This Security Has No Insecurities

, , , , | Friendly | November 13, 2017

(My friend just had her baby in America, and I live in Ireland. I am going through the airport. I get to the metal detectors and am stopped by security.)

Security Guard: “And what is the nature of your visit?”


(This is a very large, buff security guard.)

Security Guard: *squealing* “OH, MY GOD!”

(We both started dancing, and once I got through, he just went back to normal. I’m not sure if he was joking around or just really excited, but he made my day!)

Only Listening To Some Random Words

, , , | Right | November 11, 2017

(I work airport security. The metal detectors choose random people for additional screening. On the screen, it will tell us if it’s an actual alarm or random. The alert beep sounds almost identical to the metal alarm one. A lady walks through and the machine chooses her for random screening.)

Me: “Hello, bonjour, miss. You’ve been chosen for additional screening.”

Lady: *not listening* “Oh, I don’t think I have any metal.”

Me: “No, the metal detector chose you for random screening.”

Lady: *still not listening* “I don’t think it’s my shoes; I’ve worn them through before.”

Me: “No, it’s random.”

Lady: *still not listening* “I don’t have anything in my pockets.”

Me: “It’s random selection.”

Lady: “Maybe if I try—” *suddenly stops, clueing in* “Oh! Maybe if I listened; I’d like the scanner, please!”

Conversations To Make You Fly High

, , , , | Hopeless | October 20, 2017

I’m a single woman, and I decided I wanted to travel, and do so alone. I’d been saving up money and vacation hours for several years for an international vacation. I chose to go to London. I decided to buy a wheeled duffel bag, with a separate trolley, to use as my carry-on. That decision prompted this situation.

I flew from my small city into a major city for the flight to Heathrow. Since I was coming in on a puddle jumper, I had quite a ways to get to the international gate. On the first escalator, I picked up my brand new wheeled duffel, and the handle broke. I managed to get to my gate without it breaking more severely, but it was very difficult.

After I found my gate, I went into all the stores around me, asking if they had tape or glue or something to repair it. No one did, but one lady went to check their storage room and came back with a handful of rubber-bands that she gave to me. She also helped me determine that a screw had failed, and they happened to have little eyeglass screwdrivers, so I bought one, and some candy, in case she got commission. She’s the first awesome stranger in this story. If you’re reading this, thanks again.

I got back to my gate, and tried to MacGyver a repair. I remembered that I had packed a sandwich bag worth of craft supplies, including some teeny rolls of washi tape, which is decorative paper tape for crafting. Between that and the rubber bands, the handle was holding together, as long as you didn’t look at it too hard. And you wouldn’t want to look at it, because it was really ugly.

While I was fixing it, my bag was in front of me, but I was trying to keep out of the way of traffic. At one point, someone came by, and I said, “Excuse me, sorry,” and nudged the bag a little out of the way. Then he said, “How are you doing?” and since I’m honest and a bit strange I said, “Okay-ish.” I didn’t think much of it, and the man passed me.

I finished fixing the bag, and was sitting there upset at that stupid bag. I even wrote a review for the bag. I was in a rotten mood.

After five or ten minutes, a man came by and asked, “Why did you say, ‘okay-ish’?”

I realized he was the man who passed me, so I explained about the brand new handle breaking, and my efforts to repair it. He commiserated with me and said I needed my money back. He then asked about my plans, and I said I was going to London for a vacation. I told him that it was my first time, but I had always wanted to visit the UK, specifically England. He was from London, but lived in the States, and was on his way home for a little while and then going on to Europe.  

Then, and this is why he stuck in my memory, he asked, “Do you have paper and a pen?” I brought out my travel planner, and he proceeded to give me notes of all the must-dos from a Londoner point of view, including an open-air market because, “You’d like it; it’s quirky like you.” And the must-eats, including good restaurants. I took loads of notes, and I still have them. We must have spoken more than 15 minutes. He was awesome. When he went back to his seat, I was in a much better mood.

Stranger in the airport, if you read this: you’ll never know how much that simple conversation helped me.

Sliding Around That One

, , | Working | October 17, 2017

(I work for an airline and we have just landed into a major UK airport at a very busy time. We are currently waiting on a member of ground staff to attach the air-bridge so our passengers can disembark. We have been waiting on the ground for approximately five minutes.)

Passenger: *a man who was perfectly civil and seemed relatively smart during the flight* “Can you not just use the emergency slide?”

Purser: *after realising that they are not joking* “No, sir.”

Passenger: “Why an earth not?”

Purser: “One: it’s not an emergency. Two: it’s unbelievably dangerous to anyone around on the ground. Three: it costs around £60,000. Four: it renders the aircraft unserviceable and means the next flight must be cancelled. And five: it wouldn’t get you anywhere except underneath the plane instead of on it.”

(The air-bridge was attached about two minutes later and we heard no more about the slide from anyone!)

“Should” Have Been An Easy Question

, , , , | Working | October 5, 2017

(I am meeting someone at LAX who’s coming in on an international flight, and we are going to meet and fly to Austin together that night. He informs me in the morning that his plane is going to be a few hours late because they had a late start, but he tells me when he should land. I wait and watch at the terminal as a bunch of people from his flight walk out and meet their loved ones, but I can’t find him. This is before I realize people with connecting flights go through a different set of doors. I don’t have his phone number yet, only social media platforms, but I’m getting bad reception. The following exchange is with the international customer service person.)

Me: “Hey, are the people who were on [flight number] done going through customs? Are all of them out yet?”

Customer Service: “That flight landed five hours ago. So, I believe they are done.”

Me: “No, it didn’t; it landed forty-five minutes ago. There was a delay that lasted a few hours.”

Customer Service: “But my paper says it landed in the morning.”

Me: “No, my friend told me that they would land at three, and they did. I saw a bunch of Aussies walking out with their airline pins and everything.”

Customer Service: “No, my paper says that plane landed at ten.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “Yes, it was supposed to land at ten, but it was late and landed at three. I just want to know how long going through customs takes.”

Customer Service: “You can talk to [Airline] about it. But my paper says ten.”

(We go in circles for a while, before I talk to the commercial airline on the second floor. They send me back down with an airline representative to help me explain my problem better.)

Airline Representative: “This young lady is asking if the people who were on [flight number] are all done with customs. The plane landed at three; it was late getting out of Sydney yesterday.”

Customer Service: “As I have said, my paper only says that it landed at ten.”

(Again, we went in circles, showing the customer service person the representative’s itinerary and repeating my story of seeing the airline hostess walking out. Finally, I decided, with the airline representatives help, to just go on my flight to Austin and find him there. I did, but to this day, my friend and I both laugh about the customer service’s insistence attitude about what time his plane SHOULD have landed.)

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