Reading this story made me recall my own geographically confused coworker.

I also live in New York, and a coworker has come back from a big music festival in California. It is Tuesday morning.

Me: “Wow, [Coworker], I’m surprised to see you here.”

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “Well, you went all the way to the west coast, just for a long weekend?”

Coworker: “I mean, yeah, it’s only California. It’s not like I’m going to Europe or anything.”

Me: “How long was your flight to San Francisco?”

Coworker: “Six and a half hours.”

Me: *Googling.* “New York to Dublin is the same flight time.”

Coworker: “Dublin… Ireland?!”

Me: “Add a half hour extra, and you’re in London.”

Coworker: “London… England?”

She sat down, wide-eyed, suddenly tired from her ‘quick weekend’ jaunt to California.

Me: “So we have the two types of bears up here, the black bear and the grizzly. They—”

Tourist: “Do they ever interbreed?”

Me: “No, they—”

Tourist’s Husband: “—No, dear, if they do that, they make Pandas, and that’s illegal since China said only they can have Pandas and our weak President agreed to it.”

I just can’t with these people anymore…

Back in the eighties, I would fly a lot for work. The company would pay for my meals and transportation costs, but they encouraged me to find the cheapest solutions.

One day, the worker drone who was going over the expense reports (a chill guy, had no issues with him) was asking me about my most recent trip.

Expenses Coworker: “So, you had a delay and a layover?”

Me: “Yeah, my layover in Memphis was extended about two-and-a-half hours.”

Expenses Coworker: “You had a dinner in the executive lounge?”

Me: “Well, I thought I would take a cab to town and get dinner at McDonald’s. I found out that a ten-dollar fee was added to every fare in and out of the airport, so I saved the company some money and dined at the lounge upstairs.”

Expenses Coworker: “So… you’re telling me…”

Me: “That steak was cheaper than a quarter pounder would’ve been, yes.”

He found it hilarious and laughed his a** off back to his desk, where he approved my expenses claim.

Caller: “So, I’m looking at your worldwide travel package, and it includes America.”

Me: “If you mean the USA, then yes, it does.”

Caller: “But… why? America isn’t part of the world.”

I’ve never taken a caller who needed travel more than that person…

A customer has purchased a portable adapter in the airport convenience store where I work. It’s sealed in a plastic container.

Me: “Would you like me to cut it out of the plastic?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s usually pretty hard to remove without scissors. I have some back here.”

Customer: “Can I just buy some scissors so I can do it later?”

Me: “We don’t sell scissors here.”

Customer: “Why not? You have all the other things.” *Waves hand at our stationery supply.*

Me: “Well, we don’t usually sell scissors at an airport.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Security reasons?”

Customer: “What security reasons?”

Me: “Uh, well… they don’t like it if you bring a sharp object on board a plane.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Uh… in case… it’s… used as a weapon?”

Customer: “Why would anyone use it as a weapon?”

Next Customer In Line: “Oh my god, lady! Haven’t you seen the news in the last thirty years?!”

Customer: “Why? What happened?”

Next Customer In Line: *To me.* “Just cut the d*** adapter open so I can buy my M&Ms and not miss my flight!”

Customer: “Did something happen with scissors?”

I free the adapter and send the confused customer on their way, and move on to the M&M customer. Nothing wrong with being curious, but search out the darn answers too!