This Is Making Them Very (Past) Tense

, , , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(I work at an airport in New York City. A customer approaches, looking confused after looking over the arriving flights monitor.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between ‘Landing’ and ‘Landed’?”

Airports Always Bring Out The Goodbyes

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(My mum is the bad customer in this story. This takes place back in ‘80s before I was born. My mum is saying goodbye to a then-boyfriend at an airport, in a very inappropriate public display of affection. They are passionately kissing with my mum straddled across his lap; they can barely take their hands off each other, groping, grabbing, etc. Eventually they pull themselves apart and she goes to the check in. In her defence, mum has always had a wicked sense of humour.)

Air Hostess: *while at boarding gate* “So, saying goodbye to a loved one?”

Mum: “Yeah, that was my brother.”

Air Hostess: *literally jumps and stares at my mum in horror*

(Mum said she hoped one day the hostess realised she was joking.)

Shouldn’t Be So Secure In That Request

| Tel Aviv, Israel | Right | May 15, 2017

(I work at airport security and am doing a sweep outside. The airport maintains a strict no parking policy and every car parked outside the parking lot gets towed in about five minutes. A guy parks his car in front the entrance and comes towards me.)

Guy: “Excuse me, are you security?”

Me: “Yes, is there anything wrong?”

Guy: “Oh, no, I was just wondering if you could secure my vehicle to make sure it won’t be towed until I come back.”

Me: *speechless*

Unable To Dance Around The Cost

| USA | Working | May 12, 2017

(I am a competition Irish dancer. I am traveling with my team to Ireland for the World Irish Dance Championships. There are eight of us. We each have one carry-on backpack or small suitcase, which has all the things we can’t lose (such as our broken-in shoes), as well as travel items. We can’t really check that. We also each have a dress bag. Each dress bag has two dresses, one which is worth about $500, and the other $1000-$2500 depending on the exact dancer. For obvious reasons, we are not open to checking our dress bags. However, most airlines are completely amenable to the dress bags, because of the value, and because they have to lay flat, and can easily slide into the overhead bins atop other luggage. We get to the gate, and the gate agent is fine with seven of the eight of us. But one girl, for whatever reason, the gate agent wants her to check her identical in size and shape dress bag.)

Agent: “I’m going to need you to check that.”

Teammate #1: “I’m sorry; that’s not really an option. I will be in serious trouble if it is lost and it’s rather valuable.”

Agent: “You need to check it.”

Teammate #1: “We’re traveling to a world championship, and this is my event costume. I can’t lose it, or I can’t compete. It’s really important that I keep this with me.”

Agent: “It’s too big. You’ll have to check it.”

Teammate #2: “We all have them and you’ve let us through.”

Agent: “Miss, please mind your own business. Her bag is too large and must be checked.”

Teammate #1: “It slides right on top of the other bags in the bin.”

Agent: “You still need to check it.”

Teammate #1: “Look, the contents of this bag are worth more than $2000. Is the airline willing to reimburse that loss?”

Agent: “We just won’t lose it.”

Teammate #1: “Is there any way you’ll allow these dresses on board?”

Agent: “Only if you’re wearing them.”

(We all quickly nod to each other.)

Teammate #1: “Okay.”

(She unzips the bag, hands one dress to a teammate of similar size, and they both put the dresses on, on top of their clothes, and we manage to fold up the dress bag and stuff it into a suitcase.)

Agent: “Fine, then. Welcome aboard.”

(As soon as we loaded onto the plane, they took off the dresses, put them back in their dress bag and slid it nicely into the overhead bin. When we explained to the flight attendants why they were wearing Irish dance costumes on top of their clothes, they just stared in absolute shock that the gate agent had tried to force check $2000 worth of cargo.)

This Passenger Has Baggage

| Chicago, IL, USA | Friendly | May 4, 2017

(My mom, sister, and I are on a shuttle. There is only one vacant seat, which is occupied by a water bottle. My mom moves the bottle, and sits down.)

Woman: *sitting next to mom* “Could I have my water bottle back?”

Mom: “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were taking up two seats.”

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