When Attendants Are Very Attendant

, , , , | Hopeless | April 2, 2018

(My husband and I are flying home from our vacation. I’m a nervous flyer, and turbulence elevates my anxiety, big-time. Sure enough, our plane hits some turbulence. I close my eyes and start counting to 1000 in my head; for some reason, that seems to help. My husband holds my right hand to comfort me. A minute or so later, someone else grasps my left hand.)

Me: “Eh?” *opens eyes*

Flight Attendant: “Are you okay?” *lets go of my hand*

Me: “I’m a little nervous.”

Flight Attendant: “Look at me. If I’m not scared, you don’t have to be. Read your book; you’ll be fine.”

(And I was. I wrote a letter to the airline later, giving them her name and the flight number, telling them how awesome she is. I hope she got a raise.)

We’ll Take Off Like A Wrecking Ball…

, , , , | Right | March 14, 2018

(I’m a passenger on an airplane that’s about to take off. The flight attendant is explaining the safety procedures, and decides to make sure everyone is listening.)

Flight Attendant: “Wear your seatbelt low and tight across your hips, just like Miley Cyrus’s mini-skirt!”

(The elderly woman seated next to me cracked up laughing!)

A Bad Attitude At Any Altitude

, , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(I am on an airplane with a friend. [Customer #1] is a mother with two young children, and is unable to get seats with both of her kids, so her two-year-old is seated several rows away. She asks [Customer #2] if she’d switch. When [Customer #2] refuses, a woman in the row behind her volunteers. As [Customer #1] is helping her child get settled in, the child asks why she couldn’t be next to her.)

Customer #1: “Well, some people just aren’t very nice.”

Customer #2: “Excuse me? How dare you say I’m not nice.”

Customer #1: “Well, you did refuse to switch seats with a child.”

Customer #2: “Oh, so, just because you didn’t get your way, you’re going to say I’m not nice? Excuse me.”

Flight Attendant: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer #2: “This woman just called me rude. It’s not my fault. I bought my ticket early. I got on the plane on time. Why should I have to move my seat?”

Flight Attendant: “What is it that you want me to do about it?”

Customer #2: “She can’t just go around telling her kid that I’m not nice.”

Flight Attendant: *confused and kind of helpless* “I’m sorry.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, you’re not that sorry.”

Customer #3: “Look. It’s a six-hour flight. You two need to find a way to get along. We’re all going to the same place.”

([Customer #2] spent the rest of the flight petulantly staring out the window. The kids were fine. And when we arrived in San Francisco, my friend got a good look at her.)

Friend: “She didn’t have b****y resting face. She was just a b****.”


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MEGATRON FLIES… Coach

, , , , , | Related | December 1, 2017

(I’m waiting to get off a plane, and I see a little boy and his dad playing together in their seats. Well, actually, it’s the boy making battle sounds and pretending to fight his dad, while the dad just takes it. All of sudden, the little boy looks at the person in the seat behind him and widens his eyes.)

Little Boy: “You’re going down, Megatron!”

(He then continues to have his pretend battle, while I’m dying with laughter.)

United In Your Reaction

, , , , , | Working | October 7, 2017

(We are on a plane about to embark. Just as the plane is going to push back, the pilot gets on the loudspeaker. We’ve been delayed because a late passenger pushed through the emergency door and touched the plane, so it’s a federal matter. We have to see what the TSA and police want to do. We overhear a conversation between another passenger and a flight attendant.)

Passenger: “So, you stopped that lady from getting on the plane? Did you have to tackle her?”

Flight Attendant: “No, I just put my hand out, like so, and stopped her.” *pause* “At least we didn’t go United on her.”

(Other passengers go silent as we all process what she just said and then we cracked up laughing.)

Flight Attendant: “Oh, dear. I can’t believe I said that. Am I turning red?”

(She was. All the passengers that heard her loved it. Luckily, we left almost on time and not too delayed.)


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