Unfiltered Story #209698

, , , | Unfiltered | September 26, 2020

Title:Less dusk and more sun

(A little bit of background:I’m a 20 year old girl.My grandmother is from Romania but came to America in 1961.She met my grandpa I 1962 and married a ear later.They opened a little restaurant soon after.I’m very pale,my left eyes is brown while my right eye is green,my voice is deep yet femining and my canines are quite long and sharp.I’ve heard my fair share of vampire jokes.I’m in a bookstore waiting behind a guy and his girlfriend who appear to be in their 20’s.The guy is quite muscular and hairy and the girl looks like the stereotypical valleygirl.I see their purchases include the entire Twilight book series and a few of magazines.)
Girl:Oh,I just love these books.Stephanie Meyers is a true literacy genius.
(My friend is an English major so it caught him off-guard.)
My friend:Not to sound rude but I think the word you’re looking for is literary not literacy.
Girl:Same thing.
(He can’t help himself.I think we all know what’s coming next.)
My friend:Actually “Literacy” refers to the ability to read.
Guy:*fist raised*Are you saying my girlfriend can’t read?I’m sure she’s more smart than you [nasty slur for latinos]!
Girl:Aw,that’s my little werewolf!
Me:You two knock it off!He wasn’t calling your girl dumb,he just corrected her.And FYI,it’s “smarter” not “more smart”.
Guy:Oh yeah?*turns to me*I doubt you c*** can do anything against me.Anything to say b****?!
(The girl takes good look at me while twirling her hair.She has this deer in the headlights look.I’m dressed in jeans and a black hoodie.She grabs her boyfriend’s fist and tries to calm him down.)
Girl:Sweetie,I think we should just apologize and leave.
Girl:*Whispering but still audible*I think this b**** is a vampire!
Me:Well,aren’t you clever.No one figures my secret before It’s too late.
Guy:Bull-s***!Prove it!
Me:Ask and you shall receive.
(I dig through my purse to find a picture of my grandparents on the opening day of their restaurant.My grandfather is 25 in this picture while my grandmother is 20 in the picture.People often say I look like her twin.)
(The look at the picture and take a step back.)
Me:That man,is my sire.I was 20 when that was taken.It’s funny really,I left Romania to get away from them but I eventually became one.
(I show my long canines and they take another step back,hitting the cashier’s desk.)
My friend:Need help?
Girl:*to my friend*Can you help us?
My friend:I wasn’t talking to you.I wouldn’t want to face my mistress’ anger.
(We used to take acting classes together so we’re a pretty good team.)
Girl:You’re one of them?
My friend:Not yet.
Me:I already ate today but I wouldn’t mind a little snack.Werewolf blood makes me sick but I think your vanilla scented skin would be lovely to feel with my fangs.Know what I’m saying?The sweet metallic taste on my tongue?
Girl:I…uh…but my books…
Me:Don’t believe everything you read,child.Now pay for your stuff and leave before my patience runs out.
(They pay and dash out of the almost empty store.Some of the other patrons were laughing.)
My friend:Thank you,my lady.
Me:Why do I always have to solve your problems?

There Is Merit In Them To-Going Away

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2020

It’s a busy Sunday morning and we’re understaffed, so my manager has told me, the hostess, that neither the kitchen nor the servers have time for to-go orders.

Customer: “Hi, I need an order to-go.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re currently too busy to take to-go orders.”

Customer: “What? But I can see open tables!”

There are some open tables because we’re on a pager wait and I’m waiting for people to come back in.

Me: “These tables are for people who were here earlier and are on my pagers.”

Customer: “Well, fine, what if I sit down and order to-go?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but the kitchen is too busy to bag up a to-go order.”

Customer: “Then what if I sit down, order, and bag it up myself?”

Me: *Giving up* “Sir, if you’d like to wait fifteen to twenty minutes for a table, sit down, wait another fifteen minutes for your food, and bag it yourself, I’d be happy to get you a pager for your to-go order.”

Customer: “What?! All that for a to-go order?! That’s the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard!”

Me: “Sir, you suggested it.”

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Unfiltered Story #207890

, , , | Unfiltered | September 9, 2020

I work in a cafe that sells pastries, coffee and sandwiches. I’m the chef there and I work overnight. Sometimes in the morning, I’ll have an iced coffee at work, but across the street is a starbucks. And I much prefer their frozen drinks than what my work offers. So, after a long and tiring shift, I head on over to starbucks for a drink. I’m standing in line, in my full uniform, when a woman taps me on the shoulder
woman: why are you here when you have coffee at your work? don’t you get a discount or free drinks?
me: yeah, I do. I just much prefer starbucks for their frappuccinos than my work.
woman: oh man, if I had your job I would never drink coffee from here. it’s so expensive and its never all that good.
me: *looks at her dumbfounded*
the cashier calls next in line and she goes right up, and orders a mocha (something my cafe sells and for half the price) I shake it off and decide that maybe she’s picking it up for a friend or something. I order my drink and go wait. When her mocha is done, she takes a big sip, gives the barista a thumbs up and tells him it was as good as always, gives him a tip and walks off. All the while, I just wonder to myself why she praised my cafe’s coffee so much and bashed on starbucks?

Unfiltered Story #207226

, , , | Unfiltered | September 8, 2020

Customer: Let me get a burger with no steak. Just bread and lettuce

Coworker: Excuse me?

Customer: Ya, we have steak at home we just want bread and lettuce

My coworker gestures to the Manager to get on the line and since we are slow he does so immediately.

Coworker: Anything else?

Customer: Uh ya…we want a milkshake with no milk-

Coworker: Okay, I think you guys need to go to a different drive thru

Customer: But we at this drive-thru and we ain’t leaving

My coworker tries talking to them but I can hear through the head seat that the customer is talking to her. She eventually says goodnight and just lets the customer ramble.

Customer: We gonna stay here all night until we get out bread and lettuce and milkshake with no milk!

Manager (takes over): You can stay here all you want. Please pull up to the front so we can talk

Customer: You f*cking bitch, you eat a lot of dick

The customer drives off but we got their licence plate and reported them to the police for harassment and general mischief.

A Catalog Of Errors, Part 8

, , , , , | Right | September 3, 2020

I am working at a large national chain that has been in the process of closing most of its stores for some time. A woman comes in with a large printed catalog, the kind which hasn’t been printed for many years. She proceeds to give me this long, drawn-out story about coming to an aunt’s funeral and helping to go through her belongings and running across this old catalog.

Customer: “…and when I saw this in the catalog, I knew it was just what I wanted, and the price is so reasonable!”

Me: “Ma’am, that catalog is from the early 1960s, and almost nothing in that catalog would even be available at all anymore, and if it is, it certainly would not be at those prices.”

Customer: *Suddenly irate* “Yes, you do have this. It’s in the housewares section; it’s a very common item — a kind of toaster. I want it and I want it at this price.”

She shoves the catalog in my face.

Me: “Well, I can take you over to housewares and you can see if it is available, but again, it certainly wouldn’t be at that price even if we have it. That catalog is almost fifty years old and prices have gone up considerably since it was printed.”

Customer: “Then that’s false advertising. You will sell it to me at that price. I want to see your manager!”

The manager for that department comes over; he is a quite elderly gentleman himself. I explain the situation to him, with constant interruptions from the woman.

Manager: “Ma’am, as I recall, having worked at this particular store since the early sixties, this item had many safety issues, there was a national recall because it would overheat, and there were several fires started because of it. It ceased production in about 1965 or so; I can’t remember exactly when. So, no, that item is no longer available, nor will it ever be available. We do have several new models with similar features, but also with newer prices.”

Customer: “That’s false advertising! It’s in the catalog! You must give it to me, and give it to me at this price!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I will let you look for it on the shelves, and if you can find it, i will let you have it at that advertised price.”

Customer: “Oh, like that’s going to happen, I know your kind; you keep all the good stuff in the back for yourself. No wonder this store is going down the hole! I’ll be glad when all of you are out of a job and this store folds up just like [Former Competitor] did!”

With that, she quickly glances at the toaster products on the shelf, muttering about the lack of quality of each and the high prices. She storms out of the store.

Manager: “I wonder where she has been for the past fifty years?”

A Catalog Of Errors, Part 7
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 6
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 5
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 4
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 3

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