The Line Is Shorter Than Their Temper

, , , | Friendly | August 14, 2018

(Most of this conversation happens in German. I am at an airport. After the security check, my husband and I are waiting in a check-in line. In front of us there are a huge youth group and a couple waiting. Behind us are one group with mostly elderly people, individual families, and a lot of other people. Suddenly, an elderly lady appears and starts to talk to the couple in front of us. She clearly cuts the line in front of us but we don’t say anything. The check-in is very slow and after one hour or so, only half of the youth group is checked in. Suddenly, they open another counter and the couple, the elderly lady, and some people from behind us go to it. We decide to stay in our line. After waiting another 45 minutes, it is almost our turn to check in. Suddenly, from the side, an older guy appears and starts to shout:)

Older Man: “Go back! You just cut the line. It is very rude! How uneducated are you?!”

Me: “I am sorry, but we have been waiting here already for almost two hours. We arrived in front of you.”

Older Man: “Don’t lie! Go to the end of the line!”

Me: “Why should we?!”

(Suddenly, the tour guide of the group appears:)

Tour Guide: “Go back to the end of the line! It is extremely rude to cut the line! We are a group; we need to check in together!”

Me: “As I said, we waited her almost two hours. A couple from your group was in front of us. An elderly lady cut the line but then they went to an other counter… and why I should lie about it?!”

(The guide doesn’t say anything and walks away. That makes the older guy even more angry, and he starts to rant about it with his fellows.)

Older Man: “They are just doing it to get a window seat!”

Me: “Don’t worry about your precious window seat. I checked in online yesterday and already chose our seats!”

(Finally, he calms down. Our plane has to do a stop over in another country. We have to get off the plane and do a security check before waiting in the transit hall. This time, the rude group is in front of us. Suddenly, a policewoman says in Russian:)

Policewoman: “Please, use the other line, too!”

(I say to the group in German:)

Me: “The lady just said you can use the other line, too.”

(The group just looks angrily at me and ignores it. The policewoman comes to me and my husband and says, in English this time:)

Policewoman: “Please, use the other line, too. No need to wait here. It is very hot.”

(Of course, we follow her request and go to the other line. I can only hear that guy angrily exclaim:)

Older Man: “See?! Now they cut the line again!”

How On God’s Green Earth?

, , , , , , | Right | August 11, 2018

(I work at an organic fast food walk-up counter at the airport; we don’t really have time to waste with any single customer. Working at an organic restaurant that serves vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free options, you have to learn all about what goes in the food, so I am pretty well-informed. A man walks up with his young daughter. We don’t have a kids’ menu, but we have some soups that people usually get for their kids.)

Me: “Thank you for coming to [Fast Food Place]! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hi. We had a question about the green chicken chili.”

Me: “Absolutely, what would you like to know?”

Customer: “What makes the green chicken chili green?”

Me: “The green chili peppers.”

Customer: *exasperated* “Okay, but what makes those green?”

Me: “Uh… pigment?”

(He looked kind of abashed, but they ended up getting the chili, nonetheless)

Acting Shady At The Airport

, , , , , | Friendly | August 7, 2018

(I’m a customer, flying out on a Tuesday morning. I’ve driven to the airport, parked in a long-term lot, and am now standing in line for the security checkpoint. I’m idly people-watching when I notice a woman wearing these really long sandals basically made out of lots of straps. It strikes me as pretty impractical footwear for traveling, so I give her a closer look… only to recognize her horizontally-striped shirt and bleached blonde hair from someone who sped past me very aggressively on the highway before I arrived. She’s also wearing large sunglasses inside the airport, so I call her Shades. She finishes checking a bag at the counter and walks over to join the security queue, roughly a dozen people behind me, only to pull out her phone and begin speaking very loudly:)

Shades: “OH, NO, MOM, THIS IS AWFUL. IT’S A CATASTROPHE! MY PLANE IS GOING TO LEAVE SOON WITHOUT ME, AND THERE ARE LIKE EIGHT HUNDRED PEOPLE IN LINE IN FRONT OF ME!”

(A quick count suggests roughly forty people in the line. This is not a bad security queue. I begin exchanging amused and disbelieving glances with the people nearby.)

Shades: “MOM, THEY’RE GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT ME! I CAN’T MAKE IT IN TIME WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME! THIS IS SO TERRIBLE! WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE HERE?! THIS AIRPORT IS AWFUL; IT’S NOTHING LIKE NEW YORK!”

(She’s now getting looks from all over the line, but doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.)

Shades: “I’M GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT, AND IT’LL COST ME AN EXTRA 100 DOLLARS, AND I’LL BE STUCK HERE IN THIS STUPID CITY!”

(I can’t help but laugh. She shuts up for a little while, and then gets back on her phone.)

Shades: *still shouting* “HI THERE, [OTHER RELATIVE]. IT’S AWFUL; I’M GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT! IT BOARDS SOON AND THERE ARE LIKE FORTY PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME IN THE SECURITY LINE. I CALLED MOM, BUT SHE WOULDN’T GIVE ME ANY SYMPATHY. SHE SAYS CHARLOTTE IS A NICE CITY AND DOESN’T CARE THAT I’LL BE STUCK HERE!”

(Don’t worry, Shades; we care. We’re all hoping you’ll hurry home; it’s just your mother who doesn’t want you back.)

Out Of Line Behavior Is Sadly In Line

, , , , | Friendly | August 2, 2018

(I’m sick of people cutting in line, and if someone tries to get ahead of me, I will say something to them. I’m standing in line at the airport to get through passport control. There’s only one flight at the time that has to go through here, so everyone is obviously getting on the same flight. There are two girls, about 20 to 25, who decide to try to cut in front of me, instead of getting in the back of the line. There are only about six people behind me. So, of course, I don’t let them cut in front of me, and I say something.)

Me: “You do know that there’s a line, right?”

(It doesn’t look like they counted on someone outing them, and they look taken aback. [Girl #1] also looks irritated.)

Girl #1: “What? Well, we’re all going the same place, so what does it matter?”

Me: “Well, as you said, since we’re all going the same place, what does it matter if you go to the back of the line?”

(I turn away from them.)

Girl #1: “Geez, fine. I’ll let you get ahead of me.”

(I look at them, as if they’re stupid.)

Me: “Yeah, of course. I was here before you and didn’t cut anyone off.”

(They just rolled their eyes, and tried to get behind me. No one would let them cut in front of them, and they ended up having to get in the back of the line. By now, ten more people had arrived to get through passport control, so if they had just gotten in line at once, they would’ve gotten through quicker. Moral of the story? Don’t cut the line.)

An Up-Top Down-Under Conversation

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 14, 2018

(I have just finished my holiday in Tenerife and am eating at an airport restaurant, sitting at a bar. An Australian man sits next to me.)

Aussie: *looks straight at me* “You all right, mate?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m good, thanks, just waiting for my plane.”

(We talk for a bit, and then he asks…)

Aussie: “So, where you from? USA?”

Me: *laugh* “No, I’m from England. I’m guessing your Australian, though?”

Aussie: “Yeah, I am. Nice, so, you’re from the Up-Top-Australia, eh?”

(I just stare at him for a few seconds and burst out laughing.)

Aussie: *confused chuckle* “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Never in my life have I ever heard England described as the ‘Up-Top-Australia.'”

Aussie: “So, what do you call Australia?”

Me: “Either ‘Australia,’ or we refer to it as ‘down under.'”

Aussie: “Really?”

Me: “Does everyone in the down-low-England call England that?”

Aussie: “No.”

Me: “So, you never thought in that time that England wasn’t known as that?”

Aussie: *laughing* “Never noticed, I guess. So Australia is the only country you call by a nickname? Nothing for say, Nigeria?”

(As I am about to say no, another dude from an unknown region, who has been listening a lot more than we realised, interjects and says:)

Random Guy: “Well, I call it ‘N*****-Country.’”

(We both stare at this guy.)

Random Guy: “I think I misread the conversation.” *pays and leaves*

(With a hour until my flight, the gates open I start to leave.)

Me: “Well, that was a funny conversation; thanks for the entertainment.”

Aussie: “It was an absolute pleasure, mate. Until next we meet, my up-most compadre.”

Me: *furiously trying to think of a witty thing to say* “See you, my downy friend.”

(Mentally bashing my head against the wall, I left, chuckling to myself.)

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