Flights Of Fancy

| Australia | Related | March 31, 2017

(This happened when I was about two years old and about to go on a long flight with my mum. It was her first time travelling alone with me and I was at the stage when I often threw tantrums so she was worried.)

Mum: “If you are noisy on the plane, they will ask you to leave.”

Me: “In the air?”

Mum: “Yes.”

(I don’t blame her for saying it because I’m sure every parent says silly/bad things and usually nothing comes of it. But, although I forget the conversation itself, I remember and believe what she told me, probably because my family travels a lot, and I think about it every time we fly. I behave very well on flights. Eventually I decide that the plane must actually land at the nearest airport before the crew orders the passenger to leave so that the passenger doesn’t die. Since I don’t understand the cost and other issues with this, it seems no different from when my teachers send students out of the classroom as soon as they start misbehaving. I never doubt it until I am seven and witness a young child throwing a loud tantrum on a plane.)

Me: “Why don’t they make him leave the plane?”

Mum: “They can’t do that in the middle of a flight!”

Me: “I mean why can’t they land somewhere and leave him there with his parents? That’s how it works, right?”

(Then my mum remembered her desperate attempt to keep me quiet when I was a toddler and she explained everything.)

At The Right Attitude Altitude

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Working | March 22, 2017

(I am aboard a flight that is leaving at six am, at the end of January.)

Flight Attendant: “Welcome to your private jet. Since there are only ten of you, please feel free to sit where you’d like. We prefer the front of the plane, due to weight, but it doesn’t matter. Your flight attendants are [Name #1, Name #2, and Name #3] and we will be around to cater you when we are at cruising altitude.”

Made The Flight Bear-able

| England, UK | Related | September 26, 2016

(We are on a large family holiday. All of us are adults now with kids of our own. It’s a long flight so i take out the colouring books and crayons we brought.)

Eldest Sister: “Can we borrow some of them?”

Me: *slightly annoyed at the lack of preparation* ” Sure.”

(An hour in, our daughter is getting bored again. I take out some story books and snacks.)

Other Sister: “[Child] is bored; could we borrow one?”

Me: “Fine.”

(After a long flight we have a great holiday and reluctantly join the plane home. As none of the “borrowed” items came back and with limited shops we make do.)

Eldest Sister: “You don’t mind if we borrow some again?”

Me: “What happened to the last lot?”

Eldest Sister: *shrugs*

Other Sister: “Me, too!”

(Frustrated and annoyed how two grown women fail to prepare for their own children, but not wanting to ruin the holiday, we do our best to entertain our three-year-old with a few crayons and single colouring book. Quickly enough she is bored and I have nothing left to entertain her.)

Me: *to my wife* “You know what?! Sod it. We are on holiday. Pass me the menu.”

Me: *to the flight attendant* Can we have two drinks, a kids selection pack, and—” *silently pointing* “—one of those, please.”

Stewardess: *all smiles* “Of course, sir.”

(Our daughter might have been upset to leave, but when the pilot teddy bear came down the aisle she forgot all about it. My sisters, however, had to deal with the begging and pleading from their kids, but of course they failed to leave any money aside to prepare for the flight home. Two years later, she still has the bear, in a place of pride in her room.)

The Power Of A (Lack Of A) Name

| Krakow, Poland | Working | June 23, 2016

(We have finished boarding the plane back to France, after waiting for about seven hours in the airport due to bad weather. The plane is crowded; we are all exhausted and eager to return home. The staff close the door and start the usual boarding speech. There is one steward and three hostesses.)

Steward: “Dear ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay. You are on board of the [Company] flight number 1234 to Lyon. My name is [Steward], I’ll be your cabin chief for the flight, and I will be assisted with [Hostess #1], [Hostess #2] and… er…”

(The steward make an awkward pause, looking at his colleague just near him. Both of them start to blush, but she says nothing and we start to understand that Steward forgot her name. We start to laugh. The steward make a sheepish look at us, completely red of shame, then back at her. Everyone is laughing, including the three hostesses.)

Steward: *speaking only to her* “Sorry for this, what’s your name? Sandra? Caroline?”

(She laughs a little and says to him her name after a long wait.)

Steward: *on the mic* “…and [Hostess #3]. Sorry for forgetting your name.”

(After this funny moment, we were a little more happier, forgetting about the very long wait in the airport.)

A**-Holes Sit At The Back

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Friendly | June 5, 2016

(My coworker and I are headed home after a week-long conference. Our last leg is on a small plane with about 20 seats total. The front is full; the back has several open seats. It is also maybe helpful to note that I am a larger girl.)

Flight Attendant: “In order to meet weight distribution requirements we will need someone in these first four rows to move to the back. Is anyone interested in volunteering?”

Me: “I’ll move. I don’t mind.”

Man In The Back: “They moved one person? That’s ridiculous.”

Me: “I am sure that it makes a difference.”

Man In The Back: “One person’s weight is not going to make that much of a difference!”

Me: “Well, you don’t know how much I weigh, sir.”

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