Online Shopping Is Not Their Calling

, , , | Right | May 6, 2021

I’m working at a store that takes both phone and online orders. I pick up the phone and there is a rather young-sounding woman on the line.

Caller: “Hello, I would like to place an online order.”

Me: “An online order? Do you need me to tell you the web address?”

Caller: “No, I have that. I’m on the page.”

Me: “Okay… do you see the button that says, ‘shop’?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Just click that.”

Caller: “Okay, thank you so much! Bye!”

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It Always Starts So Raspberry

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2021

I’m working at a chocolate shop. A young man has come in and asked me to put together a truffle box for him; it is clear he is buying it for his girlfriend. 

Man: “…I’ll have one of the raspberry, one of the cinnamon, and one of the bittersweet… It’s kind of appropriate for where our relationship is right now.”

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Someone Probably DID Scream For That Ice Cream…

, , , | Right | April 29, 2021

I am working at the front desk of a museum featuring an exhibit about Leonardo DaVinci which has a room dedicated to studies of the Mona Lisa. An older lady comes up to my ticketing counter.

Lady: “Good morning! Can I have one senior for the museum and the DaVinci exhibit?”

Me: “Of course.”

Lady: “Have you seen it yet?”

Me: “I have, a few times, in fact.”

Lady: “It’s just so wonderful! I was here yesterday but I couldn’t get enough! I just love the Mona Lisa! But can you believe someone threw a rock at it?! A rock! You know what they used to do to people who did that? Cut their heads off! Cut off their heads! That’s what I would do! Just cut their heads off! It’s so terrible. Cut their heads off is what they deserve!”

Me: *Pauses* “All right. Well, here’s your ticket and your change.”

Lady: “Oh, keep it, dear. Buy yourself an ice cream.”

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What Do You Know? I’m Not, Either!

, , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2021

I have an item to return to a large, nationwide chain store. Every store in this chain shares an identical floor plan and in every location that I’ve been in over the years, the register closest to the door has been the only register open.

Today I walk in, store bag visibly in hand, and although the first register is “active,” there’s no cashier. I reach the next register which is, unsurprisingly, closed. I stop walking as I can’t see the status of the rest of the registers, but I can see that the entire counter is unattended. However, a woman — not wearing the store uniform or a badge — has spotted me from where she’s standing in a nearby aisle and, though she doesn’t verbally acknowledge me, she starts walking toward the registers in a manner that I “read” as a store employee recognizing that a customer needs assistance.

I turn back toward the first, open register, but the woman fails to appear as I reach it. Assuming I misread the body language of someone who is actually another customer, I glance around for an employee. I see the same woman waiting wordlessly behind the farthest register. Oh! Ooookay, then.

I head over, take the item and receipt out of the bag, and place them on the counter. I’m two-and-a-half words into “Hi, there’s nothing wrong with this; it’s just too big,” when the silent woman suddenly interrupts me.

Woman:*Sharply* “So, I take it this is a return?” 

Having spent time in retail, my “maintain a smiling attitude” automatically kicks in and I force a light chuckle.

Me: “Sorry, yes.”

Woman: “I’m not a mind reader.”

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If You’ve Got Urine There, You’ve Got Bigger Problems

, , , , , , , | Healthy | April 25, 2021

I’ve been diagnosed with a urinary tract infection, so I am taking an antibiotic as well as pills to lessen the discomfort when urinating. I carefully read every word on the package.

This particular medication turns your urine bright orange which, the package sweetly says, will permanently stain clothes, washcloths, rugs, wood floors, and… contact lenses!

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