The Easter Bunny And St. Valentine Attended Jesus’ Birth

, , , , , , | Right | May 11, 2018

(At my work, if product comes in, it goes straight to the floor; no holding or back stock is allowed. In the beginning of December, we start to receive Easter product. I am putting it out in our holiday section, right by Christmas, when a man approaches me. He seems agitated, stops a few inches from me, and faces me with his arms tightly crossed. I stay polite as I respond to him.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you are putting up Easter stuff.”

Me: “Well, it’s my job, not my choice. They send it, and I have to put it out; I have no warehouse or backroom to keep it in.”

Customer: “He isn’t even born yet and you are already killing him!”

(Apparently, by doing my job and setting product on a shelf, I personally killed Jesus before he was born.)

Would You Like A Cosmo With Your Allergy Bran?

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2018

(It’s Easter Sunday. My parents, my grandmother, and I are coming back from an early dinner out at an uptown restaurant and we stop to pick up some prescriptions for my grandmother at an old pharmacy where the restroom is in the back room. This exchange occurs just as I exit the back room after using the restroom.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for [Specific Allergy Brand], but I can’t find it, and this is the allergy aisle. Would it be anywhere else?”

Me: “I have no idea, sorry. Um, good luck.”

(The customer muttered something under her breath that I couldn’t hear as I was walking away. During this exchange I was wearing a cocktail dress and heels, and she looked right at me as she was asking her question.)

An Eggs-cruciating Waste Of Time

, , , , , , | Right | April 1, 2018

(It’s Easter time and all of our Easter-themed chocolate has a buy-two-get-one-free special on, and, as usual, the cheapest item in each group of three is the one that becomes free. This is also clearly explained on the sign, which states the special.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just bought this chocolate a second ago, and it costs more than what it should.”

(I look at the receipt to see if the special has been accounted for, which it has, and the cheaper eggs are marked down as they should be.)

Me: “Sir, your receipt clearly states that you have gotten every third egg free. It is part of the special that the cheapest is marked down.”

Customer: “But they way that it has been done is wrong! I demand to have my money back!”

Me: “Sir, the only way you can change the way the sale that has been put through is to refund all of your items and repurchase them in separate transactions. You have over $100 worth of chocolate and you would only be getting around two to four dollars back, so I don’t recommend it.”

(Despite my warning, the man demanded I refund all of his items and resell them in separate transactions. The worst thing is, this happened twice more within the hour. I managed to persuade the third customer that it wasn’t worth it.)


Jesus Died For All Sins Except Canada’s

, , , , , | Working | April 1, 2018

Coworker: “When’s Good Friday in Canada?”

Me: “April 14.”

Coworker: “No, but in Canada.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “They have a different Thanksgiving than us, so they probably have a different Good Friday.”

Me: “Are you high?”

Coworker: “Why, is it obvious?”

No Eggs For You!

, , , , , , | Right | April 1, 2018

(Today is the day customers come in to pick up rental Easter Bunny costumes. I’m helping a man in his mid-60s, from a church, pick up his bunny. A coworker is helping another customer pick up her bunny.)

Man: *to fellow customer* “You look like you should be picking up the Playboy version of that costume.”

(Stunned silence from the three women at the counter: the customer, my coworker, and me.)

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