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We Just Adjust Spines, Not Space-Time

, , , , , , , | Right | December 5, 2022

I work as an assistant in a chiropractor’s office. Part of my job is typical receptionist work, like answering phones, scheduling appointments, and taking payments.

We have three chiropractors who rotate days, so there is a minimum of two doctors on any given day. We break for lunch between 12:30 pm and 2:00 pm, but there are still assistants working during the break to man the phones and help patients who are checking in early.

One doctor tests positive for [Contagious Illness] during the end of the lunch break at 1:55 pm. He heads home, and the rest of the staff learn about this at 2:00 pm as some of his patients start checking in. I get tasked with trying to help the patients reschedule their appointments while also calling the rest of the appointments on his book to reschedule.

This particular patient comes in at 2:02 pm for his 2:30 pm appointment.

Me: “Hello, [Patient]. I’m sorry to inform you, but the doctor you’re seeing today has taken ill during lunch, and he will not be able to treat you today. I was just about to call you to get you rescheduled.”

Patient: “Seriously? This is the only time I have to make this appointment. I just called an hour ago to try and get in earlier.”

Me: “I apologize about that, I really do. I can try to schedule you with the other doctor we have in the office today, or I can schedule you on another day next week.”

Patient: “So, he’s going to be out all week? I can’t come back tomorrow?”

Me: “No, sir. His next available appointment will be next Monday.”

Patient: “This is really unprofessional, you know? Next time, you need to call me before I waste my time coming down here. You didn’t tell me that when I was on the phone with you trying to get in earlier.”

Me: “We found out he was ill two minutes ago. You are literally the first patient I’ve told this to.”

Patient: “I need earlier notice than that.”

I got him scheduled for the first available appointment after the chiropractor’s quarantine period, but he was very angry that I couldn’t see through time and space and predict this inconvenience. It was a… very rough first thirty minutes, going between rescheduling patients in front of me and trying to catch the ones just before they come in by phone.

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 12

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2022

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Fast Food Place].”

Customer: “I just got a burrito from your place, and it was cold and terrible. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry that that happened to you. If you can bring in your receipt, we can go ahead and remake that for you.”

Customer: “I can’t do that; I’m in Wyoming.”

That’s at least fifty miles away.

Me: “So, you bought your burrito here in Colorado and drove home to Wyoming, and it was cold?”

Customer: “Yes, and I want a refund.”

I handed the call to a manager as I couldn’t deal with that much stupid that day.

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 11
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 10
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 9
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 8
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 7

Not Thankful For The Lies

, , , , , | Right | November 23, 2022

My fiancé and I bought a remote cabin up in the mountains earlier this year and decided to start renting it on Airbnb.

Overall, it’s been a pretty good experience, and my fiancé and I love trying to make memorable experiences for our guests, but what I don’t like is going out of my way to make an incredible experience while being lied to.

A guest from out of town reserved our place for the Thanksgiving week for their family — nothing out of the normal. She was polite and talked about her family wanting a mountain Thanksgiving.

All good. Knowing they were coming from out of town, we asked if we could buy them a turkey for Thanksgiving and some other things — always good to ask in case someone has allergies or maybe doesn’t eat meat.

So, we did that, made them a goodie bag of things, and left some champagne.

The house had beds for six people, was permitted for six, and had a well/septic system designed for — you guessed it — six.

Recently, we learned that it’s possible in the dry months (October to November) for the well to run dry and take a large amount of time to refill. If a guest runs it dry, they can risk burning out the pump (recently replaced).

I placed a large cistern in the crawlspace and engineered a system to automatically start the pump when the limit switch was tripped, and it would also turn the pump off if it detected a dry well and then restart a few hours later. In short, it could refill the tank asynchronously from the demand.

If the tank got too low, it would turn off the house pump and wait until the tank filled to a safe level. In total, there were around five hundred gallons of storage, and everything was full before they arrived.

Before the guest’s arrival, I let her know about this system and said that she should work to conserve water because if we went past the low point, that would mean no water for hours. I also put in a camera in the crawlspace so that I could visually monitor the tank level.

They were not the first guests who stayed with this system, and I also spent a week there with my fiancé and some friends before they checked in.

The guest checked in on Sunday, and by Tuesday evening the main tank was at 50% and holding; the well ran dry. I warned the guest.

At this point, I was getting nervous, thinking something had gone wrong. The cabin had one bathroom with a low-flow toilet, and the shower had a low-flow head and was connected to a thirty-five-gallon hot water tank — best-case ten- to fifteen-minute shower. How is it possible that two adults and three kids could burn through over four hundred gallons of water in twenty-four hours?

That seemed absurd, so I thought maybe the controller for the well died or maybe the well pump! 

I told myself if I couldn’t see a tank improvement level by Wednesday morning, I’d need to call a water truck because there was no way I was going to let a family with small kids have no running water on Thanksgiving. 

So, here I was freaking out. I drove to a tractor supply company, bought a 275-gallon tank and a transfer pump, and drove the two hours up to the mountains. Overall, it was $650 of equipment.

The guests told me they would be out of the house for the day and that I had permission to enter. I’d never had to visit my property during rental before; we do our best to ensure privacy.

Here is where things went downhill. I went into the house to check the breakers. They had two dogs caged up, who clearly should not have been left because of all the s*** and puke in their crate. Food was left out all over, and for a small family, there was a s***-ton of stuff.

It was certainly gross, but I wasn’t going to make a big deal of it.

I drove to a town nearby and spent about forty-five minutes getting the tank filled. I went back and — shocker — my new transfer pump was not working. I went back to town and got a submersible pump. Shocker, it didn’t fit through the opening in the tank. Back again for a more expensive transfer pump.

This area had no cell service. The house had Wi-Fi, so I could only get messages when I got there.

As I pulled back up, I saw the guests’ car pull up, introduced myself, and let them know they could just go about their day and ignore me. I didn’t need access to the inside of the house, and they could carry on.

It took about forty minutes to transfer the water. I knew they may need more, but I figured the 275 gallons would be a start and I could always come back in the morning.

The guests started acting cagey, and I was shocked that they didn’t want to just park and go in the house. So, I walked down to their cars with a flashlight (it was dark by then) and started seeing way more people.

The primary guest and her kids re-entered the house and others remained outside in their cars. It occurred to me that they knew they were doing something wrong, and I knocked on the door to ask how many people they had staying.

She said nine, but it was likely more.

At this point, I’ve literally gone out of my way to fix something that wasn’t broken — that water system was fine — and spent an entire day doing this and hundreds of dollars 

Her excuse? “Well, we didn’t know my in-laws would be coming.”

They asked if they could stay the night (seven pm at this point) and they would leave early in the morning.

I contacted Airbnb, and when asked, I just said they were in violation of the house rules and I’d like them to leave now.

Wait Until They Find Out It Doesn’t Contain Actual Moon

, , , , , | Right | October 31, 2022

Guest: “Let me get a Blue Moon.”

I get him his beer. A minute later:

Guest: “Ain’t this s*** supposed to come blue?”

The Spookiest Buddies

, , , , , , | Learning | October 31, 2022

I worked as an after-school care teacher at an elementary school. For Halloween, we had a little party for the kids with snacks and a movie. This film was the terrifying thriller “Spooky Buddies,” which all but two of the kids were mindlessly watching.

The two that weren’t were five-year-old twins who were mortified by the plight of the four Labrador puppies in Halloween costumes and came to me absolutely sobbing.

Kid: “Can you turn off the movie, please? It’s too scary!”

Me: “I’m sorry, all the other kids are enjoying it. How about we go to the other side of the cafeteria and play a board game, instead?”

Kid: “That won’t work!”

Me: “Why not?”


I ended up with one crying twin on each knee, terrified but adamantly refusing to not stare at the movie.

Blessedly, their mom came to pick them up not too long after.