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Signs The Nation Is Still Great

, , , , , , | Right | July 4, 2022

During the Fourth of July, my sister and I are doing free face paintings and chalk drawings outside our father’s store. We have been there since eight in the morning and it’s now nearing six in the afternoon.

A young woman comes up with her elderly great-aunt. The elderly woman sticks her hands deep into the bowl of free suckers we’re giving out; I am a little stunned. Before I can say something, the woman scolds her like a child. She tells her great-aunt to only take one, but we allow her to take two.

She asks for my sister to paint the West Virginia symbol onto her cheek. My sister pulls up an image on her phone and shows it to the elderly woman, who approves it, and my sister gets to work.

I talk to the woman during this time, and she tells me her great-aunt has a mental disability and that she may behave childishly.

After her face is done, the great-aunt sits down on the sidewalk with me as her great-niece gets her face painted. She grabs some of the chalk and writes out in childlike handwriting, “Kathy-Happy.”

She says she is very happy and there is so much joy on her face as she shows other customers her freshly painted cheek. Her great-niece takes her hand and they walk off.

It made my tiring day better and I don’t think I’ll forget Kathy anytime soon.

Would You Like To Try Our Bald Eagle Wings?

, , , , | Right | July 4, 2022

Customer: “Is this company based overseas?”

Me: “Um… no. Our corporate offices are in North Carolina.”

Customer: “Man, this company must really hate America.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “If they loved America, they wouldn’t make you work today.”

Me: “Well… they just want us to be here for any customers that need something.”

Customer: “If I owned a company, I wouldn’t make my employees work.”

Me: “That’s cool. I’m sure they would appreciate that.”

Customer: “Yeah… so can I get three pounds of chicken?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Scorn On The Fourth Of July

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2022

I’m helping a caller make a flight booking.

Caller: “Why does the price drop so much on the Sunday?”

Me: “Oh! That’s because it’s July 4th. Most people travel before or after the holiday, but not on the day itself, which is why it’s cheaper.”

Caller: “Is that because it’s so dangerous to fly? With all the fireworks?”

Me: *Waiting to see if this is a joke.* “Uh, no, sir. It’s just because there’s less demand.”

Caller: “But the fireworks, right? It’ll be dangerous to land if they hit the plane.”

Me: “There won’t be any fireworks at the airport, sir.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “That would be very unsafe.”

Caller: “Hmph! Well, that’s not very patriotic!”

Tipped To Be A Good One

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2022

In the depths of lockdown, the restaurant where I work is doing takeout. We decide to do a big family meal for the July 4th weekend: fried chicken, multiple sides, housemade potato salad, and fruit cobbler, for a set price.

The good news, the holiday meal is incredibly popular and we do well that weekend. But w, the staff, are run off our feet in a hot kitchen, taking orders out to cars for pickup on a steamy summer day, and fielding dozens of calls complaining about this wonderful dinner. There are not enough drumsticks in the fried chicken, how dare there be carbohydrates in the potato salad, my kid doesn’t like the cobbler and I want a refund, etc.

We work all weekend and are closed on Monday to recover. On Tuesday, we get a call:

Caller: “Yes, I am following up on my July 4th meal.”

Me: “If there was an issue, ma’am, I’m very sorry—”

Caller: “Oh, not at all! Everything was absolutely delicious! I’m calling because I just realized when I saw the receipt that I completely forgot to add in the tip when I ordered. I feel terrible; you all worked so hard to provide a treat during this weird summer. I have my card. Would you be able to run it for a belated 25% tip?”

Me: “I… Wow, that’s very kind of you. Yes, I can run your card and add in the tip, if you’re sure.”

Caller: “I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t. Here you go.”

When we reopen soon for in-person dining, I hope she and her family come in. I’d like to thank her for being a bright spot in a rough time. It’s thanks to customers like her that we’re going to be able to reopen!

Apple Comes Right Back Around To The Tree

, , , , , , , | Related | June 30, 2022

My mom worked for a big retail company. At the time, you could get a few cents off per gallon of gas if you paid with a store gift card.

One year, just before Mother’s Day, my brother went into the store to buy a gift card for gas and stopped to talk to my mom. She very blatantly steered him toward a flower display and said how nice it would be to get a bouquet for Mother’s Day.

Brother: “Mom, will you buy my gas?”

Mom: *Jokingly* “You have a job; buy your own d*** gas!”

My brother laughed and went on his way to purchase his gift card and fill up his car. 

On Mother’s Day, Mom opened her card from him to find a [Store] gift card for $10 on which he had written, “Happy Mother’s Day. Buy your own d*** flowers.”