I currently have two cars: a nine-seat passenger van and an electric car. Usually, my husband takes the van for its maintenance check-ups, but one time, I took it since I was free.

When I went to pick it up a few hours later, one of the younger mechanics brought out this little Mini Cooper with a god-awful pink paint job.

Young Mechanic: “Here you are, ma’am.”

Me: “That’s not mine. I have a van.”

Young Mechanic: “Sure you do. Here’re the keys.”

I went into the office and explained it, and the manager tore into him. Hubby says he never saw the young mechanic working there again.

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Assault Of A Child

This is the story of how my oldest daughter got suspended for “assaulting a colleague” and its legal conclusion.

The school called to tell me about the “assault”, so I changed into a suit, dolled up a bit (to look more “respectable”), and went there. I entered the principal’s office, where my daughter was waiting.

Principal: “Ms. [My Name], the reason I called you here is that [Daughter] here assaulted a boy, elbowing him in the nose and then punching him, knocking two teeth out. This behaviour is unacceptable for a young lady. As such, she’ll be suspended for a month.”

Me: *To my daughter* “Why did you do that, honey?”

Daughter: “He came from behind me, put his hands up my shirt, grabbed my breasts, and said, ‘Nice t*ts.’ So, I did as uncle taught me.”

Me: *To the principal* “Is this true? You’re punishing my daughter for defending herself? Then what is his punishment for sexually assaulting her?”

Principal: “No punishment. He was assaulted — something very traumatic for an eleven-year-old boy. Also, what he did is normal for boys his age.”

Me: “Okay. Can I have that in writing? Everything you just said?”

Principal: “Here’s the report with the witnessing teacher’s account.”

I picked up the report, which said exactly what the principal had just told me. Then, I got up, grabbed my daughter’s hand, and turned to the principal.

Me: “Now, I am going to the nice police officer outside, and I am going to press charges against you and this school for failing to protect its student from sexual assault and discrimination. Good day.”

(They have police due to a program called “Escola Segura”, which stations cops near schools.)

We walked outside, and I did press charges, showing the report to the cop, who took a picture of it and gave me a report number so I could follow its progress.

The next day, I woke [Daughter] up at 9:30 am and told her to take a shower, so we could go to the ER to get her hand X-rayed, just to be safe.

About twenty minutes later, I heard the water running, and then I heard her screaming. I ran into the bathroom and found her staring at the mirror, tears running down her face. Why? Her chest had bruises in the shape of the little a**hole’s hands — a very traumatizing thing for any woman, let alone an eleven-year-old girl.

I helped her shower and get dressed, and then I called the police, giving them the case number and requesting their presence with a forensic tech at the hospital, also explaining why.

We got there and were escorted through a side door. The tech (a woman) along with a female nurse took pictures and measured the bruises. While this was happening, I was present and giving a statement to a CPS (Child Protective Services) lady, who was shocked at the principal’s reaction to the whole thing. The police officers informed me that they would be adding assault charges against a kid who did this, beyond the ones already filed against him and the school.

As soon as we got home, [Daughter] curled up in my bed, cried under the sheets, and fell asleep. I was feeling murderous. 

My husband and I and our lawyer had a meeting a few days later with the representatives from the Education Department and the Justice Department. They informed us that the principal had been fired and forbidden from working with children. My daughter’s suspension had been revoked, but they would be giving her the time needed for her to recover, and they offered €100,000 in compensation if we didn’t go to court. We agreed.

As for the kid who assaulted my daughter, he was expelled from the school. Legally, we can’t sue him for damages as he is a minor, but the State is proceeding with the criminal charges, and they are going to offer him a five-year suspended sentence and a restraining order so he can’t get within 200m of my daughter. Should he refuse, he’ll get five years in a correction house and between two to five years in an adult prison.

We agreed to their proposal.

They also asked if we wanted [Daughter] to be homeschooled. She’d have the full support of the State, and she would only have to take the tests and exams at the school. We later talked with her and she chose to be homeschooled for the rest of the year since we’re moving abroad next year anyway.

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While I’m Portuguese, my husband is American, so we speak English at home so our kids are fluent in both languages.

Around 10:00 one morning, I took all four kids for a swim at a nearby natural pool, as the sun wasn’t too strong and there were not too many people. There was us, the lifeguard, and this American couple with two young boys, who were already packing up.

Young Boy: “Mom, why did we come so early?”

Mom: *Pointing at us* “So we didn’t have to share the water with these filthy Mexicans.”

Then, she turned toward me and said in horribly mangled Spanish:

Mom: “Agua muy buena.” (Water very good.)

One of my younger daughters, who’s three, just loudly asked me, in English:

Daughter: “Mommy, why is that lady calling us Messcans?”

The woman turned such a strong shade of red that you would think she had a sunburn.

Related:

If You Wouldn’t Say It To Their Face, Don’t Say It Near Their Ears, Part 3
If You Wouldn’t Say It To Their Face, Don’t Say It Near Their Ears, Part 2
If You Wouldn’t Say It To Their Face, Don’t Say It Near Their Ears

CONTENT WARNING: Severe Allergic Reaction, Emergency Medical Treatment

Reading this story reminded me of the time somebody decided my allergy was fake.

In 2018, my husband, our six-year-old daughter, and I went to a locally famous restaurant nearby for lunch. Our daughter had a kid’s meal — a small pan-fried tuna steak — my husband decided on the adult version of her dish, and I decided on the fish mixed kebab — several different slabs of different fishes and shrimp on a stick. I specifically told the waitress:

Me: “No cod; I’m allergic.”

The waitress wrote it down, and it was on the receipt; they gave us a copy when delivering the food to the table.

But someone in the kitchen must have thought it was bulls*** and added a slab of cod in it.

I took a bite of said piece and felt the tingling in my throat as I swallowed. I told [Husband],  and he called 112 (the emergency number in Portugal). I used my epi-pen, but my throat was still closing.

This next part, [Husband] told me later.

The police and EMTs arrived less than a minute after I stopped breathing and lost consciousness. They intubated me and started chest compressions, which continued all the way to the hospital, where they pumped my stomach and filled me with meds. 

While this was happening, [Husband] was pressing charges with the cops while holding our daughter, who was crying her heart out on his shoulder. The cops asked for the receipt, and they talked to the waitress and then the owner. Then, they got to the cook who made my dish, who arrogantly told them:

Cook: “Nobody is allergic to cod. She’s making it up just to get me into trouble.” 

I had to stay in observation for two days before being discharged from the hospital. 

The cook lost her job, was blacklisted from the profession, and was sentenced to ten years suspended sentence with a permanent criminal record of poisoning, plus attempted murder via negligence. 

Moral of the story: even if you don’t believe, assume an allergy is real.

Related:
The Mom’s Reaction Is More Shocking Than The Anaphylactic One

While I’m now an executive, this happened when I was still a manager at my airline. A man in his early twenties applied for a vacancy for a Ramp Operator, commonly known as a baggage handler. He went through the various stages: CV analysis, psychotechnical tests, background check, and security questionnaire. Then, he reached the final stage before training and hiring: the interview.

At the interview, there is always a panel of three interviewers: the station manager, a supervisor, and a Human Resources representative, with at least one of the same gender as the candidate. Even though I was not the station manager, I was filling in for him, so I had to preside over the interview.

Me: “Why do you want to work for [Airline]?”

Candidate: “To prove a point.”

Me: “Oh, and what is that?”

Candidate: “You see, ma’am, there’s no such thing as an ‘airplane’.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Candidate: “Yes. They are, in fact, trains that travel at the speed of light. The so-called ‘takeoff’ is nothing more than a distortion of the visible wavelengths, caused by the engines stretching the laws of physics to their limits.”

There was silence, as my fellow panel members and I stared at him, dumbfounded. Then, finally, the HR rep questioned him.

HR Rep: “So, once again… Why do you want to work for [Airline]?”

Candidate: “By working here, I can expose, once and for all, the air travel conspiracy.”

We thanked him for his time, told him we’d give him an answer soon, and waited for him to leave. As soon as he closes the door, the supervisor just said:

Supervisor: “We’re not letting this guy come anywhere near our planes, right?”

At that, the HR rep and I broke down laughing, and we reassured the supervisor that we were never hiring him.

This story is part of the Readers’-Favorite-Stories Of-2023 roundup!

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