Unfiltered Story #190592

, , , | Unfiltered | March 25, 2020

(This happened several years ago while I was working as a pet trainer for a large pet supply retail chain. The store sells several kinds of bark collars, including shock collars, and most employees will try to direct the customer to a trainer to see if additional help can be provided for behavior modification instead of using a shock collar. Also note that certain breeds of dogs have a very high pain tolerance and so certain collars do not work well on them.)

I’m at the front of the store when I see this happen:

Customer: (slams shock collar down on counter) “I want you to give me my money back, it doesn’t work.”

Co-worker: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Did you already try switching out the batteries for new ones? It’s possible the batteries it came with were old.”

Customer: “I TRIED that already and the f***ing thing doesn’t work.

Co-worker: “And you also checked the level setting, turned it to a higher one?”

Customer: “YES! It’s on the highest one, but the dog just keeps barking and I want my f***ing money back”.

Co-worker: “No problem. If you have the receipt, I’ll get the return started. Our pet trainer (points to me) is here, she may be able to help you…”

Customer: “I JUST WANT my dog to STOP barking and for this piece of s*** collar I paid for to work! It doesn’t work! See?!?”

Customer then picks the collar up off the counter, proceeds to place it against his neck, and then barks. The collar quite obviously shocks him very hard, a red mark had already started forming on his neck when he moved it away.

Without a word, he sets down the collar on the counter, turns and walks out of the store.

My co-worker and I stared at each other completely dumbfounded. If I had not seen this happen right in front of me, I wouldn’t have believed it.

Do You Still Hear Voices If It’s Your Own Voice?

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2020

(I take calls for a cell phone provider.)

Customer: “I really need your help. I think I’m in danger.”

Me: “All right, I’ll be glad to help in any way I can.”

Customer: “Someone is hacking into my phone; they’re sending belligerent text messages to my ex-boyfriend without my permission, and they call my family asking for help using my voice!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Let me… Just give me a moment.”

(I look at account notes and see that someone has put in a fraud alert for this, and that has, of course, been cleared, finding no fraud.)

Me: “I see here that we have investigated this, but we’ve found no fraud on the line.”

Customer: “Just tell me, if you’re not finding anything, and the police aren’t finding anything, how is this happening?”

Me: “Look, I’m gonna give it to you straight. There is no real-world way this is happening. I would suggest consulting a doctor.”

Customer: “You think so?”

Me: “I do.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll do that. Thank you.”

Me: *to my coworker* “I’m getting fired.”

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Data Error

, , , , , | Right | March 23, 2020

(I take escalated calls for a major cell phone provider.)

Customer: “I want to know exactly how much data five gigabytes gets me, and no one will help me!”

Me: “I understand you’re frustrated, but the term ‘gigabytes’ is a unit of measurement. There is no way to be more specific.”

Customer: “Yes, there is! I want to know exactly how much five gigabytes is — how much Internet it gives me.”

Me: “Are you asking in terms of time, or in terms of website size? Because that really depends on how you use it.”

Customer: “No, I want to know how much Internet it gives me. I ain’t telling you what I look up, you Asian b****!”

(I am not Asian, but whatever.)

Me: “Sir, you are along the equivalent of ‘If I buy a gallon of milk, how many sips will I get?’. I can tell you how many kilobytes—”

Customer: “I have a $500 bill, and I want that credited, since you don’t speak English, you foreign w****!”

(I’m an American.)

Me: “Sir, perhaps I don’t understand the question. What unit of measurement would you like me to use?”

Customer: “I don’t know. What do you measure data in?”

Me: “Are you serious with me right now?”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Unfiltered Story #186908

, , , | Unfiltered | February 17, 2020

*I work as a Host in a chain restaurant that generally draws in elderly folks, somewhere between the ages of 50-80, in a very rich and snooty neighborhood. An elderly-ish couple walks in on a moderately busy night, but I can definitely seat them.*
Lady: Can we have a booth, please?
Me: Is a half booth, half table alright? *I ask this because last I checked, our two full booths were sat.*
Lady: Sure that’s fine.
*I grab their menus and start taking them to a half booth, when I realize that the full booth is open. As I’m about to suggest it, the lady thinks I’m sitting them in the half booth.*
Lady: *very slowly, in a condescending tone* No! I said ‘booth’! Can you even understand English???
*I just take them to the booth, and walk away. A little while later, as I’m walking by the Lady stops me.*
Lady: What country are you from?
Me: India, but I grew up here.
*I turn to leave, but as I do I can hear her mutter ‘F****** immigrants, ruining this country.’ Thanks lady, you too.*

Sounds Like They’ve Already Been Through Their Fun State

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2020

(I work the night shift at a hotel that provides a small “marketplace” for snacks, beverages, etc. We do sell beer and wine, but state law prohibits the retail sale of alcohol between midnight and 7:00 am. This is one particular conversation I have variations on two to three times a week.)

Guest #1: “Hmm… Oh, beer!” *smiles*

Me: “Unfortunately, due to state law, I am unable to sell you alcohol after midnight.”

Guest #1: “What time is it?”

Me: “1:45 am, sir.”

Guest #1:What time is it, again?”

Guest #2: “What if I just slide you a $20?” *wink wink*

Me: “That would be a very appreciated tip, but unfortunately, I still couldn’t sell you the alcohol. It’s not a [Brand] policy; it’s actually state law.”

Guest #1: *jokingly* “D*** this state! You can’t do anything fun here!”

Guest #2: “What if I was a state official?”

Me: “Then I would adhere even more strictly to the state law, because otherwise it could be considered bribery and cost me not only my job but also land me in jail.”

(It should be noted that since the passing of Amendment 64 in November, pot is pretty much legal for adults 21 and over in my state. “NOTHING FUN,” indeed!)

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