A Chip And Pin Off The Old Block

, , , , , | Right | August 17, 2018

(I’m working as a cashier in a store that utilizes the new chip readers. A young woman comes through with a few clothes, and I ring her up. Her card refuses to work, so I hold her purchases so she can call her mom to come pay until she can figure out her card. This is what happens when the woman comes back with her mom.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m back for those clothes!”

Me: “Oh, no problem! Let me ring them back through for you.”

(I start ringing the clothing back through.)

Customer: *to her mom* “Yeah, Mom, my card just didn’t work. I think the chip quit working, and the machine won’t take it unless you use the chip reader.”

Customer’s Mom: “Oh, well, I’m sure you just did it wrong.”

Customer: “Uh… no, I promise, I did it right. I even tried doing a few different things; I’m sure it’s just broken.”

Customer’s Mom: “Whatever, I know you did it wrong.”

Me: “Uh… Well, your total is [total] today. Would you like to try [Customer]’s card one more time?”

Customer’s Mom: “Yes, I would; I’m sure she just did it wrong!”

(Pause.)

Customer’s Mom: “So… Do you swipe it?”

(The young customer and I go through the steps of explaining the chip reader to her after she tries to swipe it. She refuses to believe that the chip is NOT the holographic on the back of the card, inserted it backwards anyway, and after she finally inserts it correctly, it still won’t work, so she tries to swipe it one last time.)

Customer’s Mom: “Oh, I guess it really is broken… but honestly, I still think you might have just done it wrong… I’ll buy it and my things today, but you’ll owe me your [total].”

Customer: “All right, Mom, I knew I would owe you. I’ll call the bank first thing tomorrow.”

(I ring up the mom’s items along with the clothing.)

Me: “All right, your total is now [total]; thank you for shopping with us and have a good night!”

Customer’s Mom: “You, too! These chip cards are so dumb! Thank you for being patient.”

Me: *internally* “I’m not sure the chip cards are the issue, but…”

(I felt so bad for the young customer! Being talked down to like that just because you’re young sucks, especially if it’s your own mom doing it to you.)

“The Adventures Of Harold, Benjy, And Carmen” Sounds Awesome

, , , , , , , | Healthy | August 13, 2018

(I’m in a short-term rehab center, recovering from surgery. A speech therapist comes in with a form in her hands.)

Therapist: “Good morning! I’ll just take a couple of minutes here to see how your speech and language skills are, all right?”

Me: “I suppose.”

(I teach special needs, and immediately recognize the form; it’s the mental acuity screener. BAH!)

Therapist: “Can you tell me where you are?”

(This goes on for awhile, and I’m getting irritated.)

Therapist: “Now, would you name these three animals?”

(She shows me sketch of a lion, an elephant, and a hippo.)

Me: “How about Harold, Benjy, and Carmen?”

Therapist: *silent*

Me: “Well, the task as phrased was to name the animals. If it were stated correctly, you would have asked me to identify the animals, and I would have told you they were a lion, elephant, and hippo.”

Therapist: *silent, but grinning*

Me: “And the number they told me to remember when I had this identical screening in the hospital was 74.”

Might Be Accurate For Some Of The Kids

, , , , , , , | General | August 13, 2018

When I was still in middle school, my mother worked as a principal for an elementary school. When she was employed there, the school used a bus company called “The Little Britches Buses” for the kindergartners to pick them up and drop them off from school, as well as to take them on field trips.

One day, due to a scheduling error the buses ended up running very late, so, as the principal, my mother had to send out an email notifying all the kindergarten teachers of this occurrence. The computer in my mother’s office was a pretty old model, and some of the keys were a bit sticky, especially the R key.  

She was kind of in a rush to get those emails out, so she didn’t notice her mistake until it was too late, and ended up sending an email that read:

“The Little B****es Buses are going to be late today.”

Thankfully, all the teachers either understood her mistake or were laughing too hard for her to get in any trouble.

Unfiltered Story #118195

, | Unfiltered | August 12, 2018

(I work in wing joint as a closing shift lead, Sundays are hell, and people often pick up their food very late.)

Coworker: [me], This dude is on the phone complaining that his wings are slimey.

Me: ….Slimey?

Coworker: Yeah, he came in like an hour late and picked up his food just now.

Me: ….Alright….

(At this point I don’t know what to expect and pick up.)

Me: Thank you for holding, this is [me], how can I help you?

Customer: Question….Are all your guys’ wings slimy?

Me: Not normally? I guess don’t know what you mean by slimey, sir.

Customer: Like they’re stretchy and chewy.

Me: Well sir, next time I would suggest ordering your wings to be well done to insure that they’re what you want them to taste like.

Customer: (Says something to someone closeby) OH, he says you can get them well done.

(Awkward silence ensures)

Me: So, I apologize that the wings weren’t up to your standard. Would you like to give me your name down a discount next time you come in or an address to send in free dinner coupons?

Customer: I want a replacement, or else I am never coming back there again.

Me: Alright, sir, I can only give you a replacement if I get all the wings back from you.

Customer: Well there’s a couple here…

Me: Do you still have all the wings?

Customer: You know what? F*** it, I am not coming back here ever again.

Me: *click*

How On God’s Green Earth?

, , , , , , | Right | August 11, 2018

(I work at an organic fast food walk-up counter at the airport; we don’t really have time to waste with any single customer. Working at an organic restaurant that serves vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free options, you have to learn all about what goes in the food, so I am pretty well-informed. A man walks up with his young daughter. We don’t have a kids’ menu, but we have some soups that people usually get for their kids.)

Me: “Thank you for coming to [Fast Food Place]! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hi. We had a question about the green chicken chili.”

Me: “Absolutely, what would you like to know?”

Customer: “What makes the green chicken chili green?”

Me: “The green chili peppers.”

Customer: *exasperated* “Okay, but what makes those green?”

Me: “Uh… pigment?”

(He looked kind of abashed, but they ended up getting the chili, nonetheless)

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