pump, and confirm the brand power.

Customer – I know the brand of the pump I know the logo, and I know that the warehouse them is [a few km from our shop], I will make a complaint about you! You do not understand anything pools, they do not even know what they sell! * Cries *

(At this point I do not know what to say to the customer, but my colleague comes to the aid)

Colleague – I apologize, but my colleague is right, to get the model of the pump we can help you right away, and even if we have the basket in stock ordered for you. But is it really necessary to know the pump model and brand, cause without it is like finding a needle in a haystack. “Portuguese expression”

* Customer said with exactly these words * – I don’t Believe in YOU!

My Coworker an I looked at each other without really knowing how to react, and we turn both to the costumer and say in chorus:

Colleague and I – I’m sorry, but if you could bring the model of the pump it really would help us to find what you need.

*The client continues to repeat that does not believe in us, and we try to ease the situation and make him understand that only with the measures we can not identify the basket).This lasts about 15 minutes and I get to see that we are not reaching any direction.*

(Me) -Excuse me sir, but either brings us the model and brand of the pump or we cannot help you, and since the basket was purchased last year and not three months ago * Saying this while I check the costumer historical” We cannot perform the exchange…
Customer – F*** the exchange I want the basket to fit the pump! F ***** You !!!

(Coworker) – Sir bring us the model and brand of the pump, hands him a card with our telephone number and escort him to the door. *The customer stands by the door for a while looking the door slowly closing, and leaves. *

*A week later my coworker told me that the customer came with the old basket a photo of the pump and with a photo of the board where the specifications of the pump are described. After all was another brand pump, and the man was to confusing the sand filter brand with the pump brand and thought it was all the same machine.*

Me to coworker: Well I know that many customers confuse things and make great confusion with filters and pumps and often find it all a single device, but after all this , after I loose 1 hour and shoued him diferent pumps, and after the way he treat us he deserved that his pump was outdated and he need to buy a new one.

Colleague: What do you think I told him? * winks*

The Most Important Meal For Those Doing The Most Important Job

, , , | Hopeless | July 2, 2018

(I am in the supermarket checkout lane, the fourth customer in line. Third in line is an ambulance crew, clearly getting food and beverages for their breakfast and lunch. Suddenly, their radio crackles:)

Radio: *loud enough for everyone close to hear* “Ambulance [number], car accident at [address], two vehicles involved, several injured. Ambulance [other number] is on its way, as well, to assist.”

(One of the ambulance crew starts to leave, to go get the car, while the other stays back a few seconds to speak to the cashier:)

Ambulance Crew #1: “D***, guess another day without breakfast.” *now to the cashier* “Can we leave our things with you so someone puts them back? We can’t wait until it’s our turn.”

First Person in Line: “Just cancel my order and ring them through first.”

Cashier: “Won’t work. I need the manager, and he’ll take a couple minutes to get here. You can just leave it on the conveyor belt; I’ll put it away.”

(The second crew member thanks the cashier, and starts to leave.)

First Person in Line: “All right, just ring it through with my things; I’ll pay for it.”

(The cashier quickly asked the customer to confirm, and as she did the cashier rang everything through in less than 15 seconds, and gave it to the second crew-member who immediately walked towards the door. As soon as he got outside, the ambulance drove up, so no time was wasted with the driver waiting for the other crew-member to arrive. In the end, it wasn’t that big of a deal, monetary wise. Couldn’t have been more than 10 or 15€ total. Still, it was great to see the customer not even thinking twice about paying for the groceries, just to make sure the ambulance crew would have something to eat before trying to save lives.)

 

Unfiltered Story #109163

, | Unfiltered | April 19, 2018

I work as a client acquisition representative for an international energy company. I was introducing our discount campaign, according to the manual.

Customer (clearly joking and upset): I am sorry to interrupt, but I am tired of your constant phone calls. I use my cell phone as a vibrator and you have called me so many times today that it ran out of battery

Me: Ma’am, I am sorry for interrupting yet again, but you should be glad that we called you so much; if you sign up with us you will be charging your vibrator and spending less money for it.

Customer: *hangs up*

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