Bigots Can Be Such A Drag

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 31, 2021

My family and I are visiting the USA for a family holiday. Before this trip, my sister and I have never been to North America before in our lives. We live in the UAE, which is located in the middle east. My family is biracial; my dad is German/Brazilian and my mum is Indian. I’m bisexual, and the rest of my family is straight.

We are in the streets of New York, our final destination. This trip has simultaneously been the best and worst we have ever been on. It’s about 12:00 pm and some drag queens avidly speaking in Spanish walk by us, and a nearby man turns to speak to my father.

Man: “Can you believe those f****** [gay slur] [Mexican slur]s? This is why we need the walls — to keep the immigrants out of here.”

Dad: *Smiling* “That’s exactly my thought; the indigenous people need to finally take a stance. I mean, after what your ancestors did to them, it’s only common courtesy for you to go back to Europe.”

Man: “How f****** dare you?! My family built this country! Take your [Mexican slur] wife and kids and get out of here.”

Mum: “I’m from India.”

Man: *Pissed* “Whatever. You’re probably both [gay slur]s.”

I finally speak up.

Me: “No, that’s me.”

Surprisingly, he did not want to talk to us any longer, but the drag queens, who had heard everything, came up to us after and thanked us for standing up to him. They even bought my sister and me a hotdog!

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The First Tip Is Just The Tip

, , , , , , | Right | June 16, 2021

We were about halfway through our self-catering holiday and we found a fantastic café; the food was good, the prices were very cheap, and the staff was lovely!

Tipping isn’t customary in the UK, and not knowing what the locals do, I tipped around 15-20% on our meal.

We ended up coming back several times, and we tipped every time, as the service was faultless. We reckon we saved as much as we were tipping going to the bigger restaurant, so everyone was happy.

On our last day, we couldn’t think of anywhere we would rather eat but our favourite little cafe. The bill came and the waitress told us, in broken English, that our bill had been discounted by the manager.

It was a generous discount. Unfortunately, as we had quite a lot of small euro bills to use up, I ended up emptying what I had left; it paid for the bill in full and another tip.

The waitress seemed very confused, probably about the strange English family who didn’t understand a discount.

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For A Proper Cuppa Tea, You Need Proper Manners

, , , | Right | June 8, 2021

My café is on the waterfront, and we get tourists from every country. An English woman comes up to me.

Tourist: “Can I have a cup of tea?”

I show her our selection, but she cuts me off.

Tourist: “No, do you have ‘proper’ tea?”

Me: “Well, for black tea, there’s this Darjeeling—”

She slams her fist on the counter and yells.

Tourist: “NO! A PROPER cuppa tea!”

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It’s A Smaller World Than You Think

, , , , , | Friendly | May 27, 2021

I’m on holiday from the UK to America and I end up staying with friends of a friend. They are a lovely couple, not exactly the travelled type. They are regularly shocked when I mention that we also have certain brands or TV channels, and they couldn’t comprehend how big or old some of England is.

Me: “I was going to get some things to make us all dinner tonight.”

Friend: “Oh, I can’t wait to taste some European food.”

Me: “Err, sure, you could call it that. Is there a store nearby? Anything on a bus route?”

Friend: “Oh, don’t worry about that; I will take you. Hey, there’s an English woman who works there! Maybe you know her?”

Me: “I doubt that; there are fifty million of us.”

Friend: “Really? Well, she is about your age, so you might know her.”

She drives me to the store later that day. We’re walking around when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and a worker is standing there.

Worker: “Sorry, but is your name [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Worker: “I thought it was you. It’s [Worker]. We went to school together!”

[Worker] joined us for drinks that weekend. It was great to see her again, but I think I’ve ruined my host’s idea of the UK!

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The Complaints Blossom All Year Round

, , , , , , | Right | May 19, 2021

Tourist: “Where are the cherry blossom trees?”

Me: “They’re in the park near the tidal basin, but ma’am, it’s July. They don’t have any blossoms right now.”

Tourist: “So they’ll just look like normal trees?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Tourist: “Well, can’t you go put some back on for my photos?”

Me: “That would be impossible, ma’am. They only blossom in spring.”

Tourist: “That’s stupid! Who came up with that idea?”

Me: “That would be nature, ma’am.”

Tourist: “Terrible service! Where can I write to and complain?”

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