I work for a diner that’s open 24/7 every day of the year, except one specific holiday (doesn’t matter which), when we close at 6 PM and open again at 6 AM the next day. This twelve-hour window is the only period of time we’re closed out of the entire year. 

At 6:05 PM, a customer starts banging on the doors.

Customer: “Your doors are locked!”

Me: “We’re closed, sir! We open at 6 AM tomorrow!”

Customer: “But I’m hungry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s a sign on the door that we close at 6 PM today. It’s been there for a month.”

Customer: “But this is the earliest I could get here!”

Me: “We haven’t locked those doors once in the last 364 days, and this is the earliest you could get here? I don’t know how far you traveled for our sandwiches, but they’re not that good.”

Customer: *Blinks, realizes, slinks away.*

Growing up, our family always made an evening of coloring Easter eggs. We typically used crayons, which melted quite nicely on the freshly boiled eggs. We also used PAAS dyes. Being silly one year, I dyed one egg with every available color. It came out a bland gray.

Being the youngest by six years, I had free rein in the egg hunt. After collecting the eggs throughout our yard, one egg was missing: the gray one. My sister, who hid them, couldn’t remember where she’d hid it, either. So it went unfound.

Ten years later, I was hand-trimming the grass around our house’s foundation. In a small hole, I saw an unusually round object. Reaching in, I pulled out the gray egg. It was completely hollowed out. I put it in a plastic bag and in our freezer. Then the next time my sister and her fiancé visited, I showed her that I had found the last egg. We had a good long laugh about it.

It is two days after Easter.

Customer: “Where are all your chocolate eggs?”

Me: “Easter is over, madam.”

Customer: “Yes, I know that! I mean, where are all the discount eggs?”

Me: “We don’t have any.”

Customer: “No, I mean all the eggs you couldn’t sell before Easter. All the discounted stock you’re trying to get rid of!”

Me: “We don’t have any. We actually sold out of all the Easter eggs the day before Easter Sunday.”

Customer: “You’re joking.”

Me: “I’m not, madam.”

Customer: “You have no chocolate eggs left… at all?”

Me: “We sold all of our Easter eggs just before Easter.”

Customer: “Well, who do I write to, to complain? Obviously, you didn’t order enough!”

It is the day before Easter Sunday. A woman is browsing our selection of chocolate easter eggs.

Customer: “Are any of these going to be discounted today?”

Me: “No, madam. The easter eggs are usually discounted on the Monday after Easter Sunday, or sometimes even Tuesday, as Monday is still a Bank Holiday.”

Customer: “It’s just, I want some for my sister’s kids, but they’re all still so expensive.”

Me: “We have some small [Store Brand] options for £2.”

Customer: “I know, but I don’t want it to look like I got something cheap.”

Me: “How old are the children?”

Customer: “Three and five.”

Me: “Look, I understand things are expensive these days, but these £2 eggs are perfect for your target audience. Do they taste like plastic? Yes. Do the kids care? No, they’d eat human flesh if the sugar content was high enough, so I wouldn’t worry if I were you.”

Customer: *Looking a bit relieved.* “You know what, you’re right. It’s for the kids, not the judgey adults.”

She grabbed two of the cheaper eggs and thanked me. She was back again on Tuesday, when some of the £5 and £6 eggs had been discounted to £2 and £3. I saw her getting some.

Customer: “Oh! Hello again! Thanks for talking sense the other day. The kids still loved the eggs.”

Me: “Glad to hear it! Are you getting them some more?”

Customer: “H*** no! These ones are for me!”

Customer: “Why are you closed on Sunday?!”

Me: “It’s Easter, ma’am.”

Customer: “Ugh! I can understand you closing for Christmas, because that’s for Jesus, but why the h*** are you closing for Easter?”