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Courtesy Means Bathing Before Flights, People

, , , | Working | May 4, 2022

In the late 1990s, I was traveling from the UK to Canada for work. I went through customs (WAY less traumatic back then), read my book at the gate, and finally was allowed on to the plane.

Then, I got to my seat and met the man I would be sat next to for the next nine hours. It was walking into a wall of nasty. I’m a plumber’s son, so I’ve dealt with smells that would make skunks walk out in disgust, and to this day, I have never smelled a human being that smelled like this and still had a pulse. Imagine the smell of a sweaty unwashed person who pooped themself to death during a humid August and wasn’t found for three days.

Desperately controlling my gag reflex, I went to find a hostess to try to get my seat changed but the (probably harassed and exhausted) lady had no time to listen and brushed me off, insisting I go back to my seat.

Well, I made it through take-off — just — and once again tried to get my seat changed, but I was, once again, told to “stop whining, it’s not that bad” and go back to my seat.

So I did.

And I rang the bell to get a hostess over to us.

She came stomping over, clearly intending to ream me out for being a little baby. I could see her rehearsing in her head — you all know the look. She squatted next to me, took a deep breath…

…and went a very odd shade of greyish green.

Then, she legged it.

A couple of minutes later, I was moved to business class (coach was full) and had a whole mess of comped food and drinks as an apology.

It was the first time I ever travelled business class and it was awesome. I highly recommend it.

Enjoy Your Lack Of Leg Room!

, , , | Right | April 25, 2022

We are boarding a flight from Amsterdam to Atlanta and there is a couple in our seats.

Me: “Excuse me, but those are our seats.”

Couple: “No, these are our seats!”

I have the physical boarding passes in my hand saying these are our seats.

My husband and I wait politely in the galley for about twenty-five minutes while everyone else boards. The flight crew is trying to figure out where everyone is actually supposed to be sitting. There are still empty seats in the center, but there are not any window seats like we were assigned. We hear the lady saying:

Lady: “We paid for these seats!”

As if we hadn’t paid? Eventually, the head steward says:

Head Steward: “I’ve got this.” *To us* “Follow me.”

We were bumped to first class. The lady did get her window seat, but I don’t think she was happy about it after that.

Did Someone Order A Lap Warmer?

, , , | Right | April 18, 2022

In order to fly with a cat as a carry-on, you have to use a soft-sided carrier and place them on the floor in front of you during takeoff, or at least that’s how it worked on the flight I took from Florida to Kansas in 2006.

My cat, Min Min, was in his carrier as we took off. But the pilot got on the intercom shortly after the seatbelt lights turned off to make an announcement.

Pilot: “A little tabby cat has made its way up into the cockpit area. Can its owner please press their call button?”

Apparently, the flight attendant had opened the door to talk to the pilot and co-pilot, and my little tabby cat had jumped into the co-pilot’s lap. Sure enough, the little rascal had opened the zippers on his carrier and escaped.

A lovely elderly woman gave me a safety pin from her sewing box, and that kept it closed for the rest of that flight, the layover, and the connecting flight.

Petty Karma Is Still Satisfying

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: rduncang | March 20, 2022

My new wife and I recently took a trip to Denver on a plane. I fly often, but not as often as some other people. When I booked the flight, the plane was fairly empty, so I booked the window and aisle seats in the premium economy section right behind first-class seats, leaving the middle seat empty. By the time we actually flew, the flight was nearly full, so I checked the seat chart and noticed someone took the seat between us. No biggie, when we got on the flight, we would just offer the window or aisle seat to whoever booked the middle seat.

Boarding time came and we were in group two, so the pre-boards and group one got to go before us. When it was our turn to board and we got to our seats, there was an older man seating in the window seat. I thought it was kind of a rude move to just take someone else’s seat without asking. Obviously, this guy had flown before since he had pre-boarding status. I let it go since we were going to switch seats anyway.

Soon after the flight took off, the attendant came up to me with a gift bag.

Attendant: “Congratulations on achieving 1K status!”

The gift bag wasn’t for me; it was for the guy that took the window seat without asking. He obviously knew what he was doing and has probably done this before. The guy was looking out the window all through boarding and never turned his head to acknowledge us until the flight attendant came over with the gift bag.

I accepted his gift bag.

Attendant: “Would you like a complimentary drink, as well?”

Of course, I said yes, and I even got a free glass of wine for my wife, too. I glanced at the guy and could see the anger in his eyes. But he didn’t say a thing. A petty win for me over this guy that took the seat that I would have given him, but instead he took it without asking.

Flying High On Karma Clouds

, , , | Right | CREDIT: PatientAdventurous98 | March 19, 2022

This happened when I was a junior in college. I had taken a long weekend trip to Florida with a friend of mine to visit her brother and go to a theme park’s Halloween event. We had an amazing trip, and we were on the plane to head home. This was only my second time with air travel. We didn’t have much when I was growing up, so vacations were not a regular thing, and the ones we took were low-key.

So, there I was, just excited to be flying in my coach seat, waiting to take off. And we kept waiting. It became clear that there was a problem with the plane when the flight attendants started calling various passengers to exit to be placed on different flights, so they’d make their necessary connections.

Eventually, after around forty minutes, it was just my friend and me plus around six other people. And then it was our turn to leave the plane. We were sort of near the end of the group tromping back out into the waiting area. One couple, probably in their mid-fifties, had stormed up ahead of us, and by the time my friend and I emerged from the gate entrance, the rude husband was already berating the pair of attendants, who, to their credit, remained poised and calm.

They tried to reassure him, but he was talking over them.

Man: “This is unacceptable. You had better get me the same seats we had on that flight.”

He had the first row in coach, the one with no seats in front of it and therefore with extra legroom.

By then, the rest of us had gathered around, and the attendants began addressing the whole group, offering reassurances, filling us in that there was a critical problem with the plane (which made me very glad for the change, despite the inconvenience). The rude husband was going off through all of this, and when the attendants left to make arrangements for us all, he and his wife sat there, and he continued his commentary to his poor wife.

Man: “Unacceptable… How dare they… Better have the same seats…”

And so on.

Shortly, the attendants returned, and the man practically rushed them.

Man: “I demand you make this right.”

The attendant smiled

Attendant: “You guys are all set. Sir—”

And she smiled at him specifically.

Attendant: “I’m very happy to tell you that we have a flight leaving shortly, and we were able to give you and your wife the exact same seats as you had booked on the previous flight.”

Man: “I should hope so. That’s the least you can do.”

And he huffily returned to his seat.

Meanwhile, the rest of us were just waiting. The attendant then turned to us and addressed the group.

Attendant: “And I’m happy to let everyone else know that you’ll all be flying first class with us today.”

The man was furious and immediately jumped up again.

Man: “Why aren’t we flying first class?!”

The rest of us just sat there in a state of stunned glee.

Attendant: “I’ve given you your request, sir.”

She didn’t stick around for more abuse.

The wait wasn’t long, and soon my friend and I were boarded into the unicorn, fabled place that is First Class. As a poor air travel newbie, it was like some fantasy land: huge seats, real hot washcloths, and though we were underage and couldn’t partake of The Free Cocktail, we did get to choose from a basket of “Distinctive [Brand]” cookies. And the food! We got a whole meal, which was truly delicious, with real crystal salt and pepper shakers at each place setting and actual metal cutlery.

Meanwhile, the man was irate. My friend and I were in the last row of first class, which only had around eight seats, and we could hear him heaping abuse on the coach attendants.

Man: “Those kids don’t deserve first class! We should’ve gotten those seats. We’re older and we should be respected, not some kids!”

Then, the best part of all happened: the flight attendant in our section overheard the man’s tirade, with language specifically directed at my friend and me: “Who do those kids think they are?!” It was as if we were unworthy of the honor he should have been granted. The attendant shook his head and addressed me and my friend.

Attendant #2: “I’m sorry about that. Let me take care of this for you.”

And he closed the curtain to the coach cabin. The man realized what was happening, which made it even better. I got one last look at his red, irate face before he was gone forever. It was GLORIOUS!