MEGATRON FLIES… Coach

, , , , , | Related | December 1, 2017

(I’m waiting to get off a plane, and I see a little boy and his dad playing together in their seats. Well, actually, it’s the boy making battle sounds and pretending to fight his dad, while the dad just takes it. All of sudden, the little boy looks at the person in the seat behind him and widens his eyes.)

Little Boy: “You’re going down, Megatron!”

(He then continues to have his pretend battle, while I’m dying with laughter.)

United In Your Reaction

, , , , , | Working | October 7, 2017

(We are on a plane about to embark. Just as the plane is going to push back, the pilot gets on the loudspeaker. We’ve been delayed because a late passenger pushed through the emergency door and touched the plane, so it’s a federal matter. We have to see what the TSA and police want to do. We overhear a conversation between another passenger and a flight attendant.)

Passenger: “So, you stopped that lady from getting on the plane? Did you have to tackle her?”

Flight Attendant: “No, I just put my hand out, like so, and stopped her.” *pause* “At least we didn’t go United on her.”

(Other passengers go silent as we all process what she just said and then we cracked up laughing.)

Flight Attendant: “Oh, dear. I can’t believe I said that. Am I turning red?”

(She was. All the passengers that heard her loved it. Luckily, we left almost on time and not too delayed.)

Beat The Entitlement Before You Beat The Level

, , , , | Friendly | September 5, 2017

(I am going to visit my grandparents in India for the summer. The first leg of our trip is from one city in the US to another. On the airplane, I have brought my portable console, which is new and is in high-demand. That means whenever I bring it around, people ask if they can play on it. Due to a mix-up on the plane, all of my family is sitting in different places except for my sleeping sister and me.)

Me: *playing game*

Little Kid: “Whoa! Is that [New Console]? Can I play?”

Me: “Okay, after I finish this level.”

(The little kid seems fine with this. But suddenly, his mother butts in.)

Mother: “Hey, [Kid], do you want to play on that man’s console?”

Little Kid: “Yeah, but he’s beating a level right now.”

Mother: *suddenly extremely angry* “What the heck? Excuse me, let my child play his game!”

Me: “Oh, no, he can play, but I’m in the middle of a level right now. Right now he’s watching me play.”

Little Kid: “Whoa! What weapon is that? That’s not in multiplayer, is it?”

Me: “No, but you can unlock it in-“

Mother: “I can’t BELIEVE you! Why are you not letting him play?”

Me: “Because I am in the middle of finishing a level…”

Mother: “But WHY? I don’t care about your stupid game; just let my child play!”

Me: *pauses game* “Uhh….”

Mother: “IF YOU DON’T LET MY CHILD PLAY HIS GAME, I’LL GET UP AND TAKE IT FROM YOU!”

Me: “It’s not his game. It’s my game.”

Mother: “WAIT! YOU LIAR! THAT’S [Kid]’s GAME! THAT’S HIS CONSOLE! YOU STOLE IT FROM HIM!”

Little Kid: “No, Mom, I have the other console, remember? The game he’s playing is the sequel to the game I have.”

Mother: “NOT RIGHT NOW, [Kid]!” *reaches for my game*

Me: *jerks back* “What the h***?”

(Now, the little kid is in between me and his mom, so she can’t really reach me from where she’s sitting. Realizing her efforts are in vain, she starts mashing the button to call a flight attendant.)

Me: “The plane is going up right now. I don’t think the flight attendant is going to come.”

Mother: *unbuckles her seat-belt and starts getting up*

Little Kid: “Whoa! Mom! Stop it!”

Mother: *literally FALLS onto her kid since the plane is going up*

Little Kid: “Stop!” *screams*

(This is enough to wake my sister up. The kid’s mom manages to squirm her way back into her seat, and continues to spout insults and threats.)

Mother: “When the flight attendant comes, I’ll make sure my kid gets his console and they will kick you off the flight!”

Sister: “Ma’am, look out the window. I don’t think the pilots are gonna be kicking anyone out anytime soon.”

Mother: *realizes what she said* “Augh! I hate you little Mexican brats!”

Me: *shocked, because we’re not even Mexican and don’t look like it*

Sister: “All right, once the plane starts cruising, I’m getting a staff member to move you.”

Little Kid: *starts crying*

Me: *gives the kid the game*

Little Kid: *starts playing*

Mother: “HA! See?! You stupid-a** Mexicans think you can get away with anything! Well, you CAN’T!”

Flight Attendant: “All right, I heard the last thing you just said, ma’am, and I’d like someone to tell me what’s going on.”

(The people behind us talk to the flight attendant.)

Flight Attendant: “All right, ma’am, I’m going to ask you to move so you don’t bother anyone else.”

Mother: *excited* “Are we getting promoted to first class?”

Flight Attendant: “…No.”

(In the end, I beat the level. The flight attendant wanted to give us alcohol for free until we told him we were underage, so they just gave it to the people behind us, and we had an amazing flight. Our family didn’t even believe what we told them.)

Un-Beer-leavable Delays

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | August 2, 2017

(I am heading back home after a business training which lasted most of the week and consisted of hour upon hours of classroom training on accounting and tax. Needless to say i am exhausted and just want to get home. It should be noted that I am in the aisle seat with two other passengers to my right (middle and window). Everyone has boarded the flight and we are taxiing out to the runway when we hear this announcement.)

Pilot: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. I have been informed that there is a discrepancy between our physical passenger count and the count at the gate. We are going to hold here until everything is resolved.”

(30 minutes later.)

Pilot: “I apologize for the delay we are still trying to sort out the difference.”

(30 minutes later.)

Pilot: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologize, but we still can’t figure out the issue. We are going to taxi back to the gate to get everything sorted.”

(We arrive back at the gate and more attendants arrive and sort out the issue. This takes another 30 minutes. Finally everything is sorted and we think we can leave when…)

Pilot: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Unfortunately because we taxied out to the runway and back both your co-pilot and myself will be over the FAA allotted flight hours. As a result we can not fly the plane. A replacement crew is flying in on another flight and should be here in about an hour or so.”

Middle: “Wait, what did he just say?”

Window: *looking at me* “You tell him. He’s bigger than me.”

Me: “The pilot can’t fly the plane due to us taxiing out and back.”

Middle: “Oh, you have to be f****** kidding me!”

(Just then the head flight attendant makes an announcement that if we would like we can de-plane, but if we do we can’t come back on until the pilots arrive. A few people elect to do this, I elect to stay as do the members in my row. We chat and after about 15 minutes.)

Middle: “F*** this, I need a beer.”

(He heads back and comes back with a beer.)

Me: “They charge you for that?”

Middle: “Nope, flight attendant just asked me what I wanted.”

(I head back to grab one myself. The flight attendant is talking with several other passengers. I grab my beer and head back. After another hour and a half the pilots finally arrive and the plane gets underway. Most of the passengers are in a good mood due to the flight attendants ensuring their comfort and ample supply of free booze. The final kick in the pants came after I received an e-mail from the airline after filing a complaint. It was a half hearted apology and a $25 gift card.)

A Long Way To Go To Return A Book

, , , | Friendly | June 15, 2017

I work at a library in a small-ish city, about 15,000 people, and since our library also functions as a community center of sorts, I see a lot of people every day. Since I’ve worked there over ten years, by now a lot of people in town recognize me, to the point where at least once a week I’ll be at the grocery store or church and have a stranger come up to me and go “I know you! You work at the library!”

This isn’t exactly limited to our town, either — quite a few people in neighboring cities have library cards at our library, so I could be shopping or doing my business in one of the nearby cities and have someone I don’t even know recognize me. It’s usually a good experience, but it can be strange at times.

Last summer, I traveled across the country with a friend to attend a festival in another state. So naturally, during the entire trip work is the last thing on my mind. On the flight home, I’m sitting on the plane watching the rest of the passengers board when a woman makes eye contact with me and bursts out:

“Hey, I know you! You work at the library in [City]! Fancy meeting you here!”

I knew that since I WAS flying home, odds were higher than usual that I’d run into someone who lived close to me. But seeing as I was on a plane thousands of miles from home when it happened, the whole experience was more than a little surreal.

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