This One Sure Doesn’t Measure Up

, , , , , | Working | August 4, 2020

As a contractor, I need some day labor to assist in a project, basically manning a shovel. I am talking to some of the prospects because if I find someone with good qualifications and experience I might consider hiring them after their contract with the day labor business is complete.

I am talking to one young fellow who looks to be just out of high school.

Me: “And how are your math skills?”

Laborer: “Math skills? I don’t need no freaking math skills; I’m gonna be a carpenter!”

Me: “…”

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Sounds Like He Needs To Review Matthew 6

, , , , | Related | August 3, 2020

My wife and I have been invited to an informal family reunion with some of her relatives from another state, cousins, etc. At lunchtime, we all decide to go to a family-oriented restaurant, knowing that the out-of-state aunt and uncle are very religious, and this restaurant has a very nice reputation. When our food comes, I expect that a blessing will be asked or, as is sometimes done in a public place, each will ask his or her own blessing silently.

Suddenly, the uncle stands up and addresses the entire restaurant.

Uncle: “All right, everybody, stop what you’re doing and be quiet; we’re going to pray.”

There is a mixed reaction among the other guests; some sit quietly, some ignore the uncle, and a few chuckle.

Uncle: “D*** it, shut the h*** up! We’re going to pray now. Everybody hold hands and bow your heads.”

This is followed by about a five-minute prayer stating his beliefs, the destination of all those who don’t believe just like he does, and various ramblings.

Uncle: “…in Jesus’ name, amen. Now let me hear you all say, ‘AMEN!’”

Again, mixed responses.

The server and the manager came over and asked him to please sit down and not make a scene, which did not sit well with him.

My wife and I just wanted to crawl in a hole. It’s not that we are not religious, and not that we don’t ask a private blessing on the food, but I have never seen such a display in my life! We couldn’t wait to eat and get out of there.

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Unfiltered Story #202142

, , | Unfiltered | August 2, 2020

(This is a repeated interaction during wintertime; probably 4 out of 5 customers)

*Customer walls in*

Me: “Hello! How’re you doing today?”

Customer: “Cold.”

Me: *thinking* Being physically cold isn’t really an emotion, but okay…

Souls… Twenty-One Souls

, , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I work at a museum and we have a ride that you can pay extra for. A man walks up to my coworker at the ticketing desk with three young boys.

Guest: “Can we do the ride?”

Coworker: “Sure! You can buy tickets from me right here. So, is it just three children or are you riding, as well?”

Guest: “Just the three kids.”

Coworker: “All right.”

My coworker punches the order into the computer.

Coworker: “Looks like your total is twenty-one.”

Guest: “Twenty-one what?”

Coworker: *blinks* “Dollars?”

The guest left.

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You… Just Saw Me Do It

, , , | Right | July 27, 2020

I work for a popular phone company. I usually just sell phones, activate plans, do some cleaning, etc. Often, I will have to do some tech work for customers, which is often pretty simple, especially as I learn more the longer I’m in the job. One day, a man comes in for a tech problem.

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Store]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering how you make the video big on the screen.”

I take the phone which has a video playing and turn it on its side before pressing the full-screen button.

Customer: “Wow! How did you do that?!”

Me: “…”

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