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If Only They’d Offered You An Opportunity To Mention This…

, , , , , , , | Related | November 25, 2021

My husband and I are at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving. They invited over a few others since it would have just been us four for dinner, and they have friends who would have spent the holiday alone otherwise. A family friend and his young teenage daughter were invited since the rest of their family is in New York and they weren’t able to go. It was a last-minute invite, but my mom did ask if there was anything specific they’d like to have for dinner, and she said that they were welcome to bring a side dish if they wanted, but that we’d have plenty of food. He told them they’d be fine with whatever is served.

We’re sitting down for dinner and start passing around food.

My Dad: “[Teen], would you like any turkey?”

Teen: “No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.”

My Mom: “Oh, I’m sorry. We didn’t realize.”

Her Dad: “It’s fine. I’m sure she’ll find something.”

Teen: “What do you have that’s vegetarian?”

Me: “We have a bunch of side options. [Other Friend] brought a salad, I made green bean casserole, and there’s a rice dish and mashed potatoes. There should be some rolls and a fruit salad, as well. I think all of those should be vegetarian, but I can double-check the ingredients for anything if you’re not sure.”

Teen: “No, I don’t eat fruits or vegetables.”

None of us are quite sure how to respond to that. She then realizes we also have baked beans.

Teen: “Oh! I’ll just have some of those.”

She serves herself a huge scoop and goes to eat it.

Me: “Hey, just in case you’re not aware, the beans do have bacon in them.”

Teen: *Shrugs and starts eating* “That’s okay.”

We were confused but happy that she found something she was content with, but we were definitely even more confused about how she planned to be a vegetarian without eating any fruits or veggies… and by the fact that she had just eaten bacon.

Off To A Good Start

, , , | Right | November 22, 2021

I’m a receptionist at a vet’s office.

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “I would like to reschedule my appointment.”

Me: “Okay, when was your appointment?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

She Failed That Test

, , , , , , | Working | November 16, 2021

I am one of those people who looks younger than I actually am. This is not usually a problem, except when I try to buy a bottle of wine one day at my favorite liquor store. There is a new employee working there, the owner tells me, and he wants to test her with younger-looking customers.

The moment I step in, the new employee watches me like a hawk, even going into the same aisle as me. When I approach the counter, she grabs the bottle of wine and puts it behind the counter.

Me: “I was going to purchase that.” 

New Employee: “You look underage. I can’t sell this to you.”

Me: “I can prove I’m of age. Look, here’s my driver’s license.”

New Employee: “It’s probably a fake. I’m going to have to confiscate that.”

Me: “[Owner]!”

Owner: *Coming out of the back* “Is there a problem, [My Name]?”

Me: “Apparently, I’m too young, and she wouldn’t even look at my driver’s license. Now she thinks she can confiscate it.”

Owner: *To the employee* “[My Name] is one of my best customers. If you would just look at her license, you’d see she’s of age. And we don’t confiscate IDs, even if they are fake. That’s the cops’ job.”

The employee rings me through and tells me the total with gritted teeth.

New Employee: “And don’t come back!”

Owner: “[New Employee]! My office, now!”

The last time I went in there, the employee gave me a dirty look. The owner told me he gave her a warning and retrained her about treating customers with respect.

If He Can’t See The Scrolls He’s Gonna Get Biblical

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2021

We have an exhibit featuring the actual Dead Sea Scrolls. It’s our busiest and most popular exhibit in ages with people traveling from all over to see them. Whereas typically, we don’t sell out of tickets until an exhibit is close to ending, this one sold out months before it closed.

A month or two after the exhibit has left, a man comes in.

Guest: “I want a ticket to see the scrolls.”

We politely informed him that that exhibit had left. He yelled and fussed and demanded we sell him a ticket anyway, and when we repeatedly told him it was impossible, he kicked the ticketing desk and stormed out.

I’ve heard plenty of stories of customers making impossible demands, but I don’t know how he expected us to suddenly produce an ancient holy relic that was at this point on the other side of the world. Did he think we just had them stuffed in the backroom?

Paint-Ing-Yourself In A Bad Light

, , , , | Working | November 2, 2021

A paint-it-yourself ceramic studio near us frequently has deals throughout the week. My husband and I go in on a day that has a BOGO deal for studio fees if you paint with a friend. We walk in and are greeted by an employee. She asks us a few questions, like if we’ve painted there before, and sets us up before walking to the back. I am forty weeks pregnant and am not wearing my rings since my fingers are swollen.

Employee #1: “By the way, in case you weren’t aware, we have a BOGO deal for the studio fees today. Enjoy!”

We paint our pieces and go to pay for everything once we’re done. There’s now a new employee at the register. The total comes up and it’s about $10 more than we calculated.  

Husband: “Is that with the BOGO deal?”

Employee #2: “The BOGOs for friends. Not couples.”

Husband: “That’s not what the other employee told us. When we came in, she mentioned the deal to us.”

Employee #2: *Shrugs* “I don’t know what to tell you. It’s friends’ night, not date night.”

I grab my husband’s left hand and raise mine to show that he has rings on and I don’t.

Me: “Who says we’re a couple? Maybe we’re just friends who came in to paint tonight. “

The employee glares at me but waives the additional studio fee.

Employee #2: “I’ll do it this once, but don’t expect me to do this again in the future.”