I Shall Diminish, And Go To The East(er)

, , , , , | Working | April 21, 2019

(It is the Saturday before Easter. I work in a flooring store at the front desk reception. After a busy day, we are closing the showroom and the president of the company is leaving. As he is walking out the door, he is waving goodbye.)

Me: “Bye! Have a happy Easter!”

Boss: *smiles and laughs while he waves out the door*

(I was a little puzzled by his reaction, but then I remembered… my boss is Jewish. I had just wished my JEWISH boss a HAPPY EASTER! I laid my head on my desk, utterly mortified by what I had just done.)

The Easter Bunny Has Learned To Avoid Black Friday

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2019

(I work at a chocolate store and it is Easter time, the craziest time of the year, when customers are desperate to grab chocolate before somebody else does. I’ve seen a lot of arguments break out over chocolate eggs and whatnot, but never an incident like this before.)

Old Lady: *seems like a sweet little lady* “Hello, dear. I was wondering if you could show me where the chocolate bunnies are? I need one for my grandson.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. I’d be more than happy to help.”

(I show her, and it looks like there’s only one more left on the shelf. She takes it and thanks me.)

Me: “Well, you’re in luck! That’s the last one. The registers are over here, ma’am, and thank you for shopping with us.”

(She is extremely polite throughout the whole exchange and goes on her way. Less than a minute later:)

Customer: “Do you have any chocolate bunnies? I really need one.”

Me: *cringes, knowing what’s going to happen* “Um, actually, that lady there just took the last one… so…”

(The customer immediately takes off, and I can see her yelling at the little old lady. The lady is calm, though, and when the other customer stops to catch her breath, the old lady pulls out A TASER and threatens her with it. She doesn’t get angry or anything. The customer pales and runs away, apologizing. This freaks me the h*** out. I don’t even know if tasers are legal here, or what. I walk over to her, praying.)

Me: “Uh… ma’am… I… your taser…” *sweating nervously*

Old Lady: *laughs* “Oh, sorry, dear. Did I scare you? It doesn’t work; there are no batteries in it. See?” *presses button, nothing happens* “I’ve been carrying it around since I went Black Friday shopping last year. Thank you again for your help!” *leaves*

(I don’t even want to know what happened last year on Black Friday.)

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It’s A Mad Mad Magdarame World

, , , , , | Right | April 21, 2019

I work in a small call centre with my friend. One of the shows we are selling today is an Easter play depicting the Crucifixion of Jesus. A few minutes ago, [Friend] got a call from a woman who asked us if the crucifixion being depicted was a person really being crucified, as opposed to an actor pretending to be crucified. [Friend] explained that it was just an actor and the woman was apparently disappointed.

The woman had a Filipina accent; people who are especially religious in the Philippines actually crucify themselves there each year. It’s only for a few minutes, mind you, but it is a real crucifixion. Apparently, she was hoping to see the same thing here in Canada.

Easter Bunny Is Cool, But Santa Might Be An Issue

, , , , | Friendly | April 21, 2019

(I am visiting my sister at work around Easter time; she owns a small bookshop. I am the only person under forty in the shop and I’m sat near the children’s section drinking a cup of coffee. A customer comes in to pick up a book and I see her chatting to my sister at the till about her children. She stops mid-sentence to glance over at me, and then whispers the rest. My sister laughs and whispers something back which causes the customer to look embarrassed and she leaves.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Sister: “She was telling me about her youngest child still believing in the Easter Bunny but didn’t want to say it too loud in case you still believed in it, too!”

Me: “Really?! What did you tell her?”

Sister: “That it shouldn’t be a problem as you’re turning 21 next week!”

(I’ve often been told I look younger than my actual age, and have even been ID’d for a 15-rated movie, but this was the worst one!)

April Fools: Holiday Special

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2019

(It’s April.)

Customer: “Do you have those Christmas tree ones you had a while ago?”

Me: “No, we only have those around Christmas.”

Customer: “When will you have them back?”

Me: “December.”

Customer: “Oh. Why don’t you have them all the time?”

Me: “Because you’re literally the only person since Christmas to ask for them.”

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