A Well-Bread Agent

, , , , , , | Working | February 23, 2021

I am flying out to visit my parents several states away. My husband can’t come with me but sends a gift: a loaf of his homemade holiday bread. Since I don’t want to pack the bread in my luggage in case of loss — or crumbs — I tuck it into my carry-on bag. The security line is super-busy, and I get waved aside.

TSA Agent: “Ma’am, we’ll need to look through your bag.”

Me: “I understand.”

The agent opens the bag and lifts out the loaf, which is wrapped in foil and still faintly warm. He looks profoundly confused.

Me: “Oh, that’s holiday bread. My husband baked it.”

TSA Agent: *Taking a slow sniff* “It’s… bread.”

Me: “Yep. It’s got raisins and dried cherries in it.”

TSA Agent: *Smiling* “I’m terribly afraid I have to confiscate this.”

Me: “Confiscate some warm melted butter to put on top of it, too!”

He waved me through with a smile, and the bread got safely to my parents, who enjoyed it.

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The Flight And Mom Are Both Grounded

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2021

The flight I am on is delayed due to a hydraulic system failure and we are asked to deplane. Being at the front of the plane and on a tight schedule for my connecting flight, I head right for the podium to get an alternate flight.

The customer rep is in the middle of reviewing possible flight options for me when a flight attendant emerges from the plane guiding a young boy. It turns out he’s an unaccompanied minor. Part of the contract his mom had signed to let him fly was agreeing to stay in the airport until the plane took off… in case of something like a hydraulic system failure grounding the plane.

She had not. I got a front-row seat to watch as the crew took care of the boy, who was very well-behaved, waited quietly, and played his Switch — and tried to get his mom back.

This was a significant undertaking. The rep had to call multiple people and tell them that the mom needed to come back, that not being here was a violation of the contract, and that no, they couldn’t just put the boy on another plane without parental supervision. And each person needed to be told each of these things repeatedly.

Kudos to the airline for their handling of the situation, but what the heck was the mom doing in the late afternoon that it required this much convincing to come back for her son?

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Set Phasers To Clean!

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 15, 2021

I am in an airport bathroom stall when a self-cleaning toilet seat begins to whir.

A woman speaks up from a stall with a delighted voice and a broad southern accent.

Woman: “D*******N, THIS IS SOME STAR TREK S***!”

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Oh, Shhhhuttle!

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 2, 2021

I live very close to my local airport, so instead of paying an absurd amount of money for parking when I travel, I jog from my house to the long-term parking lot, a twenty-minute jog, and then take a shuttle from there into the airport.

On my most recent trip, however, I arrived at the long-term parking lot and discovered that the airport had recently closed the lot due to the health crisis, meaning there was no shuttle to catch to the terminal. It was another thirty-minute walk at least from there to the nearest open lot with shuttle service.

Worse still, I had already been gambling, since I knew rain was expected later that day; about ten minutes into my extended walk, a torrential downpour started. The rain was so hard it actually hurt to walk into the rain and slowed my pace even more. Meanwhile, I was worn out from the first twenty minutes of jogging, and my backpack, stuffed full as my only piece of luggage, was really starting to weigh me down. Despite leaving plenty of “wiggle room” in my plans, I was starting to worry that I was going to be cutting it close to catch my flight.

Fifteen minutes out from the lot I was headed to, I noticed a shuttle leaving the employee parking lot. I know they are not supposed to pick up non-employees — there are even signs on the bus saying so — but I decided it was worth a gamble. I stood at the corner of the turn that they had to take and made a praying gesture, looking sad, wet, and miserable.

Thankfully, the bus driver took pity on me; he broke the rules and stopped to let me get on the bus. I arrived soaking wet at the terminal shortly after, and thanks to his saving me the time it would have taken to walk to the other lot and catch a shuttle from there, I had enough time to make a pitstop at the restroom and change out of my soaking clothes and into some clothes my backpack did a shockingly good job of keeping dry. A local shopkeeper was even nice enough to give me some plastic bags to stash the wet clothes in so I could put them away without getting the rest of my clothes wet.

I caught my flight out and had a wonderful visit and babysitting session with my goddaughters. Thank you to the bus driver for bending the rules for me! I’ll try to plan better in the future!

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First-Class Entitlement

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2021

I’m in line at the airport with my family. There’s a fairly long line to get through security but it’s moving so I’m not complaining. I overhear this woman talking to an employee.

Woman: “Where’s the line for first class?”

Employee: “Ma’am, this is the line for security. There is no line for first class.”

Woman: “No, there is!”

Random Lady In Line: “Get in the f****** line. Just because you’re first class doesn’t mean you’re better than the rest of us.”

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